AN: Yay! I love you, my firstthree reviewers! Onward with the fic!
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Kakashi Unmasked: Take 2
Chapter 2- The Accomplice
Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto were leaning on the railings of the bridge once more, sweaty, smelly, and generally worse for wear. Kakashi had finally freed them after a day filled with D-rank missions. Naruto swore loudly that he would go missing-nin if he had to chase one more stinking lost pet. His teammates didn't respond outwardly, but Inner Sakura shouted her agreement with a storm of curses and fist-pumping, and Sasuke chin twitched up and down slightly, which meant that they both shared Naruto's sentiments.
"So show us the plan, dobe." Sasuke said at last. (Sakura noted a new first in her Sasuke-stalking journal: Sasuke willing starts a conversation!) Naruto pulled out the crumpled orange paper and proudly showed the other two the detailed diagrams of the PLAN (read: smudged-up crayon doodles).
"First, we need to pool our resources," Naruto explained, pointing to a picture of a money bag with a number one beside it. Sakura and Sasuke dug through their pockets and produced a couple coins each for the cause.
"Will this be enough?" Sakura asked, hoping she wouldn't have to break into her binoculars-for-Sasuke-watching fund. Naruto eyed the money shrewdly, and nodded at last. He pointed at step two, a crudely but lovingly drawn ramen stand, complete with stars and beams of light surrounding it.
"Next we need a free ramen pass," Naruto paused for a second to wipe away the drool, "for coercion."
"Do you HONESTLY think that Iruka-sensei will help us out for RAMEN, dobe?" Sasuke asked. Naruto looked confused.
"But… Ramen is GOD!" He exclaimed. Sakura and Sasuke shook their heads.
"We'll have to think of something else to offer later." Sasuke said at last. "What's next?"
Naruto pointed to a stick figure with a little line over its nose and a hi-ate over a little pony-tail: stick-Iruka. "We use the free ramen pass" Another pause to wipe off saliva "got convince Iruka-sensei to help in our dastardly PLAN to SEE KAKASHI-SENSEI's FACE!" He pointed to step four, stick-Iruka with a light bulb over his head with stick-Team 7 surrounding him. "Then Iruka-sensei uses his all-knowing powers to think of a plan for us!"
"That's it?" Asked Sakura. Her left eye began to twitch. "You mean your 'brilliant PLAN', which includes OUR money, is just to get Iruka-sensei to think of a plan?" Naruto nodded. Inner Sakura exploded. "YOU IDIOT! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Sakura tackled Naruto and began beating him. The blond just curled up into a ball and waited for the abuse to finish. He knew he couldn't expect NORMAL people to comprehend his genius. His PLAN would work, they'd see. He began laughing manically, until Sakura silenced him with a kick.
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"So let me get this straight," Iruka said to his three former students, who had arrived at his door as he was about to leave his classroom for the day ('They could have showered before they came,' he had though as he wrinkled his nose. 'They look filthy and I think Naruto is injured'). "You want me to risk my life trying to unmask one of Konoha's most elite jounin for a free ramen pass?" The three nodded, and stared blushing as their former academy instructor tumbled out his chair and rolled on the floor, laughing.
"If you help us, we could come in and demonstrate some jutsu to your classes." Sakura offered. Iruka tried to imagine any of the three with children.
"No."
"Why not, sensei?" Naruto whined.
"Because, Naruto, even if you were on your best behavior, your mere presence incites children to mischief. And you'd probably wind up teaching them perverted jutsus, instead of anything useful." Naruto opened his mouth to respond that his Sexy-no-jutsu was nothing if not useful in a village jam-packed with perverts, but Iruka silenced him with a glare. Sasuke snickered.
"And, you, Sasuke. I don't need another generation of Uchiha fan-girls (pardon the pun!). And I most definitely wouldn't trust you with children and sharp objects. I distinctly recall you trying to use a class of new academy students for moving target practice one time."
"I was only eight at the time!" Sasuke protested, blushing. He had told Iruka-sensei to NEVER mention that incident again. And he'd only gotten the idea because his evilbastardbrother, before he'd gone psychotic and slaughtered his clan, had mentioned to Sasuke while he was throwing shurikens that Sasuke couldn't have hit a wounded water buffalo two feet in front of him if it was moving, and that he needed more practice with targets that weren't so stationary.
"You had them paint their vitals red, Sasuke." Iruka deadpanned. "I recall you had kunai in hand, aiming when your instructors caught you. You will not be getting near any of my students, thank you."
Iruka looked Sakura over. She was intelligent and had no history of causing riots or potentially fatal woundings, so he might benefit by having her come into his class. But he'd never hear the end of the complaints if he were to only allow Sakura to teach his pupils. He sighed. Then he smirked. If Naruto was giving up free ramen, Sasuke was voluntarily agreeing to spend time with other human beings, and Team 7 was all getting along, then Iruka was quite sure he could blackmail them into just about anything in exchange for his help.
"Alright, kids, give me the ramen pass. I'll have a list of the chores you'll be doing for me delivered to you first thing in the morning."
"You mean you'll help us, sensei?" Sakura gasped.
"Yes. Meet me here right after class tomorrow, and I'll see what I can do about your sensei's face." Team 7 cheered, each in their own way: Naruto jumped up and down, flashing the victory sign and praising his brilliant PLAN; Sakura squealed her most fan-girlish squeal and pumped her fists; and Sasuke flashed a trademarked Uchiha almost-smile and shoved his hands in his pockets. The three genin left, still basking in their victory.
"What have I gotten myself into?" Iruka asked himself, as he crumpled up a paper and threw it into the trash. It flew straight into the trash can and landed on top of a rather large pile of similarly balled up papers. He started writing out another idea (hey, Naruto had to learn his diagramming from someone!), shook his head, and tosses that one too. He opened up a desk drawer to get more paper, and discovered a four-month old card a student had made for him, wishing him a Merry Christmas. The youngest Inuzuka girl, who was besotted with him, had drawn a picture on it, a nice winter scene with herself holding Iruka's hand and skipping off into a sunset, small puppy in toe. There was even a nice border of candy canes and mistletoe.
"Hmm" Iruka though. He dug through the drawer and finally found a piece of paper for his newly inspired plan. "Mistletoe…A bit out-of-season, but it still might work." He chuckled to himself as he schemed. "Kakashi, you may be elite, but you've never dealt with prank-master Iruka! Poor fool. You don't stand a chance!"
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On the other side of the village, Kakashi looked up from his porn and sneezed.
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Next chapter will contain Kakashi/Iruka interaction. Actually, to tell you the truth, this fic isn't going to be terribly much longer. I haven't decided if I want to attempt any 18+ at the end, considering I have absolutely no idea how to write smut. Oh well, I'll see when I get there.