Chapter Six

It was bliss, I suppose. Megan and Séb felt the emotions they'd been hiding tenfold, then the relief as it ebbed away. It had been years for them all- since Henri and Sébastien had lost Marie, since Megan had finally left Jack for Cascadia. And it was over, not completely but at least the secret was out.

Sébastien let Megs rest in his arms for a few moments, then gently pulled back from her, easing away. Smiling, he used his thumb to wipe away a few of her tears. Megan let out an embarrassed chuckle and ducked her head down, resting her forehead on Séb's chest.

"You must know, I've been trying to forget this…" she said, slowly and sadly. "And I don't know whether I want to talk about it or not, but…"

"I know…c'est comme moi." Séb struggled to find the words in English, unable to find the words to express what he felt in either language. "It's just- the same."

Startling the couple, Arnie himself came over. "Sorry to interrupt, but it's closing time guys." As Séb turned around, Arnie recognized him. "You know what, stay as long as you like…it'd be a waste if you left all that food anyways."

"Good to have connections!" laughed Megan.

Blushing, Sébastien pulled over his plate and they finished off their meal in amicable quiet. Megan watched as the diner shut down and Henri made the rounds with a damp rag. After Megan finished off her meal, Séb cleared the table and wiped it down, thanking Arnie for letting them stay.

"D'you want to head back now?" he asked.

"It's uh…22 15h now. Even with the pass we're locked out of campus until the morning." Megan, recalling her extensive knowledge of Cascadia regulations said hesitantly.

"We need somewhere to sleep?" Séb asked, and Megs nodded in reply. "Well…why don't we go over to my apartment? It's not much, and it doesn't compare to Cascadia but it can be warm. I think we have some extra blankets."

Sébastien beckoned his dad over and relayed the plan to him. "Oh of course! Megan is welcome to stay over…ah…Sébastien, you can sleep on the cot tonight. It's not too far from here."

Grabbing their coats and padding themselves to the cold, Megan, Sébastien, and Henri Dubé made their way out of Arnie's and walked a block or so to a run down looking apartment building. The cold metal stairs creaked as they trekked up to the third floor. As Henri unlocked the door, they stepped into a damp, old looking space. Séb seated Megan on the lone couch and disappeared around a corner, emerging once again with a torn army cot and a pair of worn out shorts. "You can sleep in Sébastien's room," assured Henri.

"I don't really stay here much, so uh- welcome to my room," said Séb, gesturing around the tiny living room. He pulled the cushions off the sofa and yanked it open, covering it with layers of blankets and several pillows. When Megan noticed that he'd set up his cot with a single blanket and a thin pillow she tossed a few of hers over. "Thanks…it's kind of cold."

"I don't mind…your house is cozy."

"Good night, ma Megan, good night mon Sébastien" called out Henri, flicking off the light switch and turning into his own room.

Séb turned in his rickety bed and immediately they heard a crack and it collapsed. Blushing, he pulled himself out of the rubble. "We found it at a garage sale. I'll just sleep on the floor then."

"No, there's no reason for you to do that. You can…you can sleep here." Megan patted the fold-out sofa awkwardly.

"I- alright." Sébastien picked up his blanket, laid it over both of them, and settled in with his back to her. Just as he was drifting off to sleep he felt her icy fingers searching for his.

"I don't want to be alone tonight," she murmured. "Be with me…"

Understanding she wanted nothing more than to be held, Séb turned over and placed her hand on his waist. His fingers inched around her, and he clutched her closer. Locked together, they both fell into their dreams.

Henri tossed in the other room. The emotional night had wreaked havoc on his mind and though it had been- for sure- harder on Megan and Sébastien he felt the loneliness more acutely tonight. Megan reminded him of Marie- their names were even vaguely similar. She was smart, dedicated…secretive. Marie had been the same way, until she met Henri. They had something together that made them both stronger for life. Then…oh mon Dieu. Henri drove Marie to the hospital as she doubled over in her seat, clutching her stomach. She breathed- Sébastien sitting in the back helping her- and bit her lip to keep from screaming. Henri's eyes squeezed shut and his teeth ground in the dark as he remembered what happened next- just as they'd reached the hospital doors she'd collapsed. Nothing. No pulse, no breathing. Henri's throat constricted in his bed as he watched the doctors surround his wife and swirl her away into the hospital behind his eyes. Sébastien had looked at him. As they waited through the hours in Henri's memory, his real-life hands twisted the sheets into knots. Finally the doctor came out, apologized, patted them on the back, and walked away. Henri shook, and Sébastien in the other room was gasping blindly as he dreamt the same thing over and over again.

