This fic is tagged as a tragedy for AO3 readers, it is for dead poets society, after all. But I do feel the need to specify any potential triggers. There are NO detailed descriptions of violence or death, just a lot of grief and a brief mention of suicide.

Much of the meeting and the dancing on the frozen water is loosely based on unedited scenes cut from the movie. This includes Todd's original poem. They can be found on youtube if you haven't seen them.

Note: I'm hearing a lot about authors getting locked out of their FF accounts and being unable to recover passwords. Just in case the worst happens, I want to let you know that this story is also updated on AO3

'When I have fears that I may cease to be

Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,

Before high-pilèd books, in charactery,

Hold like rich garners the full ripened grain;

When I behold, upon the night's starred face,

Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,

And think that I may never live to trace

Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;

And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,

That I shall never look upon thee more,

Never have relish in the faery power

Of unreflecting love—then on the shore

Of the wide world I stand alone, and think

Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.'

- 'When I have Fears That I May Cease to Be,' John Keats (1818)

Chapter Fifty-four - And Still We Sleep

Kat squinted, tracking the last movements of the car as it faded into a mere pinprick in the snow. The delicate clumps fell thicker as the group remained motionless on the steps. The flurry almost forming a fog, obscuring the waning, crescent moon in the dark sky above.

"There's nothing more we can do tonight," Keating's heavy voice broke the silence. Beneath the pale wash of the lightbox, his tawny hair seemed streaked with silver. "Ladies," he nodded toward the guests before turning to his students, "and gentlemen, I believe you have a meeting to attend."

"Can we walk?" Nuwanda's tone was combative, but Keating nodded wordlessly. The apology in his eyes seemed to wrench any challenge from Charlie's grasp as he looked away; his jaw clenched.

Knox stepped forward, his gloved hand entwined with Chris' so firmly that Kat had to restrain Nancy as he spoke. "We'll meet you in the old cave. Do you know it, Sir?"

Keating hummed, a half-smile on his lips. "I do."

"Great," Kat said loudly, a hand still clamped over Nancy's mouth. "See you soon."

Their teacher had barely closed the car door when a slimy warmth brushed her fingers. Leaping back, Kat vigorously wiped her hand down Nancy's sleeve as the girl cackled.

"You're disgusting."

The girl shrugged, "you obstructed my free speech."

"You licked me!"

"Alright," Ginny stepped swiftly between the pair, "it's freezing out here so take your bickering on the road."

Todd appeared behind her outstretched arms, his expression both amused and sympathetic.

"The sacrifices I make," Kat hissed at the cold as she sterilised her hand with snow.

"I'm sure they're grateful," he nodded towards the pair walking ahead. Knox gently pulled Chris away from an impending collision with a lamppost, using the momentum to keep their joined hands swinging in time with their steps.

She shot Todd an unimpressed look, "I doubt either one of them noticed."

"Which means your efforts were successful," another voice added.

She turned to see Charlie walking alongside Nancy. Her best friend was mercifully silent, but she could hear the glee radiating from the spring in her step.

"I'm just glad Ji-soo went home before you lot could scare her away," Ginny said. Her words held no venom, only a hint of contentment. "She thought you were all friendly, so I don't know what witchcraft you performed to make that happen."

Nancy scoffed, "I don't need magic, thanks. My personality has a charm of its own."

"Oh, yes." Nuwanda said drily, "my first lone encounter with you was very welcoming."

She merely arched an eyebrow. "Welcoming? I think the word you're looking for is enlightening."

"Chaotically so," Kat whispered to Todd as the group left the icy pavement in favour of the dirt path that led into the heart of the dense woodland.

"Isn't astrology in the same realm as the occult?" Meeks watched Nancy tentatively, looking almost afraid of the thoughtful purse of her lips.

"You say that like it's some sort of gateway drug."

Pitts grinned. "So, you've never dabbled?"

"Sorry to disappoint," she said lightly, her head tilting sideways for a moment. "Kitty Kat, do you remember when we held that bacchanal?"

