Disclaimer: The character names belong to J.K. Rowling.
Pairing: Severus/Harry.
Rating: R
Warning: Alternate Universe! Wing!fic. Non-Canon Magic. Not-Innocent Harry. OOC-Snape.
Summary: When an angel falls to the lowest low.
Author:Spirit
Author's note: One more chapter.
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ANGEL IN CHARCOAL
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I've looked at love from both sides now. From give and take, and still somehow, I really don't know love at all.
Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell
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Harry doesn't remember what his mother looks like. He can't remember her smell or the way she smiled. All he remembers is the sound of her voice in panic and the transparent liquid silver of her tears. He misses everything about her sometimes but it's frustrating to miss the things that he cannot remember clearly.
He has her eyes.
In the beginning he used to stare at pieces of glass to feel closer to her. That was how he got to talk to her when he felt alone. The worse feeling in the world to him was the clawing, empty, feeling in his stomach when he missed his mommy.
Now he barely looks into his own eyes when he stands in front of a mirror.
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Harry made no sound as he snuck into the dark bedroom, closed the door, then made his way over to the bed. From black tiles to black carpet, his barefeet barely registered the change in temperature as he intently got closer to the bed where he stopped to stare at the dark eyes that stared back at him, reflected only in moonlight.
He slowly crawled on top of him and didn't stop until he had aligned their bodies together. Then he waited for Snape to accept or reject his silent offer.
"This is not necessary." Fingers stroked through the strands of untamed hair as Severus' softly spoken words hung between them.
Harry trailed a line of small kisses from the curve of Snape's collarbone to the lobe of an ear before he paused first to inhale the scent of charcoal in Snape's hair, then to bury his face in the softness of Snape's skin.
"Want to," he murmured, not able to stop kissing the demon just yet.
Severus stroked his face and the curve of his spine from the back of his head to the small of his back. Harry moaned at the sensation of having fingers lightly ghost over his naked skin.
"If we do this it will be done my way," Severus whispered against his temple.
Harry raised his head to look into the eyes of onyx. It was the clearest he had ever seen the dark globes. He wondered if this was what it felt like to look into another's soul through their eyes. There didn't seem to be anything to fear from them so Harry readily nodded his consent.
He hesitated slightly, but when Severus did not seem to object, he pressed his lips to the inviting ones below his.
Some part of him immediately got lost in the kiss. It didn't burn at all. Instead it made him breathless and he couldn't seem to stop. Each time he chased Severus' tongue, each time his lips was caught in a light nip or he tried to alternate between sucking and teasing, it made him all the more addicted. It made him want more and more.
But when his hand tried to get past the barriers of Snape's pants, his fingers were steadfastly caught and restrained.
Harry finally groaned aloud. "I thought that demons always took what was being offered without questions or care."
"We do." Severus responded but Harry's fingers were still being held away from the parts of Snape' that he wished to explore. "Not this time."
Hary couldn't think of any way to respond to that without his confusion becoming obvious.
Severus stroked fingers through his hair and away from the green storm of his eyes before saying to him quietly, "I asked if you could do this my way Harry. If it's not enough we can stop."
"You don't want me?" Harry turned away as he asked because for the first time he actually wanted to be desired.
Instead of answering, Severus slid Harry's hand southwards to feel the strain of a building erection. Before Harry could get comfortable with the sensation, Severus pulled his hand away. Then he shifted his body as Harry tried to align their hips together. Harry got the message after that.
He sighed. "Okay. Just kissing? Kissing is okay."
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What he does remember about her is the way she used to stroke his hair.
Her fingers would slide through the strands, lingering to massage his temple and sometimes her thumb would carve circles on his cheek. That's what he misses. Sometimes he remembers the times when he felt safe in her embrace. She smelled like fresh air and sunlight. Her touch was like feathers gliding across his flesh. And her hair always tickled his cheeks. It was like spun gold and the orange-red of a flickering fire. He liked the way it looked up close and whenever there was a wind it would flutter behind her in a wave of colours that was like a sunset.
He misses that about her, he realizes.
