Saturday, February 27

Matt

There was a knock at the door. Matt perked up. He would have gone to open it, but he didn't know why anyone would stop by. He shook that feeling off, stood up from the table he was sitting at, and opened the door.

Sora stood on the other side. She was looking down the apartment hallway, uneasy. Thankfully, it was someone he knew. Sora turned to him and on instinct, Matt looked down.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi."

"Can I come in?" she asked. Matt nodded, opening the door for her. He shut it behind him, watching her curiously. She didn't face him at first, and they both looked at the floor. "Do you remember when you first met Tai?"

Matt glanced up. Sora still didn't look at him. He played with his hands, keeping his distance from her. He nodded.

"Yeah, why?"

"And then you twisted your ankle in gym." Matt blinked but nodded.

"Sora, this happened years ago."

"Then Tai kept bothering you all day to make sure you were okay because you refused to go to the nurse?" Matt nodded again and after a moment of silence Sora turned to him. "He did it out of concern." Again, Matt nodded.

"I-I know that, Sora," he stammered. Sora walked towards him and pulled him into a hug and chuckled.

"When he found out a few days ago, he was upset he hadn't noticed." Matt blinked and pulled away from Sora.

"What do you mean?" he asked, "I thought he was mad about what happened to you." Sora shook her head and Matt shifted his weight while Sora put her hand in her pockets.

"No, well, yes and no." Matt blinked. "He's not mad at you, Matt. He's mad that he never noticed what was happening to you." She looked back at him. "He blames himself for it."

Matt shook his head. "It's not his fault. I don't get why he'd think it would be."

"You always seemed okay," she said, "it seems stupid looking back, but there was no sudden change or anything. We thought you were naturally jumpy."

"I'm not-"

"You are, Matt. But none of us noticed why." Matt shook his head and placed a hand on Sora's shoulder. He didn't like how the conversation switched from Tai to 'we'. None of them had a reason to feel guilty about this. It was his burden to carry, not theirs to investigate.

"It wasn't your job to. I hid it from you, there's no reason to blame yourself."

"The signs were there," she said, "it wasn't until we found out what happened that everything made sense." Matt sighed, looking down. He hated this, they felt guilty because of him and his secrets. There was never a time he'd expect them to find out. They were all kids, this wasn't something he'd expect them to pick up on.

"It's not your fault." Matt didn't hold them responsible. The signs might have been there, but how would they know what they meant? There were times Matt wanted them to understand, especially when they were younger. But, he couldn't be mad they didn't. It's hard to catch onto something you don't understand.

"Why didn't Tai come talk to me?" Matt asked, looking Sora in the eye. She sighed.

"He felt bad after what happened yesterday. Him being irrational and all that." Matt almost laughed, the situation was such a Tai thing to do regardless of how much it hurt. Tai cared, he knew he did. But he wasn't logical in any way, he acted on impulse without thinking things through. That was Tai, anything different would feel weird coming from him.

Matt let go of Sora and slid his hands into his pocket. He looked away sighing again. "I'll talk to him on Monday, okay?"

Sora nodded. "Alright. If that's cleared up I'm going to get going." Matt nodded as he struggled to find the words to continue the conversation. As Sora turned to the door, she paused, standing there for an almost uncomfortable amount of time.

Matt's heart raced, her eyes seemed to be processing a lot, the possibilities scared him. Nothing in the encounter gave him a reason to be afraid, but the irrational side of his mind took over.

In a slight panic he opened his mouth to saying, to ask her what was wrong. The words failed him, instead he studied her, her shoulder turning at moments. They both stood in silence, neither of them having the words to break it. Yet, they both trying to.

Eventually, Sora turned, facing him completely. Matt couldn't find the strength to look away. Sora looked away, placing a hand on Matt's shoulder. He tensed up. Sora wasn't subtle at all, she never had been. As she stood there, Matt started to relax a little bit, the initial shock wearing off.