"In Artemis' honour?" Kat suppressed a laugh as she caught sight of Cameron's scandalised expression. "It hardly counts as a real bacchanalia. We were thirteen and getting drunk on sugary soda."

"We still got Greek festivals banned," Nancy countered. "And the teachers hardly knew how to deal with several pre-teen girls in towel togas chanting Sappho, The Priestess of Artemis.*"

Nuwanda spluttered on a swig from his flask.

"We'd just started a module on classical civilisations," Kat explained. "We thought Euripides was too harsh on the women in his plays so we decided to replace Dionysus with Artemis-"

"-and pledge ourselves as priestess which, in retrospect, seems a hasty decision."

This time it was Ginny who choked on her sip of whiskey. Coughs interspersed with her giggles, mixing in with the roaring laughter of the boys.

Kat bit her lip, "honestly, the insult to Dionysus would've been our end in Ancient Greece."

"I think the wrath of your teachers was the lesser evil," Meeks agreed. "The Gods tended to favour more permanent punishments than detention."

"Letters home," Kat corrected wryly. "Although it had the opposite effect. My father has it framed."

Nancy groaned, "speak for yourself, Murray. Mine was ready to have me evaluated for hysteria."

Cameron shook his head, "let me guess, The Bacchae* was banned."

"By morning."

Nuwanda feigned a wince, "ouch. My Ginsberg and Neil's Capote seem to pale in comparison*."

Kat nodded in thanks as he pinned a stray branch back, clearing her route through the prickly shrubbery.

"Forbidding any literature is a scandal," Ginny affirmed. "I'm happy to provide any contraband."

Todd paused a few feet away from the mouth of the cave. Twigs snapped under his feet as he leaned towards Ginny, "like my Wilde collection. The packaging was very discreet."

"The jumper was multi-functional," she replied brazenly, "Neil said you suit navy."

Todd flushed, but the attention moved quickly to Knox who had begun twisting his arm uncomfortably in an effort to help Chris slip through the rocky entrance. Blonde hair vanished through the gap, yet the boy lingered. His outstretched arm twitched, fingers curling around the emptiness where her hand had been.

"Sap," Charlie disparaged from where he leaned against a tree. "Next he'll start pinching himself-"

"-he already is," observed Meeks. He used his sleeve to wipe the mist from his glasses, "you'll have to push him if he doesn't move soon."

Kat gestured for quiet, a finger pressed to her lips. "Let him have a moment."

"A moment?" Charlie dropped his voice into a whisper, "it's all he's talked about for months."

"Actions speak louder than words." Nancy's low comment held a sing-song quality that prompted her best friend's eyes to narrow. "And actions are making his dreams a reality."

She let the words hang as she waltzed out from beneath the shade of the trees. A single prod awakened Knox, and Nancy followed him into the meeting. Her bright voice was muffled by the stone structure, but its sound summoned the others into activity.

Soon, the poets had arranged themselves around the fire. Todd lit the God of the Cave with solemn ceremony and placed it on a prominent ledge above the small clearing. To its left, Nuwanda sent his flask on a final round before stowing it away; the depths of his suit jacket served as compliance with Keating's rule of sobriety.

"It's weird without Neil," Kat traced the edges of their sacred book. Its weight seemed heavy on her lap. "It should be him chairing the meeting."

Todd nodded; his eyes fixed on the ugly lamp. Wax trickled from the candle stuck in the top, gathering in glowing pools like lava on the metal base.

"Mr Perry is always screwing things up," Nuwanda spat. His put-on outrage almost hid the worry in his expression, but Todd shuffled closer on the ledge they shared. A look passed between them.

"I'll kill Neil's Father if I see him again," triangles of dancing firelight rose and fell like waves in the reflection gleaming in Todd's eyes. His voice was low, "this is supposed to be the best night of his life."

