Author's Note: Thanks for sticking with me through Seasons 6 and 7, and even 8, which I feel were some of the more boring parts of this fanfiction! Now as we go into Season 9, things start to get crazy. I feel like this chapter ended up being some of my best writing, especially toward the end. Let me know what you think in your reviews! I don't own Supernatural.

***Dean POV***

May 20, Very early morning

"Why didn't you call me when he got this sick?"

"I did,´ Ember said. She was sitting across from Dean, both of them on either side of Sam's hospital bed.

"Why didn't you text me?"

"I did. Dean, have you even looked at your phone?"

He hadn't. He really probably should have done that. Things had been so busy, with Castiel and Naomi… he'd lost track of time, to be honest. He had noticed that that tended to happen when angels fly you around all over the United States.

"Why didn't you stall Sam?"

"I did," she said again. "Otherwise he would've gone through with the trials. Besides, it wasn't only my job to notice how sick he's been. I haven't been the one that's been around him all the time. I've been with my kids."

Ember's words hurt him. He knew he had been an asshole to her first, but he still felt as though she had somehow gone for the jugular. She had suggested that he hadn't done everything he could to protect Sam, and he felt the anger rise up inside him before he could stop it. "Well, you should've tried harder!" he snapped.

Ember's face contorted. "Don't blame me just because you were the one who got him into this!" Ember snapped. "And now my guess is you're going to try something stupid to save him, like go to a damn crossroads demon and sell your soul again."

"I would never-…"

"Sam doesn't want to be saved, Dean."

Dean stopped, looking at her curiously, his face twisting in disgust. "Yeah, he told us, remember? He wanted to sacrifice himself so that we could be happy, and prove to me that he wasn't-… that he wasn't-…" Dean slammed his fist into the wall, unable to look at Sam or Ember anymore.

"Dean, it's more than that," Ember said. "Sam talked to me… before you got there. He told me some of what he said when you arrived, but there was more to the story, too."

This surprised Dean. "What are you talking about?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Dean, Sam told me he's known he was probably going to die for awhile."

The words cut Dean as though with a knife, and he looked away from Ember, angry again. "Then he should've-…"

"What would you have done?" Ember asked, and Dean fell silent.

"Dean, Sam pointed out that you've both been to Hell, and Purgatory, and even Heaven. He reminded me that going to these places is just another day for you two. He's right… I never know when you're gonna get stuck in Hell, or Purgatory, or in 1947, for Christ's sake! He said he wanted it done, he wanted it over… he wasn't sure when he was going to get another chance to go to Heaven, and if he got to go to Heaven, he… he wanted to stay there. He made me promise that if he died, we'd leave him well enough alone."

"I didn't make that promise," Dean said angrily.

"It's what he wants,", snapped Ember. "You owe him that."

"I owed him a better life!" Dean yelled. "He did the trials because I thought it was a good idea, and he kept it up because he didn't want to disappoint me, and then he stopped them because I interfered, so we didn't even do anything for him to die for!"

Ember's face contorted in fury. "Well, I tried to tell you-…" She cut herself off, and Dean could tell she was calming herself with effort.

Finally she said, "Dean, this isn't like when you guys went to Hell, or Purgatory. Sam's going to Heaven. He'll be with your mother, and your father, and that's what happens! People die! And you can't keep circumventing-…"

"I'll bind Death again if I have to!"

At that Ember's face grew dark. "Dean, this has got to stop. It's not right. It's a goddamn miracle you haven't been trapped in some other damn plane of existence or Hell or whatever, and if he dies, for God's sake, leave him be. Don't drag him back here just so that he can spend fifty more years getting sliced open or sent to the future or whatever the hell happens-…"

"He's my brother!" Dean said as if this ended the argument.

The window broke suddenly, and Dean knew that Ember could no longer control her anger at the situation. Sure enough, Ember said, "Damn it, Dean, I can't talk to you when you're like this. I'm gonna get some food. Maybe you'll be reasonable after some pie."