Matt's breath hitched as he looked down at the ground. He didn't like this, it was like he didn't listen to her. Her voice still had a trace of regret in it, and he hated that.

Matt opened his mouth, trying to get himself to say something. But he couldn't find the words. What part of it's not your fault did she not get?

Sora pulled Matt into a hug pulling him back into reality. He tensed up not expecting the sudden contact. She continued to stay quiet, but there was an audible sigh. Matt shifted as Sora pulled away, not looking at him.

She pushed her hair behind her ear, staring down in front of her. "Promise me one thing?" she asked, finally looking at Matt. He nodded. "You'll talk to us if something happens. I mean, you trust us enough to, right?"

Matt nodded again, chewing his inner lip. "I do, Sora, I do I just," he sighed and played with his sleeve, "I didn't know what to say or what to do or anything like that." Sora shook her head.

"No, it's fine. I get it. I just don't want you to suffer anymore." Matt flinched. He had never thought of what happened as suffering. It seemed like it was too strong of a word. Reflecting on it seemed to hurt worse than being in the actual situation. The thing that lingered the most was the fear. Every time a door opens he flinched.

The memories were still there, and they always were going to be, Matt knew that. But for some reason, the word suffering seemed too extreme. It hadn't been that bad, right? He wasn't that scarred by everything that happened, was he?

Nonetheless, he nodded in hopes to ease whatever was going through Sora's head. He didn't have to agree with Sora's words for that promise, he didn't want to be alone anymore. He was tired of hiding everything. It was building up, all the traumas eating him alive. He couldn't even sleep without all of those memories attacking him.

"I will." Sora smiled, pulling him into another hug. This one wasn't as awkward; Matt returned it. They stayed there for a moment, Matt was too scared to pull away, afraid that'd offend her. Instead, he stood there, losing himself in his thoughts.

Sora pulled away and after a small goodbye, she left. Matt stood there, watching her go, pulling his thoughts back to the problem at hand.

Even after all that happened to her, she still cared about him. He was grateful for that, but he also wouldn't have been shocked if she hated him. She lost months of her life because of his father, and yet, there she was, checking up on her.

Matt couldn't help but smile, knowing he had friends that cared about him, and would support him. Even if he didn't say it, it meant a lot to him. Despite Tai's outburst, now, at least for the most part, he knew why he was so upset. It was better than being confused, that's for sure.

"Matt, can you call TK for me?" Nancy asked, turning to face him. Matt looked up from his homework, nodding as he stood up. Nancy thanked him as Matt made his way to his brother's room.

His heart pounded against his chest, and his blood rushed to his ears. He shouldn't be this nervous to talk to TK. All he had to say was three words, and here he was panicking. It's not even a conversation. It's a sentence. They didn't need to look at each other for this work.

Calm down, it's not even five words. Matt sighed as he opened the door, a little guilt shot through his chest. Why was he going this far to avoid him? It's not like TK gave him a reason to, Matt was the person to push TK away, not the other way around.

As Matt looked up TK jumped and turned around, hiding something. Matt blinked, forgetting for a moment why he was here.

"You okay?" he asked, unable to stop himself. TK nodded, backing up a little.

"Mhmm." Matt studied him for a moment, he stood defensively, hiding something behind his back. Huffing, Matt reminded himself how little he knew about him. Sure, it seemed strange, but the two were strangers to each other. TK had every reason to get defensive around him.

Matt looked back down, starting to shut the door. "Mom needs you," he mumbled just loud enough for him to hear. The door clicked behind him. Matt rushed back to his homework. After a few moments, TK finally came out.

Matt sighed, at least he knew why math confused him. No matter how complicated it was, it wasn't as bad as emotions were. On the confusion scale, that is. He'd take being with a friend more than an equation any day.

But he and TK weren't friends. Same went for Nancy.

