Disclaimer.
J.K Rowling went out one day so I took her characters out to play.
We ran around, they laughed with glee,
All this fun and she works for free!
Sorry for taking so long to update folks. I've had a cold and been pounded by deadlines being shortened at work. My poor wee brain has been strained.
Thank you to all who reviewed, I get all excited when I see your names appear. Thank you for your suggestions as well. We should see a little more action following this chapter but I still want to laugh a little.
Loaded this to FFN twice – it looks like the first time didn't work
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Phaelan sat at the head table stifling a yawn behind her hand. A full day of classes following a full evening of kinky make-up sex made for a tired preservio whatjimacallit.
She was quite ready to retire and sleep…yes definitely sleep. Her mind had started to zone out when she heard the tinkling of crystal being tapped.
"Attention, your attention please. The Headmaster has an announcement," called McGonagall.
Dumbledore stood, "Since I have not yet done so, let me first formally welcome you all back for the new school term. I'm sure the holidays were eventful and bountiful. In a few short weeks, we shall be hosting our first reunion of former students and staff. As you are no doubt aware, there are a number of events planned, many of which will depend upon the participation of our current student body. Look for posted announcements to appear daily, inviting you to volunteer. It should be a jolly time and we want everyone to join in. Thank you and good evening." He sat back down as the sound of conversation rose in the Great Hall.
"What has he tagged you for now?" asked Snape.
"Fashion show," she replied, tiredly. "You?" she wondered.
"Housing." He spooned the last of his prunes and custard into his mouth. "I'm supposed to procure enough temporary shelter for three hundred or so."
"Oh well," she commiserated half heartedly.
He looked sideways at her. "I would suggest a warm, aromatic communal bath followed by a gentle massage and an early night.
"God, that sounds good." Phaelan mustered up enough energy to tease him a little. "So, who would you suggest we invite into our bath? Will it expand?"
"Cheeky girl; I don't share you that way with anyone." He slid a sideways glance. "I'll start my patrol early, you have the elves do what they need to and I'll join you."
"I'm on my way." Phaelan stood and left the Great Hall, her path followed by the eagle eyes of McGonagall.
Minerva stood to leave as well, crossing behind Snape on her way out. She leaned down close to his ear. "Do let our Muggle Studies professor get some rest, Severus. She has a full class schedule after all. I'm sure you'll get everything you missed eventually. Put your little Slytherin snake friend to bed for one night." She patted him on the shoulder and left through the side door.
Snape sat in his chair slightly aghast at what the older woman had said. A frown began to form as what she'd told him sunk in. 'Little Snake,' he mouthed to himself. He felt another tap on the shoulder. It was Dumbledore.
"Remember, my dear boy, moderation in everything." Albus smiled knowingly at him before he too patted his shoulder and left.
Was he to have no private life at all? Two people old enough to be his grandparents telling him to practice restraint in bed. What next; lessons in prophylaxis from the Dark Lord? Merlin. He stood and made his way past the tables, now emptying of students, who studiously avoided his black look. A few points were going missing tonight. Snape was on a mission.
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Phaelan lay back in the bathtub, luxuriating in the water Polly had scented with relaxing aromatics. Dobby had piped in music from the WWN and left the candlelight low. It was heaven. In the bedroom, she heard a door bang and several oaths muttered announcing the arrival of the ever aggravated Potions Master. Ah well, the water would work its magic on him too.
Snape finally made it to the bathroom, throwing off his clothes as he entered.
"Do you know what the stupid little blighters did tonight?" He continued before Phaelan could answer.
"They only opened the taps up to flood the entire hallway outside the girl's bathroom on the second floor then cast a Freezing Charm on it. Do you know what for?" Phaelan didn't bother to answer.
"They wanted to ice skate. Some of them got skates for Christmas and their friends wanted a go." He'd finally undressed and stepped into the tub.
"Then, someone got the idea about Curling. Do you know what they used in place of stones?" He held up his hand, "Don't bother, you'd never guess. Someone cast an Immobulus Charm on a half a dozen Nifflers and they were tossing the little buggers back and forth on the ice."
