Flame31: Thanks a lot, it'd be really bad if my story weren't believable because that would take away from it.

Black honey: That wasn't how it ends; there's still a couple chapters left, don't worry!

Amylovestakuya: It's awesome that you sent me a message when you couldn't review my story! I'm glad you enjoyed the tissue, lol. This isn't the end, there's still more to come.

Ortoyoga: Thanks a lot for your review! It made me smile: )

Eternity's Shadow: Thanks! I hope you like this chapter too!

Ravenrockstheworld: Nikki's right about everything! Hope you like this chapter, everything from here on you've never read before!

This chapter has a lot of flashbacks in it, so whenever you see parts in italics they're flashbacks; journal entries will also be in italics, but they'll start with: "Dear Diary…". This is only for this chapter, so if you see things in italics in any other chapter they're in italics to express the idea more strongly. Now that we're done with that nonsense, let's continue with the story.

Chapter 4

"Nikki? You still there?" Jen asked the other girl on the phone, who'd been awfully quiet for a little while.

"Huh? Oh, ya, I'm still here," Nikki replied. She sat down on her bed concentrating on not spacing out again.

"Jonesy's dad is really having trouble sorting through some of Jonesy's stuff in his room. It's been a whole month since the funeral and my mom says he hasn't gone near his room once. Someone has to do something with it!" she paused before saying softly, "He told me I should invite the gang over to go in there and take any reminders of him. Also, to maybe clean up a bit; Jonesy was kind of a slob." She laughed weakly. "I think you should come over today, Nik."

Nikki hesitated a long moment, thinking it through. She felt like saying no, but something inside her (curiosity?) wanted her to go. "Okay, I'll come," she said in a defeated tone.

Jen sniffed, holding back a tear. "Great, come over when you're ready, okay?"

"Okay, bye." Nikki hung up the phone and sat on her bed. Ready? She could never be ready! She sighed over the same thing she'd thought of a month ago. 'I'd might as well get it over with' she decided, reluctantly.

- - -

Nikki paused outside the Garcia front door. She brought her hand up to the doorbell, but let it fall to her side again. She took a deep breath and quickly jabbed the small device and listened to the musical beat that followed. Jen and Caitlin answered the door. "Hey Nik. The boys are already inside. We're about half way done his closet and we cleaned up the floor a bit," Jen updated her as she let her in.

Jen paused in the hallway and put something in Nikki's hand. Nikki looked down to see Jonesy's necklace resting in her fingers. She clutched it tightly. "I found it in on the floor of his room. It probably fell off; he told me once that that happened a lot. I think you should have it. He… He would have wanted you to," Jen explained softly, while sniffing back a tear. Nikki nodded, placing it in her pocket, and they all headed for the bedroom.

The room had changed a lot since she'd last seen it. There were no longer clothes everywhere and she could actually make it past the doorway without stepping on something or over it (not to mention tripping on it). There were things from his closet piled on his bed and desk. Jude and Wyatt were at the desk polishing Jonesy's many sports trophies. As she walked in the room Jude put down the one in his hand and said, "there," before the two boys went back to sorting through the closet.

Nikki ran her hands over the top of the trophies. She had memories of each sport he played. Bowling. Jonesy needed a spare to win the gold for the league the gang had gone in one summer. He got a split on the first throw. Miraculously he hit both pins and won the game! He turned around and went over to the table, lifting her up in his arms and spinning her round and round and round. Soccer. She was watching him from the sidelines during practise. He looked up at her while he was kicking the ball and grinned. He was going to wave when he tripped over the ball and went flying. She was about to run over to him when he got up and brushed himself off. He ran up to her, saying, "Bet you can't do that!" Baseball. Jonesy was one of two pitchers on his team. It was the other guy's turn to pitch during practise and Jonesy had just finished showing him a really fast pitch that was hard to control. Jonesy went up to bat and the other boy decided to use the new pitch. Apparently he needed more practise because he got Jonesy right in the eye. Jonesy walked to first base. After practise he immediately went up to Nikki to show her his shiner.

