Chapter 4
It's getting strange...well, i mean...stranger than it was before...urgh just read it!
Everyone is sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room. As usual. But this time, EVERYONE IS HERE! the normal people, and Hannah Abbot, and Draco Malfoy, and Crabbe, and Goyal, and Peter Pan. Oops, not Peter Pan, i never said peter pan. What the hell were you thinking? thinking I said Peter Pan was in the Gryffindor Common Room. I don't even LIKE Peter Pan. I mean peter pan. My bad...ANYWAYS! So yes, everyone is in the Gryffindor Common room. I mean Gryffindor Common Room. Yes. And you've got your ickle firsties in the back, scared to death of a crazy Hermione, and second years laughing at the crazy Hermione, but beind their "books" and "such" because she might just stab them with sporks. and- wait...back to the crazy Germione. I mean HERMIONE!. My bad.
Ginny: WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!
Narrator: SHUT THE HELL UP WHORE!
Ginny: YOU DID NOT! $beats the shit out of the false narrator, and buries her in the ground.$
New Narrator: Actually, i'm the old narrator. This dumbass one locked me in an 8x8 square glass jar for 3 full days with nothing but carnivorous ferrets.
Ginny: oooookay...
Old Narrator: so yes, anyways...
Everyone's in the Gryffindor Common Room. Blah, blah blah. Hermione's gone crazy the the first years. Kills one with a book to the head. The normal stuff, you know. Harry and Draco are making out. So are Crabbe and Hannah, while Seamus looks on tearfully as his beloved makes out with ugly fat warty dude. Again, normal stuff.
Hermione: AND IF I EVER SEE ANY OF YOU TOUCHING MY JAR OF SPICY CHOW MAIN AGAIN, I WILL PERSONALLY CUT OFF YOUR TESTICALS WITH A HERRING. $holds up said fish threateningly$
1st year girl: But mrs. 'mione, herring's are fish.
Hermione: I KNOW THAT! $stabs girl$
1st year boy: Um, mrs. 'mione, what if we don't HAVE testicules?
Hermione: YOU FUCKING SQUARE! YOU SPELLED IT WRONG! $stabs boy$
Ginny: HERMIONE! enough killing the stupid maniacal and transvestite 1st years. according to the narrator, we need to snog and mcgonnagle needs to come out.
Ginny and Hermione: $snog$
Mcgonnagle: $suddenly comes in completly and totally unexpectidly$ $looks at Ginny and Hermione angrily$ What is the meaning of this!
Ginny and Hermione: $look at teacher in horror$
Mcgonnagle: $looks at narrator$ oh for heaven sakes, just call me minerva!
Minerva: Better. anyways: YOU BOTH know THAT WHEN YOU MAKE OUT YOUR SUPPOSED TO TELL ME SO I CAN JOIN!
Ginny and Hermione: $squeak and run away$
Minerva: FUCKING BLOOD-SUCKING NECROPHILIACS!
Hermione: $Gives Minerva the bird$
Minerva: What am i supposed to do with this? $looks at bird in confusion$
Hermione: $sighs frusteratidly and flips Minerva off$
Minerva: WHY I NEVER! LITTLE BITCH! COME BACK HERE!
Minerva and Hermione: $run around the common room.$
Ginny: $watching uninterestidly$ Well, i'm gonna go fuck flitwick. I mean Flitwick.
Hermione: $bursts into tears$ your cheating on me!
Ginny: $sympethitically$ Of course not 'Mione.
Hermione: $breaths sigh of relief$
Ginny: To cheat on you, we'd have to be dating! $walks out of the room$
Minerva: She's right. wait...YES! WOO HOO! that means i can video tape mine and Snape's horrid sex and post it on the internet, and if Dumbledore sees it (he's just so Kinky) then he can't say i cheated on him. YAY!
A/N: Well, i know it's not the same, but i felt like writing, and this was all i could come up with. i know it's not great, and if i'd stuck with what somebody had reviewed it would be alot better. i don't mind flames, so don't hesitate. but i can always use more suggestions, and i will probably use one of AlyshaNemesis or Ms. HellFire 4590 intelligent thoughts. God speed!