Snape paused in his tirade and dunked his head under the water, finally surfacing to lie back and relax. "To top it all off, Flitwick came upon them first. He walked onto the ice just as a neatly thrown Niffler crossed his path. He was knocked off his feet and cracked his coccyx when he landed."
Phaelan began to laugh, "That whole episode sounds like it came from a Three Stooges movie."
A smiled began to form on Severus' face, "Yes, it does, especially when you add in Madam Pomfrey trying to cross the ice to get to Filius, supported by Crabbe and Goyle. The three of them fell twice on the way."
Phaelan took up a loofa sponge and soaped it, "Well, let's just be thankful it wasn't Dumbledore who came across them. He'd probably have joined in." She reached out to rub his chest only to have her arm knocked out of the way by his hand.
"Severus?" she asked, watching his face wince in pain.
"The mark," he replied, before pulling himself from the bath.
"Now, so late?" Phaelan also got out of the bath and pulled on a robe. She watched as he dressed in his customary robes.
"You know who doesn't watch the clock. Most of his followers work day jobs; gods forefend his source of revenue be cut off." He reached out and pulled her close for a kiss. "Don't wait up, I will be very late."
Phaelan sighed, knowing sleep had just become elusive. "Be careful."
Sharing a small smile, Severus turned and quickly left. Phaelan crawled into bed alone, leaving the lights and music on.
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Severus arrived at the apparition point at the same time as several others. Nodding to each other through the anonymity of the Death Eater masks, they made their way to the gathering point in the graveyard. As Peter Pettigrew entered, the gathering fell to their knees as one.
Voldemort made his usual dramatic entrance and stood before the fire Peter had conjured in the centre of the circle. "Welcome, my faithful. It has been a while since we last met, yet, we are no further ahead in our goal." He looked around the masked faces. "We must find a way to bring about our victory and cement our power. To that end, I have contacted an old friend who is, at this very moment, creating a fiefdom which will be a vortex for our Wizarding comrades in South Asia. Soon, their Muggle Taliban puppets shall create a world where we may rule and the Muggles will serve as nature intended."
Voldemort strode to the side where Peter had set a ring-sized box on a stool. He pulled his wand and pointed it at the artefact. "Behold the fate of those who continue to defy our rightful place." He waved his hand and a young woman, a Muggle by her clothes, was dragged over to Voldemort.
"Imperio!" Voldemort cast the unforgivable and commanded her to come forward. "Now my dear, open the box and swallow the capsule."
The girl obeyed, compelled by the curse. Severus saw a small glowing capsule in the box just before she picked it up and placed it in her mouth. He barely noticed the Dark Lord casting a Shielding Charm around the girl.
Seconds passed as she stood motionless, then suddenly, she was enveloped by blinding light emanating from her diaphragm. When they had regained their sight, the girl was gone. Obliterated by what ever it was she had swallowed.
"Our friends, who had experimented in Australia, have found new allies and a new way to harness their power. Think, my loyal followers, think of the power we shall wield when we demonstrate our conviction to the cause with a few well placed assassinations."
Voldemort began to laugh. "They shall supplicate themselves to me and their entreaties for mercy will drown out those who stand against us. Victory approaches!"
His speech ended in a shout that trailed off to maniacal laughter once more. Severus listened as several of the Death Eaters joined in. He felt the chaotic desire to run, as far as he could and as fast as he could. Yet, he stood there in silence, waiting for his moment to escape.
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"They're here ladies. Come, let's greet them at the front doors," gushed Minerva, as she passed Hooch and Phaelan with her robes whipping around her legs.
"Who's here?" asked Hooch.
"I think she means the designer's from Madam Malkin's." replied Phaelan, "She's not spoken about anything else in the staff room all week."
The two women leaned over the railing for a better view. The doors opened to admit three people; Madam Malkin herself and two men. At least, Phaelan thought they were both men. Minerva and Madam Malkin air kissed each other when they met, looking like old friends. As she greeted the two men, (?) Minerva was effusive in her welcome; quite unlike the assistant Headmistress of stern demeanour they were used to.
"Are you sure they're men?" asked Hooch. She stared down at them and garnered a closer look from one who had placed a monocle on his eye.