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Harry laid trembling in Severus' arms as he fought against his body's reaction. He was so very close to begging. He was close to begging to please be allowed to unbutton Snape's shirt so that he could wrap his arms around Snape's neck and taste every inch of the hard chest. He wanted to grind their hips together until one of them came. Or, to coax Snape into accepting him into his body so that he could be assured that he was giving pleasure. That was usually what the men he catered to wanted. This deal of kissing only, was not enough to make the demon truly experience the extent of what Harry knew that his skills in sex entailed.
"This is not just about sex Harry," Severus whispered into his ear as if he knew what the fallen angel was thinking. "It's not about any of us just taking what we want and leaving the other to deal. Love is a gift not a slow poisoning. For too long you have been obligated to give it in any way that you can and you have fogotten what love should be about as you've punished yourself these few years. Tonight I want you to understand it and to just accept it."
"Isn't it enough that I want to make you feel good?" Harry asked in a confused voice.
Severus shook his head.
"You don't understand because you don't know and so I will tell you why," he responded. "I too have to remember love without lust. I have wronged you and heaven with my arrogance but tonight I will prove that I can give and you will learn that it is acceptable to enjoy what I do to you."
"How did you wrong me?" Harry asked.
"You don't understand do you?" Severus stroked his cheek and lightly kissed the lips that seemed to only be made to be kissed by him. "You, Harry Potter, were made for...me."
"I was made for my parents."
"No. You were entrusted to your parents but you were my gift." Severus' eyes lit up as the darkness in it creeped and covered all the white. "You who are made entirely from the laughter of the angels, who is respected even by the demons, whose flesh is woven from love and whose soul was once the symbol of purity to all. You are mine."
"But you fell!" Harry protested.
Severus nodded again, this time letting his hand travel down the smooth plane of Harry's bare skin until his palm rested in the center of Harry's chest as Harry held himself rigid and hovered slightly upright above him. The green eyes were awashed with confusion.
"Yes I fell because I will not be manipulated!" There was an actual snarl in the words. The air in the room became very still. "You were a bribe. You were my almost perfect gift, to remind me of the purity that heaven can create. But seeing you reminded me that I was just a servant for this one god who used the love that we all had, to keep us bound to him. Even as a demon I still loved him. I still cared about you. You should have been mine but he gave you to James instead and instead of asking me to take care of you he ordered me to protect you. I would have done anything for him, but I will not be taken advantage of."
"He knew," Harry whispered back as the pieces fell in to place. "He knew that you would fall."
Severus' eyes narrowed mockingly but he could not hold the expression for long so it collapsed into a begrudging form of respect.
"When has Albus not known everything? He is the Light. He fights for the angels and mourns when the demons are lost. He is willing to sacrifice himself if it means saving just one of us or one of you. This is not so with the Dark One. I would rather fall to my knees before Albus than kiss the hem of Voldemort's robe. I may not and never will again be of the caliber of the angels but what I lack is not love or respect for him."
Harry looked at him as the darkness faded and something like an aura filled the room instead. He wasn't sure if he should laugh or be surprised.
"I assumed you were, but you're not a demon are you?" he asked.
"I am and I am not," Severus said with an arched eyebrow. "It's better if you just accept me the way I am just as I accept you the way you are." Severus traced the line of Harry's nose to the soft curve of his lips. "Now enough talking little boy. I did promise to teach you patience and I find that mine is beginning to run short."
This time Harry did laugh. But, that laughter quickly dissolved as Severus flipped him onto his back on the bed and began to kiss everywhere on Harry's body that he could. Tasting the purity that clung to Harry's skin. Holding him in his arms not tight enough, not deep enough to soothe the craving that burned in both of them.
It wasn't long before Harry was moaning back pleas that threatened to errupt from his lips as his body began to ache and tremble for more than just kisses.
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He has a variation of his father's face and he has his father's smile.
He is willful like his father and fearless when it comes to the things that he loves most in the world. Stubborn and proud and strong, like his father. There was a time when it hurt Harry to remember what his father was like. It shamed him to think that perhaps he did not have the strength of character that his father had and that he could not make his father proud because he was not proud of himself.
He knows now, somewhere deep inside of him where doubt cannot enter and pain cannot pierce, that his father never stopped carng about him.
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"Severus..."
Severus soothed Harry's keening words with gentle kisses. It was quite obvious that Harry had endured all that he could and so he was near tears from the desire that clawed its was through him. Severus held him and whispered to him that it was okay to feel like this. It was okay to want something so much that it hurt. It was okay to even want at all.
