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Chapter Forty-four

Jeremy nervously opened the safe and saw a variety of valuables that belonged to Ned Logan. But none of them bared any interest to him, because he was looking for his money; the money he'd earned before he came to the Logans. The boy scanned the top shelf of the safe and found no sign of what he was looking for. Then he lowered his eyes to the second shelf and instantly saw the funds that Ned had taken from him. Jeremy sighed with relief, thankful that he'd found the money and with a lucky guess had found the safe, which fortunately was an older model with a key lock. He didn't know what he would've done had the safe been one of the new keyless models or worse he managed to get inside and his money wasn't there. For he needed this money, because the allowances he'd saved weren't going to be enough to support he and Danielle. Jeremy swiftly removed the money from the box, reproaching himself as he put it in the bag he'd brought. Though he was only taking back what was his, he hated violating Ned Logan's privacy; he hated betraying him this way, and he wished so much that there was another way, but there wasn't. He thought as he placed the last bit of money in the bag, now hoping that Ned wouldn't notice it gone before he left. The boy then moved to close the safe's door, making sure he'd done no noticeable damage to the lock, when suddenly he heard voices down the hall, prompting him to quickly finish up his work. Everyone was supposed to be outside he thought with panic as he swiftly obscured the safe like it had been before. He then picked up the bag from where he'd dropped it on the floor and rushed over to one of the shelves in the room to hide it out of sight. He hoped that no one felt the urge to do some reading he mused nervously; then quickly made his way towards the door, glancing about the room to make sure things looked undisturbed; before he then exited the room and hurriedly made his way to the end of the hall, just as Alice was coming around it's corner.

"Jeremy!" Alice exclaimed with surprise. "I was just looking for you." She continued nervously.

"Really?" Jeremy uttered distrustfully, sighing within that he'd made it out the room and down the hall in time. "What could you possibly want with me?" He resumed tartly.

"It's not anything bad…" Alice quickly assured.

"That's a first." Jeremy scoffed.

"Hardly." Alice retorted. Then reproached herself for uttering such a reply. "We were friends before you know." She added on, trying to downplay her snappy response.

"Oh really." Jeremy expressed sourly. "Could've fooled me." He said then moved to walk passed her.

"Jeremy wait!" Alice asserted.

The boy turned around, an impatient look on his face, while Alice remained quiet, nervously trying to pull her thoughts together. "What is i…" Jeremy began with annoyance, but was interrupted, startled by a knock at the door, briefly turning his attention in its direction. "What is it?" He then repeated when he turned back to her, ignoring the door, knowing that one of the servants would answer it.

"Jeremy I don't …" Alice then abruptly stopped when her words were obscured by the knocks at the door, making her more nervous than she was before. "Nancy!" she yelled shakily; her voice exposing the nervousness she felt. "Nancy!" Alice yelled again, this time in a more annoyed tone when the servant didn't answer the first call. "I'm sorry." Alice sighed. "Just give me one second." She asked in between the continued knocks at the door. "Please." She begged upon Jeremy's negative response. The boy heaved an irritated sighed and gave Alice the answer she wanted to hear. Then the young woman quickly left the hallway, confident that he would stay, and headed for the foyer to answer the knock at the door.

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Marita walked into the Logan home and was instantly rushed with the aroma of blueberry muffins. Normally she found the smell delicious, which never failed to force her to invade the kitchen, but today that was not the case she thought as she removed her gloves. For the scent of the muffins were causing her to feel a bit ill, something that food seemed to be doing a lot of lately. Marita moved towards the coat stand, unbuttoning her coat, when she noticed a coat on the rack that she immediately recognized as Vivian's. Was the woman already here? She questioned with frustration; then figured that she must be. That the carriage she'd seen being driven towards the shed must've been hers, which mean that the woman was going to be there for a while. Marita sighed as she pulled off her coat, now thinking how Vivian had been one of many things that had left her restless the night before. For after she'd arrived home, she'd continuously pondered the woman's memory loss: thinking how shocking it was; how it hurt to see her with Sean, and how the woman's memory problems seemed strange when compared with Sean's. For though Sean had been out for 3 days, his memory was fine, while Vivian had only suffered a carriage accident and had lost several months. It all seemed strange, but Marita had concluded that such an illness wouldn't make much sense to her; after all she wasn't a doctor. And in the end the real issue was how Vivian's illness was going to affect her and Sean. When Marita really gave it some thought she found that it was the least of their problems, considering they had to deal with the fact that Sean had been attacked because of their relationship. Even after her talk with Ned she was still so conflicted about what to do. For though she wanted to be with Sean, she needed him to be safe. And despite Ned's truthful comments about life and she and Sean's relationship, it still didn't change the fact that Sean was at a much greater risk being with her. Marita now moved from the foyer and towards the hallway that led to the parlor and study, thinking that today she'd wait for her time with Sean, when just as she turned onto the hallway, she was rushed by a body coming out of nowhere …

"Marita!" Jeremy exclaimed with shock, wanting to tend to his bag that had dropped to the floor, but needing first to make sure she was okay. "I'm so sorry." He sincerely expressed. "Are you okay?"

