On Thursday she awoke with a terrible headache, but she had managed to get a decent amount of sleep at least. She felt a bit more rested than she had in a while, and she even managed to get up and take a shower before Georg got out of bed. He seemed proud of her for trying, even though she still felt as if she could curl up in bed and stay there for days.

Her body was healing too. She was still bleeding, but the bloating in her abdomen had gone down considerably, and she no longer feared she wouldn't be able to fit into her wedding dress. She sighed at the thought. The last thing she wanted to do at the moment was put on a giant dress and prance about in front of a cathedral full of people. She would push on though, she knew she needed to muster her strength and make it through the day. It was the last step before they could begin their lives together as a real family.

The villa was quiet when the children were at school, and she still wasn't sure what she was supposed to do all day. The doctor had told her to rest and keep her feet up, so she and Hede sat in the drawing room and listened to the gramophone for quite a while, baby Nora dancing around the room while they chatted. Maria thought it would hurt to see her niece dancing about or to interact with the girl, but it somehow didn't at all. Her brain must have been able to separate things better than she thought, or perhaps she had just allowed herself to remain a bit cold or distant as a matter of protection.

She helped the children with their homework when they arrived, glad there wasn't much, as she was feeling quite drained after her first full day out of bed. They shared stories from school, silly things that had happened or some gossip the girls had heard about a friend. Maria was quick to remind them not to gossip, hoping to stop the hobby in its tracks before they came of age.

She had hoped for a quiet supper, but of course her future mother-in-law always had something to say. Her negativity spread through the room like a wildfire, and Maria found herself refilling glasses of wine just as she had done the prior evening. It sure did seem to help her ignore the constant poison falling from Hedwig's lips, though she felt lucky that the woman hadn't chosen her has the target of her cruelty. Perhaps she felt sorry for her in some way and decided to let up on her for a bit. Whatever the reason, she didn't want to question it.

"Ugh, Maria, I do hope you'll at least put on some makeup for the wedding. You've looked quite ghastly the past week." Hedwig laughed, as if someone else were in on the joke with her, but they all coward and remained quiet. She sighed, knowing it was only a matter of time before she was given a turn. She tilted her head to the side to avoid eye contact as she ran a finger over a pattern on the tablecloth, biting her lip a bit. She had to admit, she was quite inebriated at the moment.

"Yes, I'll be sure not to embarrass you by looking like myself."

"I would also hope you could show up sober. It appears you've developed a bit of a problem." Maria sighed, she was finished with politeness.

"Please remind me when we will be rid of you, you judgmental bitch." All eyes were wide, but she didn't care in the slightest. In her current state, all feelings for Hedwig had bubbled to the surface. Her words were slower than usual, a bit slurred, and incredibly cold. Though she knew she was understood loud and clear. "Are you going home soon?"

"Maria, please." She heard Georg's warning, but paid him no mind.

"I came here to lend my services as your chaperone. Which was obviously unnecessary." Maria sputtered, an angry laugh escaping her lips.

"And to get rid of me before the wedding. I believe your exact words were 'I would love nothing more than to see you packing your bags and on your way back to the convent.' Am I correct?" She took another drink of her wine, watching the gears working in the older woman's head. She was not willing to lose the upper hand without a fight.

"There's still time. You are making quite the fool of yourself."

"Yes, in my own home."

"With children you didn't bear. As if you could." Maria stood quickly, her chair falling to the ground with a loud crash behind her. The children jumped at the sound, looking fearful. So many words spinning in her head, yet none of them seemed to be the right ones to express the hatred and anger she felt inside.

"Right." The word was laced with venom, and she couldn't decide if she wanted to jump across the table and strangle the woman or burst into tears. She should have known that would have been her final blow, that she would have no issue stooping so low. She grabbed her glass of wine and began to walk away, finished with the conversation and trying not to say anything else she would regret.

"Are you going back to the Abbey, dear?"

"Piss off, Hedwig." She tossed the words over her shoulder on her way out of the room, causing the children to cover their mouths to hide the laughter, Hede turning her head to do the same. Georg gave them stern looks, and they all straightened up immediately. He couldn't help sharing a look of humor with Hede, but shook it off and hardened his expression. There was a matter with his mother that he needed to address.

