Thanks for the reading and reviewing!

colafanta – Belated thanks for the response. I know that you probably haven't read this far yet, but when you get here I want you to know that it's always great to see new readers!

Okay, on with angst

Chapter Forty-five

Sean sat on the side of the bed, facing the window, enjoying the limited view he had of the golden sky, signaling the start of a new day. He deeply inhaled, ignoring the slight throbbing in his ribs as he gave thanks that he'd been fortunate enough to see another day; a day that he'd feared would bring sorrow and pain, but now felt that it just may bring hope; hope for he and Marita. After she'd gone, the night before, and the doctor finished the check-up and left, his pa had come in, and they'd talked candidly about Marita…

"So what did the doctor and I just interrupt?" His pa had cautiously asked.

Sean had not answered, but only lowered his gaze at the pain that continuously rushed through him.

"Did you and Marita…part ways?" Ned had pressed.

Sean had then returned his gaze to his pa; his heart ripping in two at such a thought and answered. "No." He quietly said.

Silence –

"But it's coming isn't it?" Ned had then asked, clearly deciphering what Sean knew was emanating from his eyes and in his stance, which prompted Sean to again lower his stare. "You're making a mistake." His pa had then said. "You're making a mistake if you think that ending things with Marita is going to make things better."

"What?" Sean had gasped, shocked at his father's comments, remembering his pa's weary response upon learning of he and Marita's marriage plans. "How can you say that after what just happened to us?" Sean had questioned in confusion. "Pa we were attacked." He'd continued. "And I couldn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't protect us from those men who were determined to hurt us, hurt me. So how am I supposed to protect Marita if I can't protect myself? How am I supposed to keep her safe?"

"Son I understand your fears, but there was no way that you or I or anyone could've stopped those men." His father had responded.

"Precisely"

"Sean don't."

"Don't what?" Sean had challenged. "Face the reality of this situation? Protect Marita the best way I know how?"

"Do you honestly believe that walking away from Marita is the best way?" His pa had asked. "Because I don't." He'd uttered with sincerity, holding his son's gaze. "I'll admit that a few weeks ago I would've thought walking away was the best choice, but only because at that time no one knew of you and Marita's relationship. However, that is no longer the case. Everyone in Lexington and who knows where else knows about your involvement. So what good would it do to let go of Marita now? At this point, no matter what you do…Marita will not be shielded from the prejudice…and perhaps violence that will come because of your relationship."

"Pa she will be shielded if she goes back to Cholena." Sean had countered emotionally. "If she goes back to Michigan... immediately…she will be safe." He'd finished with pain in his voice.

"Sean that's no guarantee." His father had argued. "You said yourself that the people in Cholena know of your relationship and that many were unreceptive because of it..."

"Yes but it's wasn't the same thing…"

"Oh but it is." His pa had contented. "People know about you and Marita here as well as in Michigan, which means that any cause for hostility or violence is already out there and isn't going away." He'd said. "So again, who would it serve for you two to be apart? How will you walking away from Marita protect her? It can only leave her more vulnerable to hostility. And can only serve to hurt you both when you're facing this situation separately..."

Sean had closed his eyes, wanting so much to accept his pa's reasoning, but still having doubts... "Pa you don't know how much I want to take your advice, but…"

"Then take it." Ned had interjected. "You love Marita and she loves you. So fight for your relationship. Don't give up at the first test. Don't let what's happened shroud what you have between you and make you forget how strong you both are. How you both 'can handle anything as long as you face it together'…"

Sean now slightly smiled as he again recalled his pa's words. Words that had once been his own; words that were now giving him some hope...

"Your pa wasn't kidding when he said that you were doing well."

Sean instantly turned towards the voice he knew well, suppressing the groan caused by the pain in his side. "Isaac!" He said with surprise as he now gazed at the man standing in the doorway.

"Is it too early for a visit? Your pa said you were up but if it's too early…"

"No no come in." Sean urged, feeling a bit awkward about the man being there; considering how they'd left things when they'd talked before.

