A/N: As always thanks for the reviews, please continue.
Without breaking eye contact Olivia takes a seat directly opposite her boss. She takes a deep breath, crosses her shaking legs and desperately tries to calm her nerves. She wants to look as professional and composed as possible. She won't allow herself to be seen as a fragile and hysterical victim. She doesn't want his first reaction to be to send her home because he doesn't think she could handle it.
Cragen sits patiently behind his desk waiting for his detective to speak. Olivia just stares back at him, unable to remember anything she had planned on saying. As she observes the blank look on the Captain's face she only becomes more nervous.
"Olivia," he finally says to break the silence. He's about to ask her if she's okay but she opens her mouth first.
"I was raped," she blurts out. She continues without giving Cragen a chance to fully process her statement. "It was our suspect from the Dawn Hawkins case-Dan. So I'm sorry, but I can't go question him right now. I just can't."
Shock overwhelms Cragen. "W-what?"
"A week and a half ago I was having a drink with a friend at Mike's Tavern, eventually she had to go, and the bartender struck up a conversation with me. We talked for a little and then he offered to walk me home. Once we reached my building he asked to come up to use the bathroom. I didn't want to rude. I know it was stupid, but I thought he was nice. I'm sorry." She stops suddenly. Her heart beat quickens. She can't even imagine how he's going to react.
Cragen runs his hand over his face and exhales. "Jesus Christ, Liv, why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I-I don't know Captain." She lowers her head in shame. "I don't want everyone to see me as some poor victim. And I don't want to be treated any differently."
"Olivia, I would...we would never."
"I know. But I didn't think it would go anywhere. I know how these things work. I didn't want to make a big deal about it. I thought it would just go away. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it turned in to this. I'm sorry another woman had to get hurt."
"Olivia, stop. Don't apologize. None of this is your fault." Cragen leans back in his seat. There's a brief pause. "Do you want to file charges?"
Olivia looks away for a moment to think it over. She knows what she has to do and she doesn't like it. "I didn't," she starts, leaning forward intently. "I'm not that naive Captain. I know exactly how this is going to turn out. You heard Casey before- there's no evidence of rape, just intercourse. We were drinking all night, he walked me home, I let him in. Even the worst of defense lawyers could get him out of this."
"It's your decision," he assures her.
"But I can't let this happen to Dawn Hawkins. I can't sit by and do nothing while she fights this alone."
Cragen nods. "Okay." He stands and comes around the front of the desk so that he's next to her. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to," he says placing a firm hand on her shoulder.
"I know. I want to," Olivia answers as the tears begin to form in her eyes. "Everyday I tell victims how important it is that they come forward and report the crime. I assure them that the pain and humiliation of rape kits and police interviews are for their own good, but when it comes to me I'm too scared to step up. Why should I be any different? I have to practice what I preach. I have to do this. I'm ready now."
"Listen, I'll work this case myself so no one else has to know," he offers.
She swallows hard and nods. "Thanks, but Elliot already knows. And I don't care if you have to tell Munch and Fin, or Casey. Just handle it like its any other case." She can't help but sound defeated. She had tried so hard to move past this and now she would have to go through a trial, which she can only assume will be followed by the acquittal of her rapist.
"Fine. But this isn't any other case. Its not just some victim. Its you."
Olivia looks up at him with dark sincere eyes. "Thanks Captain."
"Why don't you take some time off?" he suggests sternly.
"No, that's the last thing I want. I just want to live my life. Please, let me do my job."
Cragen considers her request heavily. "Fine, Detective," he gives in. She smiles in gratitude. "But I don't want you anywhere near this case. And I don't want to hear an argument. You could work any other open case we got right now, but not your own. Do you understand?"
"Yes sir."
"Good." He looks down at her sympathetically and pauses before speaking. "Olivia, we're gonna need an official statement from you. Whenever you're ready."
"Now," she answers. "I'll do it now."
"Okay. Do you have any preference as to who you want to take it? I want you to feel as comfortable as possible."
Olivia nods. "You."
Cragen smiles warmly and returns to his position behind the desk. He's glad she chose him, that she trusts him enough to share such a personal matter, but he was secretly hoping that she picked someone else. She needs stability and comfort right now, and he's not sure how composed he could remain listening to her describe how some man violated her. He is sure that he doesn't want the images in his head. However, this isn't about him. This is about her. She's the most important thing right now. Grabbing a pen and pad he softly says, "start from the beginning."