"Anatomically, perhaps but genetic aberrations have occurred before." offered the mocking voice of Snape, who'd approached them quietly.
Phaelan turned to him and asked, "Are you Homophobic, Professor?"
He sniffed imperiously, "Madam, I am affronted by your suggestion. I am merely Heterocentric."
"You made up that word," countered Phaelan.
"No I didn't. I'm sure I read it in one of your myriad Muggle magazines somewhere," he replied defensively.
Hooch watched their banter, enjoying the humour. "I don't care what you say, either of you. I'd keep my arse to the wall if I were you, Snape. Excuse me; I have a broom to polish."
"Whose?" asked Snape, out of the side of his mouth.
Hooch smiled, "I'll never stroke and tell." She left them, escaping down the hall to another stairway.
Phaelan looked down once more, only to see Minerva beckon to her to come. With a sigh, she reluctantly went to meet her collaborators for the fashion show.
"This is the professor who is coordinating the fashion show, Phaelan McKenzie." Minerva indicated Phaelan with a sweep of her hand. "I'm sure you've met Madam Malkin?" she asked.
"Yes, we've met once," Phaelan replied.
"We met only once, but I've had a great deal of commerce conducted on the young lady's behalf." The shop owner smiled conspiratorially.
"Yes, well," Minerva steered away from the subject. "Let me introduce you to the designers Phaelan. This is Nicodemus Fuller and Carville Salmone," she indicated each in turn.
Both men were dressed in the fashion of the eighteenth century. Elaborate tail coats of shiny satin over white linen ruffled shirts and embroidered waistcoats; breeches with silver filigreed buckles at the knees, white silk stockings and buckled leather high-heeled shoes completed their ensemble. Fuller was resplendent in peacock blue with silver embroidery while Salmone wore canary yellow with black brocade.
"How do you do gentlemen, I'm looking forward to seeing your creations." Phaelan extended her hand to them and was offered two limp hand shakes in return.
The one named Carville replaced his monocle and looked Phaelan over closely, "Muggle clothing." He sniffed imperiously. "Quite inferior stock."
Phaelan barely understood what he had said through a strong Gallic accent. To her ears it sounded more like 'Moogle cloothing. Queet inferioor stook.' She barely held in her giggles thinking she had finally met Inspector Clouseau.
Stifling her giggle reflex with a cough, Phaelan replied to his remark. "Je suis désolé si mon vêtement vous offense monsieur. Je ne suis pas une sorcière, et ne pourrais pas l'achat mon habillement à un magasin offrant les vêtements comme par magie faits."
Carville raised his eyebrow and lost his monocle. "Vous parlez Français bien. J'ai pensé que vous étiez un Américain ?"
"Indeed, I am an American Muggle, monsieur. That does not preclude my fluency in French. I just hope my Muggle clothing will not offend you while we work," she told them with some asperity.
"Please, Madam, do not let my partner upset you. He is a passionate man; about his work and other things," said Fuller at her annoyed tone. His high pitched lisping voice grated on Phaelan's nerves.
"I'm sure everything will work out, gentlemen," said Minerva. "Now, let's adjourn to the staff lounge and discuss arrangements.
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Dumbledore, Lupin and Shacklebolt were sitting in the Headmaster's office waiting for Snape. He'd asked Dumbledore to hold off on a briefing until the others were there and now was about to reveal what had happened at the last meeting with Voldemort. He'd not shared the knowledge with Phaelan as yet knowing she'd bombard him with questions he didn't know the answers to.
Severus entered the room and took up his customary stance at the window. He related the events of the last meeting with his Dark Lord in an emotionless voice. As he fell silent, he turned to look outside letting his news digest with the others.
"Snape, did he say what country specifically his ally was targeting?" asked the Auror.
Severus shook his head, "He obviously has contacts with dissidents in the East European and South Asian regions. Much of the magic he has used for his transformation and mutation has most certainly come from there. The uses of snake venom he has utilized are proof positive of that."
"The very idea that this kind of murder can be committed without bloodshed or terror being left in its wake is the antithesis of his usual tactics. What is his hope?" asked Lupin.
