Disclaimer: I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters they belong to Dick Wolf I'm only borrowing them for none-profit purposes.
Quote: Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.-author unknown
I'd heard the rumors but I never thought they were true. You'd returned and you didn't tell me. I suppose you had distanced yourself from me and from the rest of your "old life", I knew that I should have done the same but I wasn't like you nor had I ever lived your life. I guess that because of my childhood as an adult I always hung on to the few friends I had, but I bet you were popular, you found it easy to make friends.
Days seemed to pass in a blur in those days, the victims although different people all had the same stories of horror. My life was shared with the perps and the victims, each case seemed to take a bit of me away with it. The only reason I survived was because of my colleagues, they were the ones who knew me best, their jokes made whatever was left of my person laugh.
Once again I found myself driving to a crime seen with Elliot, trapped in another traffic jam. I watched the world outside my window, pigeons flying about dumbly, people walking the crowded streets robotically. It seemed silent in the car even though the radio was playing softly.
My thoughts remained of you, first happiness because you were back then anger because you never called me. Or was I just a bad reminder of what you'd been through? Elliot wasn't very talkative he was humming along to something on the radio. It was funny how he didn't realize he was doing it; I couldn't help but smile to myself.
I exhaled slowly and rolled down my window suddenly we were blasted by the noise of the city. I smelt the smell of gasoline and wrinkled my noise in disgust. I promptly rolled my window back up and sighed then looked ahead. Soon I found myself drifting off to sleep.
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I was distracted all day, of course that being totally your fault. I was so angry at you, how could you forget about me? I fought the urge to cry, I was strong, I never cried, at least rarely.
Did you ever think about me? I wondered as I sat at my desk chewing the end of my pen. So far there were no leads on the case I tried to think about that, anything really to distract me from the thought of you.
I needed to do something anything to get away from the thought of you, because it was tearing me up. I knew I'd have to confront you eventually, I mean I loved you too much not too. But I just wanted it to be you who confronted me not the other way around.
I sighed and decided that today I'd go see you after work, might as well get it over with. The day passed agonizingly slow, not that I minded I mean though I hate to admit it I was nervous about seeing you again after all this time.
When the day was finally done I questioned whether it was really necessary to visit you. After all maybe you didn't want to see me why else wouldn't you have at least called? But a part of me knew I had to visit you, that in truth I didn't really have a choice
I didn't drive particularly fast nor with much enthusiasm that night. For the first time in years I Olivia Benson was nervous and because I was visiting a friend…Well former friend.
I reached your office; a light was on a good sign that you were there. I felt the not forming in my stomach. I was controlled by two emotions, dread and anticipation; I fought to not let my fear show as I knocked on your door.
"Come in." I heard your strong controlling voice say. Until that point I had still wondered whether or not I was wrong, maybe there was another Alexandra Cabot out there.
Slowly I opened the door you didn't look up. I stood still for a moment watching you evidently working on paperwork. Your blonde hair fell elegantly across your shoulders, and your blue eyes scanned the paper in front of you.
"You can put the file on my desk." You said, when I didn't move you finally looked up. You looked surprised I mean how else would you look, "Oh…I'm sorry I thought you were someone else." You said slowly trying to hide your shock.
"Hi." I said weakly, I felt so childish in my embarrassment.
"Liv?" You questioned as if unsure if it was me or some imposter.
"Alex?" I returned.
You smiled; it was then that I realized that I wasn't the only one who was nervous. "Um w-would you like to sit down?"
I nodded and took my place in front of your desk. Unsure of what to say I said, "I heard you had returned and thought I should drop by your office to say hi, uh I guess I'll get going now."
"No wait, would you like to go get a drink or something I realize we have a lot of catching up to do."
"Yeah sure." I replied, inside though I was anything but thrilled. You smiled weakly then got up, I too stood up. You went over to the door to retrieve your coat, and then turned back to me. You smiled again then hugged me catching me off guard. "I missed you Liv, I missed everything I'm so glad to be back."
I wanted to say I missed you too but I was lost for words. You abruptly ended your embrace, you waved for me to follow you, "I know this cute little bar close to here." You said walking out into the hallway I followed you no longer nervous or scared, why had I been anyways?
I smiled, it felt strange to smile I realized it was something I rarely practiced. Already I'd forgotten about my anger towards you. How could I be angry with someone who made me so happy?
It felt so unreal for you to be so close, there'd been many times when I thought I saw you then upon closer inspection realized it was not in fact you. I suppose I saw a bit of you in everyone…I guess it was like you had died and now were brought back to life. Maybe I thought there was hope that one day I too could regain my person and be everything I could be. Maybe but probably not I thought to myself then scolded myself for thinking something so cheesy.
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Author's note: Hope you liked it if it was bad I'll rewrite but I doubt that'll be necassary. Anyways just tell me if you liked it or please I do urge you to give constructive criticism, I'd actually rather appreciate it because it does no harm only makes my story better. Anyways toodles for now,
100FACES
Oh and also thanks so much to all my reviewers I love you all!