Megan's body refused to shut down. Like Sébastien's, it chose to replay the most horrible moments in her life with cruel accuracy. At first, she dreamed of Séb hugging her in the snow. Then when she pulled back Cascadia had disappeared and she was standing in the change rooms at the Oakville Racquet Club. She could hear Jack breathing heavily, laughing, and- things got iffy after that. Unlike the Dubé's, she froze in her dreams, like she had in real life. When her nightmare intensified, her body convulsed in fear. Feeling Megan's finger's scratching at his back, Sébastien thankfully awoke.

"Megan! Megs?" he said, thinking she was shivering from the cold. When she didn't respond he sat up and shook her to wake her up.

Her eyes snapped open and immediately all the memories from the day flooded into her head. "I'm fine, I'm fine!"

"You were dreaming of him, weren't you?"

"I- yes. Thanks," Megan said. "Always him."

"I don't think we're going to sleep tonight. Do you want a cup of tea?" asked Séb, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and walking into the makeshift kitchen. Not wanting to waste energy, he left the light off and prepared a kettle of water on the old stove. "Does he always come back?"

"Yea. You were having a nightmare too, I could tell." Megan fought her instinct to force herself to sleep, and joined him in the kitchen. "It sounded…bad."

Séb looked at the floor. "No. I can handle it."

A silence erupted between them, and finally the kettle whistled. Hearing it's shrill cry, Henri jerked out of his torturous sleep and forced himself to breathe before searching out Megan and Séb.

"Sorry dad, did we wake you up?"

"No, I couldn't sleep anyways. Pass me a cup, Sébastien?" Wordlessly, Séb filled a glass and dumped a little tea in it. "What got you two up, eh?"

"Couldn't sleep either," Séb replied shortly.

Megan glanced at him curiously, than filled in for his short answer. "Séb had a nightmare too."

"It wasn't that important," he interjected, not wishing to delve deeper into his sleeping life.

"It sounded pretty important…com'on Séb," eased Megan, handing him a cup of tea and taking one for herself.

Sébastien took a seat on the edge of the fold-out couch, Henri and Megan following behind him. "I was…dreaming of- that last day." He looked incredibly uncomfortable, and it didn't help that he was speaking in his second language. "In the back of the car…at the hospital…waiting there," his eyes widened and he stared blankly in front of him. "Waiting for them to tell us for hours and- and not hearing a word. And when he came out, and it was all over and I couldn't understand why he just walked away after! He left us there…maman left us there. Over and over and I couldn't make it stop because every night I'm lying there trying not to think about this but it keeps coming back-" Sébastien laughed bitterly, an emotion Megan never heard in his voice. "-and I deserve it. I tried so hard to forget! And I should have been doing the opposite! All of this, my entire life is a lie because I didn't want anyone to know about her and I loved her so much. I can't forget because I love her. But I tried not to."

"Why try? Even Squib would understand you missing your mom. And Cameron would be able to relate."

"And neither of them acted like they cared! Guys don't do this!"

"You're not any 'guy' Sébastien…maman wouldn't want you to be like this. Perhaps…you should tell your friends." Henri thought about Marie, and knew that this was what she would want. This was not the life she'd imagine for her son. "She'd want that."

"They'll understand," Megan hugged him, and he tore his eyes away from the wall for the first time since he started speaking.

"It's 5am, do you two want to catch a few more hours sleep?" asked Henri.

"FIVE AM?" yelled Megan. "Oh God…Séb we have practise in an hour!"

"Tennis practise?" Mr. Dubé said incredulously.

"Six days a week. Thanks dad…I'll be back on the weekend." Sébastien let Megan into the washroom and took a turn himself. He hugged his father more tightly than he had since they'd arrived in Canada. Megan came up behind him and she was enveloped in the hug as well. A few minutes later they dashed out the door and were on their way back to Cascadia, and another long day.