Wednesday, February 24

Matt

He looked up at the ceiling, refusing to close his eyes. If he had the choice, he wouldn't even blink, but it wasn't up to him. He glanced over at the clock on the nightstand, the red blocky numbers glaring at him.

3:28 AM

Two more hours to go. He sat up in bed, wrapping his arms around himself. He couldn't fall asleep, not again. Not after that dream. That one, that one was too much. His father was closer than he wanted him to be. He couldn't get him out of his head. When he slept, he came back. So, he decided he wouldn't sleep. At least for tonight, he might be exhausted, but at least he was away from him, like Nancy said he would be.

He pulled his knees to his chest. His mother had been here when he first woke up after the nightmare, but she left when she thought he fell asleep. Once she left, he sat up and sat there for hours. Matt couldn't sleep with him controlling his dreams. He wouldn't let himself, even if he wanted to.

He sighed, yes it was boring sitting there doing nothing. But he was used to sitting with nothing to do for hours on edge. This was another one. He could take it. His father wouldn't get him again tonight. He refused to let that happen. At least, he'd like to think about that. That he had the power to refuse it. But he knew as soon as he closed his eyes again he would be there, looming over him. He would always be trapped. He couldn't run from his father.

His father shouldn't even be bothering him. He was gone, in prison, or so he was told. He'd haunt him for the rest of his life. It didn't even seem unreasonable, he was his father.

Matt found he despised the word. Every time he heard it, he tensed up, and the hardest times of his life flew by him in a matter of seconds. Every. Single. Time. Fear, that's what it caused. He'd have to force himself to stay still because he'd start trembling. You didn't have to be talking about his father, but the word itself brought all the pain back.

If not sleeping helped him to control his fear, then he wouldn't sleep. He sat there for hours and finally he left the room when he had to get ready for school. Matt put his uniform on and headed out to the main room, rubbing his eyes trying to stay awake.

At least he was away from him. He watched his mom make something on the stove and he averted his glance and went into the bathroom. He heard TK's door open and say good morning to Nancy. Matt stalled in the bathroom until he heard TK retreat to his room. He wasn't about to confront him after what had happened yesterday. He felt guilty about what he said, but he still stood by it.

TK hadn't said anything, but Matt assuming TK didn't want to was wrong, but what other reason could there be? It's not like Matt had done anything to TK to make him hate him, and TK had no reason not to talk to him. So, he wasn't going to apologize until he was proved wrong. He was allowed to be angry.

Matt came out of the bathroom, and Nancy turned to him. He averted his glance to the floor.

"You should eat something."

"Mm-hmm," Matt hummed, not moving from his spot. It wasn't an 'I agree' hum. It was a 'I-know-I-should-but-you-and-I-both-know-I'm-not-going-to-so-this-whole-thing-is-pointless-but-I-know-you're-going-to-try-and-force-me-but-I-don't-have-the-energy-to-put-up-a-fight-so-let's-not-do-this-okay?' hum.

Nancy sighed. "Matt."

He didn't reply and continued to look at the floor. She was always trying to get him to eat, but he couldn't. He didn't know why, by not eating he was disobeying her, but he couldn't. It was the only reason he had.

He was scared. He knew when he ate, stole food from his father because he couldn't take the pain anymore, it always lead to more pain. But he knew that if he didn't, he would have died. But when he thought about it, there was no way to guarantee Nancy wasn't like that. Maybe she had it in her too. After all, he never thought his father could have treated him like that. Until he did.

He balled his hands into fists, his chest tightened, and his eyes glazed over with tears. No. He stopped himself. This wasn't the time to cry. There was never a time to cry. If he sat in the closet and cried, he wouldn't have survived. He couldn't waste his time. Matt had to be strong. As confused as he was, he had to be strong. Nobody could do that for him. He was on his own. He was used to it, so he'd be fine.

"Matt, please."

Matt looked back up at her and made eye contact with her for a second and then looked down. He tried to ignore the desperation in her eyes. He didn't understand why she was so desperate, and he didn't want to feel guilty.

"I can't," he whispered.

"Matt, you need to eat." He shook his head. Why was she doing this to him? He didn't deserve it, he knew it. Yes, he needed it and he felt like crap, but still. He didn't deserve it. When you're playing a game as a child, the losing team doesn't get a trophy because they're sad and need it to feel better. The winning team gets it because they earned it. This was the same thing, or at least, to Matt, it was. "Please."

He shook his head. "I can't." Nancy sighed and walked away from the counter and closer to him. She sighed.

"Why not?" she asked gently. Matt's hands shook, and he steadied himself on the wall.

"Because of him," he whispered.

"He's gone now. I promise." Matt shook his head.

"Then why can I still hear him?" he asked. His voice broke, and he cursed to himself. Why was he so weak? He had never been this shaken about what happened. Why was he so scared?

"He can't hurt you anymore, bud." Matt looked up at her, and then back down. "You need to eat."

He shook his head. "No! I can't."

"Please. You haven't since Monday, you need to." Matt closed his eyes.

"But he told me I wasn't allowed to because I caused you two to split up!" He clenched his hands into fists, still refusing to let his tears fall. He let out a shaky breath. He shouldn't be saying any of this, he doesn't want to talk about it. "That's why he hurt me so much."

His mother was silent for a minute, and Matt didn't even hear her breathing. He didn't open his eyes. Finally, he heard her sigh; it wasn't a tired sigh; it was a sad sigh.

"Matt, what happened wasn't your fault," Nancy reassured him. "You did nothing wrong."

He tensed up and opened his eyes and blinked at her. "I didn't?"

"No, Matt. You didn't."