"It's okay. I'm fine." Marita breathed, regaining her bearings after such a collision.

"Are you sure?" Jeremy inquired with concern as he lightly touched her arm.

"Yes." She said. "Where in the world are you going in such a hurry?" She asked; then noticed the bag on the floor with the contents spilled out. She then turned her gaze back to Jeremy, a worried look on her face. "Jeremy what's going on?" Marita queried. "Whose money is that?"

Jeremy sighed closing his eyes, kicking himself for getting caught; wondering how he was going to explain the pile of money on the floor without telling the truth.

"Jeremy?" Marita said, breaking the boy's reverie. "Whose money is that?" She inquired again. "And please…don't lie to me." She appealed, now holding his gaze; conveying to him that she knew of his thievery past.

Silence –

"It's my money." Jeremy reluctantly confessed.

"You're money?" Marita questioned with doubt.

"Yes." Jeremy answered truthfully as he now stooped to the floor, picked up the money and placed it back in the bag.

"Then why do you have it down here?" Marita questioned skeptically. "And where were you going with it?"

Jeremy again sighed; running his hand through his hair; briefly averting his gaze from Marita, not wanting to tell her the truth, to face the disappointment and reproach he'd endured when he'd been honest before; but at the same time tired of the lies and wanting to admit all that was going on.

"Jeremy why…"

"Because I stole it all right!" Jeremy divulged with a frustrated sigh, yielding to his desire to tell the truth.

"Stole it!" Marita exclaimed. "I thought you just said that it was your money." She continued; her voice lowered to a quiet tone, not wanting to draw anyone to the hallway.

"It is." Jeremy averred. "But it's been in Mr. Logan's possession since Clay found it in my room. I was just taking it back."

"Just taking it back?" Marita nearly scolded, briefly wondering how the boy had breached the safe where she was sure the money had been kept. "Why?" She then asked. "You know that if Ned finds that money gone he's going to know it's you. You're going to destroy any chances you have at rebuilding trust with this family."

"I know!" Jeremy interjected.

"Then why are you doing thi…" Then realization came over Marita, causing her words to cease on her lips. "You're planning to leave again aren't you?" She slowly resumed. "You've taken this money back so that you can run away and take your daughter with you." She charged as she remembered all her father had told her about Jeremy's past and his plan when he came to Lexington.

Jeremy's heart hurt with pain, causing him to lower his eyes; for them to brim with tears. He wanted his daughter so much. She was all he had left of Anna. But he didn't want to hurt the Logans; he didn't want them to hate him, but what else could he do. What other choice did he have? Danielle was his blood - his daughter, and he couldn't get her without betraying the Logans …

"Jeremy you can't do this." Marita implored, seeing the truth in the boy's changed stance. "Look at me." She instructed to the young man as she grabbed his arm. "You can't do this." She said again as he now turned his eyes back to her.

"What else can I do?" The boy suddenly declared. "She's my daughter for God's sake, and I want her with me."

"Then ask for help."

"Help with what?" Jeremy asked with frustration. "Kidnapping her? Or what maybe getting the Chambers to LET me see my child, who was stolen from me in the first place?"

"No." Marita responded. "I mean help with getting your daughter back - legally."

"What are you talking about?"

"Jeremy you can fight for custody of your daughter." Marita proposed. "You just said that she was stolen from you, and from what I understand without your knowledge, so challenge the Chambers in court and get her back."

"How am I supposed to do that?" Jeremy challenged; even though his mind was racing at Marita's idea, instantly intrigued. "I don't have money like the Chambers. I don't have their status..."

"No you don't. But Ned Logan does." Marita countered. "And he will help you if you'd just ask." Marita argued fervidly. "He cares about you. He sees you as one of his own, as a son. Now he knows the situation with your daughter, and if you would just ask him I know that he will do whatever he can to help you."

