Chapter Twenty-One

In-Law Meet-Up

By the time we left the peak, Levi had sent a raven to his family and was thanking me for cleaning that shed. I handed Lyna the light metal (a.k.a medium) version of the Warden Commander armor and the sword. The rest, I kept in my void storage.

It took 3 weeks to get from the peak to Sulcher's Pass to get Shales control rod. We encountered 2 roaming bands of Darkspawn, a group of bandits and took care of some of Loghains' men… but we reached the Pass just in time to see an elf chase after a Mule. I giggled, and I heard a few sniggers from behind me.

Felix was about 5'6 – rather short for Thedas human men – with short brown hair, dark stubble, and green eyes. His skin was pale, and his voice as he spoke to himself wasn't really deep, or high but somewhere in between.

We approached Felix, and he put up his hands and said, "Err… you'll have to forgive me if I seem a bit nervous. Not many people traveling in this part of Ferelden. Of course, that's part of my problem, isn't it? Mule got spooked by a wisp and ran off to the woods. Now what do I do?"

I pushed Alistair forward. He shot me a dirty look, but replied to the man. "Um… are you… are you asking us to find your mule?"

"Oh! No, no, I sent the elf to do that… I mean I sent my helper Tarren. Nice fellow that… Tarren." He was quick to tell us the name of his elven helper when he saw we had three elves with us. "Allow me to introduce myself. Felix De Grosbois, Merchant and entrepreneur, at your service."

"Erm… I'm Alistair – a Grey Warden. These are my commanders, Lady Stormlight and Lyna Mahariel." I was trying not to laugh at this whole encounter.

"I don't normally take this route, but with the war I was hoping for a bit of luck and good weather in the mountains. Sadly I've had neither. This trip has been one miserable disaster after another. I don't suppose you'd… consider helping a fellow out?"

"What is it you need?" I asked – Alistair had outed me as the leader, so…

"Of all the other things that went wrong, the worst is this artifact I bought in Jader. It's a control rod, I'm told, for a golem. No point in me keeping it, as I'll never get to use it… but maybe you could?"

"Just how much do you want for it?" Lyna asked, sounding guarded.

"Nothing. I just don't want to have to lug around something that might be taken for a gemstone by a bandit. To be honest, I don't even know if it'll be useful to you. I paid too much to simple… throw it away" Felix sighed.

"What does… what does it do?" Aedan asked.

I snorted, "Gee – what does a Golem Control Rod do? I'm gonna have to think on this – it's got me stumped."

Aedan rubbed at his neck while half our group laughed at him. Even Felix smiled a bit.

. Felix nodded and said, "As long as you have it in your hand, the golem does what you say. Might be useful, no?"

I giggled and handed out a Sovereign to Mr. De Grosbois, "At least take something for it."

Felix gave me a grin and said, "Well, that's kind of you. Thank you… now I really must see if Tarren found that mule."

Alistair looked at me once the man was gone, "Want to explain?"

"The golem will have free will. Her name is Shale, though she doesn't remember that she was once a dwarf, so don't bring it up until we take care of Orzammar… anyway, she'd be a good companion to have, think of her as a portable battering ram, seeing as she's 6'5 and made of stone. She used to be 10 feet tall… her former maser took a chisel to her and I think that's one of the reasons she killed him. She has an unholy obsession with killing all pigeons…"

"Used to be… a dwarf?" Aedan asked. "Yeah – all golems were dwarves once… it's a long, complex story that we will learn more about when we go through Orzammar. Now, off to Honnleath to save the Rutherford's! Oh… I mean… to save the villagers!" I flushed as Leli, Zev and Aedan all laughed at me… Alistair tried to hide his smile, but failed.

It took longer than I would have thought to get from the Pass to Honnleath, but on the bright side, I had gotten to fly as scout for a while, trading off with Morrigan just in time to check out Honnleath itself. The town was actually quite… large, considering. It was just spaced out since it was made mostly of farms.

Just hours before we reached Honnleath, I landed to give my scouting report perfectly in time to hear, "Andraste's flaming sword! I know where babies come from."

I roared a laugh; Wynne shot me a wink as Alistair gave me a glare. Even Aedan and Morrigan were smirking.