-SPN-SPN-SPN-SPN-SPN-

Another day went by, with no change in Sam's condition. That day, Sam was transferred to New York, which had a hospital with a specialization in severe trauma like Sam's, and Dean went with him. Ember was still angry at Dean, and still disagreed with him on the best course of action. Still, she agreed to take a flight to New York as soon as she checked in with the children and got things squared away back in Kansas.

In New York, however, Dean was met with more bad news. "The MRI shows massive internal burns affecting many of the major organs," said Sam's doctor. "Oxygen to the brain has been severely deprived. The coma is the result of the body doing everything in its limited power to protect itself from further harm… If your brother continues on this trajectory, the machines might keep him alive, but…"

"He'll be dead?" asked Dean.

"Technically, yes," said the doctor. "I'm afraid so."

So Dean prayed to Castiel again, but Castiel either couldn't come or wouldn't come.

As usual, he thought. "Screw it," he said finally. And so he prayed to all of the angels. "Okay, listen up. This one goes out to any angel with their ears on. This is Dean Winchester, and I need your help. The deal is this. Linwood Memorial Hospital, Randolph, New York. The first one who can help me gets my help in return, and you know that ain't nothing. Hell, it's no secret that we haven't always seen eye to eye, but you know that I'm good for my word. And I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't needing."

-SPN-SPN-SPN-SPN-SPN-

"I'm at the airport," Ember said on speaker phone. "I'll be in New York in a few hours. Can you come pick me up?"

"Well, change of plans," said Dean hesitantly. "Um… we'll be back in Kansas in a few days."

"What?"

"Sam woke up," Dean said. He held his breath.

There was a long pause. "Dean Winchester, what did you do?"

There were only two directions to go with this, and both of them were likely to end in disaster. "I prayed to the angels."

"You did what?!" Ember exclaimed.

Dean made his voice sound excited. "I was desperate! But it's okay, it's fine! There was… some fighting, but it's okay! One of the angels was able to heal Sam, and we'll be back in a few days."

"Dean, Cas said Sam was messed up 'in ways even he couldn't heal', and he's a pretty high-ranking angel. How did an angel manage to heal Sam?" He could hear the anger in her voice. He could hear hope, too, but he knew she was too smart for that.

"I don't know! It's… look, I'm just glad it happened, okay?"

"Dean, the doctor said he was brain-dead. I'm pretty sure most of the angels want you dead. And I also know you have the King of Hell in the trunk of your car. So I'm gonna ask you again. Dean Winchester, what did you do?"

Dean covered the receiver and turned to the angel, Ezekiel, who was currently possessing Sam. He shrugged.

"You cannot tell her," the angel said. "It is too dangerous."

"Who is that?" said Ember from the other end of the phone.

"It's nobody," Dean said. "It's Sam."

"Put Sam on the phone," said Ember.

"He's not well enough yet," said Ezekiel.

"What?" Ember said, and Dean realized with a start that he had forgotten to cover the receiver again. "I can hear Sam. Dean Winchester, please do not tell me you had Crowley possess Sam. What did you do?"

It was Ezekiel who spoke up, then, with an accusatory look at Dean. "I am the angel Ezekiel," he said. "I was injured in the fall. For the time being, I am possessing Sam. We are healing each other. He cannot know that I am here. He is not ready to awaken yet, but he will be in a couple of days. At that point, he will go on with his normal life and no one need know I am buried within him. Then, when we are both healed, I will leave."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Dean shut his eyes in anticipation. Finally, Ember said, "Ezekiel, put Dean back on the phone."

Ezekiel did. "Dean, how could you!?" Ember screeched. "How did an angel possess Sam!? Sam would never consent to this!"

Dean remembered what Ezekiel had shown him in Sam's head. Can you promise that this time it will be final? That if I'm dead, I stay dead? Nobody can reverse it, nobody can deal it away, and nobody else can get hurt because of me. "Sam was about to die, and I did what I had to!" Dean responded.

