Author's Note: (IMPORTANT) This is a reedited, extended remake of the original "Too Much Stretching." I decided to brush it up a bit to make it better and hopefully, more funnier.

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter and characters do not belong to me.

Too Much Stretching

ONE-SHOT

On a day like this, she thought nothing could go wrong. The sun was shining brightly in the sky, the temperature was warm and it was Saturday. After completing her Head-Girl duties this morning, she was free for the entire day and she was quite glad she finished her week's worth of homework all yesterday.

Hermione Granger kept a good pace with her two bestfriends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. They were currently discussing the wizard world's most famous and only sport, Quidditch. Now, she was never much of a Quidditch fan or rather, she was immune to the excitement of Quidditch and was quite athletically challenged. After all, she could not see the thrill in riding a long stick and chasing balls around. She cocked her head to one side. Riding a long stick and chasing balls around? That did not sound too right.

She shook her head, silently scowling herself. I have been around the Head-Boy, Draco Malfoy too much. He must be rubbing off on me.

Riding a broom and hitting balls around. There, that was better.

With the topic at hand, which she was not interested in, she opened a book that she carried along with her. Hogwarts, A History. Volume IV

Deeply engrossed in her reading, her mind and hearing begin to fade consciousness of reality.

Up ahead, Ron seems to be in a predicament.

"It was terrible, I'm telling you, terrible!" Ron said, stressing the word. He buried his face deeply into his hands. "I won't be able to face her now without hearing the end of it."

"It can't be that bad." Harry said, trying to console his friend.

"But it was!"

"Hey mate. What's done is done." Harry smiled in reassurance. "You can't avoid her forever."

"I know, but she was expecting so much from me. You know, since I became a man and can handle things on my own. I can't believe I screwed this up."

"Tell me about it."

"Okay, okay." Ron took a quick glance at Hermione and noticed that she was still absorbed in her book.

"So what happened?"

"She told me to buy it, so I did. I told her I don't need it." Ron sighed heavily and started, his eyes completely glued on two squirrels quarreling over an acorn. Harry nodded, telling him to continue.

It was then that Hermione decided to stop reading and closed her book, oblivious to the topic of the conversation.

"She told me to cover it because she didn't want it dirty."

Hermione raised a curious eyebrow.

"I mean, I thought I was a man, I didn't need any protection for it, I told her. Yet, being the woman she is, she persisted me to buy it."

"Well, did you?"

"After an hour of arguing, I finally did."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. What did Ron buy?

"So when I ripped it out from the package, I didn't realize it was so small and the thing was so big." Ron continued, scratching his head.

"You didn't see the size on the package?"

"I did, but I wasn't sure what was the correct size for it."

Harry appeared surprised. "You mean to tell me you never looked at it?"

"No." Ron said sheepishly.

Hermione had never been anymore confused. She would have had interrupted their conversation and demanded what they were talking about, but she decided against it. Maybe she would find out as the discussion goes on.

"I tried to cover it, but it was so big, man." Ron said. "I was afraid of it stretching so much it rips."

The wheels of Hermione's brain started to turn a different direction as Ron finished his sentence, however, she continued to keep her silence.

"So I keep stretching it and stretching it, so it can completely be safe and covered and protected like she wanted, but I knew I should of have gotten a bigger size." Ron said, frowning.

"So yours was humungous, but you got the coverage too small." Harry laughed, smacking his friend playfully on his back.

Hermione's mouth dropped to the floor with astonishment, her cheeks flaming with embarrassment for eavesdropping on such a subject.

"Anyways," Ron continued, not noticing that Hermione has fallen behind as she began to walk a bit slower. "Yeah, that damn thing was too small. I kept stretching it anyway, you know, because I knew I wouldn't be able to return it once I opened it. When I finally fit the damn thing, she said it looked too weird. It looks like I was suffocating it."

Harry laughed loudly. The two boys were completely unaware of Hermione breathing heavily from the shock a few feet behind them.

I should not be listening to this! Hermione told herself repeatedly, but remained interested in the conversation, her cheeks burning red with shame. Harry and Ron really talk about this stuff when they think I'm not listening?

"She was complaining how it should be able to breathe and be comfortable if we were going to be on it. And the shape looked funny too." Ron said with annoyance. "Then she had the nerve to say that she seen better. She said little boys could have done better."

Hermione's eyes were as wide as saucers. What girl had compared Ron to little boys? Was he that... oddly shaped? She mentally slapped herself. How can I think of Ron like that? He is my bestfriend, for Merlin's sakes!

