Chapter Thirty-Four

A Day in the Life…

The next morning, I found the kitten while taking a stroll with Alistair and Duncan before they left. When I re-entered the keep with them, I heard Nathaniel talking to Roselle, who had been with the Kings' caravan last night.

"I just don't understand how they how a Chantry mother was already part of the group Lady Stormlight was in. I just don't see the Chantry accepting that an Elf was a seer or immune to demons so easily."

I spoke, "You know, I wondered that too. Is it because Beatrix is on the older side and has a few health problems or was it such a glowing review from Greagoir that she wanted someone with me?"

Roselle flushed as she looked at me in horror, "Neither! Oh, maker. The truth is… well… I was mostly sent to… evaluate the situation. I was a bard, like Sister Nightingale before joining the chantry. You see, the whole potion-master thing was my cover – but it didn't work out how we expected when you left me in Redcliff. But then you mentioned the Temple… I was using that to test the truth of your seer abilities. If you could really find a Temple that had been lost for a thousand years… and one so important to the Chantry, too… well, that became my priority. When the Guardian confirmed it and the ashes worked, I knew. When delivering my report to the Most Holy, she said that she'd… had major doubts about the truth of the claim from Knight-Commander Greagoir. If you turned out to be a fraud, I was supposed to kill you."

"See, now that makes a lot more sense than the Chantry just… trusting me so easily. I was worried that your Holy Woman was losing her mind." I smirked.

Anders began laughing, "Yeah? I didn't think the Dwarves would name a non-Dwarven Paragon… ever. So how did… is that the cat?"

I nodded, "Yes, it is – and as for the Dwarves, I didn't expect it either."

Oghren grunted, "Blame Caridin. He said he viewed you as a paragon already – and the words of a Paragon are meant to be the words of the Ancestors or what you other races revere as gods."

"Wait – so Caridin calling me a god… meant the assembly was swayed to see me as one?"

"That and your relation to that Diamond Dwarf – Magni, you said."

I nodded, "So in the eyes of the assembly, that vote was mostly a formality?"

Anders had been inching his way over for the cat as Oghren spoke. Alistair grinned, "I suppose what happened in Denerim had nothing to do with the letter I received from the Grand Cathedral about Taras' ability to take things over?"

Roselle grinned, "Of course – the first sign of the Maker in a thousand years; and the womans voice who everyone is saying was Andraste herself."

I flinched, "And if it was other gods?"

"… You'd have a tough time convincing anyone of that…" Nathaniel said. I shrugged and finally handed the cat to Anders.

"Ohhh, look at the cute little kitty! You know, there was a mouser in the tower named Mr. Wiggums. Only company I had when the Templars would lock me up. Miss that beast a lot sometimes… but I can't keep a cat, we fight Darkspawn for a living."

I grinned, "He can stay at the Keep if you're that worried for him…"

"I suppose… well, I'll keep him just for a little while; until I find somewhere safer. Is that okay with you kitty?" the cat meowed and softly purred. "I'll call you… Ser pounce-a-lot! You can stay in my pack. Just for a little while, yes?" he took the cat from my arms, cooing to him and checking him over.

"And… where did you find the cat?" Lyna asked with a smirk. "In the garden with the groundskeeper Samuel."

Nathaniel shot up and rushed out the door. I followed him, much to the annoyance of Alistairs' guards as they followed us.

I saw that Roselle and Lyna were giggling as they too followed behind. Oghren just grumped along.

"Samuel? Grounds Keeper Samuel? I'm… overjoyed you stayed on! Please, do you know how my brother died? And my… sister? I was in the Free Marches…"

"Your brother died in the war, but Lady Delilah… you didn't know? She's not dead, son. She married a shop keep in Amaranthine. Don't know which one… poor girl."

"Didn't you already tell him…?" Alistair pointed out.

"Yeah – but if some stranger told you Duncan was alive, would you believe it? No – you'd ask someone you know to confirm it." I shrugged.

"Fair point. Alright, love – it's time for Duncan and I to head out."

I pouted but kissed my son on the forehead – much to his delighted amusement as he caught my hair with his hand. Alistair laughed and gave me a proper kiss before they all headed out.

I sighed, "If I didn't need to be here, I'd be going with them."

