Monday, February 29
Matt
There was no harm in going early, was there? The only thing it'd do was give him more time. He glanced at the clock; he still had ten minutes before he had to leave.
Matt sighed before putting his coat on and grabbing his bag. Nobody's going to care. He turned to Nancy, who was sitting at the computer working. Matt walked over to her. His chest tightened, and he held his breath before letting out a long and silent sigh.
"I'm gonna go," he said. Nancy turned to him. She didn't seem mad. Matt was struggling to figure out why she'd be upset in the first place, but he couldn't shake the feeling.
"Already?" He shifted his weight and opened his mouth to reply, but he had nothing. Instead, he nodded. He was walking to school. Nobody cared what time he left, as long as he was there on time. "Did you eat?"
Matt turned away from her, nodding. "Yes."
"Matt."
"No," he admitted, defeated. Nancy didn't reply as she turned back to the computer.
"Go grab something, then you can go." Matt nodded as he turned on his heel. That worked. He turned to the cabinet and grabbed a granola bar, turning it over in his hand as he leaned on the counter.
After a solid minute, he opened it, breaking off a small bit at the top. He ate it, chewing slowly as he tried to ignore the discomfort and nausea growing in his stomach. In the end, he got through half of it before wrapping the top over to keep it closed, then put it in his pocket to hide it. Part of him wondered if Nancy noticed, but he took that chance.
He pushed himself off the counter, offering a small goodbye and wave to Nancy as he made his way out the door. To his relief, she didn't notice. Matt went outside, feeling the air rush up against him. He shivered. It was supposed to be warmer than it had been, but it didn't feel any different. In all honesty, he felt colder.
Matt shook the thoughts out of his head as he left the apartment, keeping his gaze down. The stupid granola bar was like a weight on his shoulders. Rationally, he knew nobody would notice or care, but that didn't stop it.
He made his way down the street, rushing more than he had to. He didn't have to rush at all; he was early. Matt held his breath, guilt etched at the corners of his mind for no reason. TK knew he was leaving early, he told him, afraid he'd be offended if he didn't. He wanted to avoid TK bringing up the conversation he'd had asked to have. He didn't want it anymore.
Gripping at the lower part of his bag straps, he did his best to stand tall. Relax. Matt pulled himself to a stop as he passed one of the street side trashcans. He gripped the half-eaten granola bar still in his pocket, his eyes darting around. Matt took it out of his pocket and dropped it in the trashcan.
Matt turned down the street, leaving the weight behind. Unfortunately, the guilt didn't go away. He didn't know why he was feeling guilty, so he ignored it as much as possible.
Matt looked around. Nobody had seemed to pay any attention to him. Why they would, he had no idea, but he found comfort in checking. He kept his head down, watching his steps as he made his way down the sidewalk.
The school was about fifteen minutes away from the apartment. Matt found himself at his 'somewhat halfway' rock quicker than he thought. Either he was walking quicker, or more time had passed than he thought.
Matt didn't have a watch, so he couldn't tell how much time had passed. TK might have left by now. He hoped they wouldn't run into each other, but he felt bad about it. TK had already established that he was doing fine without him.
He continued down the sidewalk, losing himself in thought. He almost missed a turn because of it. Luckily, he was paying attention somewhat. Who knows how far he would have gotten before he noticed. At least he left early, so if that had happened he wouldn't be late. Regardless, he pulled himself back to reality. Getting lost wasn't something he wanted to do today, or ever.
Odaiba looked the same in most places. Matt never paid too much attention, using benches and rocks as landmarks. Others use coffee shops or roadsigns, but that never worked for him.
Matt found himself at the gate several minutes later. He walked through the gate as he continued to keep his head down. There were quite a few people at the school already. Matt pushed the thought away. He wasn't that early. People were going to be there.
He made his way down the hall to his locker, deciding he'd go to class early and sit there. Tai was in that class. With any luck, he'd be able to clear any confusion or anger from Friday and fix things.
Matt fiddled with his locker's lock, messing up the combination several times. It'd become a habit for him to swap the middle number for another one, twelve instead of twenty. He messed it up so many times that it always happened, trying to remember which one it was.
