"Hi there Hairy Poter!" Sally screamed stupidly.

Voldemort leaped to his feet, and gave Sally a murderous glare.

Sally waddled up to Voldemort, and shook his hand.

"You must be Doctor Vole-Dee-Fort! Pleased to make your acquaintance!"

Voldemort stared at Sally as if he were insane.

Which he was.

"MY NAME IS MR SALLY!"

All at once all of Voldemort's anger was all gathered together, and was focused right onto Sally.

Voldemort held up his wand.

"AVADA KADAVREA!" he screamed.

The green light hit Sally right in the chest.

Can you guess what happened?

The stupid expression remained on his face.

NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM!

Sally didn't move. He didn't even get a scar. Which was odd.

He was so stupid he didn't understand the Law of Death.

Moron.

Voldemort then realized what kind of nonsensical idiot Sally was.

He decided to test his intelligence.

Heh, heh, this should be good.

"Sally," Voldemort said. "What is this?"

He held up his wand.

Sally squinted his eyes and stared at the wand.

"Does my answer have to be in the form of a question?" Sally asked.

The air hissed out of Voldemort's lungs.

"No." He sighed.

"Oh, OK! Let me see here. Uh, is it a gazorninflat?"

There was a moment of silence.

"No." Voldemort said.

"Oh darn." Sally snapped his fingers. "Well, is it a pickle sandwich?"

"No."

"Denture wear?"

"It's a wand." Voldemort said. "Have you ever heard of a wand?"

Sally nodded and grinned.

"Oh sure! Wands are little soft throwy things."

"You're thinking of wads." Voldemort said.

"Nah." Sally scoffed. "Wads are little round things that hang from trees!"

"You're thinking of pods! How many times have people called you moron, idiot, or dumbbell?"

"Yeah, and if the bell was dumb where would we be right now?" Sally asked.

Voldemort stared at him.

"I mean the question. Have you ever been called a moron?"

"Oh that's a great question! Did you make it up yourself?"

"Yes, I did."

"Wow. I wish I could do that."

"Answer the question."

"Yeah, that was a really good question, I really enjoyed it."

This was getting Voldemort nowhere.

Voldemort slapped his forehead.

"Why are you called Sally?" he asked. "Isn't that a girl's name?"

"Yeah, what a great question. Where would this world be without great questions?"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP, AND ANSWER ME!" Voldemort screamed. "I WANT ANSWERS!"

"Well, why didn't you just say so!" Sally scoffed. "Here are the answers! 23. Yes. Tomorrow. And finally pumpkin pie!"

Yes, Sally had given Voldemort the answers. But the answers to what?

Voldemort's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

He knew he shouldn't loose his temper, because Sally seemed to be immune to anything Voldemort did to him.

"Very well." He said. "You gave me the answers. Now, what are the questions?"

"Well, let me think here. The first answer wad 24."

"23."

"23. so the question would be, 'what's the difference between a duck?'"

Voldemort stared at him.

"A duck and a what?" He demanded.

"That's it, just a duck."

Voldemort's eyes slammed shut.

He motioned for his helpers to move in for the kill.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Harry continued to watch.

"The second answer was yes." Voldemort said. "What's the question?"

"Am I a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really cheerily maker person?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Fine. What was Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Oh yeah, That was the best question of 'em all!"

He winked at Voldemort.

"When will Happy Snails Junior save the day?"

Voldemort tried the torture curse to see what would happen.

Didn't do much good, actually.

"Fine then. What was the last answer?"

"Pumpkin pie?"

"Yes!"

"Oh OK. Pumpkin pie, question... uh... what's the answer to The Idiot Riddle of Life?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Pumpkin pie?" Voldemort asked.

Sally licked his chops and grinned.

"Yes siree, not only is it high in carbohydrates, but it supplies your daily need for really, really jumpy stuff!"

Before The Death Eaters attacked Sally, Calvin got an idea.

"Sally!" Calvin sang. "Were you aware that everyone around you holding wands are actually pumpkin pies in disguise!"

Harry and Hobbes immediately dropped their wands, where they landed in the grass.

Not a bad idea.

Sally blinked.

He stared at Voldemort's wand.

He stared at all the Death Eaters around him all of which were holding wands.

