Chapter Thirty-Eight

Through the Vigil, to Kal'Hirol

When we made it back to the Vigil for a 'pit-stop' to top off our supplies and turn over things of interest, there was a riot. I sighed and raised my voice.

"Seneschal! I refuse to allow our people to starve; have you not been making sure everyone has enough to feed themselves and their families whilst we've been away?" I asked, and the shouting stopped as everyone turned to me.

"Well… no, My Lady. I didn't think…" Varel looked chagrined.

"Captain, escort these people to the Grain stores and help them get what they need. And give each of them one gold sovereign for their troubles in having this matter delayed." The captain saluted me, grabbing the pouch I held out before calling out for the people to follow him.

"Forgive me, your Ladyship… I didn't even think of it." Varel explained when we approached him.

"I understand, Varel. Rendon was a right bastard, but I hope we can care for those under our rule. Alistair would be more than willing to help, too, if you send him a letter with my crest of office – actually… just send it with Cinder." The Phoenix had stayed at the Vigil this whole time getting lazy, so it was time for him to stretch his wings.

I felt Justices approval from behind me, as well as the others; even Velanna.

"As you say, my Lady. I'll draft a letter to his Majesty at once to request aide in the form of foods," Varel folded both his arms over his chest and gave me a bow. Varel jumped after a moment and an arrow pierced him in the shoulder – he had jumped in front of me. I shot an ice lance directly at the person who fired the shot.

I then allowed the others to take over looking for co-conspirators as I leaned down and removed the Arrow before healing the Seneschal completely – poison and all. He looked at me in awe.

I looked at the six people brought to kneel before me by my pack. "This is how you think to repay the kindness I've shown? I want to know why, and I want that answer now!"

One man babbled, "I… I was told we were after the Commander, your Worship – not… not you. I swear… it's just… we thought she didn't… care for her people – you were doing everything… you kept us safe, you're giving us food and money and making things right… she's not doing anything…"

"Wrong! Lyna only let me host court because I asked – I wanted to play noble for a while. She was in the room; you all should have seen her. It's her grains – if she didn't approve of me handing it out, she could have stepped in! Her people keep you all safe – not mine. Lyna, forgive me for causing such a misunderstanding…"

I had given her a pitiful look. I was outright lying – the brat had made me host court. And Lyna never would have contradicted me… she shook her head, "There is nothing to forgive, Alpha. These people should have come to me with their concerns rather than taking it this far this fast."

I shrugged, "They are yours to punish – I only ask that they aren't killed for their misinformation. I need to go talk to Wade… you there, sergeant; have the Seneschal taken to his room to recover."

"Yes, Your Worship." I wandered over to Wade.

"Wade, my dear – I bring you Eldest Dragon Bone for a longsword! Here are the specs I desire for it as well as a sketch of what I want it to look like. It's… I plan to gift it to the King when I see him this weekend."

Herren almost passed out. But Wade just asked, "Did your Elf friend like the Bow? What am I asking – of course she did!"

"She loved it – said she hadn't seen such outstanding woodwork in centuries. She asked me to pass along her thanks."

He beamed. I headed over to Voldrik and asked for a progress report.

"Well, with the gold and Granite you've given us, these walls will withstand several Ogres when I'm done with them – and I estimate that will be next week. The extra gold hired quite a bit of people to work on it."

"Good – we've got plenty of Armor, Weapons, suppliers, good walls, granite towers… your brother has been making those lovely explosives… I think we'd be set for a siege!"

"I'm as confident as you are, Paragon. Oh, word arrived from Orzammar for you. One of your House – a Rica Brosca – married into the Aeducan house."

I hummed, "What sort of gift shall I send? My house is to handle the Dowry, yes?"

He shook his head, "The house whose noble or such is of higher status does the Dowry – in this case, the King though you're a Paragon – but for a gift… I'd say something that reflects your house. You were made a Paragon of diplomacy, so you could actually send anything that reflected their house. Paragon Aeducan was a warrior if I remember correctly – never entered the Provings though… he was humble… but it was his leadership in collapsing tunnels to slow the Darkspawn – so something related to warriors, I guess…"

I thought for a moment and dug around in my Void-Storage. If I'd had time to wait, I'd just send the Golem Shell Armor that Master Wade would make when I return from Kal'Hirol… but I did have the armor Magni Bronzebeard once wore…

"I trust you know a decent courier Voldrik? This Armor once belonged to the Diamond Dwarf, Magni Bronzebeard. He wore it into battle before the Cataclysm, but no longer has use for armor…"

Voldrik dropped his jaw, "That is… a very valuable gift. You seem to have a knack for that – Red Lion pelts to three nobles, there have been tales about a Templar getting a five million gold set just because he was good in bed…"

I coughed a laugh, "Uh… I never slept with him. No, it was part of a bet I had with him – he got those as incentive to allow me to be a suitor of his…"

Voldrik laughed though I could feel others listening as I flushed, "Salroka, you had to bribe a man?"