"What are you laughing for… wait till she gives you that talk." Alistair pouted. "Oh, my love, I've already had a child – several – in case you forgot. I definitely know where babies come from," I was still sniggering. He flushed again, "Oh… right…"

"Wynne, dear – why are you teasing my current boyfriend? That's my job," I 'complained'. She grinned, "Sorry, dear – he just gets so cute when he's all red and mottled like that."

I snuggled into Alistair and said, "Only about 30 'spawn in the open in Honnleath, but more may come out from any of the buildings, and there are certainly more in the cellar where the survivors are holding out."

"Only 30, so not bad for an initial head count," Aedan nodded. I nodded, "It's a good one as far as initial stats go – but I sense something big was hiding under a covered gazebo. It was likely an Ogre."

"Good to know…" Aedan commented.

We were prepared so there was only one injury. My leg got crushed by the ogre when I was shoved from behind and the big thing went charging like mad bull! I was cursing up a storm as I dragged myself off to the side while the others fought. I was already healing, but it was a slow process.

"Fucking piece of shit son of a bitch! Dick-weaseled, Fopdoodle Puke-stocking! If I get my hands on that cock-waffled Douchnozzle, I'll tear him a new ass!"

Little did I realize… the fighting had concluded and I was talking loud enough for everyone to hear. Leli and Zev were rolling, Morrigan looked somewhat surprised, Aedan and Alistair looked both amused and relieved while Wynne made her way over to me and just began healing. Sten was impassive, as usual.

"Those are some interesting sayings…" Zev was wiping tears from his eyes as he spoke, "Would you mind explaining a few of them?"

I glared at him, "I though most were rather self-explanatory."

"Most yes – but what is a Fopdoodle or a Douchnozzle?"

I let out a sharp cry of pain as I felt the bones re-aligning. "A Fopdoodle is… a type of Fucktard – and that is a fucking idiot. As for a Douchnozzle, that is an obnoxious or contemptible person – and is generally used to describe a male who fits that description. For a female, the word cunt is generally used."

I groaned and gripped the control rod tightly as Alistair helped me to my feet when I finished healing. I didn't even wait for any replies – just headed straight for the Golem.

"Dulen Harn," I snipped. The shifting of rocks was the only sound for a moment… "I knew the day would come when someone would find the control rod. And of course IT is another Mage. That is what it is, yes? Just my luck." Shale said in that deep voice.

"Nice to meet you too, hun. Wanna go on an adventure and squish every pigeon we come across?" I saw her stiffen.

"It is asking me? It… it does have the control rod, yes?"

"Hun, the control rod stopped working for you as soon as you woke. You are no longer bound to it. You have free will now. If you wanna come with us, cool… if you wanna go on your own way, awesome. Just know that if you come with us you'll meet Caridin, creator of the Golems," I shrugged and threw the control rod as far as I could. I was pissed that I had gotten injured at all.

"I… have no idea what I want. I will follow it about then. This should be interesting… It says I can squish the pigeons?"

I chuckled, "I don't like Pigeons either, but I've never been shit on by them. Feel free to squash any pigeon you see." My words seemed to please her as she nodded.

"Let's go save the remaining Villagers… I think I'll keep to the back of the group for now… so I can recover a bit and stew in my hatred of Darkspawn."

Lyna chuckled and Sereda looked like she was suppressing a smile. Daylen said, "How did that even happen?"

"I don't know. Who shoved me?"

No one owned up to it… but Sten pointed to Zev who cried, "It was an accident!"

I shot him a look, "You are so on dishes for a week."

He groaned, "These hands were made for love, no labor!"

Lyna snorted at that.

When the villagers saw Shale killing Darkspawn that were threatening them they all looked stunned.

While we'd been fighting, we came up with a story to tell the Villagers about why were down in that cellar.

I ignored the beginning of the conversation between Lyna and the head guy since I was still pouting – Alistair found it 'cute' – until I heard, "You weren't sent by the Bann were you?" the guy looked so hopeful.

"Uh…sorry but no. Honestly, I don't think anyone but us knew you were still alive. We only knew because Tara over there had… heard murmurings through one of the grates or something. After we killed all the Spawn up there and got Shale… she insisted we come down here." My head snapped up and I gave a mocking bow.

"My name is Lady Atarah Stormlight – and I'm looking for the Rutherfords."

A group of five people stepped forward after the barrier was dispersed.