"I don't know…" Jeremy replied with uncertainty. Wanting to believe that there was something to Marita's suggestion but fearful of the what ifs that could happen.

"Jeremy please." Marita beseeched. "Just talk to him. Tell him how you truly feel. What you really want. Don't just take your little girl. She deserves more than a life on the run."

Jeremy heaved a sigh, the conflict raging inside of him. He wanted so much for there to be another way; a way for him to have his daughter with him and not hurt the Logans. But what if Ned wouldn't agree to help him? He would've stated his plan and would in turn lose his chance to take Danielle. Or what if Ned agreed to help him and the court still sided with the Chambers? Again, he'd lose Danielle forever. But what if it all worked out? What if by some miracle he was able to win and thus gain custody of his daughter? Danielle could be with him without him having to "commit a crime" or hide out for fear of being discovered…

"Jeremy it can work." Marita earnestly assured, drawing the boy's attention back to her. "Just trust in doing the right thing." She said, now studying the boy, worried about what he was thinking, fearing that she wasn't getting through. "Just put back the bag and talk to Ned." She implored. "Please…." Jeremy briefly closed his eyes, trying desperately to sort through the thoughts in his head when suddenly he made a choice, and extended the bag in his hand to Marita.

"Take it." He said quietly, emotion in his voice.

"No." Marita replied. "Unless you promise me you're going to talk to Ned." She said, expressing with her eyes that this incident never happened, if the boy promised that he'd talk to Ned.

Silence –

"I'll talk to him." Jeremy said now holding her stare; conveying the honesty in his words. "I promise." He added with sincerity.

"You promise?" Marita confirmed.

"Yes." Jeremy swore with truth.

Believing his vow Marita slowly took the bag from his hand as she continued to hold his gaze. "You're doing the right thing." She then assured.

"I hope so." The boy nervously replied. Feeling a rush of alarm at the decision he'd just made.

"I know so." Marita again assured, briefly holding the young man's gaze, before she then resumed her trek down the hall to return the money to the safe, while leaving Jeremy to continuously ponder what he'd just done.

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Sean struggled to get out of bed, driven by his need to move around and his desire to see Marita, to resume what had been deferred the night before by the arrival of his family and the visit from Vivian. Though he'd been devastated when she'd decided to go, he could understand why she'd made that choice. For with an amnesiac Vivian being there, fawning over him, believing that he was her fiancé, he knew that she'd been uncomfortable, and thus felt that it was best that she go home. After she'd left it had taken everything in him to stay focused on the conversation at hand, to give his family and Vivian the attention they required; for his heart was with her; his mind pondering how this situation with Vivian was affecting her, and how things had changed because of what had happened to him. Him being attacked had been Marita's greatest fear, and though Sean knew that she was happy, thankful that he'd come back to her; he also knew that she was worried and no doubt rethinking their future plans. Sean stifled a grunt as he slowly moved his legs from beneath the covers, now thinking how he'd been reassessing things too. For he never thought that any of this would happen; Though he and Marita had talked about the violence, he really thought that they'd escape it, or that if it came he'd be able to protect them. But that was not what had occurred. For when he and his pa had been attacked, he'd been unable to protect him. He'd been unable to protect himself, which meant that he being capable of protecting Marita was impossible. Sean's soul ached with grief as the reality of their situation crashed down upon him, but he quickly forced the feelings aside, not wanting to think of what may come, only wanting to focus on his desire to see her; Sean now sat up on the side of the bed, groaning at the pain that shot through his ribs, determined to continue on…

"Sean!" Alice called out and rushed over to his bed with Vivian discreetly following behind. "What are you doing?" She questioned with worry, causing Sean to sigh and close his eyes in disappointment. "You shouldn't be up." She scolded as she assisted him back into bed. "Are you trying to injure yourself some more?"

"No, I'm just trying to get back to living." Sean groaned, his heart aching at his failure to go see Marita.

"Well you have plenty of time for that." Alice admonished with a scowl as she pulled the sheets up around him.

"Alice is right." Vivian concurred in a worried tone, drawing Alice and Sean's attention to her as she cautiously came up to the bed, feeling a bit awkward at seeing Sean in his nightwear. "There's plenty of time for you to get back to your project meetings and Assemblyman's Dinners" She said. "Right now you need to get better."

"Assemblyman's Dinners?" Sean stated with suspended disbelief. "You remember?" He then asked watching the woman closely.

"Remember what?" Vivian questioned calmly as her mind raced in panic to reexamine what she'd just said.

