Chapter Nine: True As It Can Be
Wind and snow pounded at the door, as fear and terror pounded at his heart. Sully continued endlessly to heat the water and rub it tenderly across Michaela's cool skin, but as time progressed and Michaela did not appear to improve at all, he began to realize that he was at a loss of what to do next. What he really needed was a heat compress and IV bags of saline, neither of which could be accounted for in the rustic cabin. Sully felt helpless as he sat and watched his new found love slip from his grasp.
Sully placed the warm cloth into the bowl and held Michaela's hand as he stared at her porcelain face. "Don't leave me, Michaela, not now . . . not after everything . . . everything that just happened. I love ya, Michaela . . . I can't lose ya now . . . especially on my account . . . hold on . . . God, please, hold on . . . " Sully trailed off as a single tear escaped his oceanic eyes and his gaze adverted toward the dancing flames, while his hand still held Michaela's. Then, ever-so-slightly, Sully felt a single, gentle, pulse on his hand. His eyes shot up to Michaela and his heart leapt.
Everything swirled and spiraled and blurred and merged until she was sure she would go blind from the confusion of it all. She felt as if the very air she breathed was burning her and the sound of a fire crackling in the distance caused fear to lurk through her body. Finally fed up with the confusing arrays of shapes and echoing sounds that surrounded her, Michaela began to fight for consciousness, allowing her eyes to flutter open and squint into the brightness of the room. Images were still blurry and Michaela strained her eyes even harder to sharpen the quality of her vision. Through her concentration, the swirling of the world began to decelerate, and she found a familiar face staring joyfully back at her. "Sully . . . Sully, oh where are we?" Michaela strained.
Sully rubbed Michaela's hand with his thumb as he stared at her weak, yet puzzled complexions. "We're still at the cabin . . . looks like we're gonna have to stay here for the night . . . it's a blizzard out there." Sully said, nodding toward the door.
Michaela continued to stare blankly at Sully, and shook her head slightly. "What . . . what cabin . . . yours and . . . and Williams . . . ?"
Sully shook his head and grasped Michaela's hand a bit more firmly, yet gently. "No . . . no Michaela, remember . . . I brought ya here, you were . . . well, still are in the stages of hypothermia . . . and ya woke up . . . and . . . and . . . " But Sully did not continue when he saw the complete look of confusion etched across Michaela's face and felt her tense up once she felt the connection between her hand and his. "Don't . . . don't ya remember?" Sully questioned as a look of worry and cerebration passed across his own face.
Michaela looked away from Sully, beating her brain inside, trying to remember exactly what had happened that would have caused Sully to panic at her loss of memory. "I...I don't . . . I remember going into the woods with you . . . on Walks Above . . . " Michaela said slowly as vague thoughts slowly returned to her, and Sully visually relaxed as she began to remember. "...and I remember climbing . . . climbing up to . . . to . . . a ridge . . . oh, the valley . . . I remember the valley . . . oh it was so beautiful, Sully!" Michaela exclaimed, but her smile faded when she noticed Sully's face continued to be full of anticipation; as if there was something more to be remembered. Michaela shook her head, and frowned. "...and that's . . . that's it . . . I, I can't remember anymore . . . it's all darkness . . . black . . . Sully . . . what, what happened? Did I faint?"
Sully stared at Michaela in a state of complete shock. She doesn't remember it . . . she doesn't remember the kiss, or . . . our confessions . . . What do I do? Sully gazed off past Michaela's face, into a daze, trying to contemplate the situation.
Michaela began to worry all the more when she witnessed Sully's reaction to her confused words. "Sully? Please, tell me . . . what happened?"
Sully stared back into her amber and green speckled eyes, full of concern and discombobulation. He knew then that he couldn't tell her what had happen, what had been said. It wasn't something that you would tell like a fairytale to a small child. It was something that you told one another when the moment was right, when the pieces fit. The pieces had fit, but they were snapped apart by the unexpected turn of events, and Sully immediately feared that their relationship was not meant to be so.
"Sully! What is wrong?" Michaela croaked, snapping Sully out of his revery.
"Nothing, nothing happened Michaela . . . ya just, woke up earlier . . . thought ya might remember it. Ya seemed pretty alert then . . . " Sully adverted his eyes as he lied to the woman he loved. The woman who knew nothing of that confessed love.
"Oh..." Michaela paused, puzzling over something. "Sully, what exactly was I waking up from?"
Oh how the lies keep piling higher and higher. Sully thought to himself, as he closed his eyes and prayed to the Spirits for their strength and guidance. "I...I... left, to go get...Walks Above...um...I guess I was gone longer than I thought...you uh...went out to find me and got yourself turned around...when I found ya, you had already entered into the profound stage of hypothermia...brought ya here, been trying to get ya warmed-up with some warm water..." Sully now adverted his eyes at the bowl, searching for anything to look at besides Michaela.
