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Chapter Forty-six

Sean sat in his office, staring out the window, oblivious to the life that bustled before him due to his mind being a million miles away, pondering the recent happenings in his life. It had been two weeks since everything had gone to hell; two weeks since Marita had walked out of his life, leaving him devastated and crushed and leaving his family with an array of emotions. Though his pa still felt that he was making a mistake, he and a disappointed Alice understood his decision. But Lexy was the complete opposite. For she was devastated by the break-up and couldn't understand why being in love wasn't enough; why he and Marita's feelings for one another couldn't overcome the odds that were stacked against them. Jeremy really had no response, but was his usual distracted self. And though Clay hadn't said much before about his relationship with Marita, the boy's pleased reaction to the break-up, clearly conveyed his disapproval of their romantic relationship. Sean deeply inhaled; his heart still paining with grief as if Marita had walked out just minutes before. He couldn't believe that just a little over a month ago he was in Cholena, and he and Marita were together and happy, vowing to get through anything no matter what. And now only a few weeks later, a few weeks after such happiness, what they'd dreamed was all over; their plans dead, as if they never existed. Sean cried within, realizing that he'd never again talk with her the way they'd talked in Cholena; that never again would he have that freedom that he only had with her, where he could be himself, and thus be his happiest. And never again would he touch her, have her so close that he'd nearly drown in the rapture he felt when immersed in her soul. She was gone he thought, closing his eyes in yearning and love, gone because that was the way it had to be. He couldn't understand how God could be so cruel; he now mused with anger and hurt; he couldn't understand how God could allow the world to hate so much that it would keep those who truly loved apart. Sean heaved a sigh, his eyes still closed in pain as his mind then drifted to Asa Winters; how the man's hatred of him served as the catalyst to break he and Marita up. Sean opened in eyes, as anger intensified within him, at the thought of all the man had done, at the encounter they'd had several days before. Asa had been livid when he'd learned that Vivian was visiting him behind his back, when she was supposed to be home recovering from her accident. For the man had immediately come to Sean and accused him of using Vivian in a plot for revenge against him. But Sean had angrily rebuffed the man's claims and had done some accusing of his own. He'd confronted Asa about his hand in the attack, which the man had vehemently denied and had charged that Sean had been listening to his "delusional" father, which had instantly caused the two to nearly come to blows; but they had been stopped by Clay coming into the room. Sean had wanted so much to take Asa down, to make him pay for what he'd done to him, but he'd decided to let it go – for that moment. Instantly remembering how he had to protect Marita. For he didn't want any retaliation against her, due to him beating the hell out of Asa; and what's more there was Vivian to consider, whom he didn't want to put in the middle of such an act. "Vivian" Sean silently uttered with pity as he ran his hand through his hair and briefly closed his eyes. Though he'd promised himself that he wouldn't let her down; that he would try and help her through this memory ordeal. He didn't know how much longer he could do it. He didn't know how much longer he could continue the charade before his true feelings overwhelmed him, and forced him to tell her the truth...

"Sean?" A voice uttered, shattering his thoughts, causing him to look towards the door.

"Vivian." Sean said, forcing happiness in his voice, trying to keep up the lie the doctor was still insisting that he play, until Vivian's mental state became a little bit stronger. "What are you doing here?" He asked, now thinking that a visit from her was the last thing he needed right now.

"You of course." She asserted lightly as she waltzed into the room with an air of superiority. "I came to see if I could steal my fiancé away for lunch." She continued, now gazing at him adoringly.

"Vivian I'm really busy." Sean stated awkwardly, trying hard to hide his displeasure at hearing her call him her fiancé. "I've got a lot of work to do before the end of the week." He said, now remembering how he'd returned to work; how Clancy had begged him to come back, citing that he would be protected, the Assemblyman had gotten the Federal Marshalls to come down, and too stating that despite everything he was the best man for the job. So Sean had returned to the office a little more than a week before and had taken on the new challenges of his job. Challenges in the form of many constitutes and businessmen, who weren't swayed by Clancy's positive PR, and thus still felt that he should be out of a job...

"Well you didn't look very busy when I walked in." Vivian pointed out playfully in an attempt to assert the truth without provoking a quarrel, which again drew Sean from his thoughts.

"Vivian..."

"Oh Sean please." The woman whined, interrupting his response, trying desperately to work her charm and "fragile" state of mind to get what she wanted. "It'll only be for a short while." She promised.

"I'm sorry but I can't." Sean voiced with a slight edge, barely hiding his mounting irritation.

Vivian stood there a moment, studying Sean, knowing exactly why he was declining lunch. Though he felt bad for her memory loss and probably genuinely wanted to help her, he was getting weary of it, weary of her she thought, which meant that she was losing ground.