Lyna chuckled, "You have the approval of the Landsmeet – just marry him."

I shook my head, "That's not… I can't. I love 2 men and… it's not fair to them, Lyna."

Anders scoffed, "I think they should be the ones who get that say. What's wrong with loving more than one person?"

"They deserve so much better than that, Anders. You remember Cullen? The Templar who had a crush on Daylen Amell?"

"What about him?" Anders did not sound happy.

"He and I had a bet going – I beat the blight in under a year and he would court me for a time. I love him, and mutual torture forms a bond, you know?"

"Wait – I remember hearing about this after my last stay in solitary. You had a really expensive sword and shield set made for him…"

"Yeah, I did."

Lyna sniggered, "You also made him a ring, not that he knows that. Poor Alistair hasn't gotten anything like that."

I flinched, "Right – Inas won't do that for me again… hmm… and Alistair has his fathers' sword and Duncans shield… I could make him a ring, but it seems…"

"Inadequate?" Nate asked.

I nodded, "Maybe I could get him…"

Lyna laughed, "He has an alliance with another planet and you gave him a son, Lethallan – I think he got the better gift."

I sighed, "The alliance was his own doing."

"Not according to King Anduin. The leaders of Azeroth saw how you loved him, Lethallan – you are the reason he gained that alliance."

"What? He didn't tell me that!" I flushed.

Oghren snorted, "I thought it was obvious. Azeroth would never have heard of us if it weren't for you, right?"

"Well… I suppose not…"

Anders spoke again, "You could always just ask him. I mean, if you want to get him something, just ask what he wants."

I bit my lip and started walking, "Yeah – I could."

Nate said, "Hey – why do you think you don't deserve them?"

Lyna and Roselle each glared at him, causing me to laugh a little before I responded to Nate, "I can't pick one, Nate. I mean… they are both so sweet and amazing and… they just deserve a partner who can be fully devoted to them."

"Well why not have them both?" Anders asked with a smirk.

"Are you not listening, mage? She doesn't want that for them. Lethallan, Alistair loves you quite a bit – I don't think he'd find someone else even if you chose Cullen. From what I knew of Cullen, I think the same is true for him… if he fell in love with you, he'd be too stuck on you to move on."

I heard a cough and looked up – Inas and Vanessa had come through a portal in front of me… and Nessa was holding a beautiful little girl with black hair and silver eyes. Nessa grinned, "I told you – this is why we didn't tell Anduin of that offer you made. People get addicted to sex with you, sweetie."

Oghren choked on his ale as I laughed, "So you've said, Ness. Is that little Fae?"

Inas looked relieved at the subject change, "Yeah, sis – this is our daughter. Fae, this is your Auntie Tara."

The little girl cooed and reached for me. I plucked her from Nessas' arms as Lyna said, "Maybe I should've taken you up on your offer of a night together, Commander. You've got an assassin and 2 kings lining up… I'm beginning to wonder what I missed."

Anders and Nate were watching Inas with dropped jaws. "Inas, brother… this is Anders – a flirty mage – and Nathaniel is my new human archer. You remember Oghren, the berserker ale-master and Lyna, the elven archer, yes?"

"No assassin?" Nessa chuckled.

"Not yet, babe – in fact… not for the rest of the year… or decade. Not for at least 8 years and change. A pirate – yes. Even a beardless dwarf – but no assassin."

Lyna gaped, "A beardless dwarf?"

"Uh-huh – not this group, of course… not until I leave for… somewhere else."

"Who… how is he purple?" Nate asked.

"He's a night-elf. And my cousin – though we act more like brother-sister than cousins. His name is Inas. His wife here is Vanessa – an assassin and former lover of mine. Their daughter, Fae, is named after me. My name used to be Faerine, after all."

Inas gripped my shoulders, "I've never once known you to have feelings for more than one person at a time, sister – do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed, "I've been talking about it with several people at this point, Inas. I just don't know, okay? Alistair suggested… what my sons are doing with Bella, but… Elune's Grace – I'd feel… I mean, to each their own, but these men deserve better than that."

Lyna barked a laugh, "Alistair – the innocent Chantry boy who didn't know anything about love before you took him in – suggested sharing you; with Cullen? I thought he'd be the jealous type for sure."

