"What did you say?" His throat was dry as a dessert. He must have misheard that. There was no way- but then she repeated herself, saying the same thing. His legs couldn't support his weight anymore, he stumbled to the bed and sat down, resting his feet on top of the side rail. His elbows were on his knees and covered his face. There was no fucking way. "I don't believe you."

"Would I lie about something like this?" He heard the sheets behind him rustle and, soon after, she was hugging him from behind with her arms wrapped around his neck, her cheeks on his shoulder, and her breasts smushed against his back. Her hands tried to massage the tension out of his muscles but she was unsuccessful. "A baby, Severus." Her voice was light as if she was happy about this. That couldn't be, but her next words gave truth to his suspicions, "A little piece of you and me."

"How did this happen?" He violently racked his memories- they had been careful, hadn't they? "You said you were on the potion." And he still used contraceptive spells, just to be certain.

"Mistakes happen, Severus," she excused breezily, "Do you think it's a beautiful boy or a little girl?"

"I think that it doesn't matter what I think!" He ripped himself away from her, not being able to bear the thought of a baby, let alone whether it would be born with a penis or vagina. No, this couldn't be right. She was mistaken. She just had to be. He pointed his wand at her before she could expect it and cast a pregnancy revealing spell on her. He cast spell upon spell and he kept getting the same answer. To deny the fact would be asinine. Bile rose in his throat.

She was pregnant. She was pregnant. An idea popped in his head, one that would solve their problem- she couldn't possibly want this baby, even if she sounded like she might. "There's still time."

"Time for what?"

"To terminate it."

"T-terminate? No! I'm not giving up our baby! How could you ask such a thing?" Cowardly as it might be, he couldn't face her, couldn't force himself to see the pain he inflicted upon her that would be displayed on her face. "I need to go." He apparated back to Hogwarts without another word, preferring a walk over heading back inside. He needed to clear his mind, there wasn't any room in there to just think. To his relief, there were no students out. He didn't think he could handle an interaction with one of those rogue rascals.

The air outside was brisk, cutting against his skin like a sharp knife. Almost immediately, his fingers lost all feeling and his cheeks felt warm. He ignored it all and kept walking until he would collapse should he attempt to walk anymore.

Once he was back in his quarters, he sunk in his armchair, feeling numb just like his fingers. A defeated man, he was. He hated that he couldn't quit thinking of ways to end the pregnancy but she couldn't have this baby, his baby.

That was his baby growing inside of her. He read that there was this protective feeling a male got

upon finding out about a child of their own, a natural, animalistic instinct that was wired within the very deepest workings of their brains but he felt none of that. He felt like this creature growing inside her a foreign parasite.

But it was his baby, his foreign parasite, that couldn't be forgotten.

Biology didn't make a difference but honour did. For, there was nothing honourable in the thoughts he was having. Terminating this pregnancy would mean undermining her wishes, going behind her back and forcing her to have an abortion. That would be rape, something that unsettled him to the bone. More than that, he couldn't even imagine doing something like that to Magdalene. They may have their issues and he might not want so much to do with her these days but he could never hurt her like that.

She was having the baby, there was no way around that, but did he have to be a part of its life? There was only a split second of hesitance. Of course he did. Not because of biology but because of honour.

He was having a baby. With a sigh, he got ready to head down to dinner. Maybe the idea of being a father would grow on him.

"You look beautiful." She could tell that from the way he leered at her. Maybe she should have brought a jacket. She wasn't wearing anything too revealing, just a light pink blouse that rested against her loosely and legging- muggle clothes. Butterflies filled her stomach but not in excitement. "Thanks. You too. Umm, where are we going to…? You can't leave here." The look on her face told him that she wasn't planning on allowing him to sneak out. "Come with me, darling."

"Please don't call me that." He grabbed her wrist firmly and dragged her along with him to his room. "Black," she growled furiously, yanking her wrist from his grasp, "If you think this is what I had in mind, you have one thing coming for you."

