Author's Note: Here's another installment of my "Too Much" Series since readers loved the others so much. As always, have an active imagination and let it run free!

Summary: Hermione and Ginny are comparing Draco and Harry. Unknowingly to them and unfortunately, Draco and Harry happened to be nearby. Why, such dirty things are involved. Mature Content! Read with caution!

Too Much Comparing

Hermione Granger, bookworm extraordinaire, and smartest witch in Hogwarts did not have the slightest perverted bone in her body. Of course, why should she when she had other things to think about? Or rather, talked about. Usually she would not bother to nag on and on about this particular person and a certain asset of his, but the boy simply talked too much about it for her to avoid it. Well the only way for her to lessen her view on the object of that boy's obsession was by comparing it to his arch enemy's. So one sunny Saturday morning when the rest of the Hogwarts population were outside enjoying the only sun they had in the past two weeks of rain, Hermione and one of her good female friends, Ginny Weasley were in the library catching up on some light reading with a bit of gossip every now and then.

They sat in the farthest corner of the library so they should not be disturbed. Draco Malfoy, Head-Boy and Hermione's arch nemesis, was looking for her so they can get started on a Potions project that they have been unjustly been assigned to work together. On the other side, Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived and one of Hermione's best friend was also searching for her so they can go to Hogsmeade together. Draco and Harry met each other in front of the library door and upon laying eyes on each other; pure looks of venom were exchanged.

"What are you doing here Malfoy? Aren't you supposed to be somewhere screwing with Crabbe and Goyle?" Harry asked him, his voice filled with malice.

"Naturally, I was going to ask you if you were going to screw your boyfriend Weasley today. I heard Weasley screams like a little girl when he is about to reach his point." Draco said, smiling evilly.

Harry thought better than to hex the bloody smile off Draco's face because he simply would not let the Slytherin ruin his perfectly good sunny morning. He opened the doors to the library and walked on, noticing that Draco was following him. Harry spun around and said loudly, "Merlin Malfoy, I'm too straight to shag you in the library!"

Draco's fist instinctively shot out, but he halted it in midair. He forced himself to calm down. It was bad enough he had to work with Hermione on this fine Saturday. He should just get the project over with and get on with his day. Harry Potter was not worth his trouble. He withdrew his hand and walked ahead, searching for Hermione. Nearing the back of the library, he instantly heard her voice and was about to called out to her when he coherently heard her comment.

"Malfoy brags about it so freaking much, it's annoying me!"

Draco stopped walking shortly, wondering what he bragged about recently. His good looks… his sex-god status… his wealth… his good looks… his money… hmm, there was so much about him for him to brag…so what was Granger ranting on about?

Harry was about to walk past him when Draco shot his arm out to stop the boy. Harry sent him a glare, but Draco placed his fingers to his lips and told him to hush. Harry scowled disapprovingly, not liking the idea that Draco was eavesdropping on Hermione's conversation, but her next comment made him extremely interested.

"I'll admit it was better than Harry's though."

Harry instantly thought. What was better than him?

The two boys stood behind the bookcase, careful to keep themselves out of view. They both pressed their ear against the shelf in order to hear the conversation better.

"Malfoy's was a bit longer and thicker." Hermione said.

Harry scrunched his face up in horror as he saw Draco's wide satisfied grin. How did Hermione know? She couldn't have possibly slept with the enemy! Harry wanted to confront her, but he was too keen on hearing Hermione's next words.

"But Harry has more skills, which Malfoy lacks." She said proudly.

"I'll agree on that any day." Ginny said, nodding her head.

Harry went HA! to Draco as the Slytherin's mouth dropped in surprise.

He was better than Potter! Draco thought angrily. Yes he was! He knew he will always be better than Potter! He has more skills than scarface! The mudblood just didn't know what she was talking about.

"It's not the size of your equipment, but how you use it and your skills." Ginny said wisely.

Hermione nodded her head in agreement.

"I bet Harry was born with the gift." Ginny added with a slight blush.

Harry couldn't help the huge grin that stretched across his face. Seeing Draco's horrified face was priceless.

"Malfoy likes to stick it in places, just as long as it looks better to him. He likes to keep it nice and maintained."

"I always knew you were a bloody man whore." Harry whispered to Draco.

"Shut the fuck up." Draco said heatedly.

"But have you noticed that Harry's is a bit crooked?" Ginny said.

Draco pointed his finger at Harry, laughing silently.

Harry gave Draco a daunting look. "No, I'm not!" He mouthed.

"Yeah, Harry's is a bit crooked, but he overcomes that factor with his skills."

Harry crossed his arms and puffed out this chest proudly. Ha! Did Malfoy hear that? He got skills!