He opened his locker, looking around for the things he needed. It didn't take long before footsteps were approaching him. Matt looked up. Sora gave a soft wave before leaning her shoulder on the locker next to him.
"Hey," she said with a small smile. Matt smiled back, then turned to his things. He grabbed the last folder he needed before closing his locker. He turned back to Sora. "Can I ask you something?" Matt nodded.
"Ask away." Sora sighed, crossing her arms and leaning her back on the lockers next to them. She looked at the students walking around the hallway before returning her gaze to Matt. She shook her head.
"Never mind." She turned away from Matt, motioning with her hand for him to follow her. "Let's get to class, okay?" Matt paused, but still followed her.
"You okay?" he asked. Sora nodded. She didn't look at him when he sped up to catch up with her. She sighed and Matt glanced away. Sora pulled her hand close to her chest before stopping. Matt did too, turning back to her.
"Well, actually-"
"Matt, do you have a minute?" They both jumped, the voice pulling both of them out of their thoughts. The pair turned. Tai waved sheepishly at them, uncharacteristically nervous. Matt shuddered under his breath.
Sora glanced at him, and he nodded. Right. We talked about this.
"I- uh," he trailed off, looking away from Matt. He held his breath, waiting for Tai to get his words together. Normally, it didn't take him long, being the chatterbox he was. But right now, that wasn't the case.
"I'll give you guys some space," Sora said, walking off. Matt was about to protest, but decided against it. They had to have this conversation alone. Well, as alone as you could get in a high school hallway.
Tai sighed before looking up at Matt. "I'm sorry about what happened on Friday," he said. Matt tensed, tempted to turn away from him and hide his face. He didn't. Instead, he mustered up as much strength as he could and glanced up at Tai. (Though, he avoided eye contact to the best of his ability. Strength or not, he wasn't ready for that yet).
"I-" he paused. He didn't know what he wanted to say. "It's okay."
"No, Matt. It's not okay-"
"Yes, it is."
"No-"
"Yes.
"No."
"Tai, shut up it's fine." Matt rolled his eyes. With that weight off his chest, he felt a little better.
Tai smiled. "Alright. If you're sure. But still, I'm sorry."
"Tai-" Tai threw his hand up defensively, the other holding onto his books.
"I won't say it again, okay? I'm done now." Matt chuckled, murmuring a small okay as he turned around. Tai walked up to him, significantly more cheerful. He babbled on about a good play at soccer practice on Sunday. In a few seconds, things were normal again.
"I feel bad for the Junior High kids. They were close this time," Tai said.
Matt chuckled. "So bad that you scored the winning goal, huh?" Tai rolled his eyes.
"Well, I can't go easy on them or they'll never learn," he replied. The soccer teams had a tradition of facing off against each other. The high schoolers won the majority of the time.
Tai started to go on another tangent to which he listened to. Matt found it easier to let Tai do most of the talking.
Then there were the whispers. Matt stiffened as he saw a few of his classmates glancing at him. Right, the stories out. How else would Tai have known? It's not like Sora would say anything. She said she wouldn't.
No, if Tai knew, everybody knew. Now his classmates were judging him. They knew parts of the story and now said, hey let's point him out and make him uncomfortable. He sighed. It's not like it was his darkest secret or anything. No, he was thrilled they all knew. Shout it from the rooftops, his father was abusive.
Once again, he had no control over the situation. He tensed up, feeling dizzy as he focused his gaze on the ground. Matt winced, hunger gnawing at his stomach. He ignored it. That was easy to ignore. He had ignored it before.
Something pulled at his sleeve. Matt jumped, pulling his arm away before snapping his head up. He looked around before his eyes rested on Tai with a small look of confusion and worry. Matt blinked.
"You okay?" he asked. Matt smiled, albeit forcefully, but he still did it. That had to count for something, right?
"Yeah, I'm fine." Tai looked like he was about to protest, but Matt didn't give him the option. He grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward, saying something about class he hadn't comprehended.
The two boys made their way down the hallway, silent this time. Matt held his books close to his chest, having let go of Tai's hand a while ago. He quickened his pace. He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Tai trailed behind him. Matt knew he confused him, but Tai said nothing and followed. Matt didn't take for granted.