Matt gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. No, she was wrong. He couldn't have been beaten over nothing. He had to have done something to be locked away for days straight! His father couldn't hate him for nothing.

"Then why?" he asked, looking up. "Why did he do it?" Nancy bit her lip and sighed.

"There's no reason, Matt. He took his anger out on what he could." He watched her tense up. "And you were there." Her voice broke when she said it, but he paid no attention to it. He scoffed. "Matt." She went to bend down to his level. He shook his head and pushed her away. She looked hurt, but he ignored it.

"No! You're lying to me!" Matt yelled. He took a few deep breaths, trying to control his anger. "There's a reason! I'm the reason!"

"No, you're not."

"Then why?"

Nancy sighed. "I don't know. I'm sorry." Matt shook his head and pushed past her, running out of the apartment. He heard her call after him, but he ignored it. He needed to get out of the apartment.

Matt ran out of the apartment, taking the stairs because the elevator took too long, and ran towards the school. He didn't care how tired he was; it didn't matter. He wanted to get away from his mom, from TK, from his father, from Sora's coma, away from everything. His heart pounded in his chest and his legs ached after a solid five minutes of sprinting. But he kept going. He had to get away from there.

He was so used to being hated for years of his life, she couldn't tell him it was all a lie. His father hated him for many reasons, that's why he hurt him. His chest tightened, and he gave up and stopped. If his mother had sent TK to follow him, he would have heard him behind him.

He leaned against a wall, sighing. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. He swayed, a little dizzy. He shut his eyes, trying to get the feeling to go away.

You're fine. Relax.

He took a couple more seconds to breathe and put his hands on his knees. He would have sat down, but he was on a public street and he wasn't about to draw even more attention to himself. Then again, teenagers running in the morning were common.

He ran his hand through his hair and stood back up. He turned and started walking towards the school; the adrenaline started wearing off. His stomach growled, but he ignored it. He had gone longer than two days without food. He would be fine.

Why would Nancy do this to him? Making it seem like he suffered for nothing. It wasn't right. He was there; she wasn't; he knew the reason. He caused their divorce, that's what his father always told him. She couldn't say he wasn't the cause of years of abuse and neglect because of that and so many other things.

He put his hands in his pockets; it was a good thing he had changed before he ran out. If he hadn't, he would have had to go back there, and it wasn't something he wanted to do. Even though it was the middle of February and he didn't have a jacket, he wasn't too cold, luckily. One, because he didn't want to keep fighting to eat because eventually he was going to give in, he always did. Which was the only reason he was still alive, but still.

And two was because he pushed his mother and, as a bonus, yelled at her. The rational side of him was telling him never to go back there for his own safety. Sure, she had never laid a land on him before, but that was definitely crossing the line. Matt was surprised he got out unscathed from disobeying her and not eating. He decided it was a small streak of luck that definitely would not last. Images of when he was younger and tried to fight back flashed through his head. There was a reason he gave up trying.

It made it worse.

He hadn't even thought about what he was doing, he just did it. He shuddered, sure he saw no sign in the way TK acted like it sometimes happened when he did something wrong. But TK wasn't Matt, TK wasn't a screwup like he was. He made people happy, Matt didn't. So, maybe Nancy never hurt TK, but wouldn't care about him.

He thought about the desperation in her voice, how much pain was in her voice during the argument. That was the typical conversation with his dad, but he was the one was yelling. Dad was the one that was- Matt stopped, his feet refusing to carry him any further. His breath caught in his chest.

Was he turning into his father?

The thought turned his blood into ice, and he started shaking. Sure, all he'd only pushed her, and he hadn't intended to hurt her, but still. He could have hurt her. Whether it was intentional or not, he still did it. Matt shuddered again. Was he capable of hurting someone? He never had before and he didn't want to. But then again, did he have a choice? Had his father been rubbing off on him all this time? If he had kids in the future, would he hurt them?

Tears welled in his eyes, and he blinked them away. A group of other students walked past him, giving him a strange look as they passed. Someone pushed past him, almost tripping him. He heard laughing as they ran up to catch up to him and another rolled his eyes. They didn't have uniforms on, so they were probably middle schoolers. In any other circumstance would have been funny that they had the courage to push a high schooler.

"Can't take a break, can you, A?" Said kid laughed as they continued on.

"Shut up, Trent. You've become boring."

Matt watched them laugh and walk away, then sighed and saw his breath in the cold air. Idiot, walk. You can't stop on the sidewalk what were you thinking? He winced. He was demeaning and belittling, like him. Sure it was himself but it's still belittling. Right?

He sighed again and started walking, his mind racing. Was he going to be like him? He couldn't. Matt wouldn't do something like that, would he? He didn't want to hurt anybody, but then again had… had his father wanted to hurt Sora? He winced, his breath catching in his chest once again.

"Hey, Matt!" He took a sharp breath and looked up. Tai was walking over to him, Mimi trailing behind him. He swallowed. Tai had caught him completely off guard.

"Hey, Tai," he mumbled. He looked down at the ground, kicking a small pebble. He looked back up and Mimi frowned.

"Aren't you cold?" she asked. Matt tensed up, finally focusing on his sleeves that felt wet from the air. He looked down at his hands. His fingers were red. He slowly clenched his fists. It hurt to move them. He shook his head. Tai looked like he was going to say something, but then looked away. They stood there for a minute. Eventually, Tai grabbed Matt's arm and said something about getting to class, cheerfully. He flinched. Tai let go, not saying anything, but giving Matt a worried look.