"Not that, not yet." Not ever, Lyra wanted to add but she was too busy being enraptured in his room. It was unlike anything she'd ever seen before, its wall wearing posters that hid the wallpaper behind them. Most of them were half-naked women, fitting for Sirius, but some of them were of bands she recognized. "You like The Rolling Stones?" She stopped in front of the poster, depicting 5 boys with their respective instruments in a bright red backdrop. "Yeah, went to one of their concerts in '73. Best time of my life. James and I went together, you know. My parents had no clue until after. I got into a lot of trouble but it was worth it." His face lit up with nostalgia but his voice had a hint of sadness in it, regret. "You a big fan?"

"No, not really. I like some of their songs, though. They're a good band." He crossed the room to his window. Pushing it up, he exposed the room to the chill of the outside. "What are you doing?"

"Come," he gestured. Reluctantly, she abandoned her appraisal of the decor and approached him. He was climbing onto the window sill, holding himself steady. She was a little worried he might fall but she didn't say anything. Surely he knew what he was doing by now. She watched him grab onto something above him and pull himself up until he was out of sight. She leaned out the window and found his legs dangling above her on the roof. "I used the gutter to pull myself up, been doing it since I was a kid. Come, I'll help you up."

She didn't really trust him, to tell the truth, but she allowed him to grab her hands and shut her eyes, her stomach turning inside out when she felt her feet leaving the solidness of the sill. Despite her worries, she found herself safely on the roof. "Sirius, you could have killed us!"

He had no concern about how dangerous this was- he looked delighted, "I wouldn't have. Didn't I tell you I've been doing this since I was a kid?"

"One slip and-"

He mumbled something under his breath. "Sometimes, you're too much like your brother."

"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?"

"Look, I'm just tired of people telling me what to do. I'll do whatever the fuck I want to, I'm an adult!"

"I get it's frustrating-"

"No you don't! Have you spent 12 years in Azkaban? Had your best friend died from a fucking psychopath? Does your other best friend look at you with barely-concealed betrayal because you didn't trust him when you should have? Are you stuck in the place you hate the most? Didn't think so." His face turned away from her out into the distance, his chest heaving with anger. Where was this coming from? She felt her own anger push through, away from the place she usually kept it hidden. "You don't know me, nor what I've been through, so don't presume to."

"What could be so terrible in your life? Running away from home doesn't-"

"I didn't run!"

"That's not what Remus-"

"Well, fuck Remus. You don't know what a hell the past decade was for me, so shut your mouth. So you had a shitty life? So did the rest of us. It sucks, but if you could think about anyone other than yourself for a moment, you'd see that the world isn't against you. Yes, you're stuck inside in your crappy childhood home-" her American accent was pushing through now "-you can't change that. What you can change is your attitude about it. You're not wasting away because you've received a crappy hand of cards, you're wasting away because this isn't what you want."

"I've exchanged one prison for another." His voice was hoarse as if he was coming to the realization just as he said it. Her anger had gone with the end of her small speech, she felt peaceful- as if she'd been holding in those words and sentiments forever. But, it made her realize something else. He wasn't the only one with a shitty attitude about his situation. She had one too, even if it chose to butt its head silently.

You can't change what happens to you, but you can change your attitude.

What happens to you is beyond our control, however, our attitude isn't

Our state of peace is slave to our attitude

Attitude: the mentality in which how one adjusts to their surroundings

She'd have to add to that list of sayings sometime later when she could be alone with her own thoughts. The realization lit something up, it made her feel awake. Like she'd only seen the world for the first time. "Only if you make it one." She looked at the man beside her, at how broken he was. She wanted to fix it, but she couldn't fix him, only he could do that.

It was all too much to digest for now and it wasn't something she could do with Sirius here. He was broken, yes; she wanted to fix him, also yes. But could she be with him? No. This was wrong. Not morally, they both were consenting adults, but it was a betrayal to her own self- she didn't want to be with him. This was going nowhere, she knew it a long time ago. She just hoped that he felt this incompatibility, just like she did. For her, it radiated in the air as clear as day, or, well, night in this case.

