Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc. belong to Eoin Colfer…
A/N: By the way people sorry I forgot the disclaimer before, I'm so forgetful…hehe…
Chapter Three: Shuttles and Stowaways
In the shuttle, three hours and thirty-eight minutes left
"Okay," announced Artemis. "We're ready for takeoff. T-minus five…four…three…"
"Oh, honestly," snorted Root. "Can't you Mud People do anything without counting?"
"Apparently not," said Juliet from behind him. "But I'm sure Artemis lives for the day. Don't you, Artemis?"
Artemis ignored her, concentrating on figuring out the ship's controls.
It had taken a precious two minutes for the boy to convince the others that he could fly the ship. They were all still doubtful, but they had agreed once he'd told them that he'd practiced a couple times with Holly before (at her insistence, of course. What he hadn't told them was that the "practice" had been on a Star Wars video game).
"Annnnd up we go!" said Foaly happily as the shuttle rose into the air.
"Finally," said Butler under his breath. Juliet caught his eye and nodded, rolling her eyes.
"Um…I don't like this…I really don't like this…AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled a new voice from under Butler's seat. Surprised, the bodyguard looked down there and came up snorting with laughter. Juliet did the same.
"What's so funny?" demanded Root from the passenger's seat, twisting around to try and see what was going on. At this sight, the siblings fair roared, rolling around in their own seats. Foaly, after bending down and taking a look himself, joined in.
"WHAT IS IT?" hollered the commander. Having seen Foaly bend down, he tried to do the same himself, but only succeeded in getting a Charlie Horse in his leg.
"Ouch!" he exclaimed, flailing it around in the air. Artemis narrowly avoided being kicked several times, while Root bounced in his seat and arched his back, trying to get rid of the sharp pain. "Yowch! Gyaaah!"
The whole party was laughing uproariously now. Even Artemis was snorting a little. Butler and Juliet were leaning against each other, and Foaly was guffawing loudly. Every once in a while he would let out a whinny. This seemed to aggravate Root even more, and what little of his face wasn't already red with embarrassment and exertion quickly turned red with anger.
"DONKEY…Ow! You…gyergh….are…in…OUCH!...trouble! I WILL…OH!...fire you this time! I…AUGH!"
This last was right before he finally got rid of the cramp. He sat panting for several moments, then turned back to Foaly. "Donkey, you…"
He was interrupted by a small object rolling out from under the seat as the shuttle suddenly dipped, dived and rolled to the side. He looked down at it in some confusion. It seemed to be a small, hairy bundle. Then suddenly it unrolled itself and became a small, hairy creature whose beard was curling itself up indignantly.
"CONVICT?" shouted the commander. He then turned furiously on the rest of the group. "So THAT's what you were laughing at! Why under EARTH didn't you tell me?"
"Um, because we were laughing too hard?" said Foaly.
"Is that an excuse!"
"Yes!" said the centaur indignantly.
"NO, IT'S NOT!" roared the commander.
"Um, Julius?" said Mulch from the floor, where he was still lying.
Root turned furiously on him. "And YOU! Stowing away! I can't believe it!"
"Well, obviously you have to believe it, since I'm right here," said Mulch placidly.
"TOO BAD!" shouted the enraged commander. "I…"
He was interrupted again as the shuttle turned nose-down. Everyone hung by their seat belts, and Mulch came off the floor and hit Root in the head.
"OUCH, convict!" said the commander.
"Who's flying this thing anyway?" said Mulch. "And where's the Mud Boy?"
"You just answered your own question," said Juliet, holding on to the ceiling as well as she could.
"WHAT?" shouted the dwarf in alarm. "You mean Artemis is flying the ship?"
"Yup," said Juliet, still grimly holding on.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MUD BOY!" howled Foaly.
"Taking us down!" came the faint reply from the driver's seat. "We're almost there!"
"WELL, TAKE US DOWN A LITTLE MORE GENTLY!" Root bellowed.