Silence fell. Each crackle and pop of the burning wood seemed to fill the cavern; its presence seemed alive in the quiet.

"I never thought I'd be back here."

"Captain!"

"Not a bad way to spend the evening, eh?" Mr Keating emerged from the opening. He straightened his coat and took in the flushed, young faces sprawled around the campfire, their hesitant smiles buried deep in the golden ambiance of the cave. "Look at that," his gaze fell upon Chris tucked beneath Knox's arm, "women are already swooning."

Even Knox's pleased laughter was lacklustre.

"Why so glum? Neil's performance is a cause for celebration," the Captain threw his arms wide, "not this."

"We should hold the meeting in his honour," Nuwanda picked up the book that Kat had placed in Neil's empty seat. He looked at it for a moment, his thumb tracing the scrawled inscription before he passed it to their teacher. "Captain, will you lead it?"

"Please?" Todd's eyes were wide, but his voice stayed firm.

"Okay," Keating's shoulders dropped as he sunk against a dip in the cave wall. "It's been fifteen years," he muttered as he looked back at his students and their new friends. His usual, sharp expression became wistful for a moment. Kat wondered who he was really seeing in the shadows.

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately," the Captain's rich voice filled the cave. "To live deep, to suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life," he gestured at his audience.

"And not," they chanted, "when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Cheers ripped through the melancholy air and burst into the quiet night as Keating took a playful bow.

"Alright, who is up first?"

"I've got something," Todd rose with the God of the cave in one hand, the other brandishing a slip of paper.

"That thing you've been writing?" Asked Charlie, his voice approving.

"Yeah, that thing."

"I'll take my old seat," Keating moved to occupy an old log in the far corner as he waved Todd into position.

Meeks reached out to take the candle, receiving a grateful nod from Todd who struggled to unfold the paper. He held it up, illuminating Todd's enthusiasm.

The individuals spread around the dim space found themselves leaning forward. Ginny clung to the edge of her log, while Knox almost slipped out of his seat in eagerness to listen.

Todd breathed deeply, his gaze meeting the waiting chorus. "In between the verses," he instructed, "all of you say: And still we sleep."

Pitts imitated a snore, his whistles dwindling as Nuwanda whacked him with a rolled program. He glared but stayed silent as the performance began.

'We're dreaming of tomorrow and tomorrow isn't coming.

We're dreaming of the glory that we don't really want,

We're dreaming of the new day when the new day is already,

and we're running from the battle when its one that must be fought.'

He paused, then nodded at the waiting society.

"And still we sleep," they chorused.

'We're listening for the calling but never really heeding,

hoping for the future when the future is only plans,

dreaming of the wisdom that we're dodging daily,

and praying for a saviour when salvation is in our hands.'

"And still we sleep."

'And still we dream,

And still we pray,

And still we fear,

And still we sleep.'

A steady ripple of applause encircled the poet. His wide smile grew as Charlie grabbed the God of the Cave, hoisting it up in time with the congratulatory whistles reverberating around the enclosed space.

Todd ducked his head, his cheeks scarlet, and his heart filling with the warmth of the standing ovation.

Keating reached up, thrusting a hand through a jagged gap in the rock. He plucked a rounded icicle - its surface drenched a pearlescent silver in the moonlight - and presented it to the young poets.

"In my hand, I hold a crystal ball," he announced, imitating an old fortune teller, "and in it, I see great things for Todd Anderson."

The ice was pressed into Cameron's care. He looked down at the object with a measure of distrust.

Ignoring Cameron's suspicion, Keating placed his hands on Todd's shoulders. He squeezed them, the pressure casting their minds back to a sweaty-toothed lesson that seemed to take place long ago.

"I found my yawp," Todd grinned.

"You have, my boy." Pride filled the Captain's voice. Its timbre melded with the quick drumbeats bursting with bouts of static from the homemade radio in Pitt's lap.

"Signal!" Pitt's shoulders dropped, bouncing back up as he grabbed the device and lunged at his inventing partner. "Meeks, we've got signal!"