One was a female carbon copy of Cullen. I guessed she was Mia. She had blonde hair with brown highlights, green eyes rather than gold and pale skin; she was certainly taller than I expected at 5'8. The man, Branson, had brown hair with green eyes and stood at only 5'7 while their younger sister, Rosalie had brown hair and gold eyes standing only an inch higher than me. The ones who stood slightly before these two were obviously their parents – a brown haired woman with green eyes and a blond man who looked like a thinner and older version of Cullen.

Mia was the one to speak, though it looked like her parents wanted to first.

"My name is Mia Rutherford. May I… ask why you were looking for us? Not that we aren't grateful! Just seems odd you'd come here when the area was overrun to look for us…"

"I'm your potential future sister-in-law – family looks after one-another in my books."

"… What?" the brown haired woman asked. I smirked, "It is a long and very complicated story – and in all honesty I don't know where to begin with that. Cullen and I actually have permission from the Divine herself to get married – but we've decided to court first."

Mia looked amused, "The Divine?"

I pulled out the letter and handed it to her. The whole family began looking it over. "You're a Seer? And a Mage?" Rose asked, sounding excited.

"And a Duchess, I guess."

"So… my brother is okay then?" Branson asked. "More than okay… Branson, right? He's been promoted to Knight-Captain of the Kirkwall Circle. I plan to move there after we solve this issue with the Blight."

"How did you… know my name?"

"Cullen, of course. He told me about all of you and growing up here… haven't you heard any of this from him?"

"No, the blighter never sits down to send us messages." Mia smiled wryly. I snorted, "Well that's no good. The way he talks of all you, you'd think he was in contact since he left!"

"Oh, I'll be sure to send him a message in Kirkwall – thank you for telling us where he is… and coming to save us." Mia grinned. I nodded and dug in my pack and pulled a coin-purse out.

"Here's 12 Sovereigns… you'll be safe in South Reach." Eyes widened as Mrs. Rutherford accepted the pouch. She stammered a bit, "Why… why so much?"

"Hmm? It's not that much really – not compared to… well, we're family, no? I protect my family."

Mia rushed forward to hug me, "For what it's worth, I approve of you." I shrugged with a soft smile, "It's worth a lot, actually."

"Thank you again. I hope to see you again one day…" I snorted, "I will drag Cullen along if we're ever in the area."

They laughed and Mia jokingly said, "That would be a nice surprise."

They all left and I rejoined the main group just in time to hear the village head ask us to find his daughter.

I explained what needed to happen and how to do it too. Morrigan disapproved of saving a 'foolish' child, but everyone else just took what I said with a grain of salt.

We made our way through the winding tower basement – and yes I did snag the 'special brew' – killing several demons along the way. We picked up several of the crystals for Shale – and when I used magic to put them on her she looked somewhat happy at least.

"Oh look! Someone's come to play! You have come to play, haven't you? We're playing a guessing game – it's more fun with more people."

I played dumb, "We? Who is we?"

"Kitty and me, of course! You don't see anyone else here, do you? Anyway, you should go if you're not going to play… Kitty finds you distracting."

"The cat finds me… distracting?"

"Kitty is clever – she says you'll want to take me back to my father, but I'm not going. She would be so lonely!"

The cat finally spoke, though she was watching me wearily – another desire demon, after all and the ones I'd killed had all projected my image through the link between them. "You are very kind, Amalia – I would miss you dearly if you left."

I gave a fake look of shock, "That cat… talks?"

"Of course, silly!"

"Talking is simple enough, once you know how."

I smirked, "Oh, I quite agree – I'm a dragon, myself."

The cat looked startled and gave a delicate sniff. "A beast in human form… how did I not see that before? Release me, as kin, and let me have the girl." It was trying to appeal to me as kin?

I glared at her and said, "You know what? I will let you go so long as you leave the girl."

She purred in thought as she looked to Amalia, "Hmmm… but I do like this one."

"I like you too kitty!"

"But… if it means escaping this prison and avoiding confrontation with you I am willing to leave on my own. I agree to your terms."

I handed my things to Alistair, giving him a kiss on the cheek, before taking my spectral Lynx form and pounced over to the brick puzzle. It was spelled so only non-demonic entities could move the pieces. I was actually having fun batting at the pieces to get them to move – and I saw kitty and Amalia watching me work in stunned silence.

When I finished, I stalked back over to stand in front of kitty and Amalia. I shifted back and gave a dark smirk, "I love being in animal form – so freeing. Now don't forget our deal."