Their class was past the cafeteria, which was the meeting point of the two schools. He didn't care that he was going to history. He didn't care about how much he hated the class or how he'd rather have any other class than history. Matt continued to walk. History meant out of the hallway, and out of the hallway meant fewer stares and audible whispers. At least, he hoped it would.
"Well, nobody cares about you. You just take up space!"
He stopped walking. Of all the things- of all the times.
Nobody wants you and nobody ever will. There's a reason Nancy chose TK over you, Matt.
He swallowed, digging his feet into the ground, trying to keep himself from swaying. His hands tremble, he felt sick, his throat was tight. Matt's his breathing sped up. He held his breath, praying that would help.
It hadn't been that long. It had only taken a moment for the memories to rush over him. After a second, with a deep breath, he looked up.
He glanced over at Tai, who was looking back at him expectantly. Matt winced before looking back down. He stopped, glancing back up again. That's when he saw TK. That prompted him to look down again, but he didn't when he saw how uncomfortable he looked. How scared he looked.
Matt winced again, trying to force himself to calm down. First question, why? Second question, was it his place to ask? Matt looked back up, this time noticing another kid who looked familiar. He couldn't figure out where he had seen him before.
Then TK fell. Oh, hell no.
"Back off!" he yelled. TK didn't move, keeping his gaze down on the floor like he hadn't heard him. Tai, out of the corner of his eye, looked that way as well. "Why don't you spend your time doing something else? He didn't do anything to you, so leave him alone."
No, it wasn't pathetic or a cliche thing to say. No, he didn't wish he had thought of something better before speaking up. And no, he wasn't trying to hide his shaking. Not at all. Tai seemed to pick up on this, looking away from Matt to the kid in question.
"I didn't expect this from you, Aiden." Still can't put a name to the face. Thanks, Tai. He let him do the talking. Clearly, Tai knew him. Matt took a deep breath, trying to get his shaking under control as he walked over to TK. He opened his mouth to say something, offering him a hand. TK flinched, shock etched itself onto his features like a needle sewing words into a quilt. The sudden movement making Matt pull away. He winced, letting his hand fall. He looked back at his brother.
"You okay?" TK pulled himself off the ground while he continued to look down.
"Yeah," he mumbled, "thanks." Matt didn't reply. Instead, he looked over at Tai, who was walking away from Aiden. Aiden was rolling his eyes and walking away, not before giving TK a threatening glance. TK didn't notice, still looking at the ground, lost in his own thoughts. Matt stepped in front of him, protectively, while returning the same look to Aiden. He looked away and continued to walk away from the group.
Matt turned to TK and motioned to the right of him with his head. "I'll walk you to class." TK nodded, grabbing his things and following wordlessly. He didn't know where TK's class was, so he following more than anything.
It took a few minutes for Matt to steady his shaking; it took a minute for him to realize he was shaking in the first place. A short while after, TK strayed from the group with a quick thank you before walking into his class.
Both boys watched him leave with his books hugged to his chest. He kept his head down, avoiding everyone's gaze. Matt blinked before looking down. Both he and Tai stopped together.
"Is he okay?" Tai asked, looking at Matt. Matt glanced up before shaking his head.
"I have no idea." He didn't know what to make of the situation. He didn't do anything to you. Maybe he did, but TK didn't strike him as someone mean. Matt struggled to imagine the sweet four-year-old he had known to be. Nonetheless, it was a possibility.
Either way, nothing excused those words. Even if he was biased, TK didn't deserve that. Matt couldn't for the life of him rationalize or make sense of the situation.
Maybe Nancy was right. Maybe bad things happened to good people for no reason.
TK
Trigger warning: this chapter will contain a depiction of a suicide attempt, I'll place a warning for where that part begins. If you feel it'll be triggering for you, please skip the scene
If there was one thing TK could say about Davis, it was that he was not a boring person. Back when he met him, he could accept any kind of crazy there was. Things that would be unworldly to someone else was a Wednesday to him. TK didn't get it.