A wide stupid grin spread across his face, and he started drooling.

Voldemort and his helpers all exchanged glances.

"I'll bet Dumbledore hired a moron on purpose." One of the Death Eaters moaned.

Sally started bouncing happily around in circles.

Then, and you wont believe this, Sally pounced right into the middle of Voldemort sending his wand flying.

He then attempted to eat Voldemort.

I'm not kidding!

Sally actually took salt, pepper and ketchup out of his pockets, and he began pouring it all on top of the evil wizard!

After sprinkling salt on his hand, Sally took a huge bite.

"YEEEE-OUCH!"

Then Sally started pouring ketchup on Voldemort's head.

While Voldemort tried to get all the mustard and mayo out of his eyes, Sally bit and chewed Voldemort wherever he could reach.

"SALLY THERE'S A DEATH... I mean, A PUMPKIN PIE BEHIND YOU!" Harry screamed.

Sally leaped to his feet, spun around, and squirted mustard into the Death Eater's cloak.

He acquired a very serious face, and snarled, "TIME TO EAT!"

And with that, food condiments began flying in all directions.

Calvin pulled out popcorn from his MTM, and all three of them sat in the box watching Sally take stupidity to a new level.

Sally began chewing on everyone in the field.

He attempted to get one of them between two pieces of bread.

When that didn't work, he threw the bread away, and poured on more mayo instead.

This went on for several minutes.

Finally, Calvin bored of seeing Sally doing what the most powerful wizard couldn't accomplish, and screamed, "HEY! SALLY! THERE'S A GIANT PIE IN HERE WITH A PUMPKIN STICKING OUT OF IT!"

Sally's head shot up.

He threw Voldemort's arm away, and bounded for the Time Machine leaving a trail of drool behind him.

Sally leaped into the Time Machine.

"What's a pumpkin!" He yelled, happily.

Calvin stared at Sally.

He decided to say nothing.

He started the machine up.

Voldemort lifted himself from the ground, and screamed, "NO!"

Calvin turned a vicious grin onto Voldemort.

"THERE YA ARE, MOLDY! AND THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM! AND DON'T FORGET THAT YOU'RE ALL NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF WEED-DEWS!"

And with that Calvin blasted away.

"Very well, Potter." Voldemort snarled. "You've defeated me. but you've forgotten my pets!"

Voldemort turned and started screeching.

"SCREEAAAAAAA!"

Immediately, Raxton and Gripton and over a million other Mackmals slowly rose from the ground and started screeching.

"DESTROY THEM!" Voldemort screeched. "DON'T LET THEM ESCAPE!"

The Mackmals, who could fly, flew after the box.

Voldemort glared after them.

"We will meet again, Potter." he growled. "You are never safe from me."

"Alrighty then!" Calvin grinned. "Evil wizard defeated. Moron recaptured, kid with trademark lightning bolt scar on forehead saved. I'd say we could call it a day."

"You never did turn Voldemort into a bug like I asked you to." Hobbes said.

"Yeah, well, we beat him anyway." Calvin said.

"Goo goo fountain of boogers." Sally grinned.

"Shut up, or I throw you overboard." Calvin warned.

Hobbes looked over his shoulder.

"Um, Calvin?" He asked.

"Mmmm, yes Hobbes?"

"Were you aware that we are being chased by deranged creatures?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Of course I knew, you tuna!" Calvin yelled.

Harry screamed as the Mackmals got closer.

Calvin pushed the escape mode, and they began to gain speed.

Raxton and Gripton were at the front of the mob, grinning like lunatics.

"Ah ha!" Raxton shrieked. "Now Malvin pay for big insult! In berry big trouble, now! Too bad for Malvin! Now we eat, OH BOY!"

Calvin leaned forward and tried to get the Time Machine go faster.

Then, an idea struck him.

A wide sinister grin spread across his face.

Hobbes spotted it.

He turned to the audience.

"People!" He yelled. "check the author's profile! Make sure this isn't our last story!"

Calvin jerked the wheel to the left, and roared towards Hogwarts.

Just wait until you see what Calvin had in mind.

Swing123: One more chapter left until the end! I'll post it when ten reviews are submitted to the story.