7 - BLUR
Her breath was slow and steady as she released it into the warm protection of his chest. His hold around her was fast, solid, but not overwhelming. Somehow, her right leg had slipped into the space between his, and now lay caught between his thighs.
His scent was a lullaby.
The rise and fall of his chest soothed her, in tune with the light drizzle that fell outside. His arms cradled her as her fingertips absentmindedly traced paths along his collarbone through his t-shirt. She could feel his guarding chin securing the top of her head.
She slowly welcomed wakefulness, taking a deep, contented breath. She was afraid to open her eyes and lose sight of this feeling.
It felt like she was where she belonged, even though she was sleeping in their vics' bed, in the arms of her fake husband.
Her partner.
The awareness of his fingers playing with the hairs on the nape of her neck dawned on her gradually, helping her realize he was also no longer fully asleep.
The relaxed rhythm was broken when she took in a sharp breath, and his seemingly instinctual response was to hold her tighter.
With his whole body.
As his thighs tightened around her leg, they drove it upwards into his crotch, and she felt him harden and enlarge through the thin materials that shielded him.
Her hand gripped harder at his skin, as though trying to hold on a bit longer before it all faded away.
She didn't want to face the world outside.
"Liv," she felt the air escape him and skim her eyelids as he tilted his head down a little, and she wondered how willing he was to pretend they were both still deep enough asleep to feign innocence.
"Hmm?" she murmured, intending only to acknowledge him, not wake him or break the spell, her head raising carefully to align with his.
She peeked with one eye when their noses touched, finding both of his eyes still closed. A glimpse of reality flashed through her brain then, uninvited, the frustration of her earlier breakthrough ripping into her like sharp wire cutting the skin.
Bone marrow transplant.
It was so obvious; it had been from the beginning, she realized now. Of course a ruthless rapist, her mother's rapist, would have a selfish agenda. He'd been lying every time he had tried to tell her that his reasons for coming to her even hinted at any benefits not directed at himself.
She was certainly not contemplated as a beneficiary of any of it.
But Elliot nuzzled her cheek, his lips grazed her chin, and suddenly Edward and his ulterior motives disappeared. Her eyes closed again as she intuitively positioned her mouth in Elliot's path.
Their lips touched.
Like second nature, he caught her lower lip between his — softly, feather-like. She responded, pulling his upper lip eagerly, demandingly. His arms held her closer as the sleep-laden, aimless touching became an unmistakable, intentional kiss.
If neither one of them interrupted it, it could just go on.
And on.
But her eyes sneaked a peek at the outside world again, and an unsolicited thought of Dani Beck invaded her mind: the way she had moved around his place like she owned it, like she owned him. She doesn't mean anything to me, he had said, but the accompanying kiss he'd given her had been requested by Alvin Hobbes.
Right now, no one else was watching — this kiss was for their closed eyes only, and it was proving very effective in erasing the unpleasant images as soon as they popped into Olivia's head, like her sick, ill-intentioned father, or the sight of a very comfortable Dani in Elliot's apartment.
Olivia tried not to make any disrupting sounds, hoping to extend the kiss and its welcome effects, but when both of their lips parted, and their tongues naturally darted towards each other, she released a small moan that ignited a groan from Elliot.
The hand he had around the back of her head stilled, and she stopped moving entirely inside his embrace.
He pulled away a few millimeters, their mouths barely disentangling, both pairs of eyes still closed, foreheads leaning on each other. The grip of his arms never faltered, and her leg was still trapped between his, her thigh pressed against his erection.
It was too much to deny at this point, and she knew it.
"What are we doing?" Elliot whispered, seemingly reaching the same conclusion.
"Nothing Rob and Susie haven't done before," she answered, her fingers pulling at his t-shirt pleadingly, the unspoken I need this burning her from inside out.
Olivia had meant to refer to the way they had already kissed several other times in the short period they'd been undercover, but she realized now how her reply could be understood as alluding to acts that married people like Rob and Susie were in the habit of performing together.
Whichever interpretation Elliot had chosen, his movements became more vehement, more assured. He thoroughly kissed her now.
For a minute, there was no rush, but then, something shifted in him, and he flipped her over, caging her between his thighs and the forearms he set on each side of her head on the mattress.
Both pairs of eyes were now open wide. The rain picked up, capturing the mood change.
Elliot knew he should be trying to stop this. It was their first night sleeping on the same bed as Rob and Susie, the bloodstains of Geoff and Patricia's demise barely camouflaged in the web of lies that connected Hobbes' need to replace his employees and the two detectives' convenient, fake marriage.
Their first night, and they hadn't been able to last through it without annihilating the already-confusing, if at all still-existing, blurred lines.
Could it all still be stopped? Did either of them even want to? He knew he should be trying to rein in his instincts and wishes, or at least feel guilty that he couldn't. But he wasn't, and he didn't. All he could do now was watch the dim moonlight that sneaked in through the slits in the blinds reflected on Olivia's blackened, brown eyes.