Matt nodded, too scared to say anything. They walked through the hallway. Matt put his hands in his pockets. Their uniforms were a thin material. How he hadn't noticed how cold he was before was beyond him. He sighed for the hundredth time that day. Mimi ran ahead of them to talk to Tai's younger sister, Kari. Matt had never met her before, but he had seen Tai with her several times. He saw him wave and Matt quickened his pace when she saw her glance at him curiously.

For a minute, he wondered how he had never realized he and TK went to the same school. Before he moved in with him, he had seen him a couple of times, but it never crossed his mind.

That's enough. Calm down and stop thinking for once. They continued to walk through the school until they got to their lockers. They walked in silence for a while. Matt glanced back up. Tai was looking around the hallways, something was on his mind. When Tai got nervous, he tried not to focus on it until he had to.

The hallway's floor was a pebble-like pattern, white with a couple of dots of green here in there. The walls were white tiles, and the wall facing away from the street had tall green lockers built into them. And then there were the occasional doors that lead into classrooms.

Tai glanced back at him. He was either looking to make sure he was keeping up, or they reached their lockers. One kid separated them whose last name started with a J, but he wasn't there.

It hurt trying to put in his combo, considering his hands were still cold. Though it was getting better. Tai glanced over at him, then looked back at his locker as he opened it, grabbing a couple of things out of it. He spoke up before Matt could even put in the last number.

"Matt?"

"Hm?" Tai didn't say anything for a minute and bit his lip, then looked back over at him as he opened his own locker.

"Are you okay?" Matt almost jumped at the question. Did he not look it? He blinked dumbly as he looked back at Tai, at the ground, then nodded.

"I'm fine," he mumbled. He looked back at him. "Why?"

Tai shrugged. "You seem out of it, besides you look exhausted."

"I couldn't sleep." Matt reached up to his shoulder to grab his bag, then realized it wasn't there. It was sitting on the floor at his mother's apartment. Nice move, Matt. You're doing great.

Matt grabbed a couple of the folders he had and shut his locker. Tai said nothing else for a while as he grabbed his own things. It took him a few more minutes to get all his stuff. He went to shut his locker, but paused for a minute and looked at Matt.

"Any particular reason?" Matt was pulled back into an ocean of emotions. He tensed up, and Tai eyed him curiously. "I'll take that as a yes. Are you sure you're okay?" Matt opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it again. Then he sighed once again and looked back up at Tai. His eyes had some sort of expectancy in them, but there was a sense of patience. He couldn't make out the exact expression.

"Tai, do you," he paused and stopped himself from sighing, "do you think I could hurt anyone?"

Tai looked surprised. Matt shut his locker, and he found something musical in the click it made. He could hear it shut and then lock. He never paid attention before, and he wasn't sure why he was. But he was mesmerized by how it was a two-step process an inanimate object could do on its own.

Tai turned to Matt. Right, you asked a serious question. Stop thinking about stupid things! Matt looked away as soon as they made eye contact. He didn't like how long it was taking him to answer the question. It was like he didn't want to answer it and he didn't want to hear the answer anymore. He looked up as Tai chuckled awkwardly.

"No, why would you think that?" he tilted his head. Matt saw general curiosity shine through his expression. He tensed up.

"I haven't caused any problems for you, have I?" Tai's confusion doubled after this one. Matt took it as a blessing and waited for him to answer the question.

"What? No, why? Are you sure you're okay?" Matt meekly nodded.

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have said so if I wasn't, right?" He shrugged. Tai sighed and walked over to Matt, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Matt? You can talk to me, you know." Matt didn't say anything. Tai sighed. "Let's go to class, okay?" He nodded and followed Tai to their class. As soon as he sat down, exhaustion set in. Everything hit him, the fear, how tired he was, how much his stomach and legs ached, and then there was the anger.

It came back full force. Tai said he didn't do anything, so again, why did his father do this to him? His mother said he didn't do anything, and Tai said the same thing! He had to have done something. Tai didn't hate him, and from what Matt knew, he had no reason to. He was about to turn around and ask him for a pencil when one thing came to mind why he could.

Sora.

Matt grabbed his things off his desk. He'd been through a couple of classes already and he almost fell asleep in all of them. Luckily, he didn't get in too much trouble for not having his math homework. But he still got a disappointed look from his teacher, which was enough.

Tai was waiting for him by the door, so he got the rest of his things together and thanked him for holding the door. While they walked through the hallway, Tai complained about the math homework was too hard. Normally, Matt would have laughed and offered to help him during lunch, but he had no idea what they did in class.

From the exhaustion from not sleeping to the hurricane of emotions that were in his head, today was chaos. Pure calamity.

It was lunchtime. The cafeteria was in the Junior High wing, and Matt braced himself in case he passed TK. He learned over the past two days he had science right now and the classroom was right there.

But today, he didn't see him. Which he was a bit more relieved than he should have been. Then there was the small sense of worry from the 'where is he?' questions he had.

Matt snapped out of his thoughts as Tai's phone rang. Tai jumped at, laughing it off, and then grew confused when he saw his mother was the one calling.

Oh, boy. Matt thought. Tai's mother rarely called him. Either someone was hurt or she burnt the apartment down with her cooking. They were both pretty likely. Neither sounded too good, though.

Tai sighed as he picked up the phone. "Mom, if you're still confused Kari is staying after for computer club. She said that Yolei wasn't going to be there." He stopped. "Yes, I know she runs it! No, I don't know why she won't be there."

He sighed again, and Matt chuckled. The junior high computer club only had about four members, and they were always there. Despite not having a teacher run it.

His expression changed to something unreadable, and he couldn't tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. But what he could tell was this was serious. It didn't put him at ease. Tai was rarely serious.