I flushed as Anders began laughing – he though she was joking until he saw my face. "The… the king… but he… he seemed so…"

"I know – he's a fast learner… and yes, Lyna – that's exactly what he suggested. And yes again – he is the jealous type. Honestly, I told him what if I couldn't pick and rather than just… push me away like I thought he would because of jealousy, he just goes and suggests a three-way relationship."

Nathaniel looked confused, "Why did you think he'd do anything different? In my opinion, if someone is really in love, they find a way to make it work."

Inas flinched and Nessa looked away. It was her who said, "Tara has had a bit of… bad luck with love."

Inas nodded, "She hasn't… been married more than once – and that was before she ended up in Azeroth to begin with."

I continued with a dead voice as I handed my niece to her mother, "Everyone who has said they love me has left. We need rations – we'll be leaving for Amaranthine in 2 days, Lyna."

She grabbed my arm before I could walk off, "Inas hasn't left you."

I shook my head, "I don't mean family, hun – even Nessa left me and I thought she was the one just two years ago. I fully expected Alistair to break things off if he thought that I would waver between two men. Instead, he gives me the sweetest speech while completely angry that I could think that of him… just seconds before I went into labor."

Inas looked around, "Where is he, anyway?"

"You just missed him and Duncan – they had to leave. Lyna… I love them – so how can I do that to them? How can I possibly ask that of them when… when they wouldn't ask it of me? How can I be such a bitch to them?"

Oghren looked uncomfortable, and even Anders looked speechless. I shook my head, "Thank you for stopping by, Inas… I need to go… make rounds before we leave."

I made sure none of them saw the tears as I turned my back and fled.

I had made a stop in my room. I had needed a bit to cry it out. I hated feeling weak and fragile – crying was something that made me feel both.

I only allotted myself a 20 minute pity-party. I came back out after fixing my make-up and heard someone talking to Lyna.

"Commander! Dispatch has arrived for you, and Sergeant Maverlies has urgent news for you," I approached and took the three notes from the woman before Lyna could – much to the privates' distress since she didn't want to say anything to me.

I grinned, "I was waiting for these! Hmm… this one is on our way to Amaranthine and it's time sensitive so we'll do that first. The other two can wait a little." I said handing the dispatch about the ransomed daughter to Lyna. She read it over and nodded, "As you say, General. Anything else, Private?"

"No, Commander." she looked relieved that Lyna wasn't upset. I shot the Private a wink, "Just bring the dispatches to me for now unless they look personal. Lyna will defer to me anyway."

Lyna laughed, "Right you are, Lethallan."

When we went outside the Keep, I wondered over to Voldrik Glavonak who looked me over and grinned, "Paragon Stormlight! Honor to meet you – really… but you seem to have a problem with the state of your walls…"

I pulled out a pouch, "100 Sovereigns says you'll fix it for me and keep the left-over coins."

He laughed, "Well, I would have asked for 80 to get started, but 100 will do just fine to help pay for labor."

"Good – and if you get what you can done as soon as possible, I can even get my hands on granite while I'm in the Wood."

His eyes sparkled, "I knew I'd like working with you, Paragon. I'll get started at once."

Lyna and the others, who were behind me, all seemed amused – though Oghren seemed to think my words were perfect.

After clearing the Cellars and giving Nate his grandfathers' bow, I talked to Wade and Herren.

Herren gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek – I got two kisses from the eccentric Wade.

Herren was beaming, "If it isn't my niece! When King Alistair himself approached us about coming here for a short time, we jumped at the offer!"

Wade nodded, "It's terribly cold here, but you always bring me the best things to play with! And the money from the crown doesn't hurt either."

Lyna was sniggering as Anders and Nate just… gaped. I smiled, "Wade, my dear – if you wanted more unique items you only had to ask. I know where to find the bones of an eldest dragon for a blade, a metal Golem Shell for a chest piece and very ancient Heartwood for a nice bow. Just make a list of things you will need to work with them so I can collect them while I'm out."

He squealed and started writing while Herren snorted, "You spoil him."

"Everyone deserves to be spoiled now and again, Uncle."

Herren had a goofy smile and he said, "Yeah – I suppose they do."

Nate finally spoke up, "You two are… related?"