"Cliff Richard!" Chris beamed, "it's Dynamite. C'mon, Nance." She bounded up and crossed the width of the cave in seconds, her feet tapping as she pulled her cousin up, the pair immediately melting into a series of elaborate dance moves that left Knox gawping like a fish.

"Do you know this?" Nuwanda's eyes were alight with amusement, curiosity, and something else that Kat couldn't quite identify.

"No," she shrugged off her coat, "but that's irrelevant."

Ginny threw back her head and laughed. "You'll soon learn," she winked at the boys as she grabbed Kat's hand, joining the chaos of jives and twirls. Todd looked at Charlie in bemusement, but he shrugged, backing slowly into the tumult with a daring glint in his eye that had Todd rising from his seat.

Meeks and Pitts rapidly gained the centre. Their wild moves - practiced only in the seclusion of Welton's rooftop – stole the spotlight. They reeled Cameron and Keating in, teaching them various steps with ease.

As the bass kicked up, a chilling blast howled through the mouth of the cave. The spark above their miniature God was extinguished, sending tendrils of smoke writhing through the air as the rhythm petered out and painful static shrieked through the speaker.

Kat shivered. The cave seemed to grow cold under the white glow of moonlight. The bodies poised in the rings around the fire seemed bound in place by the flickers of amber light, the outside world rippled strangely through the haze as if all that truly existed had gathered within the confines of the cavern.

"Well," Keating pulled his scarf on, tying a firm knot around his throat. "I believe that may have been nature's way of evicting us from her party. I do need you back in bed by midnight, after all."

His announcement elicited groans from the teenagers. Their half-hearted protests were drowned out by his rendition of a jolly chant that had them donning their coats and clapping as they strode out of the darkened shelter.

"Where are those bongos, Mr Dalton?" Keating shouted teasingly over the beat and swiped two thick sticks from the ground. He wielded them as drumsticks, and tree trunks volunteered as his instrument while he led the charge down to a frozen tributary that ran through the woodland and into Welton's lake. He stepped onto the ice, gesturing for Todd to join him. The two grinned, their breath misting as they threw their arms wide and shouted out a barbaric,

"YAWP!"

Nuwanda cupped his hands and shouted, "louder!"

"YAWP!" Todd yelled. The round, raw tones of his cry saturated the winter night. It rang through the dense tangle of trees, the depths of nature shuddered, and an owl flew from the brush with a screech.

Kat dived towards the noise and used the end of Todd's scarf against him. "That's loud enough," she teased, pulling the fabric over his mouth. He shook his head, playing up his soulful cries of poetry as the tussle dissolved into laughter.

"Ahh!" Chris' squeal cut through the cold, mineral smell of the air. Knox caught her as she slipped. "It's like ice skating!" Her eyes were bright as she pulled him back from the powdery earth. "Which one of you can glide and yawp?"

"Any day," Knox said eagerly, pushing Charlie aside as he scrambled onto the ice.

"As if," he scoffed. His eyes slid over Meeks and Pitts already locked into a fierce battle, and over to the Captain, who had crouched down to help Cameron tinker with the radio. On the far side stood Kat, her focus on Todd who was laughing at something, his palm full of hairpins gathered by Nancy and Ginny from Kat's hair which had fallen loose in the mayhem.

Charlie made his way over, his careful tread interrupted by the lively notes of a country folk song.

"Don't waste a second!" Mr Keating called, "Exalt in it!"

Nancy perked up, her eyes caught his approach, and then flicked away, settling on the self-appointed pariah who occupied a distant tree stump.

"May I have this dance," her tone matched the polite smile on her lips, but its unyielding undercurrent held firm against Cameron's silence. Nancy wiggled her outstretched fingers. "Please?"

The redhead rolled his eyes, "one."

"Brilliant." He scrambled after her as she began to spin, struggling to get his limbs coordinated at the press of her soft hands and pastel skirts to his person. The sight sparked hushed giggles, but Chris soon followed her lead as she stomped her feet across the floor.