"So how are you feeling?" Isaac asked as he walked into the room.

"Fairly well." Sean answered with a grunt as he moved further back on the bed, placing his back against the headboard. "I still have a lot of pain." He continued. "But the doctor says that it should subside in about a week or so."

"Good." Isaac said as he slowly walked up to the bed. There was then an awkward silence as both men contemplated the same thing – Marita. Isaac was thinking of his conversation with his daughter the night before. How they'd discussed the reality of her and Sean's situation. While Sean continuously pondered what his pa had said and remembered what he and Marita had vowed in Cholena…

"Sean…" Isaac began, breaking the silence. "I didn't... just come by to see how you were doing." The man confessed with delay. "I also came by to talk about Marita." He said, holding the young man's gaze, before Sean briefly dropped his eyes, again recalling the conversation he'd had with the man more than a week before.

"What is it that you want to say?" Sean asked as he brought his eyes back to Isaac's face, knowing in his heart what the man was about to state.

Silence –

"I want you to give her up." Isaac stated; instantly seeing pain swell in Sean's eyes. "I want you to give Marita a chance at happiness and walk away." The man uttered firmly.

Silence –

"Sir Marita has a chance at happiness… with me." Sean countered strongly, but with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

"You can't really believe that." Isaac coolly replied. "Not after being nearly beaten to death because of your involvement with my daughter, and her spending the past few days in hell because of it."

"Sir I want to believe…" Sean paused, hurting at the weakening hope in his heart. "I want to believe that Marita and I can get through this. That…"

"Get through what?" Isaac interjected tightly, trying hard to restrain his mounting frustration. "More attacks by Asa Winters and..."

"Asa Winters?"

"Yes Asa Winters." Isaac severely said, failing to notice the shock in Sean's voice. "You know he won't stop at the attack on you and your pa." The man continued fiercely. "Next he, as well as any other person who feel the need to teach my daughter a lesson about courting a white man will come after her. Now how do you plan to get through that?" He asked. "How do you plan to keep my daughter safe and happy with so many people hell bent on making you both pay for this relationship?''

Sean didn't respond; he couldn't; for the array of emotions racing through him was staying his tongue, prompting him to turn his eyes from the man's face. He was shocked and angered by what he'd just heard, what he'd just learned, which was that Asa Winters was responsible for the attack on him and his pa. He now understood why his father had been so vague about the investigation of the attack; it was because he didn't want him to know that Asa was the guilty party. For when his pa spoke of the investigation he would only say that the Sheriff wouldn't pursue the culprits because he hadn't seen who the men were, and due to the reasons believed to be behind the attack. What's more, when Sean had questioned the timing of the assault and had even wondered if Asa or Pete knew something about it, his father had smoothly brushed the possibly off and skillfully changed the subject to something else. Why had he done that? Sean questioned silently with anger and confusion. Why hadn't he told him about Asa's hand in the attack? Sean closed his eyes and inhaled, now trying to quell the pain that was rising, overtaking his fury, intensifying, due to Isaac's assertions regarding Marita. He didn't want to believe the man's words; he wanted to run from the truth, hide in the hope that his father had given him; but he couldn't. He couldn't run or ignore it, and it made his soul ache with sorrow. And managed to destroy his lingering hope…

"Sean I'm sorry to hurt you this way." Isaac said, suspending the young man's thoughts, prompting Sean to open his eyes and turn his gaze back to him. "But you have to face the reality of the danger you pose in being with my daughter." He resumed with more calm, now affected by the young man's obviously breaking heart. "You need to understand that no amount of strength, or you and my daughter facing this together is going to keep her safe or happy." The man said solemnly as Sean again briefly closed his eyes, sighing in conflict and pain, having no words to challenge the man's contentions...

