I'm risking my life to cause marital strife between House and wife.

My Merry Ban, usually a cheery clan, my requiem, now they plan.

The Ban agrees, hate mail I'm about to receive, as you read my latest deed.

If you ask Goblin113, I'm just being mean with the following scene,

But I'm forced to write these words which might give you a fright.

Now on with the plot, let us trot.

These characters are not mine, in any shape form or kind.

It is only in their lives I dwell, to give you a thrill.

The Bellman perceived that their spirits were low,

And repeated in musical tone

Some jokes he had kept for a season of woe—

But the crew would do nothing but groan.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?' stormed Cameron as she stomped through the corridor, followed closely by House. 'It's the man's first day, and what do you do? You attack him!' Cameron stopped outside the door of House's office and turned to face him. 'You are such an ass!' Not waiting for a reply, she pushed through into the office.

'I didn't attack him,' mumbled House following her in.

'Then what do you call that…that scene you just made.' Holding her arm up angrily Cameron made a gesturing motion towards the corridor beyond the glass doors.

Shrugging in denial, House limped carefully passed his wife to hide behind the safe confines of his desk. Cameron, pacing the floor in agitation, stopped, looked at him, opened her mouth to speak, changed her mind and started pacing angrily again.

Just as Cameron was about to attempt to speak again, Cuddy thundered through the glass door, her face flushed with anger.

'YOU IDIOT!' yelled Cuddy loudly. 'You complete, total, cretin of a moron!'

Without acknowledging Cameron's presence, Cuddy crossed straight to the desk laying her palms flat on surface as she bent towards House. 'Hear me Gregory House, if you so much as breathe or wiggle an eyebrow at this moment, I will fire you. Do you understand me?'

House looked up in to a face filled with fury, and wisely remained silent.

'Well?' stormed Cuddy.

'You told me not to breathe and if I can't breathe, how am I supposed to answer?'

'Give it a rest Greg,' snapped Cameron from her place across the room.

Finally acknowledging her presence, Cuddy turned to face Cameron. 'Oh no, I blame you just as much as I blame him.'

Cameron took a step forward, eyes growing wide. 'Blame me for what? For him being a jealous ass?'

'No' countered Cuddy, 'I blame you for not being able to keep your panties on.'

'What?' exploded Cameron.

'Oh please Cameron, everyone in this entire hospital knows you two go at it like bunnies. House has had you pinned to every surface the two of you could find. Don't think nobody sees or knows what is going on.' Turning away from the dumbfounded Cameron, Cuddy returned her fury to House. 'You are going to apologize, and your going to do it today.'

'And you!' She turned her attention back to Cameron, 'Keep your pants on. It's bad enough with him, I don't want to have to watch you with two.' Without saying another word, Cuddy flung open the door and stamped down the hallway.

For several moments neither said a word. House sat staring after Cuddy, while Cameron placed her head against the coolness of the glass wall, her back to House. Finally, as if falling out of a trace, House spoke.

'She just called you a slut,' there was a note of awe in his voice. 'You! A slut!' House laughed mildly to himself, shaking his head. 'Wow!' He glanced at his wife and noticed her back was shaking and as covered her face with one hand.

Standing, he moved around the desk to stand behind her, 'Allison,' said House quietly raising a hand to comfort her.

'If you touch me, I'll divorce you!'

House stayed his hand centimeters from Cameron's back, a look of incongruity spreading across his face. 'What?'

Cameron turned, her back pressed against the wall, as she looked at her husband. 'If you touch me, I will divorce you.' There was ice in her eyes and voice.

House blinked at her blankly. After a moment, he let his hand drop to his side and took a step back. His eyes ran over Cameron's face, searchingly. 'That's not funny Allison,' he said at last, his voice quiet with seriousness.

'It's not meant to be funny.' Her eyes glared at him with heavy animosity. 'You have made me,' she took a step forward, causing House to step take a step back, his eyes wide with surprise, 'the laughing stock of this hospital. Do you not understand that?'

Cameron stepped forward again, pushing House back another step. 'I work here Greg, and unlike you, I care about my reputation both as a woman and as a doctor.'

'I know that' House managed to mumble, his mouth suddenly dry as the Sierra.

Cameron took another step, again forcing House back. The back of his legs hit the desk, causing him to sit down heavily on its edge, scattering papers.

'No, you do not know that. You humiliated me in there. Isn't it bad enough half the hospital knows why I was transferred? I will not even tell you the jokes I have had to suffer from Chase and Foreman, but Greg, I can deal with that.' Cameron extended one of her manicured figures and poked House hard in the chest. 'What I cannot deal with is your petty jealousy or whatever the hell that was.'

House opened his mouth to speak, suddenly thought better of it and quickly closed it again. He half sat, half stood, mind whirling, as he wondered if he should touch her or not. His eyes were locked on Cameron's. He knew from experience she was dead serious.

Cameron looked at her husband seeing comprehension slowly drift into his eyes through the shock of her sudden outrage. Cameron took a deep breath, collecting herself before addressing him again. 'Do you want to stay married?' Her question was stern but quiet.

'Yes' nodded House, his eyes never leaving hers.

'Then never do something like that again.' Turning on her heal, Cameron stalked out of the room, leaving House in a state of bewilderment.