Ginny smirked, untangling the last hairpin from Kat's hair. She swept them into her pocket and waltzed off with Todd, merging with Meeks and Pitts to form a quartet as they stumbled around the clearing.

"Did your old friends just ditch you for your new friends?"

Kat sighed as he spoke, the sound more pleased than exasperated. "I'm beginning to suspect that it's strategic."

"You don't sound upset."

Her eyes finally met his. "Do I have reason to be?"

A hand curled around hers, its owner shaking his head as he led her into the vibrant throng. Keating wove between the groups, hopping about in lone jig. His energetic movements forced them closer, their bodies inches from touching as they swung across the ice. Light shone down, tracing their rosy smiles in gold as their teacher brandished torches in both hands like spotlights roaming a dance floor.

The music soared, carrying their feet into a singular, united line. The teenagers' hands fused together as they spun in a circle of untamed joy.

Knox broke first, gliding to a halt as he and Chris were thrown by the momentum of the night. They drew together in the heavy bubble of muted sound. And then, they were kissing.

Todd swooped past, grabbing hold of Kat's free hand, and twirling her away from the glimpsed moment. She shot him a grateful smile as she collided with Ginny. Giggles surrounded them as they made eye contact. In barely a blink, she was back with Todd who spun her from the frantic festivities, and into Charlie - stood against a tree at the edge of the clearing – which forced the other boy to catch her and take over the dance once more.

The bare, spear-like branches twisted arm in arm above their heads into a canopy of boughs. Kat watched his face in the dappled, woodland light. His hair had loosened from its gel prison, tendrils curling behind his ears. Strips of light shone through the branches, catching on the curls and casting shadows down his throat.

"What are we doing?" Her quiet voice was loud against the relative silence - interrupted only by faint echoes of laughter from the other side of the stream.

"Dancing."

She shuddered as his hand pressed into her lower back. "You know what I really mean."

Charlie was silent for a moment, "whatever we can until Christmas."

"That's a terrible idea," she replied, pulling him closer.

"It's the only one I've got."

They swayed to the quiet hum of their nocturnal Eden. But like the garden, each version of paradise must come to an end.

As the moon rose higher the young poets bounded through the bracken. The giggles and shrieks disappeared as Keating drove the girls home, leaving his students to collapse at the gates and collect themselves.

They lay beneath the stars as they discarded all outward marks of joy, moulding themselves into passable copies of Welton's finest. The facades held as they ascended the staircase, falling once they could slip into bed, free to dust off and display their dreams within the secret realms of sleep.

XXXX

Kathleen awoke to a figure hunched over her bed.

She inhaled sharply as it drew back, a hand stretching towards her lamp. It clicked on, illuminating the familiar, aged man at her bedside.

"Grandfather?" Kat rubbed her eyes, startled as the worn, tartan print of his robe and slippers became clear. She reached for her alarm clock. Its sharp arrows hovered around six o'clock.

"There has been a serious incident." Her grandfather's usual, curt, and clipped words were uttered softly as if they caused him pain.

Kat used her elbow to push herself up, thanking him as he passed her the blue robe which hung on the back of her door. She wrapped herself in the warm cotton, shivering as her feet hit the cool floorboards.

"What happened?" Her voice rose to fill his stoic silence, panic tightening its grip. "Is my family alright? Did something happen at home?" Her eyes searched her grandfather's creased expression for answers.

He merely held open the door, his reticence clear. "Our family is fine. Another family is not. I feel your presence may...diffuse the situation, somewhat."

"I don't understand," her sleep-addled brain grew increasingly alert as she struggled to keep pace with his hasty steps down the corridor. "Grandfather, please tell me what's going on."

His silence held until they approached his office. Someone had used a brass ornament to prop open the heavy door.

