"Do you think we could put a painting over it?" Maria turned her head to the side, and Frau Schmidt shook her head.
"No, dear, it's far too close to the door frame. That wouldn't look right either. We'll have to call someone to repair it, I should think." Maria sighed, hands upon her hips. The gaping hole in the wall by Georg's study glared at her with its reminder of their argument a few days prior. Their 'incident' as her husband had taken to calling it.
"It would be much easier to just put something over it rather than fixing it."
"In more ways than one?" Maria met Frau Schmidt's eyes in question, and the maid gave her a shrug in apology for the double meaning.
"Yes, well." She paused, turning back to the hole in the wall and shaking her head. "Would you mind calling someone then, please?"
"Of course, Baroness. One of the children were playing outdoor games in the house and busted through?"
"Precisely. Thank you." She smiled at the maid as she headed in the direction of the kitchen to complete the task. The hole in the wall was quite large, and she had to admit she was intimidated by the power it must have taken for Georg to punch through the way that he had. It really did look as though one of the children had taken a mallet to the wall, or something to that affect.
The doorbell rang, and she jumped in surprise at the sound. They weren't expecting company, and it wasn't common for them to have unannounced visitors. Brow furrowed, she walked toward the door, yelling out to Franz that she was answering it. She knew he hated when she shouted through the house, and she couldn't stop a small smile from gracing her lips. She opened the door and nearly shouted again in delight.
"I'm so glad you're home."
"Hede!" She reached forward and pulled her sister-in-law in for a hug. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here for the Weber's spring party tomorrow evening, I thought I'd come early and spend a couple nights with you. If I'm welcome, of course."
"Of course you are, come in!" She picked up Hede's suitcase and closed the door behind them, leading her into the house. "How's Nora?"
"She's getting so big these days. I'll bring her next time."
"You'll have to. I've told Georg we need to come for a visit soon." Hede stopped, eyes wide as she noticed the hole in the wall. Maria placed the suitcase by the stairs, taking a deep breath for the inevitable.
"What on earth is that?" Maria wasn't sure what she was supposed to tell anyone. She hadn't thought it would ever come up, if she were honest. She had expected to have the wall fixed long before they had any company again.
"Oh, one of the boys was playing ball in the house..."
"Maria, you're the worst liar." She met Hede's eyes in question, finding a gaze that was much more understanding than she expected. It was almost as if she knew what happened before she even asked.
"We had a disagreement a few days ago." She looked Maria up and down, eyes scanning over her face.
"About what? Did he hurt you?"
"Goodness no. It's nothing to worry about." She smiled, but Hede only narrowed her eyes, attempting to look deeper. Maria felt tears begin to form behind her eyes at the weight of her gaze. "Please don't look at me like that."
"Why did you argue? Where is he?" She looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her brother.
"He went into town to meet a friend. He shouldn't be long." In reality, he had gone into town to hand off the last bit of information for his project. He was finally finished, and she felt completely grateful for it. Even though it meant they were now left to pick up the broken pieces of their lives as a result of it all.
"Long enough that you can tell me what happened then." Maria sighed, only wanting to move forward. She was afraid to look back, afraid of what else she would find. She had done her best to act as normally as possible, especially in front of the children. It was all she really knew to do, the best coping mechanism she had picked up over the years.
She led Hede into the drawing room and began to explain, only stopping for a moment when Franz brought them some tea. It felt nice to open up to someone she trusted, a friend who she knew for a fact wasn't prying for her own benefit. She found it quite easy to open up to Hede, and she hoped Georg wouldn't be upset that she shared with her. She very badly needed someone to talk to.
"I don't really know what I'm supposed to do." She took a sip of her tea, and Hede shook her head in disbelief.
"It just doesn't seem at all like him."
"I know, believe me. I've never been afraid of him before."
"Are you now?" She shrugged, not meeting her eyes. She wasn't sure if she should admit that she couldn't stop flinching every time he moved too quickly near her.
"No, of course not. A bit jumpy still, perhaps."
"That's understandable."
"The children have been very distant from him. I can tell he feels helpless about it all." They had been a bit distant from her as well, all being shy about knowing what to say to her, she supposed. She was thankful they had school to occupy their time and their minds at the moment. She sighed, shrugging. "I suppose this is one of those instances where time will be the most help for everyone."
"How are you really?" Her words were direct, straightforward in the only way Hede knew to show concern. Maria smiled, hiding behind her friendly exterior as she always did. She didn't want to cry anymore, certainly not in front of anyone.
"I'm alright. It's best to simply move forward." She could tell Hede didn't believe her, but she nodded all the same and sipped her tea.
Everyone was ecstatic to see Hede. The children rushed to hug her, and Georg smiled for the first time in days at the sight of his sister in his home. She had always been such a whirlwind of excitement and fun, and she was desperately what their home needed at the moment. The children had even forgotten their nerves and began laughing and carrying on, a few of them even accepting jokes from their father as if it were any other night. Maria thanked God for the presence of her sister-in-law, not for the first time since they'd met.
After putting the children to bed, she decided not to return to the drawing room with Georg and Hede. She wanted to allow them time together, and she was also completely exhausted. She had hardly slept in days, and it was weighing on her. She simply could not get her heart to stop pounding and her mind to turn off long enough for sleep.
She sighed as she slid her dress down her body, removing her slip in the process as well and moving to the other side of the room to hang her dress in the closet. Her bare feet felt warm against the carpet as she moved to find her nightgown, stretching a bit to ease her sore back. She took a deep breath at the feeling of the coolness of the room on her bare skin. Just as she unhooked her bra, the door to the bedroom opened and Georg entered. She jumped in alarm, bringing her nightgown to her chest as he quickly closed the door behind him.