'He served out some grog with a liberal hand,

And bade them sit down on the beach:

And they could not but own that their Captain looked grand,

As he stood and delivered his speech.'

'Would you like some ice for that?' asked Winslow as he stood again in the interim director's office watching as Wendum rolled up the leg of his trousers.

Wendum winced as he made the final roll, revealing the beginnings of a large purple bruise, 'That would be nice thank you.'

Winslow smiled as he turned to go retrieve the ice, 'It's the least I can do.' Hesitating, he looked at Wendum with a serious expression. 'I did warn you, you know. Dr. House is not the most stable of individuals to draw breath.'

'Yes, I noticed that, thank you,' Wendum grimaced again as he felt along his shin, checking its tenderness. Glancing up, he let his face slide into an awkward smile as he watched Dr. Cameron enter the departmental offices. Winslow, knowing when it was the right time to leave a situation, made a hasty excuse before departing.

Cameron entered Wendum's office with apologetic trepidation.

'Is it too bad?' she asked quietly seeing the wound on her new boss's leg.

'No, not really, it's just incredibly painful,' Wendum smiled at her brightly. 'I believe I will live, it's not mortal.' Self-consciously, he began unrolling his trousers, aware Cameron was watching him. From the expression on her face, he realized she was taking the entire incident personally.

'I'm really sorry,' stammered Cameron.

Wendum tilted his head, a faint smile on his lips as he considered her. 'It truly is not your fault if Dr. House is a lunatic, Allison. You have nothing to be sorry for.'

Shaking her head in objection, Cameron looked at the floor considering what to say, but Wendum continued before she could speak.

'I have to say, I do not quite understand how you have worked with him as long as you have done. It must have been very traumatizing for you.'

'Not really.'

There was confusion in Wendum's quiet voice as he allowed his grey eyes drift over Cameron. 'You must have a very strong constitution to defend such a tyrant,' He paused, his eyes meeting Cameron's, 'or are there other actions which warrant your defense of the man?'

Cameron met his gaze, questioning on her face, 'I think I'm at a loss, Dr. Wendum.'

Wendum frowned as he rose from his chair and moved to stand next to Cameron. Too close to her in Cameron's opinion. Looking up into his face, she could see the beginnings of lines of age forming around his eyes and along his mouth. She shuttered involuntary as he reached out and lifted her hand in his. 'It's quite alright Allison, Dr. Winslow has already informed me about the transfer and how House,' he paused searching for the right words while allowing his thumb to lightly massage the back of Cameron's hand, 'made your life difficult.'

Cameron stepped back from Wendum, while simultaneously pulling away her hand. 'Dr. Wendum,' there was irritation in Cameron's voice. 'I am not certain what you have been told, but I know what you need to be told.'

'Excuse me?' asked Wendum in surprise as he tilted his hear looking at her. There was an amused smile playing on the edge of his lips.

'I am assuming you are not aware of the fact I am married.' Cameron could not hide her irritability, 'Happily married, in fact.'

The expression on Wendum's face was one of he just being slapped. His eyes grew large with confusion. 'I was led to believe you were a widow.'

Cameron's eyes narrowed, 'Who told you that?'

'Dr. Cuddy did this morning. She mentioned you became interested in immunology after the death of your husband. So, naturally I assumed.'

'You assumed wrong,' announced Cameron, her hands falling characteristically to her hips in irritation. 'My first husband died, my second husband cracked your shin.'

This time it was Wendum's eyes which narrowed as realization dawned on him. He looked over Cameron's head searching for Winslow, before finally returning his attention to Cameron, 'You're married to House?'

'Yes!' stated Cameron matter-of-factly.

The room was suddenly filled with rich, full-throated laugher. 'Are you serious?' gasped Wendum between burst of laugher.

'Yes,' answered Cameron, glancing around in consternation.

'That is bloody brilliant.' hollowed Wendum to no one in particular, 'This is just dead incredible. You're married to House.' He laughed wildly for a few more moments before he began getting his mirth under control. Finally regaining control of himself, Wendum moved back to his chair and sat, looking as if he were the Cheshire Cat. His eyes glittering as he smiled at Cameron in amusement. 'You must excuse me, really you must. I just find the entire thing entirely amusing.'

Cameron gave Wendum a look which stated he was a madman before she deemed to answer his comments. 'Okay' she stated hesitatingly, 'No problem. If will excuse me, I have patients I have been neglecting.'

Wendum, throwing a hand up in the air, motioned Cameron could depart as his tried to hold in more laughter, 'Brilliant. I'll see you later then.'

Nodding in trepidation, Cameron made a hasty retreat from the office a look of bewilderment on her face, as Wendum watched her go. Once Cameron had passed through doorway into the corridor, Wendum leaned back in his chair, tucking his arms behind his head. 'You're married to House.' He grinned broadly, 'Let the games begin and may the best man win.' Kicking out with his foot, Wendum spun in his chair towards the window. 'This is going to be fun.'

'Come listen, my men, while I tell you again

The five unmistakable marks

By which you may know, wheresoever you go,

The warranted genuine Snarks.'

The Hunting of the Snark, by Lewis Carroll

Author's note: Not mine, just a product of my demented mind.

OK...Let the tomatoes fly!