TK

TK jumped, the beep scaring him. He turned to his phone, reading the message on it. It was from Yolei, asking him to meet her and Cody at the lake. He didn't talk to them as much as he used to. They were always busy with the computer club. Besides, his situation didn't make things any easier. He was making a habit of pushing people away, them included.

TK sighed, replying that he'd ask first. He turned to his mother who was doing something for work. He shifted, opening his mouth a few times to say something. God he hated starting conversations.

"Mom?" he said. Nancy turned to him, to his relief she didn't look annoyed by the distraction. Granted, she rarely ever was. "Is it okay if I meet up with Yolei and Cody at the lake?"

Nancy didn't reply at first, thinking it over. After a brief moment of silence, she looked at him. "Are you sure? I mean, you were sick a few days ago."

TK chuckled. "I went to school past two days. I'm fine, really." There was another pause. TK looked away from her, playing with the bottom of his shirt, wrapping it around his left thumb, then undoing it.

She sighed. "Alright, be back by two, okay?"

He nodded and gave her a hug. TK glanced at the clock to see how much time he had as he said a quick goodbye and left. He cursed the awkward tension this whole thing was giving. This whole thing was straining their relationship.

He shut the door behind him after grabbing a jacket, thinking the whole situation over. They had never been that close. TK had been so bubbly, while Nancy was quiet, thoughtful. They got along, but they weren't as close as they could have been.

His mother cared about him, he never doubted that, even when he was younger. You could care about someone, but that doesn't mean you get along well.

This was the case with them. She kept to her parental roles. She didn't know TK like most parents would know their children. Their conversations were rarely friendly, strictly informational. Sign this, you have an appointment, remember your curfew even though I'm never here to enforce it.

Nancy would check on him when she needed to, if she noticed something was wrong. But TK was never one to share what was bothering him. He hid from the world, keeping an optimistic mask on.

Sure, TK was one to look for the positives. He did that before he could grasp the concept of optimism. His teachers always commented on how hopeful and bright he was as a child, even when he was going through hell. TK had vivid memories of burying his head into his pillow, crying while he was hidden. TK was too young to understand why his father was gone. It hit him hard, they had been close.

He had brief memories of what their relationship had been. Hiroaki had always been supportive of him. Though, the more he tried to remember, the harder it was to feel that way about him. Even now, there was that sense of distrust he could remember. As he got older, there was a divide between them. As time passed, he couldn't remember why since he was so young. Part of him hated that, the few memories he had with his father were ones of untrust.

Then again, he remembered Matt and what he had done to him. More recently, he had flashbacks of the fighting back then, how he'd cling to Matt out of fear. They plagued his dreams, causing more confusion than there had been before. He couldn't separate the real memories from the fabricated dreams as well as he used to.

Some of those dreams were a retelling of dark memories he had forgotten. Matt's return, seeing him and all the physical things that had happened to him. Maybe it was a trigger, but that didn't matter. He could remember the reasoning behind the distrust in his father, but it didn't matter. After what he did to Matt, he didn't want to trust him anymore.

He didn't know much, only a few generalized statements about the situation, but that was enough. TK wasn't blind, or as oblivious to tragedy as many thought. People saying he was the innocent one that needed to be protected. They were afraid the darker sides of the world would steal that hope from him. It was going to happen regardless of their protection, they refused to realize that.

After he and his mother moved, TK shut down. He'd talk to adults, but that didn't mean he trusted them, or expected them to stay around long. The same went for any other child. TK built walls, as desperate as he was for a friend, he kept everyone at a distance.

He was used to being teased, at least a little. Being the new kid that sat in the grass reading at recess, he was made out to be strange. It took a full year and a half to start letting people in. Though, they didn't get far. He allowed himself to talk to people, he couldn't handle the isolation any longer.

That didn't mean he griends. He kept everyone from that point. Acquaintances were nice, though. There would be times he'd go weeks without speaking, he had no one to speak to.

When they moved back to Odaiba, the same happened. He remembered thanking his past self for keeping people at a distance. Having no attachments made the move easy.

