Disclaimer: See chapters one through three.
Note: Man, writing from a guy's view point was even harder then writing from a homophobic mother's for me...how odd. Anyway, here you go. Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone. You rock. Seriously, you're all in my book of hardcore rockage.
To be honest, I had been positive that I had loved Ashley when the two of us were together. She is beautiful and wild. We had fun together. She was wonderful. And the pain I felt when we lost the baby, which then led to me losing her, well it had threatened to consume me. That kind of pain can only mean love right? Never mind that it didn't take me long after to fall into bed with Madison. That was simply to feed my needs, and to forget about the one who broke my heart. No, I had been sure that I had loved Ashley. I had been sure I knew what love meant.
Enter one Spencer Carlin. She is beautiful and sweet. As proper as Ashley is unrestrained. Of course those two would be drawn together, they were perfectly complimentary. Surprisingly, despite the whole jock thing, it didn't take me too long to figure out exactly how drawn to each other they were. I don't think it hurt that I dreamed about that very thing ever since meeting Spencer. The two of them together was definitely a fantasy. So I watched them interact and let my mind wander. Because I watched them so closely I noticed the little things that others, and probably even each other, missed seeing.
For instance, I noticed how protective they were of each other. As soon as Madison came around Ashley would be the first to jump in, in order to keep Spence out of it. But Spencer never ran. In fact Spencer gave as good as Ashley got. That's what caught my attention. Spencer would make a biting comment only when she felt Ashley had been attacked, never to defend herself. I'm ashamed to admit I didn't start defending Ashley until I saw Spencer do it. I never realized Ashley was the type that needed to be defended sometimes. I guess I never knew her as well as I thought.
Another thing I noticed was how, no matter where we were or what we were doing, they sought each other out. In a crowded room, in the middle of school, they seemed to just automatically know where the other was. And though they wouldn't always acknowledge each other verbally, their body language always became more relaxed when the other was even in the vicinity. It's like they had this crazy radar only for each other. They were even doing it the night that my fantasy almost came true. It was like I wasn't even there. The two of them were the star of this show, the rest of us merely side characters.
Back to speaking of things I am ashamed of, I hate that I took advantage of Spencer's confusion. I mean, I will give myself a pat on the back for eventually stepping up and helping her sort out her feelings, but that was only because I had come to a stunning conclusion of my own. Otherwise, I think I might have let myself be used by these girls. I am only human after all. And a guy on top of that.
There I was, making out with a beautiful girl that I definitely liked. I was aware that the whole date was a way for Spencer to try and forget about Ashley. I was my own Madison. I felt her pushing herself on me and yet she was practically begging me to resist. She was crying. And that's when I realized. It was like a puzzle came together in my head, pieces fitting together in a way that I had never seen before. It made sense, the protection, the looks, that extra level of happiness that only existed when the two of them were together. It was love. Spencer and Ashley were in love. Well fuck.
And that was that, I helped push Spencer and Ash towards each other, exactly where they wanted to be. I lost the girl to…well my ex. There should be a law that a guy doesn't have to go through this kind of thing twice. If I wasn't so damn sexy I might have gotten a complex. But besides helping out my friends, I learned something to. I cared about Ash deeply. And she definitely broke my heart. But I had never been in love with her, at least not the kind that her and Spence shared. Someday that will be the kind of love I'll look for. Key word someday. Because for now, I just need to forget about two girls instead of the usual one.