Elliot's glance was alight, two beams of blue in the darkness, his labored breath speaking in the silence of the night. Olivia's own breath caught in her throat as she stared back at him, her heart slamming against her ribcage, its pace timing the air filtering in and out of her lungs, the task of breathing suddenly almost foreign to her.
"It's just Rob and Susie," she encouraged, the alarm in her voice contrasting with the calm in his gaze as she tried to sound firm in hopes of reassuring him, but if she was being really honest, mostly herself.
"Stop me, Liv," Elliot rumbled, a warning that hit her right between the legs before he leaned into her neck and started to trail open-mouthed kisses toward her clavicle.
No, her silence reiterated. I need this.
She reached for him, her hands framing his face, and rose to collide with him in the middle, lips crashing together again with voracity.
"I want you," she huffed into his mouth, relieved, bunching the grey cotton up his torso, her knuckles rough against the exposed skin.
He broke contact to finish yanking the t-shirt over his head with one hand while the other stroked her cheek, her neck, her shoulders. Her encouraging hand grazed his forearm, leading it down to her breast through her tank top.
She moaned when his fingers squeezed her flesh, her nipple caught between two of them beneath the fabric, but his other hand was already working on removing the black garment. He rolled it up and, when it was time, she raised her arms to let him pull it off of her.
Elliot descended over Olivia, their chests pressing against each other with urgency, her nails digging into his skin as she welcomed his weight on top of her.
Their lower halves met with emphasis, his hard length pressed to her intimately, her hips rising to receive it, both breathing out with frustration directed at the clothes that still kept them apart from each other.
His fingers curled around the hem of her sweatpants.
"Last chance," he urged.
"I want this," she stated impatiently, then looked deeply into his eyes as she made a request she thought he wouldn't refuse to fulfill. "Help me forget. Forget everything. Edward, Dani. Everything."
Olivia knew he couldn't resist the impulse to comfort her, especially when she knew he felt somewhat responsible for the pains she wanted him to appease.
She was also counting on the desire she saw gleaming unapologetically in his eyes whenever their gazes inevitably met.
He mulled it over just for a second, the guilt over parading Dani in front of her and pointing out Edward's less-than-pure motivations fueling his need to act on his unspeakable desires like gasoline to a fire. Getting over his moment of hesitation, he yanked her pants and underwear down in one sweep move, her calves kicking to help him get the clothing off while her own fingers undid the hoop in his drawstring rushedly.
Moments later, they were both naked, every inch of skin tingling at the unbarred contact.
Elliot didn't know where to start. Now, contemplating her naked body, he could finally admit to himself just how many times he had wished he could see her like this, own up to each time he had imagined what every inch of her body looked like, felt like.
His hand glided up the outer side of her thigh, grabbing the flesh of her hip for a moment, then sliding upwards in its path. His thumb caressed the skin of her stomach and followed the outline of her belly button before he allowed his other fingers to climb the steps of her ribs, all of them ultimately meeting around one large, swollen breast: it was all softness and firmness, the velvet-like feel of the darkened skin of her areola wrinkling before his eyes to expel the aroused bud.
Olivia whimpered from the depths of her soul when his mouth closed around her nipple, alternating soft suckling motions and impetuous tugs while his fingers pinched the other one, the accumulated sensations sending her heartbeat into overdrive while she tried to make sense of what was happening.
This was a big leap from a kiss in the lounge or making up at the bar for their boss's benefit.
They were about to inevitably and undeniably fuck.
Olivia's right hand clutched his cropped hair while the left one's nails drew a map of her most secret yearnings on his back.
He felt rewarded by her sharp response against his skin, the redness of her breasts from his ministrations, and the wetness that pooled between her legs when his hand finished its path down her belly and up her thigh to meet her core. She threw her head back when his middle finger gently parted her, and he smiled.
"Elliot," she breathed voicelessly as his fingers explored, caressing her clit, teasing at her entrance.
"Look at me," he demanded; he wanted to witness every moment, now that them, together, was the view awaiting them outside of their eyelids.
Olivia complied hesitantly; she was afraid her earlier thoughts would seep into her mind again, but when she met his stare, it only added to the overwhelming sensation of his touch, and it suddenly hit her that this was now reality, too.
She knew she would eventually need to look away from this, but not right now.
"Holy shhh—" she could barely manage when her lungs demanded a quick, deep intake of oxygen as a response to his index and middle fingers entering her without warning. Her mouth opened without a sound when his thumb nudged her clit in circular motions as he repeatedly pulled his fingers in and out. "Fuck!" she cried out when he added a third finger and intensified his motions.
She never wanted him to stop.
Elliot watched as her breath became ragged and brought out moans with every exhale while he continued to tease her, and he was certain he had her completely under his mercy when he felt her hand firmly wrap around his length, immediately starting up and down motions that had him jerking and wavering in response.
Of course she was going to fight him for control. This was Olivia; there was nothing passive about her, even in a fragile state, even admitting she needed him. Help me forget.