He supposed that's why it caught him off guard when he started seeing how down to earth he could be. How quickly he could catch on. Davis wasn't bothered by much. He'd always tell TK he'd been in worse situations and didn't care to deal with the drama. It was something TK admired.
Though there were the times where TK'd see how stressed he could get. There were a few brief periods that he'd spend his time talking with other friends. When TK'd asked if he was okay, Davis would brush it off. He'd say it was complicated and he couldn't get into it, to which TK dropped it in fear of invading his privacy.
Not that he never got hung up on the smaller things. He'd rant about fights with Jun, a soccer play that went wrong, the trivial stuff that most kids would hyper-focus on. Davis, however, wouldn't let these small things shake his world. He treated them like the mundane problems they were still problems.
There was that stupid question again. What made them mundane? TK shook his head. The question was stupid, ignore it. It wasn't important. But why not? He sighed. Davis turned to him, ceasing his conversation with Kari for a moment. TK held his hands up, a silent charade to show he was fine, and Davis nodded and continued to listen to what she was saying.
When this whole thing with Aiden started, he stopped and paid attention despite TK telling him it wasn't a big deal. It was Davis to tell him it was, of all people. Even if he didn't listen to him, it's been a year, and he'd still insisted it was a problem.
Kari broke off from the group with a small wave. TK returned it, and Davis said a small goodbye as they continued to walk through the halls. TK tensed up, hugging his books tighter to his chest. He didn't look at Davis, who'd gone silent though he could sense his eyes on him.
"You okay?" TK flinched, tensing more before glancing up at Davis with a small nod. Davis opened his mouth to say something. Closing it a few times, TK glanced back down. "TK?" He jumped again, looking up at the sudden voice.
"Yeah?" he murmured. That's when Trent caught his eye. When he saw TK looking at him. He looked down and walked away.
"Seriously, what's up with him? First the note and now this?"
"No idea," he said while shaking his head. "Maybe he'sinsulting me by saying he can't even bring himself to talk to me," TK half-joked.
"With that kind of thinking you could be the bully of this story." Davis nudged his shoulder.
TK laughed, "what story?"
Davis shrugged and walked again. TK followed. "I don't know. Maybe one day you'll tell this story to your kids for inspiration once you finally tell them off?"
"You have quite the imagination," he chuckled. The two boys continued to walk through the hallways. They were silent as they did this. TK spent the time looking at the floor. Davis got to his locker and said a quick goodbye. TK waved, turning his focus back to the floor.
He played with the bottom of his binder, holding it as close to his chest as he could. TK held his breath, feeling a slight headache kick in, a muffled pain he tried to ignore.
The hallway made him feel claustrophobic, surrounded by people who didn't want him there. These people that knew too much about him thanks to Aiden. Regardless, he would not take it up with him.
TK shuddered, letting his head dip further than it was. The fabric of his shirt's color scratched at his neck. His throat felt dry, but he ignored it and sped up a little. Walking alone through the hallways was a nightmare every time. But yet, he found comfort in being alone.
"Hey." TK jumped, his head snapping up. Alone meant nobody else had to see this. Exhibit A, Kari's stress. Exhibit B, Davis being overprotective. Both reactions sucked. Both reactions were to be avoided. Alone, meant they were.
TK glanced back down. He couldn't find the strength to say anything back. He let his arms relax. There was no point in trying to defend himself. Sure, security was nice. But there was nothing safe about Aiden. There would never be anything safe about Aiden.
One may call it giving up, accepting fate, whatever it was, whatever you wanted to call it. TK was tired of fighting. Sick of hoping he might change something. It would never change, not until he got out of here.
Besides, if he tried to change it, there'd be more attention brought to it. This was his secret, one that he couldn't handle getting out more than it had. He was embarrassed that he let it get this far, that he let Aiden- showed Aiden that he could walk all over him.
He didn't want people to see how weak he was.
So, when his back hit the lockers, letting go of his books as he tripped over himself, he sat up. Aiden's words flew over his head like he had pushed him underwater and yelled from there. Every soundless second hurt.
TK reached to grab a folder, wincing as Aiden's voice rose. He dropped it before Aiden had even hit his hand. TK let it fall, watching Aiden stand up again, continuing his rant.
