Title: You
Rating: PG-13
Summary: One-shot I'm sorry, Draco. I don't know how many times I've said this, but I truly am sorry. Thank you, as well. Thank you for showing me love, and for caring for me when I least deserved it. DHr
A/N: Enjoy. :
OOO
Hey. It's me. It's been a while, huh? I guess I just couldn't bring myself to write to you, even after all these years. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.
I remember when we first met, Draco. You were always that arrogant one, weren't you? And we hated each other, loathed one another. We were on two different sides from the beginning, the two of us. We started out hating each other, and by some miracle loved each other by the end. Because even though everything else might have been lies, Draco, my love for you was true.
I was always attracted to you, you know. You were just that type of person that demanded attention. And though I truly hated you the first few years for insulting me, I started to smile whenever you'd walk towards me in the halls. I was constantly lying to myself around that time, telling myself I wasn't falling for you. But it all came down to the fact that I was.
I know you've been wanting an explanation from me... and I guess that's the point of this whole thing. I've been scared, to tell you the truth. I still am, in a way. But I can't hide from you any longer; I owe you that much.
Mm... When they told me I had to lie to you so that we could get information, I truly considered backing out of it all. I didn't know if I could have done it. By then, you had become important to me, even though you couldn't have known, of course. But that was Sixth Year, and by then, I had built myself a reputation for always doing the right thing. I knew I couldn't disappoint the Order just for your sake. You were the enemy, after all.
I guess I just took the chance that one day I saw you alone in the library. You remember that day, don't you? That was the day you nearly hexed me when I tried talking to you. But I persisted, came to you everyday, until, out of annoyance, you let me stand "close" to you. I understood that you were suspicious, but over time, I guess you grew to trust me, even to like me. And... eventually to love me. I don't know how much time it took, but with each growing day, you started to fall into my plans.
You defied your friends, Draco, and your House to be with me, even when they warned you that I probably wasn't pure of heart. Sometimes I'd wish that you would believe them and stop coming to me; that way, I could tell the Order that I had honestly tried, that you just didn't fall for it. But you continued to be with me, and the Order continued on with our plans, complimenting me on my success.
We shared great times, though, didn't we? And sometimes, I thought I saw an honest glint of happiness in your eyes, but who could ever tell? ...I remember every single moment we spent together, it seems. The bike rides, Hogsmeade, the times at the lake... That lake isn't the same since we've left. At least not to me. But with each passing day, I came to dread the time that I would have to tell you the truth.
The War was coming closer and closer; we both knew what that meant. You'd go to your side, I'd stay on mine. And I guess I could have kept my secret the whole time, but I felt that you needed to know. I remember that day clearly; it was windy, and leaves were falling steadily to the ground. And in the midst of all that, there you were. You hugged me as I came up, Draco, but do you remember what I did? I pushed you away; it was the only thing I could think of doing. And you had asked me what was wrong... Oh, Draco, I'm so sorry. It tore me up inside to tell you, but my eyes remained cold, my voice strong. I told you everything: that you were just a pawn in all of our plans, that you had meant nothing to me at all.
I vaguely remember walking away from you after that, but all I can remember is that I was crying.
...And you reverted back to your old self. Cold. Flawless. Impeccable. I don't blame you, Draco, I honestly don't, because I know it was my fault. They say that anger is just an extension of sadness; it's a lot easier to be angry at someone than to tell them you're hurt. Is that what it was for you, Draco? Were you hurt? I'm sorry...
So there it is, Draco. The truth. I'm so, so sorry that it happened the way it did. In a perfect world, we would have been together. In a perfect world, nothing would have been fake. In a perfect world... I guess there'd have been no need for me to write this.
But it isn't a perfect world, and though I wish with everything I have that it could have worked, I know that some things are meant to break. Maybe we were just one of those things.
...I'm sorry, Draco. I don't know how many times I've said this, but I truly am sorry. Thank you, as well. Thank you for showing me love, and for caring for me when I least deserved it. And... if it means anything, I still love you. I always will.
Bye, Draco.