"Now I know it's hard...to let go." Isaac continued with a firmness that was etched with compassion. "But if you truly love Marita the way you claim you do... then I am asking you, no I am begging you... to do the right thing. Do what's best for yourself, your family... and Marita… and let her go. Give her a chance at the happiness she deserves…"

-------------

Jeremy stood outside of the Logan study contemplating what he was about to do, wondering if it was the right move. Though he thought that Marita's suggestion, to fight for custody of Danielle, was a good idea, he still feared the plan's empty guarantees. For Ned agreeing to help wasn't a sure thing, and even if the man did assent to the plan, there was no guarantee that he'd get back Danielle, not to mention the additional problems it could bring within, as well as upon the Logan family. Jeremy nervously sighed and ran his hand through his hair, thinking that he should just forget the whole thing; just forgo the talk with Ned and stick with his original plan. But he couldn't do that he reasoned, quickly pushing the thought aside; for he'd promised Marita that he'd do otherwise. She'd been more than kind by choosing not to tell Ned about what he'd done. Thus he owed it to her to keep his promise to ask the man for help. Jeremy drew a deep breath and again ran his hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down; before he then gathered his courage and slowly entered the study.

------------------

"Mr. Winters your guest is here." The servant said as she stood in the doorway of Asa's office.

"Good. Send him in." Asa commanded.

Moments later his guest entered his office pushing the door up behind him. "Asa!" the man said extending his hand as he walked up to Asa's desk, who was standing behind it. "How's it goi…I take that back." The man said. "Is there anything that's not going your way?" He then comically asked as he and Asa shook hands.

"Only a couple of things." Asa remarked; thinking why he'd brought the man there, and the situation with his amnesiac daughter.

"I can't imagine what that could be." The man said as he now took a seat. "From what I understand your business is doing well, and last I heard, Sean Logan was down for the count, thanks to the job Ferguson done for you."

Shock and panic instantly washed over Asa's face as he wondered how the hell this guy knew about his involvement in the attack on Sean.

"Don't worry. I'm not a rat." The man quickly assured, noticing Asa's changed stance. "In fact, Ferguson and I go way back. We've done many a jobs like the one he done for you."

"Oh really?" Asa evenly asked, still not verbally admitting to anything; even though his face had said it all.

"Really." The man confirmed. "But that's not what I'm here to discuss." He continued seriously, now realizing that he'd said too much and wanted to get things back on track. "So what did you want to see me for?" He then asked.

Asa didn't say anything right away; for he was still dealing with what the man had just proclaimed. After a couple of moments to settle his thoughts, Asa then found his voice. "It's Pete Dixon." He finally answered, now not sure if he wanted the man to do this job, but deciding to move forward with what he had planned.

"What about him?" The man queried; instantly knowing who Pete Dixon was.

Asa hesitated before speaking, now thinking of what he knew about Pete's past; then went on to give the man the full details of the job, having no idea that his daughter was standing outside the door that was ajar, listening to everything that was being discussed.

-----------------------

Ned completed his instructions to one of his workers and made his way towards the barn; when he saw a man approaching him from across the property. The man waved his hand in the air and as he got closer Ned began to recognize who he was...

"Andrew!" Ned exclaimed as he and the man reached each other.

"Morning Ned." The man said as he and Ned shook hands. "Sorry I didn't give notice that I was coming down." He apologized.

"Oh no you're fine." Ned declared. " You know you're welcome here at anytime."

"Thanks...so how's Sean?" Andrew asked; thinking how Ned had sent him a telegram about the young man being awake.

"He's Sean." Ned replied with joy and pride as they began to walk. "No changes whatsoever. No mental problems, memory lapses, nothing. He just has the physical injuries to recover from. The doctor says that it's a miracle."

"That's wonderful!" Andrew voiced with elation. "If he's up for it, I'd love to see him before I leave." He said.

"Oh absolutely." Ned agreed. "I know that he'll be glad to see you...so what brings you by? News already on what I asked you to check out?"

"Yes." The man answered as they continued to walk. "I've found out some interesting things." He stated.

"Really?" Ned replied. "Anything I can use?"