"Well how about I join you and your family for dinner?" Vivian suggested with forced blithe.

"I'm having a working dinner with Clancy." Sean answered as he now looked over the papers on his desk.

"What about later in the week?" Vivian asked, struggling to keep her composure in tact; to not reveal her frustration with his rejection.

"I don't know." Sean replied, wishing that she would just let go, that she was out of his life, but at the same time feeling guilty, knowing that her condition was no fault of hers. "Like I said before." He resumed. "There's a lot going on this week. Thus my time is limited."

"So limited that you don't have time for your fiancé?" The woman cried in a complaining tone.

"Vivian…" Sean began as he returned his eyes to the woman before him.

"I'm sorry." She quickly asserted, interrupting his response, not wanting to create an opportunity for Sean to tell her the truth. "I just hate that you're so busy." She uttered softly, holding his gaze.

"Well it is my work." Sean stated cautiously, not wanting to agitate the woman again. "And I still have a lot of things to catch up on from when I was out ill." He continued gently.

"I know." Vivian sighed. "But maybe we can have breakfast then, tomorrow." She then proposed. "It'll be before you start your day. Thus your work won't be interrupted."

Silence –

"Okay." Sean conceded with a tense smile, really wanting to turn her down, but having no good excuse to get out of breakfast with her.

"Good!" Vivian exclaimed, feigning happiness. "Well I guess I better let you get back to work." She said with cheer. "Now that I have what I want." She expressed sweetly; her eyes still gazing upon Sean, who was skillfully hiding his discomfort. "Now don't work too hard." She continued as she turned to go. "I don't want you skipping out on breakfast because you're too tired." She added lightly.

"Don't worry I won't." Sean assured, with a hint of uneasiness in his voice.

Vivian then said goodbye, smiling warmly as she exited his office. But as soon as she was out of Sean's sight, safely outside of his office with the door closed, the smile faded from her lips, as her true feelings came to the surface. She was losing Sean she thought with panic, and it was all because of that Negro. Vivian thought that when Marina, Marita, whatever her name was left town that she would have nothing hindering her from winning Sean back. But unfortunately she was wrong, she mused with frustration. For even though that Negro was gone, Vivian could still see Sean pining for her, wanting her in his heart, which was making it impossible for him to give them a chance. She had to do something Vivian thought angrily. And quick, before Sean walked away from her again and she had no chance of ever getting him back.

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Finally Clay sighed in relief as he walked into the saloon and spotted Pete Dixon sitting at the bar, having a drink. After numerous failed attempts to catch the man at his home, Clay had resorted to frequenting the local saloons. But was about to give up after still not finding the man, figuring that Pete had decided to leave town, when he'd overheard some of the workers on the ranch talking about Pete, saying that they'd seen the man hanging out at Manny's Tavern around early evening. So when Clay got the opportunity to get away, specifically when his pa was away from the ranch, he'd decided to check the place out. And low and behold on the first try he'd found what he was looking for - Pete Dixon drinking at the saloon...

"Pete" Clay asserted as he walked up to the man at the bar, who was about to gulp down another drink, but instead set his glass down when he saw who'd just called his name.

"What are you doing here?" Pete questioned with a scowl.

"I want to talk to you about the people who attacked Sean." Clay stated seriously.

"What?" Pete scoffed in disbelief; then brushed the young man off by again turning his gaze forward and taking a swig of his drink.

"I'm not playing around." Clay retorted, offended by the man's disrespect. "I want to know what you offered to tell my pa."

"Give it up son. You're out of your league." Pete stated calmly, still ignoring the boy, by continuing to look forward as he finished off his drink.

"You let me decide that!" Clay snapped with increased agitation. "Now tell me what you know!"

"Hey these are not people you want to tangle with." Pete responded stiffly, turning his eyes back to the young man beside him. "So go home and be glad that your brother lived."

"Hey you owe me the truth!" Clay stated angrily, raising the tone of his voice, causing many to turn their attention toward them. "You owe me the truth." He repeated fiercely, but in a quieter tone. "Now you said that you were sorry for what you done." Clay continued "Now prove it by telling me what you know about the attack."

For a moment Pete studied the young man; thinking how obstinacy was strong in the Logan genes, while wondering if he should tell the boy the truth. He hadn't been lying when he'd said that the men behind the attack where trouble; for he'd known of them to do worse than what they'd done to Sean. Yet the boy had hit a nerve with his speech about proving that he was sorry, and thus Pete wanted to tell him the truth he thought, especially if Clay was the only Logan who was willing to listen he mused, now remembering his failed talk with Ned and more recently Sean angrily turning him away. Despite the Logans refusal to hear what he knew, they deserved to know who'd carried out the attack. Plus, he felt it was the least he could do, the only way he could make amends for the pain and humiliation he'd help bring upon their family...

