Author's Note: Gods, I can't believe I'm writing such stories… Tsk-tsk… What's worse, I can't believe you guys are reading it. Heh.

Extra treat—its extra long—longer than the others.

P.S. I shall update Arousing the Unknown soon. Don't give up on me now, I'm still breathing… As long as I shall breathe, I will continue to update. I promise you that.

Summary: Hermione and Draco were on their nightly patrol and have fallen into a weird compartment. With no one to hear them (or so they thought) Hermione and Draco try to pass the time.

Too Much Poking and Wiggling

"Malfoy, walk a little slower would you?" Hermione Granger, Head-Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry grumbled as she tried to catch up to the fast pace of Draco Malfoy, her arch nemesis.

The platinum blonde-haired Head-Boy rolled his blue eyes and quickened his pace. "What's the matter Granger? Scared?"

Hermione looked around her surroundings edgily, but she refused to let Draco wallow in his cockiness. "Of course not."

"Sure."

"I mean it! I'm not scared. Let's just hurry up and get the patrol over with."

"We have three floors to go."

"Damn."

"We would cover a lot more if we split up." Draco suggested.

Although it was a good idea for convenience, Hermione was not too keen on the idea of wandering alone—especially on a night like this. The rain was pounding on the roof of the castle, lightening seemed to strike more than usual and the wind howled with such ferocity that Hermione was sure a terrible beast was loose in the castle.

"Malfoy, I rather tolerate your terrible company than wander alone and get lost." said Hermione.

"Wonderful to know." The Head-Boy's tone was drenching with sarcasm.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk……….

Suddenly Hermione heard a weird squeaking noise from behind a wall. "Malfoy, did you hear that?"

"Granger, you're getting too paranoid." Draco said, giving Hermione a queer look.

"Shush! Listen!"

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…

"Oh shit." Draco breathed. "What the hell was that?"

"I don't know. I think it's coming from behind this wall." Hermione walked up to the stone wall and cautiously pressed her ear to the cold surface. Draco followed suit.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkk….. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkk….

"What the fuck? It sounds like Mrs. Norris is dying. Damn, now that would've been great." Draco said with a big grin on his face.

Hermione gave him a disappointed frown and turned her attention back to the noise behind the wall.

Eeeeeekkkkkkkk…

Hermione's hands scampered around, lightly tapping the wall.

"What are you doing?" Draco asked, slightly puzzled.

"I think there is an entrance somewhere." said Hermione. "I know this isn't a classroom."

Eeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk…

Small bumps began to cascade down Draco's spine. The noise irked him, yet he was determined not to let Hermione see his fear. Hermione pulled out her wand from underneath her robe.

"Lumos." She murmured. With the aid of her wand's light, Hermione knew her suspicion was correct. There was a small crack from the ceiling all the way to the floor where it might mark a door.

Eeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk….

Immediately, Draco pulled out his wand too.

"Aha!"

"What?" Draco peered in closer.

"I think I found it." Hermione said with triumph. She pressed her palm on the loose stone.

Suddenly, the wall seemed to vaporize and a huge force pulled the breath out of her. The force sucked Hermione and Draco in and pulled them down.

"Oh shit!" Draco screamed, trying to stop himself from falling, but it was futile.

Hermione tried to grab onto any object that may be protruding, but there was nothing. Together, they sled down into the dark depths of the castle. Hermione felt they must've been sliding forever. Draco's scream was drowning hers. Someone must have definitely heard that and will come save them. Hermione thought. At last they landed with a hard thump.

"Granger, I never knew you were so fat." Draco said groggily.

"Shut up." Hermione said as she sprung onto her feet after realizing that she was sprawled on top of her enemy. She looked around. Everything was so dark. She searched in her robe for her wand, but it wasn't there.

"Shit, my head hurts." Draco said as he sat down. He groped around for his wand, but he too, did not find it. "Damn, the wands must be back up there."

Now Hermione was usually not one for such vulgarity, but at that moment, all she could say was "Fuck! Fuck! Fuckkk!"

"Jeez, Granger, I didn't know you're that horny."

"Shut up!" She furiously waved her hands around, reaching out to see if she could touch anything. She felt a wall.