"Most definitely." Andrew assured; then relayed all he'd learned about Asa's legal and shady deals, while a satisfied Ned intently listened on.

-----------------------

Marita walked towards the Logan home, feeling shy and exposed as she passed the many workers on her path, who would stare as she walked by. It had been nearly a week since her relationship with Sean had been exposed, and she'd done the "unthinkable", in going out in the middle of the night to find him, and still the workers gave her curious gazes, along with their cautious, but surprisingly friendly greetings. Marita was certain that they, specifically the Negroes, had felt the ugly ramifications of the mess at The Dinner; but if they had any animosity towards her, neither race was showing it to her face she thought. Marita quickened her pace, motivated by the intense cold and her cautious, but at the same time eager desire to see Sean. Though she was so happy to have him back and wanted to spend every waking moment with him, there was a sadness in her soul, knowing that things were about to change, perhaps for the worse. Marita ascended the steps of the Logan home, now recalling the conversation she'd had with Sean the night before, as well as the discussion she'd had with her pa, who was now insisting that she leave town. He'd again gone over the grief and the danger she'd face in being with Sean, citing the attack on Sean and his pa, along the hostility he'd faced when he'd gone into town. He then stated that he'd honored her request and allowed her to remain in town while Sean was sick, but now that Sean was awake, and getting better, he wanted her to leave town immediately. Marita had instantly rejected this command; then her father had clarified what he meant, stating that he wouldn't send her back to Cholena, if she'd join him on his business trip for Ned to East Kentucky. Though going away for a few weeks sounded better than running back to Cholena, before she was due back at work, Marita still didn't want to go; even though she knew that in the end it would probably be for the best …Marita sighed in angst as she now entered the Logan home and was instantly shocked to see Sean, struggling down the staircase, firmly holding on to it's railing; his face bearing a grimace as he held his side…

"Sean!" She gasped in alarm; then rushed to where he stood, which was a few steps from the bottom of the stairs. "What are you doing up?" She questioned with distress as she wrapped her arm around him in support.

"I couldn't stay in that room any more. I needed a change of scenery." Sean said as he leaned in to her support, thinking how he was trying to escape the pain, the memory of his conversation with Isaac, while stifling a groan caused more by Marita closeness, than the aching in his ribs.

"Well you trying to get a change of scenery is going to make your injuries worse. You need to stay off your feet." Marita scolded awkwardly, unable to disguise the heat ignited by Sean's arm going around her back. "Now come on, back to bed."

"No!" Sean rejected, stopping her attempt to move him back up the stairs.

"Sean…"

"Marita please." He begged. "Just help me to the parlor… please." He uttered again at her reluctance. "I promise I'll be fine." He added.

Against her better judgment Marita gave in. And moments later she was escorting him into the parlor, and then assisting him in taking a seat on the couch...

"I don't know how I'm going to get you back up those stairs." She stated lightly, attempting to distract herself from his arousing warmth, the closeness of his mouth, as he leaned against her, holding her hand, while sinking onto the couch. "I guess I'll have to get your pa and Clay to carry you back up to your room." She added with a laugh.

"Nobody's carrying me back up those stairs." Sean replied in a humorous tone, too covering the amorous sensations that were blazing within him. "I'll make it fine on my own thank you."

"Ah, always so tenacious." Marita sighed with a smile as she now moved from the couch, still holding his hand, and took a seat on the ottoman directly before him. "That's one of the reasons why I love y…" She began, but abruptly stopped, not meaning for those words to escape her lips, as she helplessly returned her eyes to Sean, heightening the pull that was between them, intensifying his desire to taste her, to feel her lips against his, but reality suddenly invaded the moment, reminding him of Isaac's words …

"You should go." Sean said abruptly, unevenly, forcing himself to hold her eyes in an attempt to convey that her leaving was what he wanted; even though his voice had betrayed his intentions by revealing what he felt in his heart.

"Sean no…" Marita asserted with pain, not yet ready to face the inevitable, which caused Sean to lower his gaze, struggling with what he knew he needed to say...

