I still don't own anything.
Ashley thinks about Spencer. I don't do a good Ashley, but I try my best.
Spencer is beautiful. As a girl who always appreciated the sexy (especially those first three letters) I never expected to fall for a girl who was the epitome of the definition of beautiful. Now don't get me wrong, Spence is definitely damn sexy, but all it took was one glance into those soulful blue eyes for me to realize she was so much more.
When I'm honest with myself I admit it all started as a game to keep me amused during the long school days. She was the new girl from Ohio, or Bumblefuck for all it mattered to me, and clearly out of her element. All I needed to do was hint around about my sexual preferences, then slyly hit on her in a way that left her wondering if she'd made the whole thing up. Let her cry on some cheer bitch shoulders later on. It was the perfect plan except for one unforeseeable flaw -- I liked her. In one afternoon she grew on me.
The attraction was undeniable. And yet for the first time I found myself unable to be aggressive. Me! She knew I was interested, and despite her best attempts to hide it, I knew she was interested in me. I could read it in her eyes. But in those eyes I also saw fear. And rather then sitting next to her and thinking about undressing her I would find myself sitting next to her and wanting desperately just to hold her hand. She was turning me soft.
Honestly, I'm still shocked at how long it took others to start to notice. How many girls did they know who would be content just to stare deeply into each others eyes for hours on end. They must have noticed that I had only looked at two girls since Spencer had shown up. And both those girls were just to make Spence jealous. Like she kept trying to use Aiden to make me jealous. And even though I like Aiden, he's a good guy, I couldn't feel bad for him. Instead, watching her kiss him but keeping her eyes on me, I felt more powerful then I ever have in my life. This coming from a girl who has actually had people begging for her body.
Being around Spencer makes me feel like a different person. A better person. I went to a sporting match for this girl. I went to a school dance. I fought off Madison. Okay, that last one is for myself. I never felt like she was dragging me along even if that's how I played it off. I felt happy just being around her. And when she would flash me one of her smiles I would forget everything and everyone else around me. My new found school spirit was totally worth it.
I let Spencer run the show. She led and I followed. It was a position I wasn't used to but I would never pressure the girl that sat next to me. Even when we almost kissed, it was her who opened that door. She talked about kissing me, and even though my timing might have been off, they were words I had been waiting to hear for so long. I couldn't help myself. It didn't help that we would often find ourselves having these…moments. Sitting next to each other, looking deep into each others eyes, practically crawling inside of each others souls and peeling away all the hidden layers. Being that close to someone and not kissing her was hard. Especially when she's so beautiful. But I knew she wasn't ready.
But someday she will be ready. And I will be there waiting. For now I'm content to relish in the hidden touches we give each other. Holding hands, rubbing arms. Innocent, and yet enough to make my insides melt. I have a feeling the inevitable kiss might be the end of me.