"W...what?" He nodded. "Okay, yeah. I'll be there tonight. I'll let them know." Tai kicked the ground, listening intently to whatever his mother was saying. He nodded again. "Okay, yeah. Love you, bye." He hung up the phone, but his arm sat there for a minute more.

"Everything okay?" Matt asked. Tai didn't look at him and slowly dropped his arm.

"Sora's awake." Matt blinked. She's awake?

"...Awake awake?" Matt asked. Since she was in a coma, she opened her eyes sometimes but wasn't there.

Tai nodded. "Conscious and everything."

"Are you joking? Because that would be really cruel even for you. And this isn't something you should make one of your practical jokes about!"

"Matt, why would I joke about something like this?" Tai asked, looking towards him, wearing a dorky smile. He shrugged.

"I don't know." He looked up. "Wait, so you aren't." He shook his head with a bubbly laugh.

"No." Matt let out a sigh of relief. It was like an immense weight had lifted off his shoulders. She was okay. "I'm gonna go find Mimi. I'll see you in class," Tai said as he walked off and yelled, "hallelujah!" Matt chuckled.

He watched him walk away, and he finally let it sink in. She was okay. Alive, breathing, responsive. He almost laughed, but he remembered he was standing in the middle of the hallway. He called after Tai.

"We have lunch!" Tai stopped.

"Oh, right." Matt chuckled and motioned to the door.

"Let's go." Tai nodded and walked into the cafeteria. For once in that day he was lost in happy thoughts, and he didn't notice Davis wasn't walking with TK.

The three walked out of the school. The last bell rang a few seconds ago and now they decided they would all see Sora together. Just be home before six. That's when he gets out of work.

They continued to walk down the street. Tai had asked him if he'd be okay without a jacket, which Matt said he would be. He would not skip out on seeing her because it was cold. The hospital was only twenty minutes away. They debated taking the bus for Matt's sake, but none of them had money on them.

They turned a corner; the walk bringing back memories he didn't want to come back. His father's old apartment was in the same direction as the hospital was. They walked this way every day for years. It was weird not being terrified of what would happen once he got home. One would think it was reassuring, but for Matt, it was weird.

That wasn't normal, he realized, but still. It wasn't like he could help it. His father was always there, and he'd never be able to change that. At least Sora was okay now. Well, as far as he knew. They didn't know what lasting effects could be left, and that killed him.

They stopped and crossed the street. The hospital loomed over them like it was expecting them. He imagined one of those cliche villains that laugh and say something like 'I was waiting for you to get here.'

Matt shook it out of his mind. He was about to see Sora again, for the first time in months. He needed to focus on what actually mattered and push all the problems out of his mind, even if it was for half an hour or so.

They entered the hospital, Tai leading, pushing the door open and holding it open for them. Matt mumbled a small thank you as a wave of heat and the smell of medicine hit him in the face.

Tai closed the door, the small cold draft now completely disappearing. Which was great, considering how cold Matt was. They walked over to the elevator. Tai's mom had told them that her room changed. They pushed the button and waited for the little ding of it. Once they heard it, the door opened, showing a couple of people standing there. The three moved to the side so they could get out, then they filled inside.

Matt clicked the button this time, since he was the closest. The door shut, and the elevator moved. He leaned against the wall and waited for them to get to floor three. The bad elevator music he was expecting didn't play. He wasn't sure why, but he was mad about it.

The door dinged again and Matt stood up straight as the elevator settled and opened. They walked out and Tai scanned the signs to see which direction they had to go to get to Sora's room. He motioned to the left, saying something Matt didn't care to comprehend. It then occurred to him they could have been talking this whole time, and he heard none of it. They didn't seem to bother him about it, so he guessed he was wrong.

They got to her door, and they all paused. Now, he guessed, it was hitting them that their friend was back. Mimi glanced at Tai, who glanced at Matt. Matt blinked dumbly and then sighed and knocked on the door. He heard someone say to come in, but it wasn't Sora's voice. He paused for a minute and then sucked it up and opened the door.

The room was a double, a window on the left side of the door with mint green curtains hanging off of it. There were a couple of monitors and a curtain separating the two beds. One had a girl who looked to be a little older than them, with a cast on her leg and several cuts and bruises on her face. She had long black hair and bright green eyes. She looked familiar; he had definitely seen her around the school before. Matt's guess was that she was in the same grade as TK. Matt shrank away, not sure what to say and not wanting to say anything. He looked back over to the other bed, where Sora sat. She smiled at him; he smiled back.

"Hi, guys," she said. Mimi rushed over to her, pushing past two what Matt guessed to be nurses. One was a shorter blonde who was holding a clipboard, writing something down. The other was a taller male with blue hair reading something off the chart. He waved to Mimi, who was still hugging Sora. She didn't wave back because she didn't see him.

Tai chuckled and waved to him. "Hey, Joe. What are you doing here?"

"Interning," he said. Matt glanced at the floor. He knew Joe was one of Mimi, Tai, and Sora's friends who was studying to be a doctor. They meet at summer camp a while back and they all had been friends ever since.

"Isn't there a thing where you're not supposed to treat people close to you?" Mimi asked.

Sora spoke up. "I figured if he was going to watch someone, it minds as well be me." Matt cringed. Her speech was a little slurred. Maybe it'd never come back. Joe chuckled.

"No, I was just following her on rounds," Joe said, motioning to the other nurse, who smiled.