"You know Malfoy's is only bigger is because he has money. Money can give you big things." said Ginny.

"Yeah, that's true. Knowing Malfoy, he always wants to be bigger and better than anyone else." Hermione said, agreeing.

Harry gave Draco a queer look. Realizing Harry's look, Draco shook his head back and forth quickly. "I didn't do anything! I didn't enhance it!" He whispered, actually worried that Harry might cared.

"Harry has money; he should get the crookedness fixed." Ginny said

Determined not to let Harry get all the laughs, Draco said, "Crooked Potter."

"No I'm not!" Harry said angrily.

"I don't think he should." Hermione said. "Maybe it's the crookedness that gives Harry his luck."

"Probably," Ginny said sighing. She then grinned, "Have you ever tried to ride it? Won't the crookedness make you fall off?"

Hermione laughed and said, "Yeah, I have always feared that. I was never good at doing it in the first place, so riding Harry's—the crookedness does intimidate me."

Draco bit the inside of his cheeks, trying to keep himself from bursting out with laughter. He clutched his stomach. Merlin, his sides hurt so much from unreleased laughter.

Harry never felt any more embarrassed in his life. How can Hermione say that? And with Malfoy here to hear this!

"What about Draco's?" Ginny asked.

"Malfoy's is so hard. I never rode it, but I heard it was uncomfortable." Hermione said.

Harry's embarrassment was quickly gone. Now looking at Draco's mortified face, Harry knew it was his turn to laugh.

"Did I ever tell you what Malfoy asked me?" Hermione asked her friend.

"No," Ginny said, intrigued.

"The nerve of him! He asked me if I had a big trunk because he said one day he was going to put it in it." Hermione said, scowling as she crossed her arms. "I don't even know him that well! The only other boy that stuck his in my trunk was Ron, but he's like my brother, so it wasn't anything."

"You asked Hermione for sex?" Harry demanded to know.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "I don't remember."

"If I ever hear that you hurt Hermione, I'll fuckin' kill you." Harry said threateningly.

"With your crookedness?" Draco suggested.

Harry was ready to launch himself at Draco and beat the bloody hell out of the bloke, but he told himself that the Slytherin boy wasn't worth it.

"I don't know about Harry, but Malfoy loves to stroke his." Hermione stated.

"Harry's a guy too, of course he strokes his." Ginny said. "They stroke things they like."

Never would Draco Malfoy believe that Hermione Granger would be talking about such a topic. And he thought she was innocent all this time! Wait until the rest of the school hears this…

"Merlin, you should see the way Malfoy stroked his. You think he was going to lose it by the way he was going!" Hermione exclaimed.

Harry moved away from Draco a bit. Perhaps it was better if he kept a safe distance…

Draco was shocked more than anything. Granger spied on him? Damn that is one freaky witch! If she wanted to see, she could have just asked!

"All right, overall Malfoy or Harry?" Ginny asked.

"Surprisingly, I have to pick Malfoy. Harry is my best friend, so it'll be a safe ride. Sometimes I need some exhilaration."

Ginny nodded her head and said, "I have to pick Malfoy too. Harry's is just too skinny."

Draco was just full of glee. To have the two most important females of Potter's life picked him over Boy Wonder was just wonderful. He grinned at the look at Harry's face.

"Ha! Ha! I'm just better!" Draco said, still grinning.

Screw the Malfoy-wasn't-worth-it theory. Harry thought. He lunged into Draco's direction and tackled him down. They thrashed and thrashed, trying to deliver black eyes and bloody lips. Draco and Harry's arms were entangled as they tried to beat the mess out of each other. They stumbled out of their hidden space and into view. They fell to the ground and both looked up to each Hermione and Ginny staring at them with wide eyes.

"What are you two doing?" Hermione asked.

Draco backed away from Harry and brushed the dirt off his robes. "What are you two talking about is the question."

"What do you mean?" Ginny asked innocently.

"Granger, I have skills!" Draco said furiously.

"Hermione, I am not crooked!" Harry protested.

Hermione and Ginny turned to look at each other.

"Malfoy, you do not have as much skills as Harry and Harry, yours is crooked." Hermione said.

"No!" Both of the boys shouted at once, refusing to believe the Head-Girl.

"Harry," Hermione said sympathetically. "Years of playing made your Firebolt crooked. And Malfoy, Harry will always be better than you playing Seeker."

Both Harry and Draco blinked, their mouths dropping to the floor. So much for a nice Saturday morning.

Ginny shook her head and muttered, "Boys! When it comes to Quidditch, they think they're always right."

I couldn't think of anything else to add, so it's a bit short. Tell me what you think.