"Mother, that was terribly uncalled for and incredibly cruel. Why must you do that?"

"Me? She is entirely disrespectful. I suppose that's what you get for marrying beneath your class."

"What does that even mean? We're both made of flesh and blood, why should I care where she comes from?" Hedwig rolled her eyes, looking away from him. "Mother, I suggest you try to be a human for the duration of your stay here. Which, I will add, is ending the day after the wedding. Children, you are excused when you're finished."

Georg stood and nodded his head to excuse himself as well, watching all of the children rush to their feet and scurry past him in a quick exit. They seemed eager to go to the nursery, presumably to chat about the things that had transpired at suppertime. Not to mention the fact that hearing Maria swear was a very rare delicacy, and it even made Georg giddy when it happened, he mused. Something about a former postulant telling his mother to piss off made him feel a surge of excitement that he hadn't felt for a long while.

He had trouble finding her, checking in all of her usual places, before he decided to try his study. Perhaps she was waiting for him there, he wondered. The room was dark when he entered, only the flicker of the fire lighting her pale face as she was curled up on his sofa, her shoes kicked off on the floor. She had a bottle of wine in her hand, one that had been sitting out upon his own collection in the corner, and he wondered how she was possibly drinking it warm.

"I had trouble finding you." She met his eyes, hers glassy, from tears or alcohol, he wasn't sure which.

"Yes. That was the point." She felt her head spin as she looked away, back into the fire, as he closed the door behind him and stepped closer.

"What happened?" He took a seat next to her, placing a gentle hand upon her lap.

"I've never felt such rage, Georg. It scared me."

"She didn't help the situation."

"No, she did exactly what she always does. I baited her." She took a drink directly from the bottle of wine, and he looked at her in question.

"What's happening to you? I want to help."

"I don't know." She wiped a stray tear from her cheek and took another purposeful drink from the bottle before he took it from her hands. She didn't even fight him.

"Tell me what you're feeling."

"That's just it, I'm feeling nothing...and yet, everything. I'm emotional, and sad, and angry. Georg, I'm so angry." Her bottom lip trembled, and she shook her head in frustration with herself. "And I'm depressed and anxious, and you know I can't sleep."

"And the drinking these past two nights?"

"It seems to help."

"It can't possibly, just look at you." She met his eyes in anger, wishing he wasn't being so condescending.

"You're one to talk. I've seen you do the same a thousand times."

"So I should know that it doesn't help. It numbs you, and then you feel the exact same thing in the morning, accompanied by a headache." She cuddled further into herself, wishing to be alone with her darkness. He was only making her feel worse.

"Go away, Georg."

"You're in my study."

"Then I should like to stay here alone."

"You can't just dig into yourself like this. I'm here, wishing to help you."

"Why do you act like you know all the fucking answers? You have no idea what I'm feeling!" He narrowed his eyes in frustration as she shouted. She clearly wasn't herself at all, drunk or not. How could she be?

"I assure you, Maria, I understand grief very well. And please don't forget, I lost a child too. Not in the same way you did, but it was still my baby." She began to cry again, looking down to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. There's no right way to react."

"I just...I just want to stop feeling so deeply. How long will it take to feel normal again?"

"I don't know. Every day will feel a bit better, I should think." He reached for her hands, which were balled into tight fists in her lap, and began stroking them. She loosened her grip, unaware that she was gripping so tightly.

"I'm also sorry I can't stop swearing." He laughed, placing a kiss to the side of her head. "I'm awful, I can't believe myself. And in front of the children."

"Oh, darling, they loved it. Please don't worry."

"I'm worried about everything."

"It will be okay." She sighed, wishing she could see that for herself, but knowing he was right. One day, things would feel okay again, and she knew it.

"That doesn't stop me from wanting to scream and yell and break everything fragile in my path. I nearly threw my wine glass at your mother." He laughed, and she smiled, but it was obvious that she was quite serious. He looked around the room for a moment, smiling when he found what he was looking for.