"We should give them some space since we're done here," she said. Joe nodded and waved to Mimi, who was crying a little, still hugging Sora. Typical Mimi. He couldn't blame her. It was a happy day. Matt said goodbye and followed the nurse out of the room. He saw the other girl Sora was rooming with, looking at him again. He glanced back, and he looked away.

Tai walked over to Sora's bed and pulled up a chair. Matt did the same without the chair, though. Mimi was still clinging to Sora's arm. She exchanged a look with Tai and they both chuckled.

"So, how are you feeling, Sora?" Tai asked.

She smiled gently. "I'm okay." Even Matt couldn't help but feel a little better. Sora had this thing about her where she could lighten the mood no matter what the circumstance. It was like a talent for being able to reassure people.

"Do you remember much?" Mimi asked. Matt winced.

"It's hazy, but yeah," she glanced at Matt as she said this. He tensed up and looked away. He didn't want to think about how much Sora hated him right now. She lost six months of her life because of him. It wasn't fair, and it was all his fault.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tai asked. His eyes were full of concern, which was understandable, and it was selfish of Matt to pray that she didn't. She was pushed off a building. Of course, she's going to be a little shaky. It'd be good for her to get those feelings off her chest, but to do that, she'd have to tell them. And then they'd hate him. It was a selfish thought, and he tried to rationalize it, he couldn't.

Sora put her hand up and shook her head. "Nah, it's okay. I'm fine now and that's what's important." She smiled the whole time she said it. But how could she be okay with everything that happened? She could have died because of his father. You don't get a second chance at life. She could have been gone forever. And it was all because of his father.

Matt's hand shook as he reached out to open the door. It was barely past five o'clock. A week ago, he would have been fine for at least forty-five minutes. It took him standing in the hospital to remember that he wasn't living with his father anymore. With today's earlier events, he was terrified to go back to his mom's.

The rest of the visit had gone fine. He didn't say much. It was Mimi crying in relief, Tai making sure she was okay, and Sora being her happy, reassuring self. She did cast him a couple of curious glances.

His fingertips were a deep red. The temperature had dropped over the past few hours. Not too much, but enough to where Matt was shivering. Matt watched his breath come out in little white clouds. He put his hand on the metal doorknob, which was cold from sitting in the winter air. Matt shuddered and finally mustered up the courage to open the door, but it was locked. He winced and then shakily knocked on the door. He didn't have a key

It opened a couple of seconds later by Nancy, who looked as tired as he was. She muttered something under her breath. Matt couldn't quite catch it, then pulled him into a hug. He tensed up, his breath catching in his chest. That was not what he was expecting at all. She held onto him for a little longer, pulling closer. That's when Matt noticed she was shaking, too.

"I was so worried," she whispered into his hair. She backed up from the hug and Matt let himself breathe again. She gently pulled him inside. "You're freezing, come inside." Matt obliged, too scared to put up a fight. She walked him over to the dining room where she had him sit down.

Matt shivered but tried to keep it to himself. Nancy put a blanket around him and sat down next to him. He said a small thank you and wrapped it tighter around him, not thinking about what would happen if he didn't.

They sat there in silence for a while. Eventually, Matt stopped shivering, and he was regaining feeling in his hands. He saw Nancy glance at him twice, but she said nothing. They sat there in a long, uncomfortable silence.

Nancy stood up and did some dishes. Matt fidgeted uncomfortably with his hands, watching her, just in case. He saw her sigh, and Matt bit his lip.

"Where were you?" she asked gently. He tensed up.

"I was visiting a friend in the hospital," he replied.

"Sora?" Matt looked up, a little surprised she knew. Then again, it wasn't like there were tons of people in the school that were in a coma. He nodded, and Nancy sat back down next to him.

"That's fine, Matt. Tell me where you're going from now on, okay? I was worried about you." Matt nodded. Not really listening, he was trying to steady his breathing. She was mad. Who knew what could happen now. He took a sharp, audible breath and cursed to himself. Nancy placed a soft hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, I'm not mad. You didn't know." Matt looked up at her, then back down.

"You're not?" She shook her head. They sat in silence for a couple of moments, then Nancy stood back up.

"Going back to this morning-"

"I'm not hungry," Matt blurted, though he knew it wasn't convincing.

"I know you're confused-"

"I'm not! I just don't get why you're lying to me!" He stood up, the blanket dropping to the floor. He faced away from her, crossing his arms, trying to protect himself. Stop being angry and keep your distance! Don't hurt her again!

"Matt, I'm not." Matt pinched his arm, looking down at the floor.

"I just don't get why he would have-" he stopped, choking on a small sob. Nancy kneeled in front of him.

"I don't know Matt. But I promise you, you did nothing wrong." Matt looked away, trying to rationalize his own feelings. He did something, right? He sat silent, deciding that he had nothing else he wanted to say. It didn't make sense. Why was he hurt over nothing then? His father gave him tons of reasons, but why didn't his mom think about them?

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Please, Matt. Eat something." Matt tearfully nodded, he was too tired to put up a fight.

TK

Every time he pulled his uniform on, it aggravated his cuts. It was like every morning it was reminding him, hey; you hate yourself. The same thing happened today, but he was more focused on standing up. He felt fine at first, but once he got up out of bed, he ended up falling because he was so dizzy.

He'd have blamed it on standing up too fast, but it hasn't gone away. He finished putting his uniform on, then made his way into the kitchen. TK said good morning to his mom, who was making something on the stove. He didn't see Matt yet, and he wasn't sure how to feel about that. He wanted to make things right, but he didn't know how to.

TK got some water and went back to his room. He sat back down, hoping that would help a little. He heard Matt and his mom talking outside, but he paid little attention at first.

He picked up his phone and looked at the time. He only had about 15 minutes to get to school. He was definitely pushing it today.

