Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with South of Nowhere or its characters. Nada. Zip. Zero.
Author's Note: I hate Paula. But since it wouldn't make for a good chapter having Paula simply thinking "I am a bitch" I came up with something. I tried to make her real, because I think she has the potential to be a compelling character in the Spashley 'verse. Thank you, all you wonderful reviewing type people who make me smile. You rock my world. I hope you enjoy. There's an Aiden chapter next, and then one last chapter with the two girls together.
So, when you think about it, Paula's melting too. It's just more of a meltdown.
Just when I think that things in my life can't get much worse, it hits me. My daughter believes she has deep feelings for another girl.Of courseneither one of them has come out and actually said so, but I could only deny the obvious for so long. Come out. Oh God. How appropriate.
Spencer is my baby. My only girl and my youngest child. Before we moved to LA we would have the occasional mother-daughter night where we would go out and have dinner, see a movie, and talk about boys. Boys! When reflecting back I know Arthur will say there were a few incidents that should have made us question, but Arthur is notorious for making mountains out of molehills. There is no question. My daughter is not gay. My daughter is naïve, and that's causing her to be taken advantage of by someone with more street smarts then she has. She enjoys the attention. Like every girl, she wants to be loved. She just needs help seeing that it needs to come from the right place.
I know, in some twisted way, this…this…experimentation on Spencer's part, is all my fault. I've been spending far too much time at work, and I foolishly believed Arthur could handle things at home. But of course, without me everything fell apart. My innocent Spencer fell in with the wrong crowd. She no longer obeys me. She spends all her time with that girl and all I can do is watch as she slowly falls. She slowly slips away from me and into a world I know she can't even begin to understand.
There are times though…times when I get home, drained after a long day at work and see the two of them together. Typically that girl is dropping Spencer off after doing something, and I find myself just watching the two of them interact. It's during these times, exhausted, on the brink of collapse, that I almost believe they really love each other. Because it's never anything big between the two of them. A big kiss, while horrifying to endure, would ensure experimentation. A large declaration would simply be Spencer trying to rebel against her parents. Instead they have moments that last just a few seconds too long. Touches. Looks. Smiles. Things that, were they cut off just a bit sooner, would be normal between friends. It's these very little things that remind me of how Arthur and I used to be when we were first dating. When we were young and shy, just learning about each other. We would melt into each other's lives, just like I see Spencer doing with this girl. And I just almost believe.
But then by the next morning, rested despite dreams of being alone and unloved, I remember my own upbringing and what is right and what is wrong. This girl is causing Spencer to stray, but I will now allow her to weaken my own faith. Everyday the desire to keep Spencer safe, to save her, to keep these two girls apart strengthens. And therefore my grip on Spencer tightens. And then it snapped. I slapped her. I slapped my daughter. And as badly as I feel about that, perhaps it's what she needs to understand that this isn't some game to play. It's life. She may hate me now, but it's for her own good and someday she will thank me.
I may not be at home anymore. But my daughter, all of my children, and their well-being is never far from my mind. It's too late to fix my own life, but maybe, just maybe I can fix hers.