I giggled as Lyna said, "It was a cover back before the Landsmeet – she paid him to say that her disguised form was his niece from Antiva so that we could move about easier without suspicion. He ended up liking her and now they just… keep to being family."

Herren continued, "She even gave us these bracelets that match the commanders and that dwarfs'."

"That reminds me – one for Anders and one for Nate! They're family shackles – if you get close to someone else who has one, they buzz a little and warm to let you know. Basically, if someone is wearing one of these, they are pack and you don't attack."

I shackled Anders before he could speak. Nate tried to move away, but I got him. I winked at Anders, "Don't worry; while they don't come off, they do mean you have allies in the people I call pack – Alistair, Lyna, Sereda Aeducan in Orzammar, Aedan Cousland in Gwaren, a Sten in Par Vollen, Sister Nightingale of the Chantry, Senior Enchanter Wynne of Kinlock Hold, a former Crow named Zevran – he's also Lynas' lover, though so don't get any ideas with him – there will be more in the future, but I expect my pack to work together."

"You… have some powerful friends…" Nate muttered.

"You have no idea – that Sten will one day be the military leader of the Qunari; Sister Nightingale will have a powerful position too. I collect people like some people collect weapons – I do it to fill the void in my heart," I said the last part dramatically while clutching my chest… but it wasn't a lie. Lyna snorted, "You didn't get enough hugs as a child, did you Lethallan?"

I threw myself at her, "Not at all – will you help me make up for that?"

Anders was sniggering and Nate shifted uncomfortably. But Lyna laughed and hugged me.

I promised Dworkin that we would locate some Lyrium sand for him much to Lynas' amused alarm.

We left the same day the First Warden arrived – I planned it that way so that I had an excuse to get out of the uncomfortable talks with him. He had been nice enough, I suppose, but he was making big hints about wanting me in the order – because I knew too many secrets, and he knew it.

The day before we arrived, I was cooking while the others set up their tents – I had used magic to set up my own. We had taken care of the ransom situation 2 days ago – they saw my purple hair and surrendered.

As they sat around the fire with me, Anders spoke, "So… why are you so resistant to taking both men? I mean, you say you love them and if they both love you…"

I flinched – how many people were going to push this issue? I was sure that with single relationships being the norm, people would be more accepting of my views.

"I… I'm 10 and a half thousand years old, Anders – I've never loved more than one person at a time before so this is new to me. On top of that, I'm not used to people loving me back – not that Cullen has any indications of that so far. Besides, I feel… worthless and undeserving. They deserve so much better and could do so much better. I know for a fact that if Alistair wasn't so hung up on me, he'd marry a banns daughter in like… 3 to 5 years. As for Cullen… well there were 2 possibilities in his future, but one has changed to someone else and the other prefers women, so…"

"So Cullen, at the very least, would be lonely without you?" Lyna asked. I shook my head, "Not exactly – my being here is causing what is called a butterfly effect. I'll explain that later. Cullen could likely recover from what happened to him sooner and thus… actually find love that is not me. Not to mention, that's assuming he could love me in the first place."

"Well… why wouldn't he. I may not have been there for that, but I heard what you gave him from Sten." Oghren said. I flushed, "It was… nothing…"

Lyna snorted, "Your brother begs to differ and even here a weapon set like that would make you a queen."

"Like what?" Nate looked so confused.

"It was made of rare and resilient materials – including something they said was the literal blood of their world – as well as the fact that it was enchanted to never dull, dent or get lost. I believe the monetary figure was 5 million gold after discounts and waved forging fees."

I flushed, "It was a trifle! I have so much more than that! The price tag was less than I expected even with the discounts."

Anders was gaping, "You're bloody rich!"

"So what? Tell me exactly what the point of having all that money is when I have only my small family to share it with. I only had Inas for so long – Nessa only entered the picture within the last 5 years, their daughter isn't even 6 months old, my own son is less than 2 months old… I had no one; and money doesn't spend well when you're a pariah. I was said to be the worst person alive – that I was allowed to live was only because several deities marked me since no one wants to piss off the gods."

"How much would that set have cost without all the discounts?"

"… 4 times the amount – about 20 million… why?"

"If you're so hated, how…?" Anders asked.