"It seems like that eeeeekkkkk was nothing more than the wind whistling. You sure can hear the storm pretty loud in here."

"There must be a way out." Hermione said, completely ignoring Draco.

"Granger, we're in a small-arse room." Draco said. "Not even a room, feels like a broom closet." He waved his hands. "But without the brooms."

"Someone help!" Hermione screamed. "Anyone! Please help!"

"With her big mouth, it would be a miracle if the whole castle was still sleeping." Draco muttered.

"Use your mouth for something useful!"

"Oh but I do."

Hermione stomped Draco's foot. "Stop being so perverted!"

"Was I?"

"Stop it and help me yell for help."

"Fine. Hey you fucking blockheads, wake the fuck up! I'm trapped!" Draco pounded on the walls heavily.

"I swear, if I heard someone say that, I would leave them trapped." Hermione murmured.

"Shitbricks! Fucking arses wake up! Can't you hear me!" He pounded harder.

"Oh god." Hermione sighed. "Please don't let me be stuck with this moron."

Thirty minutes later of relentless pounding, screaming, and cursing…

"I don't think they hear us Granger." Draco said.

"Bloody hell." Hermione sank to the floor.

"Great! There's no one around to hear us." Draco said angrily. "What should we do to pass the time?"

"Go to sleep."

"No, I can't sleep. It's fucking dirty and cramp in here. I can barely stretch my legs out."

"Well what do you suggest?"

"Duh, it's obvious Granger. There are two of us stuck in this damn-Merlin-knows-where place. There's only one thing left to do and it's to—"

Boom! Thunder shook the castle.

Meanwhile…

Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts woke up from his deep slumber. There was a knock on his door. He searched around for his half-moon speckles. "Come in."

Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape stormed in. There were grim expressions on their faces.

"What's the matter?" Dumbledore asked them, wondering what happened that they had to wake him up. He was having such an interesting dream too. Someone was calling him a ahem—bleeping blockhead and poopbrick on top of many other things.

"The secret passage to your room was opened." McGonagall said quickly. "Professor Snape and I were afraid that someone might want to harm you. That's why we came."

"Well I haven't seen anyone yet." Dumbledore said with a smile.

"We'll still stay here for a while for your safety—just incase." Snape said, his face hardly touched by the smile.

Just then, Dumbledore's ears picked up faint voices. "Shh… I think I hear them." The three professors became silent as they strained to hear the voices behind the thick stone walls.

….

"For once, I agree." said Hermione, shifting around.

Draco began to grope around, his fingers brushing against random objects. He felt two holes. "I think this is it. Damn I can't see."

Hermione's hand went down to where Draco's was. "Yeah, that should be it. You got the stick?"

"Right here." Draco whipped it out.

"It looks funny." Hermione remarked.

"No, it doesn't." said Draco angrily. "It's dark! How can you even see it?"

"Well I have good night vision!"

Draco snorted. "Yeah right."

"I'm serious. The ridges look funny."

"Damn, Granger, nothing has to be perfect like you."

"I'm not perfect! I'm just saying it's oddly shaped."

"Hard to satisfy, aren't you?"

"I can't help it."

Malfoy sighed. "Well this is going to take a while."

….

McGonagall's chalky faced paled until her skin was almost translucent. Snape merely smirked and Dumbledore had the most peculiar expression on his face.

"Heavens," McGonagall gasped. "What on Earth are they doing?"

"What do you think Minerva?" Dumbledore asked innocently.

"Well I never!"

"Heh." Snape scoffed as he crossed his arms. "It seems like our intruders are having a great time."

"We must stop them! This is indecent! Professor Dumbledore!" McGonagall said furiously.

"It would be rude to barge in." Dumbledore said. "Plus, I really wouldn't want to catch anyone in the act of… might be an unpleasant sight…"

….

"Malfoy, I'm not going to do this if you don't put it in the right hole!" Hermione said crossly.

"The bottom one looks better." protested Draco.

"Well, it's not going to work until you put it into the one above it."

"How do you know? Hmm? Hmmm?"

"I just know!"

"And you have been doing this regularly, Granger?"

"I have seen my dad do it."