"The Assemblyman's Dinner." Sean uttered quietly and with a hint of accusation as a stunned Alice looked on.

"No." Vivian replied with restraint, trying not to be too eager to refute his claim. "Father filled me in on your activities for the past few months."

"Why would he do that?" Sean inquired, his mind still plagued with doubt, wondering if Vivian was being truthful with him.

"Because I asked him to." Vivian responded innocently, skillfully hiding her anxiety over Sean's endless questions. "Father didn't want to tell me at first." She continued carefully as she briefly averted her eyes to a slightly suspicious Alice. "But I insisted that I know why…why we hadn't been married. So he'd then told me how busy you'd been and that your hard work had been honored at the Assemblyman's Dinner."

For a moment Sean held Vivian's gaze, gradually believing her explanation; before he then dropped his eyes, feeling guilty for thinking that the woman would attempt such deceit, while at the same time astonished at the web of lies Asa had weaved. Though Sean could understand why Asa had done what he'd done; for the doctor, who'd visited him the night before, had explained Vivian's condition upon his request, Sean feared that Asa's lies and going along with the doctor's recommendation to withhold the truth, would in the end do more damage to Vivian than good.

"Sean are you okay?" Vivian asked with concern, but not concern for his well-being, but worry that she'd been found out.

Silence –

"Yes." Sean answered quietly, distractedly, thinking about this mess that had been created by his truth and Asa's lies, and the man's need for revenge against him. He then returned his eyes to Vivian and suggested that she sit down, now fully accepting that he'd have to go along with this charade until the doctor resolved that she was ready for the truth.

"I'll leave you two alone." Alice asserted softly, not knowing what to think of all she'd just heard; wondering how Vivian's memory problems was going to affect Marita and Sean.

"Thank you." Vivian uttered kindly as she took a seat, hiding her relief within, thinking that she'd have to be more careful she thought as Alice now left the room. For executing the deceit was easy, but maintaining her lies would be a difficult task.

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Clay sat on his horse, the freezing air whipping around him, as he waited for Pete Dixon to return home. The boy knew that he shouldn't be at the man's home. He knew that he shouldn't be attempting to talk to him after what Pete had done to Sean, but he had to find out the truth. Though the man was a liar and was no longer a friend of Sean's, Clay did feel that Pete was telling the truth when he'd said that he knew who'd carried out the attack on his brother and pa. Hence the reason why he was there, he was going to ask the man for the details that his pa had refused. Then somehow he was going to make those men pay, as he'd promised Sean he'd do, when he'd spoken to his brother while he was unconscious. Clay continued to gaze at the small pathway before him, hoping that Pete would appear there soon. He'd give it 30 more minutes he thought, and if the man didn't show he'd leave. And make plans to return at another time.

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Marita walked towards Sean's room, nervous and excited about visiting with him alone. All day she'd been waiting for a private visit with him, but there was always someone there. First it was Vivian; then as she was leaving Assemblyman Clancy arrived, and as he was leaving the Logan's neighbors, the Parks and the Johnsons, stopped by. It was an endless parade of people coming to see him, none of whom stayed for a short while. They'd all been there for what seemed like forever, which had thwarted, along with her required trips home to prepare her pa's meals, any chances for her to see him. Now it was late into the evening and she was finally getting her time with Sean; a time that she was eager to have, but also a time that she feared could lead to heartache. Marita slowly entered Sean's room, and as soon as she walked through the door he opened his eyes, moved his head from resting against the headboard and turned his gaze to her. She was instantly bound by his stare, which roused an incredible joy in her soul; then she steadily made her way across the room, never saying a word, but expressing her thoughts with her eyes…

"Hi." Marita uttered quietly as she slowly walked up to his bed, lost in his eyes and at that moment feeling that ending their relationship was not an option.

"Hi." Sean replied softly; struggling to push aside his fear that they may never have their dream, when a pain suddenly shot through his rib, causing him to slightly wince.

"Are you okay?" Marita immediately asserted with distress. "Do you need me to get you something for the pa…" She continued as she moved to step away from the bed, when she abruptly stopped and returned her attention to his face; her words instantly ceasing at the feel of Sean's electrifying hand, grabbing hers.

"I don't need anything." Sean stated quietly, his tone and his eyes expressing that he just needed her.

"Are you sure." Marita faintly asked, as concern, blended with an intense longing now rushing through her.