"All right." Pete finally responded - quietly. "I'll tell you what I know." He promised. "But not here." He said, now cutting his eyes around the room, thinking how he was already chancing word getting back to Asa by talking to the boy this long.

"Why not here?" Clay skeptically asked, believing that the man was going to stiff him regarding the truth.

"Why do you think?" Pete stated tightly as he again took a nervous glance around the room to see if anyone was watching.

"Okay where then?" Clay asked, still not liking having to leave the saloon, but now understanding why the man wouldn't want to convey such information in a public place. Pete hesitated a moment, briefly rethinking what he was about to do; before he then told Clay where he'd meet him to give him the information he sought.

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Vivian absently handed her coat to the servant, not uttering a word before she headed for the parlor. She was deep in thought, worried about the situation with Sean, knowing that he was slipping from her again. For though he'd been wonderful in the beginning, in that he'd always spent time with her when she'd requested, that wonderfulness was starting to fade, and she could feel in heart that Sean would soon tell her the truth. But she couldn't allow that to happen she thought as she now entered the parlor. Somehow she had to stop him before he revealed what she already knew...

"Vivian?" Asa said, startling his daughter as she walked further into the room.

"Father!" Vivian asserted in a stunned voice. "I didn't know you were in here." She said, looking towards her father who was standing across the way.

"That's obvious." The man stated, noting his daughter's ruminative and troubled stance. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Vivian heaved a sighed, hiding the smile inside as an idea quickly blossomed in her mind.

"Vivian?"

Silence –

"It's...It's Sean." She reluctantly replied, keeping the solemn look on her face as she walked to the window and folded her arms across her chest.

"What about him?" Asa calmly asked, hiding the fury he felt at the mention of the man's name.

Silence –

"He's acting strangely." Vivian quietly answered. "He's...pulling away…I'm starting to wonder…" She paused; then uttered an anguished sigh. "I'm starting to wonder if he still wants to marry." She shakily declared.

"Why is that?" Asa managed to ask, still restraining the wrath he was feeling. "Did Sean say something?" He questioned.

"No." Vivian uttered with a sigh, playing her worry well. "But I can just tell that something's wrong."

Hmprh. Asa scoffed to himself. He knew what was wrong. Sean didn't want to be with his daughter. "Have you told Sean what you're feeling, confronted him about his behavior?" The man seriously inquired; his anger steadily rising.

"Father no!" Vivian gasped, feigning horror at the inappropriateness of such an act as she turned to face her father. "I couldn't…and even if I could we've had little time to talk because he's been putting his work before me." She sighed and turned back towards the window.

For a time Asa didn't respond, but only stood there quiet as he studied his daughter. Maybe this was a good thing he began to deduce. For though it enraged him to think of Sean pushing his daughter away, when her mind was so delicate, and she still only remembered their past; maybe this was the opportunity he needed, the chance the doctor had said that he shouldn't take until Vivian was ready; maybe he should just tell her the truth about she and Sean and end this fiasco today...

"Vivian..." Asa began hesitantly, still pondering whether to tell her the truth or to let this sham go on. "So much has happened lately…so much has changed." He stated gently, attempting to smoothly lead into what he was striving to say. "Maybe Sean...maybe you two... should take a step back." He evenly uttered.

"Take a step back?" Vivian questioned with surprise as she turned again to face her father, now shocked at his words, worried that the conversation was not going in the direction that she thought it would. "No. I can't do that." She then said. "We're to be married soon."

"You just said that marriage may not be what Sean still wants. And you could be right." Asa countered strongly, still trying to remain calm, patient with his daughter's fragile state.

"No." Vivian quickly rebuffed. "I was just being silly...overreacting. Sean would never do that to me. He loves me." She tried to explain.

"Vivian…"

"Father will you talk to him?" She interjected, desperately attempting to salvage her plan. "I mean you could be right, so much has happened, maybe Sean is just feeling pressure from his work and his recovery, maybe you can talk to him...I mean you've handled such things before. Maybe you can give him some advice." She rambled frantically.

"Vivian no! I can't!" Asa fiercely rejected before he could stop himself; his calm finally collapsing under the pressure of his daughter's suggestions.

"Father why not?" Vivian cried, with genuine panic in her voice. "I know that you don't care much for Sean but he's going to be my…"

"Vivian there's something I have to tell you." Asa interrupted, deciding at that moment to push forward with telling her the truth.