The cat considered and for a moment, I thought she would actually take the deal… "I have changed my mind. I really like the girl – I do not think I will find another like her."

"Oh! So I get to go with you after all, kitty?"

I let out a growl, "I will not allow it, demon."

"Ugh! I will take her anyhow! She is mine." The cat arched and hissed. Amalia jerked I surprise, "Kitty… you're scaring me! I won't let you inside me – I won't!" and she rushed off.

I motioned to Zev and Sten who turned and followed her. We fought and killed the demon before moving back through the maze of a lab.

"Why did we help the tiny human?" Shale asked and I almost lost it – she likely didn't realize that tiny human meant baby…

"I have a weak spot for children. Most elves are like that. It's an evolutionary thing, actually – low fertility rates due to having long lives means we cherish what we rarely get."

"I find myself curious about what you are, exactly."

"As I told the demon – I'm a Dragon; a red one, specifically. I'm also several other things… wolf, druid, mage, goddess – you know, the simple stuff."

I heard several snorts, but it was Alistair who said, "Simple – being a goddess is simple?"

"Well… not actually. My domain is the shadows. If there is light, you will find shadows – in the dark, there are shadows. Using them, I can go anywhere, listen to anyone… don't tell Zev – he'd ask me assassin questions non-stop."

We approached the man who beamed at us and said, "You did it! You saved her – thank you so much."

I nodded and looked to the girl, "Your grandfather was a mage, Amalia – an Enchanter, actually. If you show any signs of magic, be sure to tell your father – because what happened with kitty will happen again if you are a mage who gets no training. Am I understood?"

She nodded, "Yes, miss Dragon lady." I rubbed her hair with a soft smile. Her father looked confused, "Dragon…?"

I shrugged, "Go to Redcliff, Matt. You'll be safe enough there, for the time being – not to mention your father had a cottage there, too – and since he was a hero of Ferelden, it has not been taken over."

He nodded and took his daughter.

We decided not to camp in Honnleath, however, so we made our way out. I giggled when I heard the terrified bawk and squish. I turned and looked at Shale in amusement. She shrugged and looked like she was daring me to say something, but it was Aedan who spoke, "Well… you did say it could squash all pigeons…"

I nodded though I was so tired at this point I was giggling like a loon. That attracted looks. Sten spoke, "Kadan – what is happening?"

"Hehe – sorry, just… so tired that things seem funnier than they should." I stumbled.

"Why are you so…?" Daylen asked.

"Magic healing! Wynnie bee, I forgot my regenerative ability… oops!"

"She is acting drunk." Zev noted and I pointed at him excitedly, "Yes; that! Being sleepy makes the same brain chemicals as the drinky drink!"

Alistair snorted and hands our stuff to Sten, who took them without a word. Alistair then turned his back to me and made a motion. I giggled and said, "Oooh, piggy back ride!"

"Should we just make camp here?" I heard Leliana giggle. I shook my head wildly, "No, no, no! Save a horse, ride a cowboy!"

There were scoffs of amusement and Alistair flushed red – looks like he got the joke. "If she's like this on no sleep… how does the cope on those days when she takes last watch?"

"Easy peasy! We already cleared this area – we're safe, so my Dragon instincts aren't up in… claws! Can someone make camp-side cookies?" I giggled from Alistairs back.

"Up in… Claws?" Zev asked. "Like up in arms, but my dragon has claws right? But my claws can be used as weapons! And arms is actually supposed to mean weapons… did you know banging your head against the wall for 1 hour can burn 150 calorie which will help you lose weight?"

I heard someone cough a laugh, and continued, "The Crows are probably named that because a flock of crows is called a Murder!"

Zev snorted, "That is… actually true."

"Really?" Leliana asked. Zev nodded and looked to me, "Tell us another one."

"Heart attacks are more likely to happen on a Monday, and Pantheism is belief that God did not create the universe, but rather the universe is God."

I leaned my cheek against Alistairs shoulder as my eyes fluttered closed. Leli had looked intrigued by the last fact.

"Are you okay, dear?" Wynne asked. I nodded with a yawn.

We only made it a mile away from Honnleath before we made camp. I looked around, "Bed time?"

Aedan nodded while Alistair grabbed a few fruits before helping me to our tent. I was out cold the minute my head hit the pillow… well, if you could call Alistairs' chest a pillow – especially since it was much more comfortable than one.