"I'm sorry, darling, I wasn't aware you were dressing for bed."
"It's alright." She gave him a soft smile, her heart still pounding from the surprise.
"It's quite early. Are you well?"
"Yes, just tired." Turning to toss her bra upon the dresser, she heard him gasp. She quickly returned her gaze to his, eyes wide in concern.
"Maria, your back." He stepped closer, moving so he could look at her back, but he was still afraid to touch her. Brow furrowed, she turned herself toward the mirror, nearly gasping herself at the sight. She had large, purple bruises spread across her back, one that was particularly deep just below her shoulder blade, where her body had been slammed against the door frame. Her back had been sore, but she didn't realize she was covered in bruises. She had simply been ignoring it.
"It's fine." She cleared her throat, pulling her nightgown over her head as she dismissed the bruises, feeling shaken. She supposed she couldn't have expected much less after what had happened, after all. The sight certainly did surprise her though.
"Like hell it is. I can't believe I did that to you." He ran a hand over his face, anguish spreading across his features.
"Clearly it's not so bad if I didn't even know it was there." She walked to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth, hopeful that when she returned he would have composed himself. Suddenly, he appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, and she jumped in surprise.
"You jump like that every time I'm near."
"Because all you do is lurk around anymore." She turned on the water in the sink and began washing her face, the feeling of his presence over her shoulder.
"I'm sorry."
"What?" She couldn't hear him over the sound of the water, and she rose from the sink, wiping her face with a towel. Her voice was toned with annoyance, though she didn't intend for it to be.
"I said I'm sorry."
"Oh." She turned away, finding her toothbrush and beginning to brush her teeth. She was exhausted, she didn't want to talk about it all anymore. It wasn't that she was frustrated with him necessarily, she simply wanted him to stop apologizing. She knew and accepted that he was sorry, she didn't need to hear it anymore.
"Just 'oh?' Maria, I feel that we need to really talk about this. I'm afraid you're not dealing with it properly." She rolled her eyes, turning back toward the mirror as she continued brushing her teeth. He waited patiently, which was not easy for him, she knew, as she spit the toothpaste into the sink and finished. "Let's talk."
"You want me to open up to you? Quite frankly, Georg, I don't feel incredibly close to you at the moment."
"Stop that."
"Stop what?" She crossed her arms over her chest, wishing he wasn't in the doorway so she could escape. She was beginning to feel claustrophobic.
"Stop being so cold."
"I wonder why I would be." She raised her eyebrows, her voice sharp. She didn't want to argue, was a bit afraid of it in fact, but she was even more afraid to dig into her mind at the moment.
"I can't apologize any more than I have, you know how regretful I am..."
"I'm not asking you to apologize, I'm telling you to let it go. Stop wanting to talk about it." She wanted to get out of the bathroom, the walls feeling tighter by the moment.
"You need to talk."
"And you need to move out of my way, please." He noticed that he was trapping her in the bathroom by standing in the doorway, his body leaving her no room to pass. He stepped away, and she rushed into the bedroom, ignoring the tears trying to escape. He hadn't meant to make her feel as if she couldn't leave the room, and he felt unarmed by her new skittishness of him.
"You're afraid of me." She scoffed, pulling down the covers on the bed that she made sure was separating them. He seemed quite far away.
"You're not as fearsome as you think."
"You're pushing me away." She brought her hands to her face in frustration.
"Then take my hint and go! You started pushing me away long ago." She didn't mean to yell at him, and he was obviously taken aback. She sighed in frustration, a small headache throbbing beneath her temples. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be. You're allowed to be angry. Please, be angry."
"And what would you like me to do with my anger? Take it out on you like I usually would? Pull up my nightgown and spread my legs for you? Would that be better for you? It really is all about you, isn't it?" Her heart was pounding wildly, she had no idea why she was saying the things she was, why she was attacking him.
"Maria, enough." His words were firm, and she took a deep breath to calm herself. "Don't do this thing you do where you push me away by being cold or vulgar or whatever you think is going to work."
"You know me so well." She narrowed her eyes, her voice dripping sarcasm and venom.
"Yes, I do, in fact. I know that when you're burying your feelings you can be incredibly cruel. I'm telling you that you can talk about it with me."
"I'm not ready to do that." He nodded at the more sincere tone to her voice, at least knowing where she stood at the moment. It was much better than watching her silently implode.
"But you will come to me when you're ready?"
"Of course I will. Who else am I supposed to trust anymore?" He sighed, feeling the same way about the state of their lives, but finding that he was still hurt by her tone of voice. She sensed it and sighed, trying to find a better way to speak to him. "I apologize for the things I've said. I need some time alone, and I need sleep."
"I will go and entertain Hede." She nodded, sitting upon the bed as he walked toward the door.
"Georg..." He stopped, meeting her eyes once more. They looked softer all of a sudden. "I love you very desperately, you know."
"Yes, I do know. And I love you even more desperately." She gave him a small smile, and he returned it quickly before he left their bedroom. She sighed as she turned out the lamp and laid down in bed, wishing for sleep that would be so difficult to find yet again.
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Thank you everyone for the kind and supportive reviews and PMs I've been receiving! I do love hearing what everyone is thinking, and I very much appreciate any excitement over the story. The fact that anyone is reading this at all is just lovely. Thank you!