TK perked up as some of what Matt and his mother were saying became more audible.

He heard Matt yell a bit more, and he covered his ears, trying to block it out. It was a selfish action, but he knew if he listened and thought about it, he'd go back to the drawer. If he went for it now, he'd be mentally exhausted by second period, and he didn't want to do it.

"No! You're lying to me!" Matt yelled. "There's a reason! I'm the reason!"

"No, you're not!"

"Then why?" he yelled.

"I don't know. I'm sorry."

His mother called after him, and then the door slammed shut. The entire apartment was silent after that. TK let his hands drop from his ears and blinked dumbly. He sat there for a minute, trying to process what had happened. The whole thing was over as quick as it started.

He looked back at his phone. He only had ten minutes. TK didn't want to go out there, but he knew he had to. TK sighed and grabbed his bag, slinging over his shoulder. He swayed, the sudden weight making him dizzy. He winced. Suck it up, you're fine!

He made his way out to the kitchen where his mom was walking towards his door. She stopped. TK looked away. The atmosphere of the apartment was tense.

TK bit his lip. "I'm running late." Nancy nodded, then walked over to her purse and grabbed some money out of it. Then she walked back over to TK.

"Grab something at school, okay?" TK nodded and took the money, trying to steady his shaking. Then he put it in his pocket and hugged his mom. TK left after. He was running late and, as much as he hated to say it, he didn't want to be there. He didn't like seeing his mother so upset when he couldn't do anything about it.

TK walked as fast as he could, then he slowed down a bit. The less time he had, the less time Aiden could harass him, at least in the morning. TK was lost in his thoughts when he got dizzy again. He grabbed the closet wall to him for support. He stood there for a few seconds and then continued walking, using the wall to guide him.

He did this until he got to the school, almost stalling when he finally had to leave it. His hands were left with a chapped feeling with small light scratches from the texture of it. TK sighed and mustered up all the strength he had. It was hard for him not to fall, his vision being blurry, but he pushed through it. He wasn't about to worry his mother.

He fell, hitting a locker, and then he was on the ground. Wait, no. TK looked up and saw Aiden standing next to him. He didn't fall, Aiden pushed him. He sighed and stumbled up and it took everything he had not to lean on the wall.

"What do you want, Aiden?" he asked. He wasn't sure why he did it, but he did. Aiden scoffed.

"Just get out of my way."

"Hey, TB, I forgot to do the homework. Can you come help?" TK looked up at Davis, who was motioning for him to come over. He smiled, then nodded. TK went to walk over to him when he hit the locker again. He coughed, his chest tightening. Aiden said something, but he couldn't hear it.

He winced when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. TK heard Davis' voice, but he still couldn't make out what he was saying. He took a sharp breath as someone pulled him forward. TK glanced up, and he was saying something as they walked.

He went to step away from him, not wanting to bother him, but when he did, he felt himself fall again. Davis caught him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" TK nodded, but continued to balance on him for a minute.

"Fine," he murmured, "let's go to class, okay?" He tried to smile while he said it, hoping it would make it a bit more convincing. Davis looked unconvinced. TK offered a small smile and stood up, still balancing on Davis.

They walked like that for a while until TK finally got the strength to stand. They made their way to their lockers, then to class. Davis had to go to the bathroom, so TK waited for him outside.

He played with the edge of his binder, glancing up when he heard footsteps approaching him. Thinking it was Davis, he started saying something about being ready when he hit the wall. Aiden's arm pinning him by his neck, he dropped his stuff.

"Aiden," he wheezed, he didn't move. TK contemplated pushing him away, but decided it'd look pathetic. He wasn't strong enough.

"Next time you try to run away-"

"Back up." Davis pushed Aiden away from him. Then pushed him further to get some more distance between them. Aiden rolled his eyes.

"Does this concern you, Davis?" he spat. He laughed dryly.

"TI's my friend." Aiden scoffed, walking away, mumbling something incoherent. By the look Davis gave him, he figured it was an insult. He sighed and turned to TK, who looked at the ground.

"You okay?" TK nodded. His hands were shaking, one holding him up against the wall. He bit his lip, not wanting to look up at Davis. He flinched when Davis placed a hand on his shoulder, and when he went to use the hand on the wall to push him away, he fell. Davis went to help, grabbing his hand trying to pull him up. "Are you sure you're okay?" TK knew Davis wouldn't accept a no. He knew he wasn't. TK didn't reply.

They stood in silence for a minute and Davis grabbed TK's stuff from the ground and handed it to him. TK took it, saying a small thank you, still not looking at him. He hated how Davis brought himself into this; he knew about Aiden for a while, but now, TK was worried he'd be in danger.

"TK." He looked up. "Are you sick? You look pale." He turned to Yolei and Cody, who were standing next to Davis now. TK nodded.

"I'm fine," he mumbled. Davis placed a hand on his forehead. He was about to protest, but he moved back so fast that there would have been no point.

"You're burning up." He shifted his stuff in his hands. Again protesting that he was fine. Davis sighed and grabbed his shoulder. "Come on, I'll walk you down to the nurse." TK was about to protest, but decided there was no point. When Davis had his mind on something, he was going to do it. No matter what, so it'd be easier to go along.

They turned the corner. TK worried about how she'd react, considering it was before first period. Would she even care? Stupid question, she was the school nurse. It's her job to care. But the thought still stood. He shook Davis off of him.

"I don't want you to be late," he mumbled. He swayed a little on his feet but tried to hide it by focusing on one specific dot on the floor. It kept moving. Before he knew it, Davis had to catch him again. He winced as his arm wrapped around his cuts.