Inside, Kat encountered further surprises. Dark, wooden chairs lined the outer edges of the room, each brought in from the adjoining dining room. They were occupied by tired looking men draped in striped or plaid nightwear. Staff, she realised with a jolt, recognising Hager, McAllister, and the Captain amongst the odd gathering. In front of the unlit fireplace stood Charlie. He leaned against the mantle, straightening as Nolan entered the office. His eyes narrowed questioningly as she appeared out of her grandfather's shadow.

"Charlie?" She whirled around to face the headmaster, pulling her robe tighter around herself, "is this about what I said earlier? I didn't mean to explode like that. I promise that wouldn't-" Her cheeks heated as she cut herself off, the words stuck in her throat. "Run away," she amended, "I would never run away."

He said nothing but gestured for her to take the armchair opposite his desk. The quiet was broken only by the occasional grunt or sniffle from the men sitting heavily around her.

She shook her head, "Someone tell me-"

"Kathleen," Mr Keating's kind yet firm voice accompanied the hand guiding her to sit. "Please."

"Captain?" A tinge of fear struck her stomach as she realised there were tear tracks on his cheeks.

"They won't tell me either," Charlie said. His eyes were fixed on Keating with a mixture of disappointment and concern.

Mr Nolan laid his hands flat on his desk. The low thud captured their attention as he dismissed the staff.

Kat watched them leave, an air of solemnity hung forebodingly over their absence. Only Keating paused to pat her arm reassuringly, and then he exchanged a nod with Charlie. Both teens stilled as they caught the tears in his eyes when their teacher finally turned away.

"Mr Dalton," Nolan began as the door clicked shut, "I understand that you are something of a second son to the Perry's during the school holidays."

He nodded, eyebrows drawing further together.

"I am deeply sorry, but I must inform you that there has been an incident."

Charlie moved closer; his legs almost pressed into the desk as he clamoured for information. "Is Neil alright? What happened?"

Panic clawed at his chest as the always stern face of his Headmaster crumbled.

"Unfortunately, Neil has taken his own life."

The words hung in the air like an acrobat without a safety net, plummeting to the ground with an impact that scarred the hearts of all who witnessed their fall.

"No!" Charlie shot up. His foot caught the leg of an empty chair, the force sent it toppling backwards until it hit the rug with a dull thud. "No. There's been a mistake! NOT NEIL, HE WOULDN'T, HE WOULDN'T." His ragged breathing became a choke as tears battled through his anger.

Kat sat frozen, unable to meet her grandfather's apologetic gaze. Tears burned in her eyes as the words ran circles around her brain. Neil's dead. Neil's dead. Neil's dead.

No.

A loud sob tore through her body and suddenly, reality crashed down upon her. Charlie was still banging on the desk demanding to speak to Neil, his lip quivering more and more violently until he could only form incoherent sounds.

Kathleen was numb. Ignoring her grandfather's pleading, she shook his wrinkled hands off her own, moving towards Charlie who clung to the edges of the desk, tears dripping from his bowed head. She lay a gentle hand on his shoulder, and used the other to pull him towards her, arms sliding around him. He reciprocated, holding her tight with his face hidden in the crook of her neck. Amidst the emptiness inside her, she felt his warm, hurried breaths against her skin.

"He's gone."

"I know," she whispered back, watching her grandfather slip out of the room.

"I-I don't know what to do."

She paused, struck by the horror of the responsibility her grandfather had placed on their splintering shoulders. "We have to tell Todd."

With a shuddering breath, he nodded and let go, but before she could move away, he wrapped an arm around her waist. She copied his action. Clinging to one another, they stumbled out of the office.

Nolan hovered in the darkened hall; his stiff fingers gripped the pockets of his robe as the entwined pair turned their backs on him. He watched as they moved together through the shadows which crept through each crevice and keyhole they passed, their muffled steps echoing into the emptiness.

A light appeared as they reached the senior corridor. The door to Charlie's room had been left open, and Cameron jumped over the threshold as their footsteps drew near. He took one look at them, and immediately backed away. "I'll be in our room," he mumbled, closing the door.