"As I said," replied Severus, "his hope is to instil a more insidious fear in the Wizarding public. Death silently approaching, leaving nothing in its wake, is far more intimidating than the obvious Unforgivable."
"What do you suggest, Kingsley?" asked Dumbledore.
Shacklebolt sighed, "Well, he has revealed the same group that was experimenting with the generation of energy in Australia has a hand in this. That's a place to start. I'll contact Gillhooly and see what we can come up with."
"I think I'll nose around Diagon Alley for the next few days," said Lupin, "Any folk who've arrived from that far away should still have an odd scent on their clothes. Come to think of it, anyone with a healthy tan might be suspicious. They get outdoors a lot more there from what I hear and they allow flying carpets."
Dumbledore looked at Snape shared a small smile, "Are you going to tell Phaelan?"
Snape gave a resigned shrug, "Probably, even though she'll want to analyze it and ask for a sample to test. Matter to energy in the blink of an eye with no nuclear fallout; it will positively whet her appetite for knowledge."
"What are you talking about, Severus?" asked Remus.
Snape shook his head, "I've been reading far too much Muggle science for my own good. Trust me, you don't want to know. If you truly want to have an idea, read something about Hiroshima and Nagasaki circa World War two."
"Well, let us adjourn, gentleman. We all have duties to perform," said Dumbledore coming to his feet. "Let us meet one week from today and discuss what we have learned."
Lupin and Shacklebolt left, leaving the professors alone. Dumbledore pulled out a bottle of brandy and poured them each two fingers.
"Do you have any idea who has infiltrated the Ministry far enough to do damage, Severus?" the old man asked.
Snape shook his head, "No, none at all. I've not attended any social engagements recently. If there are any new mistresses or toy boys, I'm not aware of them."
"Perhaps you should indulge yourself," suggested Dumbledore.
"You realize they would expect me to bring Phaelan along to any festivity they have planned?" He looked up at the leader of the Order.
"I believe Phaelan understood the ramifications of becoming your paramour from the outset. I've no doubt she will be agreeable to the task." He didn't look at Snape as he said the latter.
"Old man, you may carry the banner for those who call themselves followers of the Light, but you are just as much of a manipulative bastard as the one you oppose." Severus lifted his glass and downed the brandy in one.
"I won't purchase the garments she requires, it will come from your purse. Moreover, I shall not ask it of her, you will. There will be no equivocation from whom the instruction comes from." He shook his head and laughed mirthlessly, "Sadly, she will comply to your request for she feels it her duty to obey. We may have a charmed connection but her sense of honour demands she follow your orders."
Snape turned to leave but paused at the door and turned back, "There is one thing I know, Albus and it is this; if she is permanently injured physically or psychologically due to your order, you will lose me as a spy. I almost lost her due to your inept revelation of her roots. I will never risk that again."
"Where would you go?" asked Dumbledore.
"As if I'd tell you." With that reply, Severus turned and left the old man to his thoughts.
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"Wot ees theese; cloomp, cloomp, cloomp like eepogreefs in eat," complained Carville.
Phaelan was becoming impatient with the designer wizard and turned to his partner, "What the fu... Can you translate please? I'd rather he just spoke French rather than whatever language he's using." Her anger was turned on the English design partner.
Fuller gestured dramatically, his lace cuffs wafting around, "It's quite simple, the girls don't know how to walk. And, where are the boys, we need some pretty boys."
Phaelan sighed; there were enough boys in Hogwarts who were obviously interested but afraid to come forward.
"Nicodemus...Nicky," she replied using the name he preferred, "get your partner to control his temper and I'll get some young gentlemen."
"They must be pretty," warned Nicky.
"Pretty, okay. Just remember, no touching," Phaelan warned.
Fuller made an expression of surprise, "We are professionals."
Phaelan went to the girls who had just walked the make-shift runway. They were mostly dressed casually in jeans and trainers. They looked up at her expectantly.
"Alright, you are all aware that not all of you will be modelling the clothes." She watched as they nodded. "Good. There will be a place for everyone to take part. We need help with makeup, hair and dressing so if you'd prefer that side of things you can volunteer now."