"Not. Answering. My question," Ember said tersely.

"Ezekiel showed himself to Sam as me."

"Okay, and was this Ezekiel's idea, or yours?"

"Ezekiel's, but only after everything else had been tried. Cas said he's a good angel. 'A good soldier,' he said."

"Oh, great, because Cas has had a lot of good ideas lately," Ember said sarcastically.

Dean felt his anger rise at Ember, even though he himself had been angry at Castiel only days before. "Look, whatever you do, just don't tell Sam,´ Dean said.

"Why?" snapped Ember. "Because he could kick Ezekiel out and it could kill him? Dean, didn't we discuss this in the hospital?"

"What was I supposed to do, just leave him to die?" Dean yelled into the phone.

"Yes!" Ember said.

And Dean hung up on her.

Twenty minutes later, Ember called back. Dean thought about not taking the call, but it occurred to him that he needed to make sure that she wouldn't tell Sam about Ezekiel. "Look," Ember said. "I'll keep your secret." Thank God. "But this is it, Dean. I'm done. Don't call me. Don't come around my children. I don't want to be involved in any more ridiculous 'Winchester cheating death' drama."

"Fine," Dean snapped. "I did what I had to. If you can't understand that, then have a good life."

***Ember POV***

June 15, Evening

ONE MONTH LATER

Ember had just checked on all three kids, and was about to head to bed herself, when the phone rang. "It was a number Ember didn't recognize, so she picked it up with more than a bit of trepidation.

"Ember?" said the person on the other end.

"Cas?!" Ember said excitedly. "Jesus, I haven't heard from you since before the Fall! Sam said that Metatron took your grace, and-…"

"Hi. Look, I hate to ask, but… Dean's been really busy with Sam –…"

"Yeah he has," grumbled Ember.

"Is everything okay?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah," said Ember, hurrying to cover up her slip. "It's a long story. Where are you? I haven't heard from you in weeks. Sam said you were human now, and I've been so wor-…"

"Yeah," said Castiel. "I'm nearby, actually, at Dean and Sam's, except… well, some things have come up. I'm awfully embarrassed, but… if you're willing, I could really use some help…"

***Castiel POV***

June 16, Morning

It was early in the morning. Castiel had awoken early at Ember's. He had found some ingredients in the kitchen, and made some bacon. He had learned to do this when he worked at the soup kitchen, and was extremely proud of his knowledge.

As he had hoped, Ember was the first one to stagger down the stairs. "Whoa, Cas!" she exclaimed when she saw the bacon. "Jesus, wow, thanks!" Her smile lit up her face, and Castiel felt an uncomfortable swooping in his stomach. He recognized it, because he had always felt this way around Ember… but now that he was human, it was so, so much worse…

Ember piled some bacon on a plate and went to sit next to Castiel. "Cas, are you sure you need to leave this evening? I mean, we could really use this sort of culinary talent…"

Castiel glowed at the compliment, but nodded. "Dean told me I would need to keep moving, even if I came here. The girl I told you about last night, Rachel, was proof that reapers can find me, if they're really looking."

Ember frowned when Castiel mentioned Dean's name, and Castiel caught the look. It marred her previously smiling face, and he was almost sad he had brought up Dean. In the end, however, curiousity got the better of him. "Ember, why did you and Dean break up again?"

Ember looked at him, and she appeared to be weighing her words, and possibly considering how much she wanted to say. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he said.

Finally, Ember shook her head. "No, it's okay. It's not like I have any loyalty to Dean anymore anyway. The only Winchester I still talk to is Sam, and to be honest, he might actually be better off if you did know. It's just…"

Castiel looked at her questioningly. "Cas, you have to promise that even if you take this up with Dean, or even Sam… you can't tell anyone else. Okay?"

Who was he going to tell? It's not like he talked to anyone else. "Good point," said Ember when he explained this.