Ron twitched his nose with aggravation. "I told her I didn't care. Whatever shape it turned out to be, I finally got it covered. From my point of view, it did not look too bad."

"Women," Harry rolled his eyes. "They can't settle for anything."

"And I also told her I didn't care as long as I could do it. I spent a long-ass time putting it on and I wasn't going to take it off yet."

"It probably did look funny. Knowing you."

"It was fine. I'll show you when we get back to the Burrow."

Hermione gasped, but quickly covered her mouth with her hands. She certainly never knew that! I didn't think Harry and Ron would be like that! Have they been keeping secrets from me?

She was horrified. She turned away, lips twitching something about washing her ears with soap when she got back to her room. Yet, her ears were glued onto the distant conversation ahead.

Ron chuckled and the two stopped walking. "I tried fixing it. Then I pushed it in and pulled it out. She was all screaming my name." His face became distorted, lips pinched and he mimicked in a high pitch voice. "Ron! Oh Ron! Ron!"

He laughed again. "I kept doing that, but then after a while, she screamed at me to stop cause she was worried that it might rip and there would be no point in it."

Harry burst with laughter. "You guys are so funny. I should've been there to see you at it."

Ron rolled his eyes. "So she said since we weren't going to use it anymore; I should take it off and return the product. I told her the store wouldn't take it back cause its all stretch and it ripped a bit."

Harry chortled. "Only her."

Ron snorted and said. "That woman went on and on about how the store should make the customer satisfied and she wasn't satisfied yet. Not anywhere near satisfied with the product."

"You did all that struggling of putting it on and she wasn't happy?"

"Nope. After... like half an hour of arguing, I finally decided to take it off so she could stop bitching. I tried pulling it off, but it got stuck. She helped me tugged it off too. I think we pulled too hard because it ripped and all this white stuff came out."

Harry clapped his hands with glee. "It got all over her didn't it?"

Hermione just stood there, gaping like a fish. She made no sound. The shock was just too overwhelming for the poor girl.

"Sure did. It was everywhere." Ron nodded solemnly. "She was pissed as hell. I didn't know it had all that white stuff in there."

Harry shook his head with amazement.

"We cleaned up while she was screaming at me about buying such a small size if I knew it was much bigger. I told her that she told me to buy it that size since she thought it was so much smaller."

Hermione was swaying in her steps. She nearly fainted.

"I took it back to the store, but the man didn't want to take it back. He said it was broken and much too stretched." Ron pouted. "I asked him, 'What about satisfaction guaranteed?' The man looked at me like he didn't give a shit. I told him he was doing some bad business. He said go buy a bigger size and try again."

"Did you buy a bigger size?"

"Nah. I gave up. I had enough for one day. That was too much hard work for me. Plus, she's still angry at me."

Hermione felt like she was hyperventilating. She would never be able to look at Ron the same way ever again. Visuals and images would come into her mind... of Ron... She shuddered; feeling cold bumps trailing down her back even though it was nearly eighty degrees.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down.

"OH MY GOODNESS!" Hermione finally summoned enough strength after her near-heart-attack experience. She screamed at the top of her lungs. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT!"

Both Harry and Ron were quite shock at her sudden outburst. "Hermione, are you okay?" Harry asked worriedly.

"NO! Of course I'm not okay. I never heard anything more disgusting and horrible in my entire life!"

Ron gave her a queer look. "We're only talking about everyday subjects."

"DAMN! To you it might be!" Her fingers stabbed accusingly at Ron. "You should be ashamed! There are little kids around here!"

Ron and Harry glanced at each other, confused and unsure as to what to say.

"Now move out of the way so I can go and puke." Hermione stormed off, her feet stomping furiously against the paved ground.

"What the hell is her problem?" Ron questioned, a worried look on his face.

"Don't know." Harry shrugged.

"I was only telling you about how I tried to stretch my brand new sheet over my feathered bed and my mother is pissed at me for wasting her money."

"She must be mad that you ripped the sheet. It's something with women and home decors."

"Geez, women these days." Ron threw his hands up into the air. "First my mother, then it's Hermione! I can never escape these crazy women!"

THE END

Author's Note: There is a reason why I decided to rate this ONE-SHOT as "Teen" and you just know why. If you cannot handle these types of stories, please do not read them and flame me. Thank you.

For those who enjoyed it, please rate/review! I might write another one if I get lots. Cookies to everyone!