"It's fine. You were leaning on me this whole time," he said. I was? As they started walking again, he became more conscious of it. Besides, if I don't, we both know you'll go back to class."

TK bit his lip and let a small, forced laugh out. "Yeah, I guess." They turned into the other hallway where the nurse's office was. TK sighed. He didn't want to go, but Davis would not take no for an answer. The bell rang, and TK tensed up the noise. It made his headache worse.

"It's fine." TK bit his lip. He figured he meant him being late, but that wasn't what was on his mind at that exact moment. Now it was, though. Davis pushed the door open, the nurse perked up. TK sighed and tried to stand on his own. Davis gave him a warning look.

"Everything okay, boys?" she asked. Out of instinct, TK was about to say yes, but then remembered why they were here and let Davis do the talking. The nurse was a short young woman. She had been hired about three years ago. Her short blonde hair had faded pink streaks in it. She had small brown eyes and her face was dotted with freckles.

"He's sick."

"What's wrong, TK?" she asked, standing up.

He shrugged. "I'm just dizzy."

"I think he has a fever too," Davis said. TK chewed on his inner lip. The nurse nodded and guided him over to a chair and grabbed a thermometer. She took his temperature and glanced at it for a second before putting it down.

"99.2, (37.3 C) you're running a bit of a temperature." TK nodded. "When did this start?"

"This morning, I woke up shaky," he mumbled. His stomach burned. He hated how all the attention was on him.

"Did you tell your mother?" she asked. He shook his head. This is going to stress her out even more. "Why not?" He noted her tone of voice. It was gentle, not mad, but genuinely concerned. She's a nurse stupid. It's her job to be worried.

He shrugged. "I thought it would go away." She nodded, then turned to Davis.

"You can go to class, Davis." Davis nodded. She stood up and wrote out the pass. She handed it to Davis, and he said a small thanks. He let go of TK, and he grabbed the arm of the chair to steady himself. Davis looked like he was going to say something, but TK gave him a reassuring smile.

"I'm okay, Davis. Go to class." He nodded and turned to the door. TK felt a hand on his. Before he could react, the nurse went to take his pulse. He tore his arm away, but he knew it was too late. She was silent for a minute, then spoke up.

"I'm going to call your mother." Tears welled in his eyes and he furiously blinked them away. Why didn't he react sooner? He used the hand that wasn't on the arm of the chair to grip the bottom of the chair to shield his shaking. Davis turned back around.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. TK sighed, glad that he hadn't seen. He smiled, but he knew Davis could see through it.

"Yeah." His voice was shaky, weak, pathetic. He took a deep breath, his heart pounding against his chest like it wanted to jump out, kill him, and take him away from whatever this was going to lead to.

"Go back to class, Davis," the nurse said. Davis nodded.

"I'll text you, okay?" TK nodded, and Davis left the room. He heard the phone ring, and he tensed up.

"Hi, Nancy. It's me again." Again? Guilt hit him in waves like he was the beach they were crashing onto. He almost resented the tone of voice she was using. Like she had never had something that could cause concern. Everyone had their skeletons.

He hated how whenever anyone did anything wrong, that's how people would act. Everyone has done something shameful. She was acting like she hadn't. He hated it; he didn't want people to tell him this was bad. He knew that. But he didn't care, he wanted to do it, and he didn't want his mom to know. She had enough to worry about. He sighed as he continued to listen to her talk.

It was going to be a long day.

It had been a little over half an hour, his mom had to work today, so she was finishing something. TK didn't mind, he didn't want to talk to her right now; he didn't want to see her. He played with a loose string on the chair and looked up when someone walked in. Some people had because it was the nurse's office. This time, it was Kari.

"Hey," she said, sitting down next to him.

"Hi," he replied. "Shouldn't you be going to class?" Kari shrugged.

"It's right across the hall. I have a study hall."

"Oh." TK said nothing for a bit, as Kari was typing something on her phone. She let out a sigh and shut it. "You okay?" She sighed again.

"Another fight with Aiden, that's all."

"Again?" he asked.

"Oh, shut up," she muttered. TK paused, looked down, and played with a loose string on his shirt. The nurse was watching him. He sighed, looked up, and ignored it.

"He's not a good guy, Kari."

"Again with this?"

TK shrugged. "I'm speaking the truth." He hated that she was with him. All he could think about was what he was capable of. He didn't want to see her hurt. Kari could handle herself, but Aiden was... Aiden.

"We got into one fight."

"This week." Kari rolled her eyes and stood up.

"Whatever, hope you feel better." With that, she left. TK sighed and rested his head against the wall. He watched her walk away, almost wanting to apologize, but he stood by his words.

He knew he was making Kari upset. She hated people being upset with her, and she always tried to make sure everyone around her was happy. Here he was, making her stress out over her boyfriend who she was happy with. Davis was the only one that knew about what Aiden was doing to him.

The bell rang; he debated picking up his phone and apologizing. He knew he was right. Aiden harassed everyone and anyone. He'd look at a kid and decide they were inferior, and he'd make sure they felt it. It didn't matter who you were. If Aiden decided you were nothing, he'd make you feel like nothing.

He didn't want that to happen to Kari. She didn't deserve it. Kari was kind to everyone, and she did nothing to deserve any type of poor treatment. She was the closest thing to an angel you could get. TK knew he shouldn't be interfering with her happiness, but he couldn't help it.

There was a knock at the door. He looked up to see his mother walking into the room. He sucked in a breath. The small bit of calamity he had was about to be gone. Mom doesn't know yet. The nurse didn't tell her. He chewed his inner lip.