Once again, Ember seemed to be weighing her words, and finally she said, "How much do you know about… about the end of the trials? About Sam… you said that he was 'damaged in ways even you couldn't heal.' Remember?"

Castiel thought back to what Dean had told him on the phone that first night after the angels had fallen. "Dean said… he said he was dying. But… he said there was an angel healing him. Ezekiel." But now that Castiel thought about this, it didn't seem to make sense. He had been so caught up in surviving, and all the nuances of being human, that he hadn't really thought about Dean and Sam. Now, however, he realized that something seemed horribly fishy.

"Is that what he told you?" Ember asked, and her voice turned cold.

"Ember… what happened?" He wished he still had his angel powers, and that he could read her mind… but he couldn't.

Ember told him that Sam had been ready for death, that he had wanted it – for some of the wrong reasons, perhaps, but possibly for some of the right reasons. She explained that Dean had made a deal with Ezekiel to heal Sam from the inside. She explained that Ezekiel had posed as Dean so that Sam would consent.

"Why would he do that?" Castiel said.

"I'll tell you why," Ember said. "Because Dean is afraid to be alone, that's why. He pushes others away, but he's terrified to be alone. The fact that he would go against Sam's wishes, after all of the suffering Sam has been through…"

"Not Dean," said Castiel. "Ezekiel."

"What?" asked Ember.

"Ezekiel was a good soldier, a good warrior. Kind-hearted, and always obeyed. He was never the first to kill, nor anxious for leadership. He was never ambitious. But he would never so readily break a rule that is so important to angels, particularly if he were not commanded by a superior. Ezekiel would never possess a human with dubious consent."

Ember looked sour, and Castiel thought for a moment. "Perhaps the fall has scared him. I will visit him tomorrow. I should see if I can help."

"Cas, that's a terrible idea," Ember said, looking suddenly fearful.

"Ember, you must understand… this is my responsibility. I must do what I can to help."

Ember shook her head. "I shouldn't have told you," she said. "Can't you just… can't you just call them?"

Castiel thought about this for a second. "I suppose that would be safer, given that I am human now," he agreed.

With trepidation, Castiel dialed Dean's number. "Dean," Castiel said. "Would you please put Ezekiel on the phone?"

There was silence, then Dean said bitingly, "I take it you made it to Ember's okay."

"Yes, thank you," Castiel said pleasantly.

There was no further response, but a few moments later a voice that sounded like Sam, but was not quite Sam, answered the phone. "Castiel, I presume?"

"Ezekiel," answered Castiel. "How are you? After the fall?"

"I am hurt," said Ezekiel calmly from the other end of the line. "What you did was unforgiveable, Castiel."

"I'm sorry, Ezekiel," said Castiel miserably. "I was tricked. I-…"

"I know," said Ezekiel. "But other angels will not be so kind."

"I know," said Castiel. "I wanted to ask you about Sam. How is he doing?"

"He is hurt very badly," said Ezekiel. "As am I. We are healing each other."

Castiel was silent for a minute. Then he said, "Ezekiel, why would you go against Sam's wishes to die? Against his wishes to be possessed?"

Ezekiel paused. "It is a time for angels to reconsider our rules, Castiel. You taught all of us that. You should know, more than anyone, the value of the Winchesters owing you a favor. I am doing what I must." He paused again. "Besides, is this not what you would have done? Would you allow a Winchester to die?"

Castiel paused to consider his answer to that, but Ezekiel spoke again. "Do not call on me again, Castiel. Sam will begin to get suspicious."

"Ezekiel, I-…"

But it was Dean who spoke next. "Look, Cas, I'm sorry, okay? Call me, if you really need something. But otherwise… just, until Sam's better…"

Castiel looked at Ember glumly. "I understand, Dean. I'll stay away, from now on."

When Castiel hung up the phone, he looked over at Ember. He wasn't sure what to say about the conversation he had just had, or how he should react to it.