Michaela bit her lip slightly. She could just tell that something wasn't right, that Sully wasn't telling her the truth or at least the whole truth. Had she not felt so weak, she would have questioned Sully further, but she felt her body begging for rest. "Oh...ok...I...I think I'm going to go back to sleep..."
This threw Sully for a loop. "Wait a minute...shouldn't ya stay awake, so ya don't fall unconscious again?"
Michaela tiredly shook her head and relaxed into the softness of the pillows. "No...no, it's not that kind of sleep, you needn't worry...I'll be fine Sully...thank you..." Michaela whispered as she succumbed to the taunting sleep that overwhelmed her.
Sully just kneeled there and stared at Michaela's sleeping form. Did I do the right thing, by not telling her? What else could I have done? But what the heck am I suppose to do now...how do I handle this situation... Sully had felt his love for Michaela deepen even more so after he had told her how he felt, and this made it so hard to even understand or grasp what had happened. It was as if he had gained and lost everything in one day, leaving him hollow and empty. He was without the comfort of his soul-mate, his soul-mate who was unknowing of even having such a partner.
As the wind continued to howl outside, Sully found himself actually thinking that it would have been better if they had never said it at all...perhaps the pain of losing and forgetting it was actually worse than never hearing it said. Luckily deep in his heart he knew these feelings not to be true, but he couldn't get rid of such thoughts as his head nodded onto the side of the cot, by Michaela's hand, and Sully also allowed himself to drift into a deep sleep.
Michaela sat up abruptly, with a lingering, cool sweat blanketing her body. As Michaela rose to the seated position, the rough movements of her body as well as the her heavy breathing awoke Sully instantly; and he, likewise, shot up as well. "Michaela...hey, it's ok...what happened?" Sully said gently as he placed his hand, comfortingly, on Michaela's shaking shoulder. At the initial contact, Michael's eyes leapt up to meets Sully's and, much to Sully's surprise, Michaela threw her arms around his neck and began to cry into his shoulder. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? Shh, it's ok...come on tell me what's wrong." Sully said, as he gently stroked her back.
Michaela tried to continue the tears as she spoke of her nightmare. "It was so real...I could feel the snow crunching under my feet as I walked...I was twisting and turning around trees, trying to find...you...I was trying to find you, but you were gone, and I was lost...and finally, I was so tired and cold, my body...it just collapsed from underneath me, and I just lay there, freezing. I was so scared...not just for me, oh God Sully I couldn't find you, and something kept telling me that there was something wrong...for you I mean... I just...I was scared, I'll admit it!"
Sully pulled back from Michaela as her story went along. He wanted so badly to believe that his was actually her memory coming back to her, but part of him kept telling him not to get his hopes up. "Hey, it's ok...I'm here now...I wont leave you...I promise." Sully let her react to the words he had just said, hoping and praying that something would spark a chord. But Michaela just smiled slightly and nodded leaning back into the pillow and cot.
The wind had stopped rampaging the cabin hours before and Sully decided to go see what the damage was. A white, glittering, sheet blanketed the surrounding forest. The storm had dumped about two feet of snow on the existing foot; yet with the fronts passing, the sun was visible between the parting clouds and the temperature slowly began to rise beneath the shining sun. Everything seemed so peaceful outside, yet Sully could not fathom how to handle the situation ensuing inside.
Sully turned back into the cabin to find an uncertain Michaela, attempting to stand from the cot. No sooner had she successfully balanced herself on her two, wobbling limbs; her weakened knees buckled and collapsed from underneath her. Sully, who had foreseen the potential accident, caught Michaela in mid-fall.
Slightly embarrassed and self conscious, Michaela blushed and smiled a bit, before looking up into Sully's sapphire eyes, as he held her for a moment. Suddenly her smile faded and formed to make a frown.
"What...what is it, Michaela?" Sully asked, confused by her quick change in attitude.
Michaela's mouth gabbed a few times before she was able to find the words. "I...I remember...I don't know...I remember you holding me...earlier last night...but I don't...was I awake or even conscious when you carried me here?"
Sully knew she had not been awake at all during the short journey to the abandoned cabin. "No...no, you were unconscious the entire time..."
Michaela's forehead creased in puzzlement, then relaxed. "It must have been déjà vu the I suppose...I mean...you never have...oh never mind...I'm just so confused..." Michaela stuttered out, blushing and breaking ye contact with Sully.
Sully nodded knowingly, while he placed Michaela back onto the cot. "It's perfectly fine Michaela...but...what, what should we so I mean, your condition...it's..."
Michaela shook her head, trying to forget how much it throbbed and concentrate on the matter at hand. "Well, if you can find your horse– I mean, Walks Above...I do need to het to the hospital, so they can just make sure that no permanent damage is done...don't worry, I...I really feel perfectly fine now..." Michaela lied as much to him as to herself, and she adverted her eyes so that he would not see the deceitfulness evident in her eyes.
But Sully did not need to even see her eyes to know that she was lying. "No, I don't want to leave ya like that." Sully said, as memories of his promise made to Michaela the previous night replayed in his mind over and over again. Sully was a man of his word, and it didn't matter whether she remembered the promise or not.