Vivian stared at her father, panic in her heart, realizing that he was about to tell her the truth, that her plan was about to go straight to hell, unless she did something to stop him…

"Father I…"

"You should sit down." Her father commanded as he slowly moved towards her.

"Father no I'm not sit…"

"Vivian just do as I sa…"

"Father I know!" Vivian suddenly yelled, with anger and frustration; not knowing what else to say, now knowing that she'd have to confess her lies - the truth.

"Know what?" Asa questioned with confusion; the thought of his daughter having her memory back never crossing his mind.

Silence –

"I know…I know the truth about Sean." Vivian slowly confessed. "I've... had my memory back... since... day one."

Silence –

"What?" Asa gasped with shock that was quickly replaced with anger rushing through him, leaving him without words, stopping him in his tracks. He then slowly turned away from his daughter; thinking how her lie had ruined his revenge on Sean; how he'd had to undermine his own deeds, by working to keep Sean's relationship with that Negro from again headlining the news. So that he could protect Vivian from discovering the truth, by reading it in the paper or hearing it through someone's salacious gossip. Her lie had turned him into what people saw as a "pathetic" father, who was trying to help his poor amnesiac daughter. By protecting the man who'd shamed her in the worst possible way, for fear that she was too weak to handle the truth. Asa then turned back to face his daughter, now staring at her with disbelief and fury...

"What in the hell where you thinking?" He then questioned lividly, shocking Vivian, shaking her to the core. "I've been worried sick thinking that you were too fragile to know that Sean Logan was a piece of crap, not worth more than the dirt on your shoes, and you've known all along. You've known that Sean Logan is nothing more than a Negro lovin bastard, and you're still running after him!"

"Father I love Sean!" Vivian countered shakily. "And I am not going to let some Negro…whore keep us apart!" She said with more strength, anger starting to brew within her. "Sean and I belong together. He made a vow to marry me and…"

"Are you insane!" Asa interjected with rage. "Sean Logan broke his vow to marry you for that Negro whore who you think is just a mere bump in the road!"

"She is, nothing more than a bump in the road!" Vivian argued heatedly. "Because she's gone, out of his life now, and that means that Sean and I have a chance to work things out!"

"Work things out!" Asa retorted. "You're nuts if you think that Sean Logan is going to marry you. Or that I'm going to stand by and let you throw yourself at a Negro lovin liar like him, shame yourself and the Winters name for a man that's not even worthy to lick your shoes!"

"You will let me do whatever I please!" Vivian stated fiercely.

"I will do no such thing!" Asa roared. "And I will tell Sean Logan what you've been up to if you don't stop this madness this instant!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Vivian contended. "Because as much as you hate Sean Logan and would never want me with him, you would never align yourself with your worst enemy to hurt me. And besides that, Sean would never believe you."

"Oh wouldn't he?" Asa countered. "You are after all my daughter and have every bit of the lying and conniving wits of myself and your mother..."

"He still wouldn't believe you, not after what you've done." She challenged firmly, seething within, as she now recalled the conversation she'd overheard weeks before.

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"The attack!" Vivian severely barked. "I know that you put those men up to going after Sean, and he knows it too!" She proclaimed.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Asa denied; even though he was clearly shaken, stunned by what his daughter knew.

"Don't I?" Vivian questioned harshly. "Cause I think the authorities would be interested to know that an upstanding citizen like yourself paid who was it now...Ferguson and his men wasn't it? To attack a government official."

"You wouldn't dare." Asa uttered lividly; though he was again floored by what was coming from his daughter's mouth.

"Oh but I would father. If you tell Sean what you know and if I don't get what I want." Vivian answered ruthlessly as she quickly realized how she could use her father. "Now you used me to get your revenge on Sean, and now you're going to return the favor, of sorts, and help me get him back."

"Why you despicable little brat." Asa stated viciously, instantly realizing what his daughter wanted him to do.

"Oh father, like you said, it's who I am." Vivian retorted, looking her father dead in the eyes. "Now you're going to help me. You're going to talk to Sean, make him see that it would be a huge mistake to end things with me. Otherwise I'll have no choice but to turn you in."

"I can't believe you." Asa declared with shock and fury, realizing that his hands were tied. "I can't believe that you would go against me, your own father, for Sean Logan, a man who will never want you and a man who shamed you for a Negro!"

"Who are you!" Vivian cruelly spewed. "Yes you're blood runs through my veins, but you're not my father!" She yelled. "You care nothing about me. All you ever cared about was your precious name and your money, never about your children! And as far as Sean Logan goes... He will want me. I will be his wife. Or else you will pay like you never thought you would!"