Kat hardly registered the kindness, her focus remained on the opposite wall. Neil and Todd's door. They paused, the same loss cutting through them.

With a muted sob, Charlie turned the handle.

"Todd," Kat switched on the overhead light. A sickly, yellow glare flooded the room. The image of Neil's empty bed pierced her composure, turning her knees to jelly as she collapsed on the floor by the bedside.

"Kat?" Todd squinted, sitting up against the headboard. The covers pooled around his waist. "Charlie? What is it? I thought we had the meeting."

"Guys?" He repeated, his eyes caught on Charlie stuck in the doorway. Colour drained from his face, turning his skin a sickly grey. "Where's Neil?"

Kat barely felt the soreness of her knees against the hard floor as she gripped Todd's hand with the last of her strength.

"Nolan woke us," her voice cracked. Suddenly, every word she'd intended to say seemed inadequate. Passages from each poem, play, and work of prose flicked through her mind like a thousand ink-stained pages, but no matter how many books she'd read,nothing had prepared her for this. "He-"

"He's dead," Charlie said, all the fire in his eyes extinguished. "His Father finally did it. He pushed Neil too far, and he's dead."

Todd blanched. The pieces of him shattered as he let out an inhuman howl. The noise was more brutal than a scream, the high and almost soundless wail of a heart torn in two. Its vibrations seemed to wedge themselves between the floorboards, clinging to the plaster like a curse for generations to come. Forced to sit, his chest convulsed.

"That-that moment in the ca-cave," the words heaved from his throat in searing gasps. "The candle."

Kathleen's breath hitched; an icy shudder passed through her with the recollection of that deathly wind. "It would make sense."

Todd cradled his pillow. Tears soaked the fabric; the sodden material stuck to his cheek and the splattered t-shirt he had worn to bed.

"Stay with me," he whispered. His hands shook as he fumbled with the blankets, lifting them so that Kat could slip underneath. Charlie slumped by the wall beside her. He let her throw the covers over his knees but said nothing, his stare fixed on the untouched bed across the room.

A green jumper hung from its bed frame, and a geometry textbook lay at its foot. A sheet of homework jutted out from its closed pages. Homework, Charlie realised, that Neil would never complete.

The early hours crawled by in this mass of aching limbs and weary eyes. Far from the dormitory, the birds began to chime for the new day. Pale sunlight reached under the drawn curtains, its nosy rays washed everything white. It was as if the room had been bleached with acid. The changing shades brushed over the furniture, exposing every detail, and bringing their sufferings to fresh and frightening life.

I'm so so sorry. Too much of sadness, I know, but I promise some happier things are coming.

* 'Maidens, that pass my tomb with laughter sweet...,' The Priestess of Artemis, Sappho

* The Bacchae, Euripides (405 BC)

* 'My Ginsberg and Neil's Capote' - Refers to earlier chapters that mention Neil hiding books by Truman Capote (an openly gay writer) from the staff, and Hager confiscating Charlie's copy of Allen Ginsberg's 'Howl.'

* 'And still we sleep,' Todd's poem is taken from an unedited outtake from the film

* Dynamite, Cliff Richard & The Shadows (1959) - #16 UK Chart, October 1959

* Keating's chant, General William Booth Enters into Heaven, Vachel Lindsey (1913) is also included in an outtake and combined with a version of the movie script I found online

FF Net Comment Responses:

AshleyKless - Thank you! Honestly, the knowledge that I'd have to write this chapter has been equally haunting for me. There's so much more I want to write for Neil and the sense of running out of time has been constant.

Artemis Fowl fan5476 - Thank you 3 And I'm so sorry that I've caused your wonderfully painted description of heartbreak to become reality.

Nina - It means so much to hear that, thank you!

Gueststarring - That's so kind, thank you. And I promise the Kat and Charlie moment you've been craving will happen soon!