"No! The set was incentive to take the bet! Um… anyway…"

"Yes, Paragon; I will have someone I trust get this to Orzammar – to King Bhelen. The Dowry has already been added to your house – someone named Zerlinda is taking care of things."

I nodded, "She's a sweetie, and that son of hers is adorable!"

I handed over the Armor and headed off to bed.

We spent a few days at the Vigil, recovering from our Fade ordeal in the Marsh. Felsi had come looking for Oghren, who apologized to her, handed her money and introduced her to me. The woman had been surprised in his seemingly abrupt change in attitude, and thanked me for it.

I hosted court once more, though nothing nearly as annoying – mostly people asking permissions for things. Danella had returned with her family and gotten them settled in that house we'd had cleaned up, Alec had finished his training way ahead of schedule, Lady Liza ended up returning the bridge to Ser Derren of her own accord…

When the Sword I'd commissioned was done, we headed out. Lyna and I had taken to sharing a tent since we started a mini-romance, much to the amusement of most of our companions.

When Saturday came, I was at the Denerim palace – Ports were my friend.

"Love? I just got a letter carried by Sin…"

"The food for the Vigil request, right? I'm willing to pay for it, of course."

"No need, Varel sent money too. I guess I was just making sure it really was you making the request."

I grinned, "As if Sin would let a stranger close enough without permission!"

"…Good point."

I cooed to our little son – it had been 2 months since all this stuff at the Vigil began. Alistair was smiling at me with a sappy look.

I pressed the box I held into his arms as I took Duncan. "What's this?" he asked.

"Mmmh – a gift."

"I can see that… why?"

"Because I love you." I was flushed and tickling my son so as not to look at the man who was now silently opening the box.

"Oh… wow… this sword looks… wow."

I grinned as I finally looked at him. "I had Wade make it from the bones of a very old dragon. He called it Vigilance for some reason. I had it made to your own specifications – flexible, balanced for your height and weight, prone to an extra ruthless tear on the enemies… so on, and so forth."

He chuckled at my teasing tone, "And here I didn't get you anything. I just… I didn't even get you anything for your birthday, either…"

"You didn't even know – and yes you did. When we came back to Denerim, you had that ring for me. You said it was a birthday gift."

"Well, I lied. Honestly, I got that for you just to… give it to you."

I laughed, "Oh, Alistair – I don't much care for birthdays, myself. I have 3 anyway – 4 now. The one on Azeroth is just the 1st day of the second month, my original was the 5th day of the eighth month, Skyrim was the 3rd day of the 1st month… and the day I came here to Thedas can be counted as another birthday. I have two Birth days, love."

"The… which one do you wish to celebrate? Because not celebrating would… um… make Duncan not want to celebrate his?"

I snorted, "Low blow, Alistair – using our son as an excuse. Even if you're right… fine. I guess the Azeroth one was 'celebrated' longest, so we'll go with that one. 1st of Guardian."

He grinned victoriously, "Then I will certainly have a gift made this coming year."

I rolled my eyes, "If you must, I suppose. Are you sure you're not upset about… me being with Lyna for a while?"

He shook his head, "With her, no – but I have to draw the line at anyone other than Cullen or I past that."

"What about Isabela? I know I'll meet her again…"

His eyes darkened in desire as he remembered the fun we had on that ship… I admit, thinking about that fun had me all bothered too. The pirate certainly knew a few tricks, to be sure. He groaned, "Fine – yes to the pirate… if Cullen agrees too. But I can only handle so much, my love. Cullen, Lyna and Isabela… but for the love of the Maker, promise me you won't sleep with Zevran."

I laughed, "He is so not my type! He's too… I don't know how to describe it. I like that flirty nature on women, but on a man it just feels a little forced."

"Well, I figured it had nothing to do with looks – Lyna and Bela look very little alike. I think hair color is about the only thing in common. Cullen and I however… have a bit more in common. The hair, the eyes, the height… it's a little odd actually."