When he turned to her, a calm look in his features, she hoped that he was turning to tell her they'd be better off as friends. Hope was a lovely friend but dangerous to rely upon. "You have a nice way of looking at things, Lyra Lupin. I like it. I like you." She saw something in his eyes -a growing affection maybe?- and she didn't like it.

She shrugged casually, "We each have different experiences. It's cool to hear them."

"Very cool. That was a bit much for a first date, huh? Why don't you tell me about you?"

She looked up at the setting sun. With the right person, this might have been the most romantic thing she'd ever experienced. With Sirius, it just seemed like it would be a memory that she would look back at fondly in some 50 years. "Nothing much to say. I'm 29, born on September 24th, 1966- Remus is older than me by 6 years. I was a first year his final year. I was a Ravenclaw but the hat wanted to put me in Hufflepuff for the longest time. I did pretty well in school, but Potions was my favourite class. I had Professor Snape for 3 years, he was my favourite teacher to this day-"

"Sn- Snape?" Sirius barked out with incredulity, "You must be joking. I can kind of understand tolerating him, but liking him?"

"He's a good teacher," she defended. She would have said more, like how he was so passionate about his subject, like how he went above and beyond to those who truly enjoyed Potions, like how he could be so relatable when he wanted to be. The best years of her Hogwarts career were spent right in his office. She could still imagine the smell of that place, it was a very sharp, profuse scent, unforgettable. Sirius would never understand, he saw what he wanted to see. Professor Snape was something they likely would never agree on. "A good teacher? You're mental. Harry says-"

"Harry has a different experience with him, likely."

"He's a bully!" A bully? That wasn't the Professor Snape she remembered. Yes, he was always harsher with the Gryffindors, but in all fairness, they were always the ones to take his subject the least serious. She'd had University Professors that made Professor Snape seem soft, it was because potions was a volatile subject. Besides, Sirius wasn't reliable, not where Professor Snape was concerned. "Moving on, I was a quiet kid, mostly kept to myself. I didn't have a solid friend group, but I talked to people here and there. Graduated with NEWTS in charms, potions, herbology, and care of magical creatures-"

"Only four?"

"I...wanted to be focused on my field of study. Then, a couple weeks after graduation, I flew out to America on a green card, a muggle thing, never mind. Anyways, I pursued a master's degree in Potions at a prestigious university for 6 years, then spent 3 with my Master. Then, I came back here."

"Why? You seemed to be doing well in America for 9 years."

"10," she corrected, wishing desperately to change the subject, "I took a gap year after my apprenticeship ended. Anyways, that's my life story. You?"

His tale was much more interesting than hers. He grew up with his strict, blood purist parents and a younger brother called Regulus. He wasn't so much into the blood-purity thing and especially not after coming to Hogwarts. Unlike his family, he was sorted into Gryffindor, the catalyst of his failing relationship with Regulus; the younger boy seemed to resent him for it. Sirius quickly made friends with James Potter, Harry Potter's father. Remus and Peter Pettigrew became a part of their group- a group they called the Mauraders.

He recalled stories with colour- pranks, jokes, mischief that he and his friends got into when they were children. It was a story of loyalty, friendship, and bravery. She felt a surge of appreciation for him when he recounted his discovery of Remus's 'furry little problem' and, with no hesitation at all, decided to start learning how to become Animagi.

But, his happiest memories consisted of James Potter. With the way that the majority of his school years were about Potter Sr., she briefly wondered if there was something else there between the two of them.

She was but a kid back then but she remembered Potter well. He was everything she never wanted to be, a bully. Even though she remembered Professor Snape -who was just Snape to her back then- getting the brunt of his attentions, he wasn't Potter's only victim. The Potter she knew couldn't be reconciled with the Potter Sirius described. He described a kind boy who befriended a lost pureblood: a loyal friend with a great sense of humour. She remembered a cruel boy who took pleasure in others' humiliation, just as long as he and his friends got a laugh out of it. There was little difference between Potter and the Slytherin boys who would grow up to join Voldemort's forces. So, how was it so that Sirius's view of his late friend was so distorted?