Slowly Olivia begins to tell her boss about that night. As he listens to her describe how that ruthless bastard pinned her to the couch and forced himself inside her, he is overwhelmed with anger. More than anything he wants to get his hands on the man who did this to his detective. He imagines his fingers tightening around the man's neck as he pleads for his life. He doesn't even know this Dan guy, but he has never hated someone so much. Olivia wraps up, bringing Cragen out of his silent fit of rage.
"Did you tell anyone after it happened?" he asks, returning to a professional manner.
"Elliot, but that was about a week after."
"Alright, you..." Cragen starts but Olivia interrupts him.
"I did, however, have a rape kit done at Bellevue," she admits. "Its in evidence lockup. I asked that it not be released." Cragen looks at her surprised. "I guess my training got the best of me. After all, I am a cop."
He smiles. "Yes you are."
"Is that all?" she asks hopefully. Although Cragen was more than understanding, she still feels self-conscious about having described the most painful and degrading experience of her life to him in detail.
"Yes. I want you to take the rest of the day off." She nods. "And I urge you to do the same tomorrow. I know, I know," he says putting his hands up in defense of her forthcoming protest, "its not an order, just a suggestion. I'll leave it up to you."
Olivia stands. "Thank you Don," she says lowly.
Cragen comes around the desk and walks her to the door. As he reaches for the door knob he stops suddenly and turns to face her. "I'm sorry this happened to you Olivia," he says enveloping her in a firm hug.
"Thanks," she whispers returning the embrace.
"See you tomorrow Detective Benson."
Laughing she pulls away from him. "Yep."
Olivia walks out of Cragen's office with her head held high. She goes to her desk and starts to pack her things up. Munch and Fin have returned and now sit at their respective desks. "How did the canvass go?" she asks nonchalantly.
Munch shakes his head. "Next door neighbor says he heard muffled moans and cries, but thought it was all in good fun" Olivia gives an understanding nod.
"Where you going?" Fin asks watching her slip her jacket on.
"Calling it an early day?" Munch joins in.
"Home. I don't feel well." She glances at Elliot with a crooked smile.
"I'll walk you out," Elliot offers before jumping out of his seat. Fin and Munch exchange glances as they watch the pair leave.
"What's that about?" Fin asks rolling his chair across the floor to grab some papers from the other side of the desk.
Munch raises his eyebrows. "Maybe all that sexual tension finally caught up to them?" he suggests.
"Sure. And they're doing it in the car as we speak," Fin quips sarcastically.
"Exactly," Munch responds leaning back in his seat.
Fin shakes his head. "You watch too much TV old man."
"Who you calling old?"
"So, how did it go?" Elliot asks once they reach the sidewalk.
Olivia nods and shoves her hands in her pockets. "Good."
"Good. That's good," he replies at a loss for words.
"Yeah," she agrees. They look at each other in this moment of awkwardness. "He took me off the case," Olivia says after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence.
Elliot nods. "That's probably for the best."
"Yeah." A few more seconds tick by.
"Did he take your statement?"
"Yeah." More silence.
"Well, do you need a ride home?"
"No. No, I'm good."
"Okay." Elliot watches her as she starts to walk away. "Wait," he calls after her.
She turns back. "What's up?"
He sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm acting weird."
"Why?" she replies in confusion.
Elliot throws his head back and takes a deep breath. "Cause now its real. Its not just in my head, consuming my every thought. Now its in black and white. It's a case I'm going to have to work. I can't try to not think about it anymore. I can't keep myself from obsessing over finding this bastard. Now its my job to. Its my job to catch the man that raped my partner."
"You don't have to work this case," she tells him. "Fin and Munch could handle it."
"I don't want out. I want to nail this guy. Besides, I thought you didn't want anyone to know?"
She crosses her arms. "I didn't. But its not just about me anymore. I told Cragen to tell everyone; to work it like its any other case. I told him about the rape kit. I don't have the luxury of privacy anymore. Someone else got hurt. Now, all that matters is that we keep this guy from assaulting another woman."
"What rape kit?" Elliot asks.