"Is it? I have a type and I stick to it – you are both honorable, kind when you wish to be, hard where you need to be, loving and sweet. Even Lyna is a lot like the two of you. Isabela reminds me of Nessa… not a little, either. The two could be sisters, I swear."

"I, um… I've actually been thinking of something lately." We were sitting on his bed, in his room. Duncan had fallen asleep a little bit ago.

"You can tell me anything – even sending me away, I won't get mad."

"Makers' Breath, no! I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I love you too much to leave you if that is what it takes for you to get that notion out of your head. No, what I was thinking of… Lyna said she didn't do women, right?"

"She wasn't as straight as she thought. Sometimes people need to experiment to know for sure – I didn't like men at all when I was growing up in my first life. It wasn't until I made it to Skyrim that I ever gave it a go, and look where I am now. Wait… you aren't bringing this up because you think I have some magic crotch that can make people switch allegiances, right?"

He laughed, "No, I promise that's not it. I was just thinking of what it might be like for me to… try that… with… another guy…"

I felt myself flush, "Fuck… I'd love to see that, but don't do anything you don't want to do. If you're doing this for me, then just don't."

"Not just you, no. I admit, you are the reason I started to think of it, but not the reason I'd go through with it. I'm… I suppose I'm curious…"

I chuckled, "Skyrim was my whole bi-curious stage. It's how I learned that I had no gender preference at all. Men women, no gender, all gendered… I don't even need sex in a relationship – if my partner doesn't want that, I just… don't do it. I admit, I felt like shit sleeping with Lyna; I cheated on you and looking back I think that was some of that self-sabotage I told you about. And you didn't get mad, you didn't yell or… you accepted it – and in hind-sight, I know what I did was shitty, but you didn't get mad." By now I was crying – I had done a shitty thing, and I knew it. I was an awful person.

He looked stunned, "I… well… we aren't exactly exclusive right now, are we? Technically, we already 'broke-up' for the moment. Besides, I saw the way you looked at Nathaniel – you like him well enough. I suppose when you told me about Lyna I was just relieved that it wasn't him."

I felt his arms circle around my shoulders as he continued, "You told me that you were mine until you went to Kirkwall, but at the same time, we also officially ended things. I expected you to be with someone else – with other people… because, I figured you were still pushing me away. When you told me about Lyna, I was… relieved more than anything. I know how much Zevran and Lyna love each other – you would never be a permanent fixture in Lynas bed. When you chose her, I saw that you were looking for something that wasn't love – you were looking for something else entirely. When you started that you had slept with someone else, I felt crushed – that you were really leaving me… but hearing it was someone who was already taken – already in love with someone else… I felt so relieved – because that meant there was still a chance for…"

I shook his arm off and moved to lay Duncan in his crib. "I cheated on you, Alistair. I didn't ask for permission, I didn't… it's be one thing if we were in an open relationship or we had talked about it before hand, but we didn't, we aren't. That you felt crushed at all shows just how badly I fucked up. I don't deserve you – you don't deserve what I did… I'm a terrible partner…"

He shot off the bed and came over to me, wrapping me in his arms and letting me cry. This made me feel worse – I hadn't thought of this at the time, and Alistair hadn't brought it up since then, so I felt worse knowing I had…

His hand petted my hair as he whispered nonsense in my ear. He softly brought me over to the bed, "I don't blame you, Tara – honestly, I really did expect it. You aren't married to me, though you could be. Really, just say the word and I'll make it happen. Besides – as I've stated already, we aren't even officially together anymore. But I talked to someone after my trip around the Bannorn… I asked her about what Self-sabotage meant. She had informed me of the very real possibility that it could mean you taking someone else to your bed in attempt to get me to break up with you for good – to push you away forever. She said that you wouldn't even realize you were doing it until after the fact."

I looked at him stunned, "Who… who was it?"

"Believe it or not, it was Anora who told me all that. Did you know she did something similar with Cailan? She hated that the marriage was arranged and took it out on him. She knows now that it wasn't… his fault. Anora is set to go to Nevarra at the end of the month – she accepted a proposal there. It tore me up thinking you might do that, so when it did happen, I was just… happy it was someone you wouldn't run away with into the sunset; happy that it would end when you went to Kirkwall. Maker, Tara – I love you more than words could ever say…"

I sobbed – I didn't deserve this man. Not in a million life-times, would I ever deserve him… and I knew it.

We didn't sleep together that night – we just lay together as I sobbed myself to sleep.

The next morning, when I got back to my party, I ended things with Lyna. She took it more than well, saying she was considering that too. She didn't want anything long-term with me to begin with.

