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Disclaimer: I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters they belong to Dick Wolf.

Quote: Love is the river of life in the world. –Henry Ward Beecher

I sat doing paperwork at my desk. The captain was late, it's unusual for him to be late, in fact before then he'd only been late once. He had dark circles under his eyes, he too had been thinking of you the night before. Well everyone at the precinct except maybe Casey would have been thinking of you, but I don't think as much as me and I don't think they felt as much pain as me. Were like family here at the precinct, Don's the father and then Munch is the strange old uncle, things haven't changed much since you left.

I'm sure it hurt the captain to lose a daughter, to lose you in a strange way it makes me feel better to think that I'm not the only one to have missed you.

Did you know that over the years I have longed for you? Before I met you I had always thought I'd end up alone after having a million divorces like Munch and in the end be alone. But now that you're gone I know I can never do that, I'll never get married unless it's to you, let alone get divorced.

Munch finally arrived, as always he got to the precinct at the last possible moment. He made a distinct move for the coffee machine I immediately stood up to say I was going to get coffee from starbucks.

I needed some fresh air and caffeine in my system to rid my thoughts of you. Your face seemed to be everywhere in my mind, I searched my brain trying to find something else to think of. Of course nothing but the memories of victims and rapist were to be found so I simply gave up and rushed to starbucks eager for the caffeine.

I knew at that point that I would never get over you, that I had better stop trying. Over the years I had began to think of you less, I wondered as I walked into starbucks, when I grew old would I stop thinking of you save for those moments when I saw something that reminded me of you? Would I grow old and have the pain of your loss slowly fade away?

The night before on the anniversary of your 'death' I had made a promise to myself, to you although you couldn't hear me that I would find you. Until the day you were in my arms (or rejecting me) I'd search for you.

The smell of coffee wafted into my nose as I approached the cashier. "How can I help you?" The lady said in a flat tone devoid of any emotion.

"Six coffee's please."

"Cummin' right up."

Cummin'? I thought, god lady learn English would you.

My mind began to wander, how could I track you down? It was then that I remembered that place where I'd met up with you the day after your 'death', the place where I learned you'd be going into the witness protection program. Perhaps just perhaps I'd learn I clue to your whereabouts there.

It was snowing outside; a thin layer of white already covered the ground. I remembered as stood waiting for my coffee how you had always hated winter how you kept a calendar x-ing off the days until spring.

I remember how you come into work on some days muttering to yourself, "twenty more days of this frozen hell." or something like that. Your bitterness towards winter made me laugh, I always told you it wasn't that bad.

I had prayed the night before for your safety for your happiness, I prayed to a god I had stopped believing in long ago that one day we'd be together again, me and you. I hoped that god was listening, but then I reasoned with myself, even if you were to come back would you want to be with me? I doubted that.

"Mam your coffee ready!"

"What? Oh sorry I was in my own little world.

The lady gave e a strange look then asked for me to pay. I realized that I had started to walk away without paying. Usually I didn't pay the other guy who worked at the starbucks usually served me and because I was a cop he didn't make me pay.

The other guy came in, "I no Jessie, she's a detective, special privileges-no pay on coffee and donuts." He said then smiled at me.

Jessie sighed and muttered something under her breath. I left after thanking her.

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A pretty blonde lay in bed with a man she'd only just met; do I really want this-this life can I settle for it and except it? She asked herself. Dear god I miss my old life, I miss the smells of the city and the power of the court-but most of all I miss the people. Thousands of people-each they're own world separate from one another all working as one. I miss Don, Elliot, Munch, Fin and most of all 'Liv, she was like a best friend to me.

The blonde's name was Eliza. Olivia, she thought, I miss you. Over the years there had been times where the blonde had questioned if Olivia had been more than just a friend to her. But she had always stopped herself trying to convince herself that she didn't love Olivia that she had other lovers. And until that moment when the blonde lay thinking of Olivia well she lay in bed with a man she didn't know she had never realized that she was in love with the detective. Well now I know, she thought.

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Authors note: Tell me what you think, should I update?