"I can't! This thing has a mind of its own!" Artemis hollered back. "Just hold on!"
"That's what we're DOING!"
"And it's obviously not working!" yelled Mulch, flying off the ceiling, where he'd been holding on for dear life, and falling into Artemis' seat, and apparently on top of the boy.
"Ow—MULCH?"
"At your service" said the dwarf, grinning tightly and holding on to Artemis' hair.
"Ouch! Hold on to something else!"
"There's nothing else to hold on to!"
"Well, then—oops!"
No one liked the sound of that 'oops'.
"WHAT IS IT, MUD BOY?" shouted Foaly frantically.
"It's okay! I just forgot to take the wheels ou…"
Just then there was an ear-shattering CRASH! and the whole shuttle shook.
There was a long silence, then Artemis said, trying to sound bright, "Well…we're here!"
At Fowl Manor, three hours and twenty minutes left
After they all managed to get free of the shuttle, Artemis led the group to the Lear Jet. They all climbed aboard, and Butler took the controls ("Thank goodness!" said Root fervently, which earned him a glare from Artemis).
The commander had managed to cuff Mulch. The dwarf protested from the seat he was tied to for a while, but finally got tired of it and fell silent, except for occasional frustrated comments.
"You just don't give up, do you, Julius?" he asked bitterly after a while.
"Quiet, convict!"
"You think I can't escape?"
"Yes! Now shut that mouth of yours before I shut it for you!"
"The both of you be quiet!" hissed Artemis suddenly. He'd thought he heard a muffled squeak from the cockpit, and was listening closely to detect what it was.
"I'm telling Mommy!" came a faint but audible voice. A moment later, there was a scuffle, then a shriek. The sound of a Neutrino shot rang out in the sudden silence that followed, then a dragging sound as Butler came out, hauling two elves.
"Captain Kelp?" asked the commander, amazed. "And Corporal Kelp? What are you doing here?"
"Sorry, sir," said Trouble, looking extremely abashed. "But we…um…happened to overhear when you were discussing Holly, and we wanted to help rescue her."
"YOU wanted to help rescue her!" said Grub. "I wanted to stay home!"
"Yes," returned Trouble, annoyed, "But when I said I was going, you insisted on coming along!"
"No I didn't!"
"Yes you did!"
"NO I DIDN'T!" shrieked the small elf. Trouble rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to answer, but changed his mind and threw his hands up in disgust.
"MORE stowaways?" said the commander, annoyed. Then he sighed. "Well, I guess you'll have to help anyway, considering you're already here."
"WOW! IT'S A WORLD RECORD!" shouted Foaly, dancing past.
"What?" asked Root in confusion.
"YOU DIDN'T GET ANGRY! WHERE'S MY VIDEO CAMERA!"
"DONKEY! STOP YOUR RIDICULOUS LITTLE DANCE AND COME OVER HERE OR YOU WONT HAVE A VIDEO CAMERA OR SOMETHING TO SEE IT WITH!"
"Aw, Julius," whined Foaly, "You ruined my world record!"
"I DON'T CARE A FIG ABOUT YOUR WORLD RECORD! AND DON'T CALL ME JULIUS!"
"Commander," said Artemis smoothly. "Can we please concentrate on the task at hand?"
"Which is what?"
"Getting to Agelia. Butler, we will take these two in hand. Please go back and fly the plane."
"Sorry, Artemis," Butler said, and disappeared into the cockpit again.
"Now then," continued the boy. "I don't see anything else to do with these two than to let them stay, so…"
"Unless we pitched them out the window," muttered Root. "Along with the donkey."
"So I think," said Artemis, raising his voice a little, "that we should let them help. They'll be good extras, anyway."
Root thought about it for a few moments. Finally he said, "All right, Mud Boy. You win this time."
Artemis nodded, then bent down, pretending to brush some dirt off of his loafers. Only then did he allow a grin to split his face.
A/N: People, I don't usually update this often…just to let you know…