….

"Hmm…" Snape pondered. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like Miss Hermione Granger." He paused, listening for a second. "And her partner sounds like Mr. Draco Malfoy."

McGonagall's mouth dropped. "It can't be! Hermione would never!"

"Yes, that does sound like them." Dumbledore said, agreeing with Snape. "Interesting…"

"It is not interesting! This is forbidden!" The Transfiguration professor cried out.

"Most interesting…" Snape muttered.

….

"Merlin, Malfoy! You poked me with it!" Hermione said irately.

"Uhh yeah… I know I did."

"You're supposed to put it in the hole, not poke me with it!"

"Well I want to see how it is before I do so." said Malfoy.

"Malfoy…"

"Fine."

There was a profound moment of silence…

"Malfoy, I thought you said you were an expert at this! You said you did this many times! You have to position it correctly, you idiot!" Hermione said, hitting Draco on the head with her hand.

"Shut up Granger! I know what I'm doing."

Hermione mumbles. "Yeah whatever."

"I have more expertise than you."

"Expertise my arse." Hermione said prudishly. "Can't even push it in the right hole."

….

"McGonagall was on the brink of fainting. Never in a million years would she ever presume that she would hear her best student perform and say such… indecent things…

….

"Malfoy, you can't keep using the backdoor for everything! It doesn't work that way." Hermione was getting furiously.

"But the backdoor is always easiest for me." Draco said.

"Not in this situation! You're going to ruin the stick if you stick it there!"

"Granger, I know what I'm doing! I did it before!"

"With who? Who taught you?"

"Blaise Zabini."

"Figures." Hermione snorted. "He would be the idiot to teach you it."

….

"Oh my." Snape said.

"Oh my indeed." Dumbledore nodded his head.

"Oh my god." McGonagall grasped her heart.

….

Moment of silence…

"Stop wiggling it like that Malfoy! It's going to break if you keep doing it like that!" The Head-Girl screamed.

"No it won't! It's strong! See?"

"I swear I'm stuck with an idiot. It won't work if you keep wiggling it like that."

"Let's see you do it, Miss Smarty-arse." Draco said, irritated.

Some fumbling was heard…

"See, if you move this carefully… Now switch position with me. Ahhh… better!" Hermione said, grinning.

"Granger, I'm a bit uncomfortable in this position." Draco said.

"There's no room, so suck it up."

"Ahh! What did you kick me for?"

"You're moving too much!" Hermione said. "Be still because you're affecting me!"

"Damn you witch!"

….

"I think it's time we stop them Severus before they wake up the whole school." Dumbledore said, smiling.

Snape walked up the wall and pressed his palm in several locations of the stones. Suddenly, the wall swung open and two students fell out.

Yes, everyone was in a state of utter shock.

"Professor Snape!" Hermione gasped. Her eyes looked up. "Uhhh…"

"Damn, it's a house party." Draco mumbled. "McGonagall and Dumbledore are here too."

Well, it certainly wasn't what the three professors were expecting.

Draco and Hermione were fully clothed and in Hermione's hand was… an oddly shaped stick.

"What were you two doing?" McGonagall demanded. "What happened?"

Hermione looked at the stick in her hands and nervously laughed. "Well, we fell down from the fourth floor during our patrol and landed in that room. Malfoy found this stick on the floor and we were trying to crack open the lock with it. We were having a hard time because Malfoy, who's a complete idiot, were trying to wiggle the stick into the wrong keyhole in the wall."

"I am not an idiot!"

"Yes you are! Can't you see the stick was too big for the lower hole!"

"How should I know? It was dark!"

"You should've listened to me! I told you the upper hole was better!"

"Excuse me Professor; I don't want to be around this annoying witch." Malfoy stomped out of the room.

"Grr! Stupid idiot!" Hermione followed behind him. "If you had listened to me, we would've gotten out sooner!"

Her voice echoed back to the three professors.

"See Minerva? There was nothing to be worried about." Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eyes. "Now I need to get back to my pleasant dreams. Maybe now I'll see the face of the person who called me a blockhead…"

….

Hope that wasn't too disturbing for you.

Please rate/review! Thank you!