She looked at the many hockey trophies and could still feel her butt being frozen on the stands while she watched him play. He didn't just have trophies; he also had a lot of medals and a few ribbons. She picked up one of the ribbons. Floor Hockey. They were 14 then. Jonesy was on the school floor hockey team and they were at the gym watching him and his team play for their gym class. Jonesy's team was really whipping ass! The other team didn't look very happy as Jonesy scored yet another goal. A time out was called. After the time out this huge guy got the ball and started for the net. He shot and missed and Jonesy went to get the ball from behind the net. The huge guy rushed over and pushed Jonesy into the post. The whistle blew and the huge guy was kicked out. Jonesy was still on the floor. Nikki got up and started pushing past people. She was about to go on the floor when a teacher stopped her. "Wait here Ms. Wong and let them take care of him," she clucked. Nikki thought quickly and said, "He's my boyfriend." She smiled at the memory. The teacher ended up letting her and Jonesy turned out just to have a bump on his head, but she had been genuinely worried, so worried that she'd lied about her and Jonesy's relationship. That was something she had never admitted doing.

Nikki gulped down a lump in her throat that was beginning to form. She turned to her friends who were waiting patiently. She nodded and Jen told her she could sort through his desk drawers if she wanted to. She went over to the desk and started with the first. It was jammed full with stuff, so she began to take things out. She could swear she saw something that looked like a cockroach in there at some point!

She had everything that was in the drawer out on top of the desk where there was room and she began to gather up all the small things (pencils, erasers, etc) and put them in a pencil case she'd found. That was when noticed it. It was a small notebook with "Journal" written on the front. Jonesy kept a journal? Sure enough, when she opened it she found that he'd written a lot in it. Curiosity got the better of her and she started by reading the first page.

"Dear Diary, Sept. 31st, 2000

I think keeping a diary is really stupid…I'm only writing in it because my mom's making me. 'Pre-teens and teens have a lot of angst that they have to let out, Jonesy, and the best way is to write it down." Angst? What angst? I'm 11 years old and she's treating me like a girl! She's probably just upset that she had three sons, but wanted a daughter. This is so not fair. I'll only write in this for a couple weeks, then she'll forget about it and I can throw this thing out. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it though. Wish me luck!"

Nikki couldn't help but smile at that. He'd written in this a lot more times than he would for a couple weeks. She flipped through the pages a bit until she got to the last entry.

"Dear Diary, Jan 5th, 2006

Not too long ago Nikki and I broke up. I can't take this! I want her, but I can't have her. I see her everyday, but I can't really be with her. I love her, but she doesn't love me back. She never will. At least I can admit that. I never got the chance to tell her and I probably never will. Maybe if I go for enough girls I'll find one I like, or that will at least distract me from realizing that I'll never like any girl like I do, Nikki. If I didn't have to see her everyday maybe I wouldn't feel like my heart is being ripped out every time she isn't looking at me or stops looking at me or isn't even there to look at me. If I didn't have to hear her voice everyday maybe I wouldn't feel like part of me is missing whenever I don't hear it. I once phoned her cell phone, knowing she wouldn't pick up, just so that I could hear her on her answering machine. If I didn't have to sleep at night maybe I wouldn't dream of her, only to wake up and realize it wasn't real. I'd rather die than live with out her, it'd be much better than going through this 24/7. I miss her when she's not around and hate her when she is for not being able to hold her or kiss her. I want her. I need her. I can't have her."

Nikki was shocked. The entry was written only a week before the crash. She let the book fall from her hands and stood there with her jaw dropped. The others looked at her and asked if she was all right, but she couldn't hear them, not really. She droppedto her knees and cried.

I know the last Journal Entry was kind of lame, but it's Jonesy who wrote it, remember. He's allowed to be lame sometimes: )