Then, there was Kari and Davis. They made it so hard to continue the pattern. They broke his walls down without knowing they were there. They were the first people he let in. Then Trent and Aiden happened. Davis convinced TK to join the basketball team after weeks of begging. They had played against each other a few times, sometimes some other people would join. But Davis kept telling him he'd make a difference in the team, which wasn't all that great. They won, but not a lot.

Davis was right. TK was one of their best players. Aiden hated that. He was the star, the jock that everyone knew, and everyone looked up to. TK started getting more attention. His classmates would stop to talk to him, people who never had before.

It scared him. TK didn't want the attention. He hat joined because Davis had begged him to. But the people liked him better than Aiden, he was nicer, and they'd joke TK should be captain instead of him.

Aiden despised him for this. Something TK never intended to happen. But it did. All of TK's traumas came back. Shaking the security he had given himself. Allowing himself to trust people, at least a little.

Then Aiden reminded him why he pushed everyone away. So, he did it again. Now, he was here. Pushing everyone away again, even his brother without trying.

It all happened behind his mother's back. She didn't know of the dark thoughts that had stemmed into his mind at such a young age. TK might have distanced himself from her too,even when he made a conscious effort to get her attention. He didn't want to be alone, but he forced himself to be.

He regretted it now. More than anything.

TK shook his head, snapping the thoughts out of him. Now wasn't the time. It didn't matter. Those walls protected him, he let them down, and Aiden got through them, the only one who could get inside his head. TK didn't let anyone else's words hit him, no matter the context. Now, he was here, worse off than he ever thought he'd be.

The lake came into view. TK pulled himself together. This wasn't the time. It might have been, especially since Cody and Yolei were friends he had pushed away. He had the chance and the time to try to fix it. He wasn't going to, he knew it. TK chose to protect himself, he wasn't one to take risks.

Their voices became more coherent, engaged in conversation while they waited for him.

"Look, Cody. We'll deal with that later. We need to worry about the problem at hand. We'll have to ask Izzy about it. I don't think we can handle them alone." TK stopped, picking at his fingers awkwardly, waiting for them to notice he was there.

"I know," Cody said, "but Izzy said we're outnumbered." The words went over his head, he was trying his best not to eavesdrop. At the same time, he'd feel bad for interrupting. He was stuck.

"It's two versus five, Cody. Besides all our Dig-" Yolei stopped as soon as she saw him. "Oh, hi TK. Didn't see you there." TK chuckled nervously, then waved.

"Hi," he said, awkwardly. Cody shot Yolei a look, which was unreadable to TK. The three stood there in an uncomfortable silence. TK's past actions hitting them all in a way they didn't expect. Nobody knew how to talk to him.

TK sighed, deciding to break the silence. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked looking at Yolei. She looked down, breaking their brief eye-contact. She turned to the lake, crossing her arms.

"Kari," she replied. She didn't look at them, and TK looked down uneasy. He wasn't surprised she had told them about their fight, if you could call it that. They were her friends. Though, Kari was the kind of person to keep things inside.

Yolei looked back down at her feet. Cody backed up, deciding this was something for them to talk about. TK saw Yolei sigh, thinking over her words.

"I know you don't like Aiden, but-" TK shook his head, cutting her off.

"Oh, come on! You guys can't think he's a good guy!" he countered. Yolei glanced at him, for a second, she seemed to agree. At least, TK hoped she did. She turned away from him again.

"Jealous much?" she joked. TK cringed, she completely dodged the question. Whether she didn't want to confront it, ot didn't feel the need to, TK had no idea.

TK sighed. "I'm not jealous," he said, "I'm worried about her." He had to remember this conversation was about Kari's relationship with him, not his.

"Do you even have any proof that Aiden isn't a good guy, TK?" Cody asked. The cuts on his arms burned. But following his previous logic, it wasn't about him.