"I had one done that night," she admits.
"I thought you...why didn't you tell me?" he stammers.
Olivia sighs and lowers her eyes. "I didn't want you to push me into reporting it. I figured if you thought there was no evidence you would just drop it."
"Liv, I would never push you to do anything you didn't want to," Elliot assures her.
"I know. I just didn't want to risk it. You have no idea how hard it was to get through that exam, but I made myself do it because I wanted the option of going after him. I knew one day I might come around and I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I made it any easier for him to get away with what he did to me. I had to be able to control something."
"I understand," he says simply.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"See ya Liv."
After a few minutes of trying to wrap his head around the situation, Captain Cragen comes out of his office to address his detectives. "Where's Stabler?" he asks looking around.
"He walked Olivia out," Munch answers suggestively.
Fin cuts his eyes at him. "Give it a rest man, they're not having sex."
"Yeah, and how do you know that?"
"Hey," Elliot greets walking back into the noisy squad room.
"That was quick," Munch notes with a smirk.
"Oh shut up," Fin replies.
"What's going on in here?" Elliot asks as he takes a seat at his desk.
The three detectives begin to bicker- a common occurrence in the unit.
"That's enough!" Cragen interjects. They immediately quit messing around and straighten themselves out.
"Sorry Capt," Munch mutters.
"Listen up," Cragen begins gravely, "we have another victim in the Dawn Hawkins case."
"Speaking of which," Fin interrupts. "Where is our suspect? I thought Elliot and Olivia were bringing him in." Elliot could feel eyes on him but he intentionally avoids eye contact with his co-workers.
"As I was saying," Cragen starts again. "We have a new development-another victim."
"Yeah, so? Who is it?" Munch asks.
Cragen takes a deep breath and glances at Elliot. "Olivia."
The name drops like a ton of bricks in the center of the room, silencing everyone.
"What?" Its Munch who manages to fight off the shock and speak first. He exchanges guilty looks with Fin. His friendly joking about Elliot and Olivia's relationship now seems incredibly inappropriate and tasteless.
Cragen sits back on the edge on the desk with a heavy sigh. "She just told me. Apparently it happened a week and a half ago. Same story as Dawn."
"Is that why she went home?" Fin inquires in a serious tone.
"Yes. I just took her statement. The rape kit's in lockup. We have everything we need from her."
"A week and a half ago," Munch repeats. "All this time and I didn't even realize anything was wrong."
"She didn't want anyone to know," Elliot replies solemnly.
"She told you?" Fin asks.
"A few days ago. She didn't want to. We got into a fight and it just came out."
Cragen looks around at the crestfallen expressions on his detectives' faces. Its time to rally the troops. "Look, I know how you all feel. I want to get my hands on this guy too, but we can't let our feelings for Olivia interfere with this case. She only came forward because she was afraid more women would get hurt. The best thing we can do for her now is lock him up. And its pertinent that we behave professionally. We all know how hard it is to prove acquaintance rape, so I don't want to give this guy a brutality complaint on top of it."
Fin looks around and asks the dreaded question. "What happened?"
As much as he hates to repeat Olivia's statement, they need to know to work the case. He picks up his note pad and starts to rattle off the facts about the attack. The detectives listen carefully, trying to keep their emotions in check. After he finishes the statement, Cragen looks at the detectives squarely and says, "I'll understand if any of you want to be taken off the case." He looks from face to face awaiting a response. No one speaks. "That's what I thought," he says proudly. His squad sticks together. They take care of their own. "Now, she hesitated to report it because she didn't want to be looked at any differently. She doesn't want to feel weak so make sure she doesn't." They all nod or mutter in response. "Any questions?" He waits.
"Is she coming back to work?" Fin aks with concern.
"She's Olivia. What do you think?" Cragen responds.
"That'll she'll be in tomorrow," Munch answers.
Cragen nods. "Okay, Munch, Fin go pick this son of a bitch up. Elliot, I want you to retrieve Olivia's rape kit from evidence and take it to the lap to be processed. Tell them to put a rush on it."
"Captain, I..." Elliot begins to protest.
"No Elliot. I won't allow you to bring this guy in. God knows what you'll do to him. She's your partner. You need some distance," Cragen tells him firmly.
The detectives embark on their mission with silent determination.