His later years were told quick and vaguely. She got the idea that he and Potter joined the Aurors immediately after Hogwarts and were soon after recruited for the Order. They had gone on many missions but none of them were anything too major. Still, the thrill of it all excited the two boys. Sirius was apparently there when Harry Potter was born, declared Godfather. It was the best day of his life, he told her. When he first heard of Lily's pregnancy, all he could feel was jealousy at the possibility of being replaced, but all of that vanished when he held the little baby in his arms. Harry became a part of the pack immediately, he said.

She learned a lot about Harry's first year of life and listened as he told her that he found him in Godric's Hollow after his parents were killed. He said he went after Peter in a thirst for revenge but instead got thrown in Azkaban for crimes he was innocent of.

He didn't talk about Azkaban at all, skipping to Harry's third year that he spent mostly as a dog. Harry and his friend, Hermione Granger, saved Sirius from the Kiss and he fled, keeping in contact with Harry all the while.

By the time he was finished, the sun had long set and she was shivering. "My bad, here, wear this." He took off his leather jacket and put it around her. She hugged it closer to her, finding relief in the warmth it provided. "Maybe we should head inside."

"Y-yes p-please." She was going to freeze out here if they didn't. He helped her back safely into the house, shutting the window behind him. A moment where the two stared at each other passed before he interrupted it by stepping forward. She prepared herself for his kiss but instead, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back until she was slammed against the wall. He began to tear at her robes. Fight-or-flight kicked in, she was a flurry of motion that she had no control over. In fact, she didn't even remember pushing him away with all of her strength. Nor did she recall kicking him in the groin so that he doubled down.

What she did remember was realization starting to prick at the edges of her consciousness, halting her panic attract enough that she realized that she had seriously injured Sirius. "What the fuck?" His voice was raised into a yell, not even being able to look at her.

She backed away, horrified with herself. She was a monster. No better than him. "I'm sorry, so sorry."

"What the fuck," he repeated in disbelief. How could she explain herself? She couldn't, not without revealing everything. Even after hearing all of his trauma, most of his deepest sorrows, Sirius was just about the last person on earth she'd tell about hers. He wasn't the safe space she could leave the darkest parts of her past with.

Her regret morphed into anger, "What the fuck? What the fuck were you doing? You can't just do that!"

"You didn't have to try and kill me!"

"I was very clear on my intentions, Black. While my response might have been a little extreme, you still have no right whatsoever. Don't touch me ever again, do I make myself clear?"

It was only now she registered the uncomfortable position he was in- a squat with his arms leaned behind him to support his weight. A moment later, he effortlessly picked himself up and smoothed his robes over. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

What was wrong with her? What wasn't? Try as she might ignore it, she was irrevocably broken, hence her response. She couldn't face Sirius, not anymore. "Hey!" His hand reached out to her shoulder to stop her from leaving, "We're not done talking." She turned, faster than he expected, shoving his hand away from her. "Didn't I tell you not to touch me?"

"You. Just. Shoved. Me."

"And I'm sorry about that. I still don't want you to touch me. Thank you for the date, but I don't think there will be another one." She strode out the room, trying not to burst into tears. She must have had the worst luck because just as she stepped outside the room, Remus was leaving his. Her brother stared dumbly at her, transferring his gaze to Sirius and then back to her. "It's not what it looks like," she stammered out.

"You and Sirius."

"Remus-"

Surprisingly, Remus looked resigned, "I'm not mad. Really, I should have seen this coming."

"Remus-"

"Lyra, it's okay. If there's anyone you'd be good with, it's Sirius. He's one of the good ones." She felt the weight of Sirius's hand placed on her shoulder, it made her feel trapped. "If you'd just listen to me-"

"I don't want to hear it, I may be okay with this, but I don't need to know the details."

"There are no details, you stupid prat! It was one date and that was all! Now, if you'd excuse me, I have to go."

She did what she did best- run. This was a problem Sirius could take care of.