"TK." He looked up at the nurse, who motioned to the door. "Go grab your things, please." He nodded, standing up and walking out of the room. He continued to walk down the hallway, flinching when he turned the corner. As he walked, he continued to look out for them. He never knew when they were coming.

His heart pounded in his chest as he looked at his locker all the way down the hall. It'd take a whole fifteen seconds to get there. A whole fifteen seconds more of being vulnerable. He got there unscathed. Part of him wanted to take forever grabbing his stuff so he could put off seeing his mother. However, the longer he was in the hallway, the longer he was in danger. He knew it was selfish, but he'd rather have that conversation than be pushed again.

He stood back up, having bent down to grab a few folders he needed to study from. His headache came back full force. He winced and shook his head. This, in turn, made him dizzy. He bit his lip again. He grabbed his bag, putting it over his shoulders. TK shut his locker, wincing at the sound, sighing again as he made his way back through the hallway, on high alert.

When he got back to the nurses' office, his mom was faced away from the door. He bit his lip and looked at the floor; the nurse looked up and said something he didn't quite hear. Nancy turned to him and he looked around the corner so he couldn't see her at all. She chuckled, but he could tell it was forced.

"Put your coat on, T. It's February." He stiffened and forced a smile, not looking back at her.

"Right." He grabbed his coat out of his bag, putting it on as fast as he could. She motioned to the door and waved to the nurse. He continued to look down, almost cursing the idea he was in there in the first place. Why didn't he say no to Davis? That would have prevented the whole thing.

This was all his own fault. He couldn't blame today's situation on Davis' choice. He was trying to help. TK was the one who made the choice to continue to do this (not that he ever tried to stop). He didn't even have to think about it anymore, he just did it. He never thought about stopping or what it would do to the people around him.

They made their way out of the school. TK felt a bit more at ease knowing his mom was there. But there was a silent uneasiness between the two and they said nothing. Tears blocked his vision, but he blinked them away. He focused on walking, hoping to distract himself. He wanted to stop thinking about it and he was dizzy and didn't want to fall over.

When they reached the car, he sat in the back. He didn't give himself time to think about it. TK sat down and shut the door, trying his best to not look at his mother. He sighed as she walked around the car to get into the driver's seat. Once she sat down, it was silent for a minute and then that was replaced by the hum of the car turning on.

TK sighed, took off his bag as he leaned against the window. TK stared at the writing on the front of the school. The car started moving. He blinked, almost like he had expected to sit there for an eternity. TK turned back around and placed his hands in his lap. He didn't dare look up at his mother, afraid it would cause a conversation to spark up.

TK played with his hands. He wasn't sure what to do here. He knew he should talk to his mother about everything but he didn't want to, h refused to. Or at least, he would as long as he could.

He tried to imagine the sound of snow crunching underneath the car wheels. He wondered if he could ever hear it. The drum of the car was too loud. TK bit his lip, wincing at the pain. There was a small blister now. He tried to switch it to the other side, but it felt awkward. He huffed.

TK couldn't keep his gaze down when he heard his mother sigh. He glanced out the window; they were pulling over. He tensed up, his breath hitching in his chest, which had tightened. TK imagined his muscles contracting like a piece of cloth when you twisted it. Nancy sighed again, and he saw her rest her head on the wheel. Guilt almost forced him to babble some apology and ask her to forget the whole thing.

She looked so tired.

It made sense. Matt wasn't eating, he had been abused. He knew she blamed herself for that. About a month ago when they started suspecting it she spent the day in her bedroom. She told him it was to be on the phone with them to get proof and get Matt out of the situation. Her phone was in the kitchen and he could hear her crying.

Despite himself, he wondered why she cared so much. Yes, she was his mother, but why did she care about him so much? Nancy was a caring person, but he was... him. How could someone care about a person who couldn't care about themselves? If he knew himself inside out and didn't like him, nobody else should be able to, right?

Then again, he knew that was the wrong way of thinking. If it was someone else with this habit and he cared about him, he'd be worried. But that was someone else, not him. It wasn't what he did that was throwing him off; it was who he was doing it to.

He heard another sigh. "Just why, TK?" He didn't reply for a minute. Hoping that would keep the rest of the conversation from happening. But he knew it wouldn't. Then again, if he didn't say anything, it wouldn't be much of a conversation. "TK?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he replied. His vision blurred with thick tears. He blinked them away. His wrists ached thinking about the cuts that lied there. He was tempted to wrap an arm around them. He'd rather them sting than feel so heavy. It was like lead was weighing down on them. Reminding him he was the reason all this was happening.

"Well, we're talking about it," Nancy said as she turned to him. "Why on earth would you do this?" He opened his mouth to say something when he realized he didn't have an answer. Why did he still do it? He'd accepted their insults a long time ago, but he couldn't stop. TK shrugged in response. Nancy didn't reply to that. Maybe she was still waiting for words. TK took that as a reason this shouldn't be happening. Nobody had anything to say, so why try to say anything?

After a minute or so, she spoke up again. "How long has this been going on?" He didn't look up. Acting like he hadn't heard her. "TK?" He glanced out the window, craning his head so far he couldn't see her at all.

"About a year," he murmured. "It was around this time it all started." It was more information than he wanted to give, but he didn't stop it. She sighed again.

"But why, TK?" He didn't reply. Nancy turned back to the wheel and started the car.

"Let's just get you home so you can get some rest." He nodded, wiping away his tears. His chest heaved, but he tried to hide it. Nancy turned back to him. "TK," she breathed.

"I'm fine," he choked. But they both knew it was a lie.