"I'm sure." Sean earnestly relayed as he continued to hold her with an intense stare. "There've been people here all day, everyone…except you." He said. "And now that you've finally come, I don't want you going anywhere. I just want to…" He paused, unable to find the words to express what he so desired in his soul. "I just want to…"

"I know." Marita quietly interjected as she slowly sat in the chair next to his bed, feeling what he needed, seeing it in his eyes. For it too was what yearned in her soul, which was for them to spend time alone, quiet or just talking, savoring the miracle of him being alive; For that moment, she, as well as he, wanted to forget the problems they were facing, forget their families and society, and Vivian's memory loss, and just focus on each other, focus on being together… "So how are you feeling?" She tenderly continued; the affect of his closeness, his touch, apparent in her voice.

"Better." Sean answered. His eyes emitting that it was all due to her, that her love had brought him from the brink of death, which caused Marita's heart to soar, but at the same time to pain, to ache at all that had happened. "How about yourself?" He quietly resumed, sensing the change within her, now thinking of what she'd endured the past few days.

"I'm good." She replied with forced strength as she briefly lowered her eyes, attempting to overcome the emotions within. "Now that you're awake." She added impassionedly, heightening the love within Sean, while too causing him to grieve at all she'd been through…

"I'm sorry…." Sean abruptly uttered, pain in his voice, emotion in his eyes. "I'm sorry that…"

"Don't." Marita quietly interjected. "You have nothing to be sorry for…"

"But I do." Sean asserted shakily. "I promised you that none of this would happen. That I could protect…that I could protect you and my family. And look what happened." He strongly expressed with emotion etched in his voice. "I couldn't even protect myself…"

"Sean no." Marita declared, breaking inside. "There were way too many horsemen…"

"Even still, what if it where you…"

"What do you mean?"

"What if…" Sean closed his eyes, pain ripping through him at the thought. "What if you were with me instead of pa…" He resumed, now opening his eyes. "The thought of what they would've done to you..."

"But Sean I wasn't with you." Marita countered sturdily; though she was hurting at what he felt, at what he was trying to say. "I'm okay…I'm safe." She assured.

"But for how long?" Sean asked; his voice cracking with sorrow. "What if next time it's you?" He uttered unevenly. "I couldn't take it if anything ever happened to you …if I couldn't protect…" His words choked in his throat, causing him to again close his eyes, to restrain the tears incited by the thought of her being attacked. While Marita could only bury her face against their clasped hands and to also close her eyes, unable to speak, to counter his response; due to the same anguished fears plaguing her about him. Sean then opened his eyes at the warmth of her face against his hand, and nearly groaned at the heat that flushed his soul when he caressed her lowered head - her hair. He wanted her so much he grieved now listening to her sigh at his touch. He wanted so desperately to make her his wife…

"Ah you're… awake." Someone suddenly said, faltering a bit when they saw Marita and Sean, which prompted her to lift her head from their hands and for Sean to reluctantly draw his hand from her hair. "Pa…Dr. Sanford." Sean uttered slowly, shakily, as Marita now wiped a stray tear from her cheek, keeping her back turned to the gentlemen entering the room.

"Dr. Sanford stopped by to do a quick check up." Ned cautiously explained as he closely observed the look on his son's face, deciphering that something painful was just going on.

"I know I came by last night, but I wanted to stop by today to examine you again. Be certain everything's alright." The doctor stated awkwardly, still obviously affected by what he'd just seen. "I would've come by sooner, but I had a busy day." He continued as he set his bag down on a nearby dresser. "Four births, a carriage accident and a patient with pneumonia." He slightly rambled.

"No help from Dr. Styne or Dr. Quinn?" Ned casually asked; attempting to calm the man's nerves.

"No, they had their hands full too." The doctor said as he hesitantly made his way over to Sean's bed.

"I guess I should go." Marita uttered weakly, still deeply affected by her thoughts and Sean's words, as she stood from the chair, reluctantly releasing Sean's hand; then moving out of the doctor's way.

"You don't..." Sean began, but paused, wanting so much to ask her to stay, to spend just a little more time being with her; but not yet ready to resume their talk, to face the heartache that he feared was certain... "Okay." He resumed with forced strength, briefly closing his eyes; then returning his gaze to Marita's stare. For an instant they remain in that moment, holding each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity, when Marita forced herself to break the mood, remembering that they were not alone.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She uttered softly.

Silence –

"Tomorrow." Sean quietly concurred. Marita then bid the doctor and Ned goodnight, before Sean watched in angst as she left the room, hoping that tomorrow wouldn't bring the end of their dream, hoping that somehow they could remain together.