"I want …I want you to go." Sean then uttered with strength that was etched with strain, as he returned his eyes to Marita's face. "I want you to forget...I want forget about me …" He continued shakily, now pulling his hand from hers. "And go back to Cholena."

A deep agony instantly flooded Marita's heart, shaking the core of her soul, nearly shattering her control, before she forced herself to respond...

"Sean I ca…"

"You deserve to be happy..." He weakly interjected.

"You know that my true happiness is with you."

"And I need you to be safe." Sean continued emotionally, forcing himself to ignore her touching response. "And being with me is not going to do that." He said.

"Sean…"

"You have to go." He uttered again. "The further you get awa..." He paused; briefly averting his eyes at the ache in his heart that had cut off his words. "The further you get away from me... from Lexington." He resumed, with only a smidgen of renewed strength. "The better off…the better off ..."

"Sean no." Marita shakily injected. Even though she knew that Sean was right, that they needed to be apart to keep each other safe. "I love you and I can't…" She began, but tears choked out her words, instantly destroying Sean's resolve, compelling him to touch her face, to surrender to his yearning to never let her go…

"Mr. Logan." A servant called from the doorway, prompting Sean to slowly draw his hand from Marita's face; and to drop his eyes in anguish, as the reality of their situation again came crashing down upon them. "Miss. Wint…" the servant began, but was interrupted by Vivian sauntering into the room.

"Sean?" She exclaimed with a questioned in her voice, a look of bewilderment on her face, skillfully covering the anger she felt at seeing he and Marita together. "What's going on?" she asked as she walked further into the room, hating to confront this, for fear that it would lead to her plan being destroyed, but knowing to ignore it would cause too many suspicions.

Sean didn't answer; for his eyes were still lowered; His soul hurting at the deep longing that he'd have to forever deny.

"Sean?"

"Nothing…nothings going on." He finally uttered, quietly, shakily as he lifted his eyes from the floor, allowing them to momentarily linger on Marita's heartbreaking gaze, before he then forced them from her face and turned his eyes to Vivian. "Marita was just ...saying goodbye." He stated awkwardly, struggling to keep the grief out of his voice as he returned his eyes to the love of his life.

"You're going some where?" Vivian queried, just managing to keep a casual tone, to hide her fear and anger at seeing this connection between this Negro and Sean.

Silence –

"No...Yes." Marita corrected softly, her voice weak with emotion as she now thought of her father's trip; then briefly lowered her eyes, closing out Sean's painful stare.

"Rea..."

"I should go." Marita asserted quietly, abruptly, disrupting Vivian's response as she suddenly stood from the ottoman, while Sean helplessly closed his eyes. "I have... packing to do... so I should... I should go." She continued with forced strength as she stepped away from Sean, struggling to put one foot in front of the other, trying to make her escape, before the angst she felt over "doing the right thing" managed to break her down.

"Marita wait..." Sean called right before she exited the room, panicking Vivian, as Marita turned her attention back to him; binding him with her gaze. He could see in her eyes, feel it in his soul how much she loved him; how much she wanted to run back into his arms; and he wanted that too; he wanted so much to have back the time they'd had in Cholena, where they'd just talked, and laughed, and loved; but he couldn't have it, his heart cried; he couldn't have her. Because she was safer being away from him...

"Sean is there something you want to say?" Vivian tactlessly questioned, attempting to break the intense mood as she slowly made her way towards the couch...

Silence –

"Marita I..." Sean began but paused, wanting so desperately to tell he loved her, and thus they could get through this, but he couldn't... "Have... have a safe trip." He uttered instead and with considerable strength, even though he was breaking inside at his words and the pain that swelled in Marita's eyes...

Silence –

"I... I'll try." Marita faintly replied; the ache in her heart nearly ceasing her breath; before she slowly tore her eyes from Sean's stare and hesitantly left the room; leaving him broken; his heart shattered, at the piercing pain than came with losing her again.