"I'm not hated anymore – the false information that caused those rumors was cleared up with the… event that put me in Thedas. In fact, people wanted me to marry King Anduin – the leader of the Alliance – but by that point… I can't forget all those years of neglect and being hated. I'm not like my father who chose to save the world that hated him for so long. If everyone had turned their backs on me – including Inas – I wouldn't have… survived as long as I had. Inas, Magni and Lor'themar were the only ones keeping me alive for the longest time."

"Speaking of… is your step-father single?" Lyna asked wickedly. I snorted, "Currently, yes – but Zevran would get so jealous, wouldn't he?"

She sighed, "A woman can dream. He may be older, but that voice was just… ahh."

"There is an elf here in Thedas with the same voice…" I smirked. Her eyes lit up, "Oooh, what does he look like?"

"White hair, green eyes, tan skin and swirling tattoos all over his body made of Lyrium – they glow. He's violent and can phase through things like… flesh to rip out peoples' hearts. He's a magic hater and former slave. He's good-looking… I could be tempted to give him a try if he didn't sound like my step-father. That would just be creepy."

Nate coughed, "That would be… yes. Anyway, you said we will find my sister in Amaranthine?"

I nodded, "Married to a merchant by the name of Albert."

"I know the one – only one Merchant in all amaranthine with that name… it isn't common and I actually purchased items from him on my way through to… set the attack." He was flushed. I grinned, "I'm so disappointed you failed to attack me – no better way to learn ones foe or friend than through a battle."

Anders coughed, "I feel like you're flirting with him."

"I might be. I don't always know when I am because I come by my 'charm' naturally. There's usually no harm in flirting – most people don't look at me like that. I flirt with Lyna and my sister-in-law too. Lyna wouldn't sleep with me if I were her only hope of survival and…"

Lyna cut me off, "I don't know Commander – I'd do some rather questionable things for survival…"

I grinned, "Good to know, dear… speaking of questionable, you think I could really get Alistair into a dress?"

Anders and Nate began laughing but Oghren snorted, "I saw him twirling that pike while we traveled – I'm sure a dress isn't too far behind."

I giggled, "Hey – he needs those pike skills to defeat the Arishok of the Qunari one day… that's why I helped teach him."

"You're joking! I thought Sten was going to be…"

"One and the same, Lyna. Alistair will earn the same respect I received from Sten though beating him in combat. I'm trying to keep my timeline impact minimal, but I've already fucked up with the whole 'Ferelden-Azeroth Alliance' thing. That and Duncan – how can an Elf be heir to the throne of a Human nation? The next thing you know, people are going to want Music machines in every tavern."

"Well, I can't think of many who would say no to it…" Lyna flushed.

"Minstrels mostly – it would take their livelihood. Best to leave the steampunk era in Azeroth for now; Thedas can't quite handle it yet."

Anders coughed, "Steam… punk?"

"Metal inventions and steam-powered devices. Clocks that can tell you the time without a sundial, more refined instruments or weapons, things like mechanical arms for people who lost theirs – that kind of thing."

"That sounds wonderful!" Lyna said. I shook my head, "Everything has a price, babe. As inventions get more sophisticated, the environment suffers – when people focus on helping the environment, it's at the cost of innovation. Azeroth manages both being in balance because of the various types of magic and races. Druids focus on nature – engineers focus on invention. Magic helps the land grow while people do their damned best to destroy it. Until mages are better accepted here, the future will have to wait."

Anders laughed, "You're saying Thedas is going to stay in the old days forever?"

"Nope – just until magic is more acceptable. In the days of the Tevinter Imperium, invention was stumped because too many people were slaves; now, there is less magic taught even though the amount of mages is increasing as the Veil weakens. Without magic, Thedas is fucked 6 ways from Sunday and 8 ways from hell. Earth – my first home – was highly innovative and had marvelous inventions, but we suffered for it. The earth was weak and dying and we had over-populated. Nearly 8 billion people meant we had to move to the stars looking for inhabitable planets or start mass genocide. Nirn was more magic than invention, like here, but had a perfect amount of compromise to move forward. Azeroth was perfect other than the constant wars."

"Good luck telling the Chantry that." Anders said bitterly.

"I don't need to – not yet anyway. Now, to bed you lot! We reach Amaranthine tomorrow!"