Michaela smiled slightly at Sully's concern, as his words of 'not leaving her' played tricks on her mind. "I'm fine Sully, and staying here isn't doing any good for me. I'll be fine for a few moments on my own. I mean, it's not like I'm suffering from amnesia or anything, I'm merely forgetting a scene that took place when I was probably only semi-conscious." Michaela attempted to ensure Sully as well as herself, while confusing images popped illogically into her mind.
Unfortunately, Michaela's words of reassurance, were nothing of the sort to Sully. He was lost, not knowing what to do or say. He decided that it was best to do as Michaela had suggested. Nodding his head, Sully refused to meet Michaela's eyes as he reached for his jacket. "I'll be right back then...keep, keep on resting" Sully said as he headed out the door.
His response was almost like a slap in the face to Michaela. Something happened...something he wont tell me...but what? Why did I have to forget something that seems so important to Sully? Michaela thought to herself. Closing her eyes to her surroundings, Michaela tried to organize the scattered thoughts and snip-its of memories that raced through her mind.
Ok...the valley...it was beautiful, snow covered, bliss...then, then Sully said...oh he told me he brought me there...because...because I was working hard and hadn't given enough time for myself...yes that was it...and then...I...I... Suddenly Michaela's eyes grew wider that quarters, as images soon took their place back into her memory. Oh my God...the...the kiss...oh how could I forget such a thing...why didn't Sully say something...wait...he lied to me...but...I don't understand... And the a instant realization overwhelmed her, as she felt the extent of Sully's love for her. He didn't want to scare me...he didn't want to hurt me or appear too forward... "Oh this must be awful for him...I have to see him, he has to know." Michaela thought out-loud as she determinately got out of bed.
Sully walked through the woods, not really thinking about where he was going, just letting his feet take him where they wished. Luckily, his feet must of known what they were doing, because after no more than five minutes of walking, Sully found Walks Above, laying under a large evergreen tree. Sully walked towards the horse, thoughts racing a million miles a minute, as Walks Above got to her feet. Sully mounted absentmindedly and steered the horse back the cabin as his eyes stared blankly straight ahead.
His gut and his mind told him that he deserved every bit of what happened by leaving Michaela the way he had last night; yet his heart yearned to be heard, to encourage and maintain hope. Unfortunately, the shouts from his brain and the pit of his stomach overpowered the feelings in his heart. He was so preoccupied he didn't even notice the figure in the distance running towards him.
Suddenly he heard his name being called; distant yet clear. He looked up from his daze and nearly fell off the horse when he saw who was running towards him. Sully managed to dismount, and turned back towards the herald. "What are you doing Mich–" but he was cut off when Michaela ran into him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Oh Sully!" Michaela exclaimed, pulling back and dropping her arms. "I remember, I remember it all! I remember the valley...and, and the kiss...I remember you walking away...and... remember going after you, but getting lost...I remember waking up again...with you trying to warm me...and, I remember what we said...every word..." Michaela said in barely a whisper. She looked deep into his eyes, seeing the hope begin to grow and over take the confusion and hysteria. Sully appeared as if he wanted to say something, and Michaela knew what he was trying to put into words. "Sully...you needn't explain anything...I understand...what's more is, honestly, I love you all the more... Sully?" Michaela said in concern when she saw a tear escape his water glazed eyes.
Sully answered by cupping Michaela's delicate face with his hands and kissing her as she had never been kissed. Sparks flew, as did their hearts and souls. Michaela allowed her arms to clasp around Sully's neck as his arms encircled her waist, lifting her off the ground and spinning her in a burst of joy and relief. "Sully!" shouted gleefully
Sully slowed the rotations and allowed Michaela's feet to touch back down to the ground , while never letting her out of his arms. Michaela looked joyfully up into Sully's eyes, seeing all the love of the world that Sully had for her. "I thought was gonna lose ya...Michaela, I was scared...and so confused, I didn't know what to do...I couldn't even bear the thought of losing ya, not after I had just told ya...Michaela I love ya, as true as love can ever be imagined...and I never want to hurt ya, ever again...I know I did that far too many times last night..."
Sully stopped as Michaela put a finger to his lips. "I love you too." They shared a smile as they came together once more a kiss.
"Let's get you back...you're still going to the hospital..just want to make sure you're ok" Sully said while wrapping one arm around Michaela's waist and leading her to Walks Above.
Michaela rolled her eyes slightly. "Sully, I..."
"Michaela, I don't want to even hear it." Sully said while helping her on the horse's back before mounting himself.
"Excuse me, but am I not the doctor here?" Michaela said as Sully mounted behind her and wrapped his arms around her sides to grip the horse's roped reins.
"Excuse me, but am I not your transportation host?" Sully said softly into her ear before lightly kissing the side of her head.
Michaela nodded slightly and laughed. "Fine, point taken." Sully grinned while giving a quick flick of the reins and they were off.
Authors Note: No this isn't the end! :