He released Harry long enough to peal the clothes from off his skin in a manner that was not entirely in accordance with the laws of physics, but Harry didn't even notice or care about that. Instead he gasped so sharply at the feel of Severus' naked body aligned with his that it sent waves of heat tearing through Severus' insides.
"Please. Please Severus. Please..."
Severus held himself steady as he positioned himself at the entrance to Harry's body. Harry sobbed but didn't seem to want to move in case he caused Severus to retreat. Severus of course had no intentions of leaving him like this.
He slid into him slowly, treasuring the raw sound of gratitude that Harry made as he was being filled.
Then he carefully held him as he gave Harry time to adjust to the odd way it must feel to be connected so deeply with another being that he was no longer a single entity. Severus held Harry for as long as he could before his body protested and he had to move inside the tight hot channel of Harry's body.
Harry's words dissolved into incoherent sounds of pleasure. Every breath exhaled, every moan and every sound was softly whispered into Severus' ear uncontrollably. Severus would have asked for nothing else than just that as he increased their pace. The bed rocked beneath them. The air was filled with the carnal sounds of their flesh slapping and sliding against each other.
Harry's body shuddered with release and Severus held on to him tightly even as he spilled his own release deep inside of his beautiful angel.
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Harry knows that he would fight the demons to protect those things in life that are worth protecting, and in this way he is closer to heaven than he gives himself credit for.
His soul is tainted, not by darkness but by the cruelty that life has dealt him.
He is Harry Potter.
He is an example to all that love is stronger than anything else in the universe and with love he can win in whatever battles he must fight.
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They laid still holding each other long after their bodies slid apart and the falling feathers cleansed their flesh. This time the white feathers danced with the black ones and both disappeared in pockets of light that made their skins glow each time. They breathed in syncrony as Severus stroked through the mop of black hair as Harry's head rested on his chest. Harry's fingers played with the nub of one pink nipple that was within his line of vision before he laid his palm over it and obscured it from view.
"You're probably tired," Severus pointed out. "Don't try to stay awake. You can just go to sleep."
"Are you going to use your powers to make me go to sleep again?" Harry teased.
Severus kissed the top of his head. "I won't have to. You'll give in to the drowsy spell of your body soon."
Sure enough, it wasn't long before Harry's eyes closed as he was breathing gently upon Severus' skin. Severus did not move, instead he waited and merely held on tighter as the light he was expecting, filled the room until there was no sign that the furniture had even been any colour but shining silver.
"Give him back his wings. He deserves them."
The three heavenly beings that gazed down at them smiled.
"You know better than that Severus," James said with a teasing grin. "He never lost them. Not really. They were merely hidden from him. Thus the feathers."
"Then un-hide them."
Lily smiled. "So demanding, charcoal angel. Do you want to make him charcoal too?"
"Lily, now is not the time to tease him," Albus chided. "Our presence is already making him restless. Far be it from us to deny him this request. He has already earned his place back in my ranks. He already loves him."
"Which one?" James laughed. He could not resist the urge to bend and kiss his son's cheek though.
Severus' arms tightened just a little and James, obviously sensing this, winked at the show of jealousy.
"Both James," Albus responded patiently. "But they have made their choice, so Earth you will remain on my charcoal angels. You are already so much alike and have so much in common with my human beings."
"This is my grateful face."
"We can tell." Lily laughed as she too bent to kiss Harry's cheek. This time Severus did not protest in any manner. "Take care of him Severus. For me, if not for James."
"Of course. He has always been safe in my presence."
"I know," Albus conceded. "And it has taken a long time for you to realize this my fallen, but that no longer matters."
The light retreated just as slowly as it had emerged and with it the three beings disappeared. When it was finally dark again enough to see his surroundings Severus' first reaction was to growl in exasperation as he noticed the change that his room had been subjected to. The black silk had all been replaced by a black, white and grey combination.
In his arms Harry shifted and sighed.
Severus soothed him with strokes along his back and butterfly kisses, as he forgave Albus and his meddlesome ways.
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He is Harry James Lily Evans Potter. Child of light and child of laughter.
X-x-X
tbc