Each other's arms
Addison put down her glass and closed her eyes. She allowed herself to enjoy the soft, warm buzz that the Scotch was giving her.
She didn't usually drink scotch. It wasn't her drink; she had bought it for Derek. She'd planned a night of Indian Takeaway, an 80's teen movie and a drink or two. Instead she was alone… waiting.
It seemed to be the story of her life since moving to Seattle… that and rain. She really missed Manhattan.
She opened her eyes and looked at the album she had gotten out earlier. She ran her hand over the black leather cover, tracing the embossing that featured their name… Addison and Derek. She couldn't help but smile when she remembered their wedding day, despite the vast difference between then and now.
Then Derek couldn't keep his hands off her. She remembered him showing up in the bride's room at the church, sneaking in when noone was around and insisting on having his way with her.
She'd been mortified.
"It's a Church Derek," She had giggled.
"So Jesus can cover his eyes… besides only an idiot would not have sex with you right here and now… and I'm no idiot" He said, lifting her long white skirt. He'd kissed her ferociously and with such passion she couldn't form a response if she'd wanted too.
Now… she couldn't remember the last time they'd made love… at least not like that. She wanted to so badly.
She looked at the photos, smiling faces she almost didn't recognise… and one smiling face she wished that she didn't… Mark.
She shut the album with such force, as if trying to erase that memory… that time from their history.
It didn't work.
Addison pulled up a cashmere pashmina in an effort to stop the cold she felt as she sat on the trailers porch. It didn't work. It was a chill she couldn't get rid of. Since arriving in Seattle she had rarely felt like herself.
She looked to the driveway as Derek pulled up, a little over two hours late.
He looked worn and defeated, a look she saw often, and usually avoided. She hated to rattle his cage when he was like this.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked as if he'd forgotten they had plans.
"We had plans… I made plans, I was hoping to reminisce over wedding photos, get you drunk, Then maybe fall into bed, and make you realize you can't live without me" She said light heartedly, hoping he'd remember she'd said those words once before.
He didn't. Instead he said nothing and went inside the trailer.
Addison sighed and took the last sip of scotch left in her glass.
Why was she bothering?
She put her head down, and fought back tears.
Why was she trying when he wasn't? She shook her head vigorously.
And why was she being punished for her mistakes still.
Then she wondered, again, why? She had said sorry a million different ways. She had shown him she was sorry by giving up her life in Manhattan and moving cross-country.
She had moved her designer wardrobe into a trailer for god sakes; seriously downsizing her beautiful shoe collection.
She had tried therapy, she had tried putting up with his obvious flirtations with Meredith in the halls of the hospital, and she had tried saying nothing.
What she hadn't tried was believing in herself? She hadn't tried letting go?
Addison stood up again, steadying herself as the blood and alcohol charged her body.
She walked inside the trailer and said.
"We had plans"
Derek looked at her as if to say, so?
"We had plans Derek, you and me… husband and wife," She pointed furiously at them both.
"I had surgery," He said, with no apology.
"I get that, I understand your life… I live it too… but if I am late, when I see you, I say sorry" She spat the words angrily.
"It's a small word… but apparently I am the only one in this marriage that understands it's meaning" He looked at her surprised.
"Now I bought this for you" She handed the half empty bottle of scotch to him.
"You might want to have a drink, because I have a few things to say… I think you're going to need it" She went to a cupboard, removed a glass and handed it to Derek.
Derek sat down at the table and poured himself a drink. She wasn't sure why but he made no effort to stop her as he usually did. He didn't complain about interpreting girl whine or the like. He just sat, poured his drink and looked at her as if to say, I'm ready.
"I've had enough Derek," She said. She was trying to form the words in her head, as she hadn't planned this and the alcohol wasn't helping.
"I've paid my dues, I've said I'm sorry, I've left my life, I've been quiet through your indecision and indifference, I haven't complained when you've said no to sex, I've been made to feel like the intruder in my marriage with you and Meredith at work… hell I've even looked the other way with this friendship you two are sharing, despite me clearly asking you to not have her in your life" Derek looked at her surprised.
"I've sat silently through it all, punishing myself, figuring this is what I have to put up with so that we're even for my mistake" She said the words with anger, and sadness.
"But it stops here… tonight, it stops forever" She looked at him seriously and he went to speak.
"No" She put her hand out to halt him.
"You don't speak" He closed his mouth.
"It stops, because I say it stops, I have paid my dues, I have served my time, I have made amends… you have been my judge for the last time Derek… now it's time to be my husband" He went to speak again but Addie continued.
"It's up to you how we proceed but you have three options…" Derek stood up.
"One: You can not move on… because you're an idiot…." He stepped closer to her, but she was too angry to notice.
"Two, you admit that I am the love of your life and you suck it up and we move forward…" She managed to finish right as Derek leaned in and kissed her. She was so surprised that at first she fought it, before finally giving in. He pressed her forcefully against the trailer walls and she felt her body get warm all over.
He pulled back and looked at her, as if seeing her for the first time in a long time.
"I told you once before I'm no idiot" He said.
She smiled and she wanted to give in and say no more.
"I'm serious Derek… this is it… no more to and fro-ing, tonight's the night, if you want out then get out… but this is it, okay?" She said, wanting to stay strong and yet wanting to kiss him again. He had filled her with hope before… she didn't want him to break her heart again.
"Okay" He said.
"Okay?" She asked.
"Okay I want in… let's make this work… let's move forward… let's move on… whatever. I want you" He kissed her again.
"What was the third option?" He pulled back and smiled his sexy smile. The one that even now still made her weak at the knees.
"There was no third option, I hadn't got that far" She smiled.
All she could do was trust him. In that moment she felt he was more sincere than he had been in as long as she could remember.
And she wanted him, so she gave herself over and she allowed him to lead her towards the bedroom, so they could restart their life again in each other's arms.