He could do some forgetting of his own, and so he let his hand's motions slow and soften until they came to a full stop, and he helped Olivia turn him over to straddle his legs, and when she bent down to take him whole into her mouth, he let the divorce and Dani and his worries and everything else fade, engulfed by the sensation of his cock engulfed by her throat.
"Jesus Christ, Liv," he grunted as she slowly slid up, massaging his underside with her tongue before wolfing him right down again.
His hand fisted around her hair as he helped her up and down, and he couldn't help but buck up his hips, reeling at the fact that he was fucking into Olivia's mouth. She responded with moans that he felt against his skin from inside as his head hit deep within her and from outside as his other hand wrapped around the column of her throat — he just wanted to feel her work him, and it was making him impossibly hard.
Olivia raised her head all the way off of him, sending him a cocky look and a half-smile before bending down to take his tip into her mouth one last time, sucking roughly and rejoicing at his vocal responses. Before she could decide what to do next, he grabbed her upper arms and pulled her to him, sliding a hand up to the back of her head to pull her down to a slow, passionate kiss that lasted for a couple of minutes.
She felt his touch traveling down her body and anchoring at her hips, coaxing her to raise them and helping guide her heat towards his length. Still kissing him, she sunk down onto him, finally giving in to the need to have him inside of her. He filled her entirely, and she became acutely aware of his size and thickness as she tried to adjust.
She broke the kiss and raised her torso to help better her angle as she slid up and down, each time taking him deeper. She saw a smile creep up on his mouth as he moaned softly, and she bit her lip at the power she already knew she had over him.
Olivia possessively wondered if Dani had this power over him, if Kathy had ever had this power over him. She possessively added circular motions to the roll of her hips, finishing each of them with precisely-timed movements as she clenched and unclenched around him. She possessively guided his hands to her breasts, throwing her head back as he started to tease her nipples again.
Elliot could barely believe he was inside Olivia, feeling her slide and roll around him, her walls sucking him in as skillfully as her mouth had moments ago. He filled his hands with her ample breasts, then dug his fingers into the skin of her back, her abdomen, the swell of her ass. He applied more strength, because he knew she could take it, because he hoped he would mark her.
Rob was the kind of man who would want to mark the woman he loved, and Susie was the kind of woman who would showcase the traces of the man she loved with pride.
If he focused on Rob and Susie's love, he could still pretend that his feelings weren't the ones taking the wheel when he abruptly raised his torso and pushed her to lie on her back, wrapping her legs around his shoulders and pinning her arms down as he thrusted wildly into her, hitting her even deeper from this position.
Olivia began to cry out as Elliot assumed a punishing rhythm, the sound of his hips slapping hers filling the room along with their moans and grunts. She would usually not have enjoyed the way he had taken control away from her, but right now, practically immobilized beneath him, she admitted that she would let him do pretty much anything to her, anything that put her at his mercy, that gave her the sensations she was experiencing as pleasure began to achingly build up in the pit of her belly.
"El, please," she whimpered when she was close, and he indulged her, increasing the rhythm.
"Come for me, Liv, right now," he grumbled, the commanding tone of his voice enough to send her over the edge as he pummeled into her unrelentingly. "Let go."
His smile was the last thing she saw before she squeezed her eyes shut, crying out his name along with a string of unintelligible curse words as she came, hard, harder than she could remember ever having come with anyone else.
Elliot was a bit surprised upon realizing just how much he had loved the sensation of making her come. He was a bit frightened upon imagining the lengths he would go to in order to do it again — to be able to do it over and over again, whenever he wanted.
He fucked into her a few more times as he felt the beginning of his orgasm, the vigor of his thrusts dragging out the sensation for as long as he could while he grunted her name along with words of adoration he had never said to anyone before her.
Silence set in, troubled only by their attempts to catch their breaths. Elliot rolled out of Olivia, lying on his back and pulling her to lie on top of him, their feet finding the pillows that had previously been caught underneath their heads.
Apart from their upside-down disposition, the way they lay together mimicked the configuration they'd been in when they'd first woken up, before their slumber had turned into lovemaking. Just like before, Olivia was invaded by the almost-intruding safety that being in his arms instilled in her.
The scattered hairs on his chest tickled her nose with a mixture of soap and sweat and a sense of peace and security that she hoped would last until after the sun came up again.
Elliot's eyes finally grew accustomed to the dark, and he could see the darkened lines that mold had drawn on the white ceiling over time. He squeezed Olivia's body in his arms while he could, painfully aware then of just how fleeting every moment was.
She looked up at him, wistfully, a similar thought crossing her mind as they exchanged one last acknowledging look before protecting their gazes behind closed eyelids again.
Both of them rehearsed harmless words to break the silence, but those never saw the light of day — or the darkness of the night, caught forever in the depths of their minds as they settled for silence and allowed the rain that still poured outside in a constant spatter to lull them back to sleep.