Nathaniel had been confused – he had thought we were going to sleep together until the whole damn mess was over and done with. I explained I was a bitch like that, and he let it drop, though I heard him talking to Anders about it later.

Neither of them thought it was so simple – that's what I get for surrounding myself with astute people.

When we got to Knottwood Hills, I was moodier than normal… causing me to actually be on the receiving end of Jokes.

Lyna sniggered, "Alpha – am I the father?"

I whirled around so fast, everyone halted. I was gaping at her, "Did you just… did you really go there, Mahariel? Did you actually?" I was stunned.

She grinned widely, "Well, last time you were this moody, you were carrying the Prince of Ferelden – so yes, I went there."

I sighed, "Make camp – I guess you deserve an explanation, at the very least."

Justice looked confused, "You did not tell me you are the Queen."

"I'm not. I gave birth to King Alistairs' son, and because I am who I am, people didn't even bother bitching about his being a bastard. So… Lyna… I'm afraid I owe you one hell of an apology."

"Why?" she asked as she set up her tent.

"I think I may have used you. I didn't realize I was doing it at first, but… I didn't exactly ask Alistair if I could sleep with other people when I took you to bed. I'm still sort of with him, so that was… I cheated on him, Lyna."

Horror filled her face, "Creators… why?"

"Well…" I explained what happened before saying, "There was no excuse for what I did. I don't deserve him… What do I do, Lyna? I need to find a way to stop doing shit like this. Eventually, I will lose one or both and… I'm such a bitch."

Anders gaped at me, "Wait… just wait… he gave you permission to keep on with Lyna and you broke up with her the next day? And he even admits that you two aren't actually together anymore ayway…"

I shrugged, "It was the right thing to do. When I realized what I did… it wasn't fair to either of them – Lyna or Alistair. I still can't believe Anora of all people helped… I'm so lost right now."

"Put yourself on restriction," Oghren suggested. Everyone turned to look at him in confusion.

He explained, "Tell yourself you are not allowed to take anyone to bed except Alistair or Cullen – no matter what, those are the only two allowed in your bed. Not even if you get permission again."

I nodded, "You're right – but what about my other self-sabotage tendencies?"

He shrugged, "All I know is how to help with the sleeping around thing – it's the same solution to too much drink, so…"

"Right."

The next morning, we made it to the Chasm. After dealing with the Deepstalkers, I heard Sigruns struggles and let my wings shoot out to fly toward her, carrying Lyna with me. Our arrival was just the distraction needed to allow her to gain an upper hand and 'escape'. Sigrun was 4'4, with black hair cropped short and dark green eyes. He skin was rather dark for a Dwarf and her face tattoo was really all over.

"Well… that was close. For a moment there I thought I was really going to join the Legion of the dead."

"You okay, sweetie?" I asked. "Well I might have cracked a rib, but it's hard to be sure since everything hurts."

"Need healing?" Anders asked, his hands already glowing blue. "No, no, I'm fine. I just need to catch my breath… Anyway I can't chat for long. I need to get back, as foolish as that sounds, see if there's anything I can do." She panted.

"Is there a fight we can join?" Lyna asked, and I giggled.

Sigrun gave him a funny look and said, "The old fortress of Kal'Hirol. There's something going on there; I think the darkspawn may be breeding an Army…" she looked like she felt crazy so I nodded. "Fits with what we've been hearing. Let me guess, Legion went to go investigate, but were quickly overrun and now you're the last one?"

"Yeah… well, I hope not, but it's most likely. The darkspawn have… changed; they're smart now. They destroyed my Legion detachment and I saw them take some of the women… I wasn't going to stick around for that."

"Smart since they turn women into Broodmothers… want help clearing the place? Grey Wardens make up all but one in this group…" I shrugged. I saw her look at each face before she gave the tattoo on Velanna the once over.

"It's not her; I'm the one that's not a Warden." I chuckled in amusement at her face.

She looked me over before surprise covered her face, "You're Paragon Stormlight! The hair…"

I grinned, "Always nice to meet a fan."

"Well, in that case, let's not waste time. Kal'Hirol awaits, and Darkspawn – when left to their own devices – get up to all kinds of nonsense." I chuckled as she led us to the entrance.

She was telling us of how Kal'Hirol used to be a center of Learning for the smith caste; how it was unique in its structures too. "You know Caridin has likely not come through here yet… we should be careful around the Golems in case the Darkspawn have found the control rods."

Sigrun looked at me. "So it's true? Caridin walks among us again?" she sounded adorable when she was excited.