Several hands raised and Phaelan asked them to sit to the side, leaving the potential models in front of her.
"Ladies, the designers are complaining about how you are walking. Has anyone ever seen a fashion show?" she asked. Again a few hands rose. "Alright Hermione, what did you notice?"
"The girls all walked like they had to go to the bathroom really badly," she replied with a smile. The girls around her laughed.
"Funny, Hermione." Phaelan retorted, and shook her head. "First of all, you have to wear proper shoes. When I was in college, we all wore Adidas or Nike shoes all the time. You can take that look of your face, Parvati, it wasn't that long ago. Anyway, we put on a fashion show to raise money for charity and the co-ordinator from Macy's, who was sponsoring the show, told us the rules for strutting the cat-walk, as she called it."
Phaelan went over to a table on the side and pulled out some high-heeled sandals and put them on.
"Now watch," she instructed. "You put one foot directly in front of the other even slightly crossing them. Stretch your neck high and look like a snotty bit.. Oops, didn't mean to say that." Her face went pink at the almost profanity. "Alright, you lot try. Can anyone transform shoes into high-heels?"
Parvati and Lavender pulled out their wands and transfigured their flip-flops into strappy sandals with two inch heals. They performed the same magic for the other girls. They were instantly transformed into hip swinging Prima Dona's. Phaelan smiled to herself and turned back to the designers.
"Carville, Nicky, darling's, were ready for you now." She strutted back to the runway followed by the girls. The two wizards watched as the girls passed them.
Carville clapped his hands gleefully and jumped up and down. "Woonderful, mich better. Day luek soo faymeenin. Mes jeunes dames, venues, me montrent encore votre façon de promenade. Tellement bien vous exécutez."
"What's wrong with him now?" asked Pansy impatiently.
Phaelan, leaning on the wall with her arms crossed, replied, "Nothing, he loves how you walk and wants you do your stuff again."
"So, Mr. Tight Knickers, we walk okay now?" said Pansy slowly to the Frenchman, "Is it Tray Ben?"
"Pansy, behave yourself," warned Phaelan, though secretly she felt like doing the same thing.
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Snape was marking homework in his office when Phaelan came to speak to him. He still hadn't revealed to her, the new danger Voldemort was about to unleash upon them. He still wasn't sure how to go about it.
"I need your help with a problem," opened without preamble.
Snape raised his brows in surprise, "Phaelan McKenzie needing help from a man? What ever shall we do; are nogtails flying?"
"What's a nogtail?" she asked.
"It resembles a pig but has long legs and a stubby tail. Never mind; what do you require?" he sat back and gave her his attention.
"Pretty boys." She replied with a straight face.
"I beg your pardon?" he asked incredulously.
"Seriously, I need some boys to participate in the fashion show. I thought you might have some names."
He smiled, "Surely you've figured out which team or other the older male students are playing for by now."
"Well yes," she replied, "but, I'd like straight guys. I was thinking Malfoy and Zabini from your House would be perfect."
"Ah well, I'm not sure they would enjoy the attentions paid them by your fashion experts." He leaned forward on his desk. "I wouldn't want to see anyone hurt."
Phaelan frowned, "I don't think the designers would harm your students, Severus."
"I was thinking of your fey friends being jinxed by my Slytherins."
"Oh, I see. Can you ask them anyway?" She looked at him hopefully.
"What about the other houses?" he wondered.
"I already have Ernie McMillan, Harry Potter, Justin Finch-Fletchly and Colin Creevey," she told him.
"Why more?" he asked.
"It balances out better, three girls for every boy. Just one other thing…I wonder, would you be willing to chaperone?"
"If you and Madam Malkin are there, why do the girls need a male chaperone?"
"It's for the boys. I told Fuller and Salmone both to keep their hands to themselves but just in case." She looked at him hopefully…
…"You brought us pretty boys and…" Fuller trailed off when he saw Snape. "What are you?" he asked.
"A guarantee," Snape replied.
"Of what?" asked the simpering designer.
"You staying out of Azkaban," replied the dark professor.
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