"Lots, actually. I'm pretty sure Davis would agree with me too."

Yolei sighed. "Davis will vouch for you any day. Besides," Yolei looked down, "Kari's dealing with some stuff right now. I think she's willing to cling to anything normal."

TK cringed. That... that hurt. He hurt her so much that she didn't trust him anymore.

"Look, it's not my intention to make them break up or anything," he said, putting his hands up. TK put them down, looking down as well. "But I'm not letting my guard down. I don't want her to get hurt."

Yolei sighed and looked at TK. He winced, noting how annoyed she looked. He didn't want to cause problems, but he didn't want Kari to get hurt.

"Fair," she said, "but lay off Kari."

"I'm just worried."

"Still."

"What?" TK asked. Yolei looked away, she still seemed annoyed. She was worried about Kari too, it seemed weird that Yolei was mad at TK for doing the same thing.

"Never mind," Yolei mumbled. She motioned to Cody, and they both walked away without another word. TK froze, surprised at how quickly they left. He knew deep down they were barely friends, but it still hurt. They walked away like it didn't matter, like spending more time with him would be a waste.

He shook his head. Stop being irrational. TK turned on his heel to go back home, sighing. While walking, he checked his phone for the time. It was almost one pm, for a moment he wondered if his mom would be concerned for how quick the trip was. It was a ten minute walk from the lake to their apartment.

Then again, she probably was at work by now. She had to leave a few minutes after TK left. TK looked ahead of him again, putting his hands in his jacket pockets. It wasn't as cold as it had been, but it wasn't the most comfortable temperature.

TK sighed, lost in thought as he stepped inside the apartment building lobby. Then, someone tapped his shoulder from behind. He jumped, his eyes widened as he found his footing, turning around. His chest tightened, seeing Aiden behind him. He couldn't win today, could he?

Also, what the hell was he doing here?

Aiden chuckled, looking back at TK. He grimaced, clenching his teeth, half tempted to turn around and walk away. But he knew that'd come back and bite him later.

"That was pathetic," he joked. TK tensed up, not meeting Aiden's eyes. He wasn't in the mood for this, he never was.

"What do you want, Aiden?" He didn't look up. Aiden didn't reply at first, looking at the top of TK's head. Between TK looking down and the few inches Aiden had on him, it was easy to do.

"I need you to lay off Kari, Takashi," he said. TK blinked.

"We haven't talked in days, you can calm down." He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"No, but this whole 'warning her about me'," he said with air quotes, "thing is annoying." He took a step closer to TK who took a step back instinctively.

"I wouldn't have to if you didn't give me a reason," TK mumbled, content with looking at the ground.

"Last time I checked, she didn't believe you."

TK glared at him, but he couldn't say anything to that. He wasn't wrong, she didn't.

Aiden laughed. "It's so much easier when you finally shut up." TK flinched as Aiden walked away brushing past him. He sighed, hugging himself.

He glanced back seeing Aiden leave the apartment building. TK sighed and turned to the elevator. He pushed the button to his floor. A couple walked in with him, pushing their respective numbers.

TK walked to the corner, hiding. They didn't pay much attention to him and continued to talk. The elevator dinged. TK looked up, checking if it was his floor. It was, so he walked out, another person walking past him to get in. While he walked down the hall to get to his door, he pulled his key out of his coat pocket before walking inside.

TK locked the door behind him. He retreated to his room, ignoring Matt the best he could. Once the door shut behind him, TK let out an audible sigh, sliding down it. He ran his hands through his hair.

Everyone trusted Aiden over him,. Everyone was aware he wasn't the nicest person, it wasn't a secret, was it? Aiden didn't make a conscious effort to hide it.

Then again, it was Aiden over him. Deep down, he wasn't surprised they picked Aiden. As much as it hurt, he knew they would. They barely knew TK, he had been there for a few months. Even if he wanted to say something about Aiden, nobody would believe him.

Then again, TK doubted if they would care regardless.