"Yeah. We managed to convince him to gather the remaining Golems and try and return their free will to them. He's pretty cool; made me a crown when he heard who I was." Oghren grunted, "It is a nice Crown… don't know why you don't keep it with you."

"I have Alistair keeping it safe for the duration of this problem. I'm taking it with me when I kidnap Anders and Justice in a few months."

There was a silence before Anders said, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Lyna, do I have permission for that? They are your wardens…"

"If I said 'no' would that change your plan?"

"Not really…"

"Fine."

We saw Jukka then, and everything else was put on hold while Sigrun rushed to him.

"It's Jukka! He's hurt; it's bad." She rushed to pull fallen rocks off his back and I used my magic to help. Anders began trying to heal him while everyone else kept guard for enemies.

He groaned, "S… Sigrun?" we had him uncovered now; his hair was brown and his eyes a soft gold; like hash-browns.

"Yes, it's me; try not to talk!"

"You can… stop; I feel my death upon me. Sweet release. You must… listen… the Broodmothers… breeding an… Army. You must… stop them. Beware… the Children… abominations… even among… the darkspawn. Forgive me." He collapsed, releasing a final breath. Sigrun cried out, "Jukka!"

I pulled her into a hug. "Ancestors look kindly on you, brother. We have to finish what the Legion started. Those Broodmothers need to be destroyed!"

"And they will be. You know… they are conveniently under an easily dropped stone that will squish them like bugs…"

"All the better for us then huh?" Lyna grinned.

As we continued through the lost Thaig, Lyna kept glancing at me… finally, she asked.

"Why do you plan to take two of my Wardens to Kirkwall with you?"

"They are needed there. If you release them to me, it'll be easier, but they will still go regardless of my interference."

She sighed and nodded.

Sigrun sighed. "The Legion got this far without trouble… but we got careless and complacent. We stormed the main entrance; up those stairs… it was a disaster. The Darkspawn were waiting; they turned the old defenses against us."

"Well what do you suggest, Tara." Lyna asked.

"Same thing Sigrun would. Side entrances hidden lever is right… here," I pulled the chain hidden in the decorative mouth thing off to the left and a section of wall moved to the side. Sigrun looked startled. "Most of the old Dwarven fortresses had hidden entrances… I'm glad you knew where this one was!" I smiled at her as Justice gave me a calculating look.

"We are avoiding the main fight?"

"Oh, no… we're going to flank them; come from behind. No way am I letting those things live to bite us in the ass later! But Sigrun is right about it being booby-trapped to hell and back; we need to come from a direction they don't expect and take out the mages or we'll have to fight Golems." Justice nodded. "A sound strategy. Very well; lead on."

Kal'Hirol was more than 100x the size of the game; it was meant to house hundreds of Dwarves after all. 50 Darkspawn had covered the entrance.

That first day, we only managed to clear the Market Center. The second day, we managed the slums and trade district… the third day was the Nobles district. By the fourth day, I was sick of the Depp Roads and I could see it wear on Anders more than the others.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked softly.

He sighed, "It just… reminds me of 'solitary' in the tower. But worse, because of the foreboding darkspawn presence and such."

I nodded, "I hate the Deeps for close to the same reason. I spent 200 years in a dark cell with no windows. It was… daunting."

He flinched, "A year was my longest stint – I can't even imagine…"

I shook my head, "It's best you don't try, either."

"So you're telling me that the one who started the Blight is also behind this mess?" Sigrun asked suddenly.

"Yeah. All of us – other than Justice – have met the bastard too. Locked us up, took some blood, disregarded my warnings, and ran off to do more shit… asshole."

About now, we had reached the Kal'Hirol Smithing and Learning quarter… otherwise known as the heart of Kal'Hirol.

We found armor stands that had amazing armor; even finding some in Sigruns size which she instantly swapped out for since hers was damaged. When we got to the Golem and the 'Lost' withered, I put up ice shields on all of us; making it easier to kill them. And as stated, there was a large Lyrium block located right above the two Broodmothers making it easy to kill them.

When they were dead, I pulled out the Spyglass I had found and handed it to her. She looked it over in awe.

"This… this is a spyglass! My friend Varlan told me about them, but I didn't know they were so shiny. He said that on the surface, Spyglasses were used to see things that are leagues away. May I… keep it? I know I shouldn't; we aren't supposed to have belongings in the Legion."

Lyna spoke up. "Wardens are more than welcome to have belongings… encouraged to, even."

"As you say, Commander! Thank you," she directed the last part to me.