"Dean lied to you," Ember said angrily, taking the matter out of his hands. "He didn't want you to know about Ezekiel. Really, it was Ezekiel that didn't want you at the bunker." She scoffed. "Assholes."

Castiel thought for a moment. He felt less hurt, knowing now that Dean really did want his company. And, he supposed he could understand why Dean had turned him away, even better now than he had before. He had been trying to protect Sam, even more than Castiel had originally thought.

He could also understand why Dean had lied to him about the situation. From a strategic standpoint, Dean had been right in playing this close to the vest. Castiel knew that Dean made no exceptions and took no chances when it came to Sam's well-being. "I don't understand," said Castiel. "What is so bad about wanting Sam to live? I agree that he should not have been… deceived, in this way. But aren't these mistakes part of what make you human?"

Ember had finished the bacon, and put the plate in the sink, slamming it with perhaps more gusto than she needed to. "I want Sam alive as much as anyone," she said. 'That's not the part I'm angry about."

Castiel looked at her curiously.

"I mean, there's the obvious part, that it should've been Sam's decision, and that Dean and Ezekiel did this without Sam's consent. And then there's the fact that we don't know anything about Ezekiel… I mean, obviously he's changed from how you remember him. And who knows when Ezekiel's going to take a notion to rebel, to use Sam's body for whatever the hell he wants…"

"I don't think Ezekiel would-…" Castiel began.

"But it's more than that, Cas," Ember said. "Sam had a chance to go to Heaven. And he chose to go to Heaven. After… after Purgatory, after the trials, after watching his mother and his girlfriend burn on the ceiling, after Lucifer. His soul spent more than 120 years in that damn cage, and after all that, he had a chance, and Dean stole that from him. You know how the Winchesters live. One day they're fine, and the next they're, I don't know, 500 years in the past, or burning in Hell! Who can tell when he'll get the opportunity to go to Heaven again – if he ever does!'

Castiel had not thought about this, but now that Ember explained it, he was startled by his friends' decision.

"Does Dean understand this?" Castiel asked.

"Yes, Dean understands it," Ember said darkly, beginning to rinse the dishes. "He just doesn't care. He doesn't know what to do without Sam. He's scared to be alone. He's being selfish. This, on top of… of him never being around, never wanting to settle down, and all the other dumb decisions he's made… how can I be in a relationship with someone when I'm constantly scared they're going to do something stupid?"

Castiel thought about this as he walked over to help Ember with the dishes. He thought about Dean, and Ember, and their pasts, both together and apart from each other. Finally he said, "I suppose I understand. It must hurt you, especially, after you've had to work so hard for the chance to get into Heaven, being a half-demon. It's like Dean is throwing that away, for Sam."

Ember froze, both hands still covered in water and soap suds. She turned to Castiel, and for a second he thought that perhaps she might slap him. Her face went through several emotions – angry, upset, devastated. Finally, Ember dropped the plates into the sink and turned off the water, and Castiel realized that she was crying. There were large tears rolling down her cheeks, and she was trying not to look at him.

Without knowing what he was doing, without thinking about it, Castiel reached out to Ember and pulled her into his arms. He remembered, as though from another lifetime, the last time he had been forced to provide comfort to her, when she had been confronted at her home by Alastair. I'm not accustomed to dealing with crying women… How things had changed. She smelled like oranges and demon, and despite her tears, he felt his human body respond to her nearness. He stepped back.

"I'm sorry, Cas," she said, wiping her eyes. "I… just…"

"I didn't mean to upset you," Castiel said.

"No, you're right. Maybe that is why… why it hit me so hard. That doesn't change anything though," she said. "What Dean did is still wrong."

"Undoubtedly," Castiel said.

Ember looked surprised. "Really?"

"You've given me your reasons, and I agree with them," he said simply.

She appeared to have cheered up somewhat, and smiled wanly. "Thanks, Castiel," she said.