"Come with me." She looked at him, puzzled, but she obeyed and slid her feet into her shoes, stumbling a bit as she stood. He began handing her glasses, several of them, and he filled her hands as well as his own. There had to be ten or more glasses between them.

She followed silently as he led her toward the ballroom, feeling her eyes squint in the brightness of the light, a vast difference from the dark study. She gave a weak smile to a few of the older children, who looked after them in curiosity, but didn't ask any questions as they joined their aunt Hede in the drawing room. As they entered the ballroom, he closed the door behind them and began lining up the glasses on a side table. Picking one up to show her, he hurled the glass across the room, shattering it against the wall into a million pieces. She gasped, her hands quickly moving to her cheeks in surprise.

"Georg!"

"You're turn." He moved her next to the table, placing a glass in her hand.

"I can't."

"You can, and you will." Eyebrows raised, she met his eyes in question. "Tell me what makes you angry."

"Um..." She looked at the heavy glass in her hand, suddenly at a loss for words. "I'm sorry, I can't."

"My mother?" He offered, helping her begin.

"Yes, your mother."

"My fucking mother." He corrected, smiling.

"Your fucking mother." She laughed a bit, her drunken state making the words flow from her lips with little abandon. She felt herself blush a bit.

"Throw it. Put all your anger behind it." She bit her lip and took a deep breath, throwing the glass as hard as she could to shatter against the wall. The sound of the explosion made her jump, and she screamed a bit at the surprise, laughing wholeheartedly at the release she felt. Georg smiled, wrapping her in a hug as he laughed as well. "Do another."

"Okay." She excitedly took another glass from the table, holding it between her hands as she calmed herself. "All of my new clothes."

"You're angry about your new clothes?"

"Yes, they're terribly claustrophobic. I don't feel like me." He raised his eyebrows, unaware that she still held any feelings at all about her new wardrobe.

"Okay, good. Throw it." She threw the glass, shattering it against the wall and feeling the same delight she felt before. She picked up another.

"I'm angry that I can't stop crying."

"You are?"

"Yes, it's embarrassing." She threw another glass, harder than before and felt the tension in her body give way. The exercise was proving to be quite effective.

"What else?"

"I'm angry that I can't take comfort in your body the way I want to." She blushed, meeting his eyes, smiling a bit bashfully.

"It's okay, we're speaking the truth here." She smiled, holding the glass between her hands.

"It sounds vulgar, doesn't it?"

"Not at all, I want the same thing." She threw the glass, smashing it against the wall like the others. They both knew she was running out of the more trivial things, but it was so difficult for her to talk about her feelings anyway. She sighed, taking another glass.

"I'm angry that I couldn't carry our child, that I failed." She threw the glass with all her strength, and the loud explosion let him know how much she meant it. "I'm angry that I'm weak."

"Weak how?"

"Weak because I lost the baby, and I can't stop thinking about it for one second. I can't stop feeling it all so deeply. It hurts so badly, even my heart hurts, and I can't do a damn thing about it!" She shouted as she threw the next glass, hitting the wall harder than ever, the shards of glass spitting and flying in every possible direction. She was out of breath, tears threatening to fall.

"What else, Maria?" His words were soft as he handed her another glass, and she sighed in defeat.

"I'm angry that there was nothing I could do about it."

"Because it wasn't your fault."

"It...wasn't my fault." Her words were soft, as if she had not considered that they could possibly be true. She shook her head, sighing. "It wasn't my fault."

"It was God's will, and we don't always get to understand." She nodded, placing the glass upon the table in defeat. It was as if the guilt she had been carrying in her heart lifted for the first time in days, and she was logically seeing the situation for what it was. And it wasn't anything she should feel guilty for, no matter how soaked in grief she had become.

"You're right. These things do just happen sometimes, don't they?" He nodded, and her blue eyes met his in understanding. While she would never truly understand why her baby wasn't given a chance at life, she knew it was all part of a bigger plan. It was a plan she couldn't control, no matter how hard she tried.

"I love you, Maria." She smiled, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his middle as he held her close.