He didn't need to hear the insults to know how true they were. Whether they were new or old, they hurt just the same. His mind fabricated the things he could say, racing with every insecurity he had. TK stopped thinking about the school, the people who stopped to watch, or the pain in his shoulder from hitting it the wrong way. His mind drifted, the slight sting in his wrists becoming that much more noticeable.
TK had a strong urge to move, curl in on himself, sit against the lockers, and think. He didn't, he couldn't. Instead, he sat there letting Aiden berate him for the millionth time. TK clenched his jaw, his throat tightening. The urge to scream, or cry, or cough, or anything beat down on him. The only thing he managed was a low wheeze. Thick tears clung to his eyes, his chest ached with every breath he took.
TK glanced up at Aiden before sighing. In one swift motion, he grabbed his things. They had fallen straight down into a collective pile. He stood up, but any will power he had vanished right when he was about to bolt.
He stood there frozen while Aiden's rant continued. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw him walk towards him. He heard his voice, but he couldn't comprehend the words. TK tensed up, holding his breath, waiting for it to be over. He was never so ready to go to math class in his life.
He pushed him down again. TK winced. For a while, he didn't look up. He didn't think; he waited. After a while, or maybe it was a short time, he didn't know, Aiden's voice seemed to die down. He saw a hand coming towards him, TK jumped. The hand went away.
"You okay?" It took a few seconds for TK to register that it was Matt. Maybe it was the shock that made it so difficult. Maybe he was just tired.
"Yeah, thanks," he mumbled. TK kept his gaze down. He didn't want to do this. TK didn't want Matt to know. He didn't want him to be worrying about him. Luckily, Matt said nothing.
"I'll walk you to class," Matt said. TK didn't reply, he didn't have a reply. So, he grabbed his things and followed. He didn't have the energy to argue. Besides, for all he knew, their classes were in the same direction, so he couldn't argue. Tai was with them, which made TK uneasy. Especially after what happened on Friday.
It wasn't a long walk. As soon as his class came into view, TK said a quick goodbye and left them. He let out a quiet sigh as he made his way to his desk. Thank God that's over. The whole thing was a messy situation.
Aiden was in this class with him. The teacher wasn't there yet, so he didn't feel safe. Davis was the only friend he had in this class and he was coming from the gym, which was on the other side of the school. Selfishly, he wanted him to be here now. He could sprint through the halls for all he cared. TK didn't want to be alone in this class anymore.
"Are you proud of yourself?" TK looked up. He didn't want to, but ignoring Aiden was never a good idea. Aiden stood in front of his desk, his arms crossed, trying to be as intimidating as possible. He knew he wouldn't fight back. Why Aiden thought he needed to do that was beyond him.
TK shrunk away. Maybe that's what he was going for. Still, TK would have done it either way. "It's not like I asked them to do that," he shrugged.
Aiden scoffed. "Sure you didn't, you planned that. It was one of your ways to humiliate everyone around you and yet another way to bring attention to yourself?"
"What?" TK blinked dumbly, almost laughing. "That's not what happened. I didn't even know they were there." Aiden laughed dryly.
"Sure you didn't. You're a liar, you're selfish, and you know it." TK tensed up. It wasn't true. He knew he didn't want them there. TK didn't have the energy to argue, so he didn't. "Nothing to say?"
Davis walked in. TK glanced over at him, watching him make his way over to his desk, which was a few desks behind him. He shot a glare at Aiden, who returned the look.
Davis looked away after a moment with a small eye roll. TK watched as Aiden continued to study him for a moment before turning his attention back to him. At first, he said nothing. Then Aiden grabbed his arm sharply and TK let out a small hiss of pain, pulling his arm away.
"Psyco," he hissed. Davis said something, but he blocked it out. He pulled his arm close to his chest, keeping his gaze down on the brown desk.
"Okay, class. Everyone take your seats. We'll get started in a minute." Aiden glanced back to the teacher, sighing and taking his seat. Unfortunately, it was close to TK's. He sighed. At least he couldn't do much now.
Davis tapped his shoulder. TK jumped before taking the paper he handed him. TK opened it while Davis watched him and took out his notebook.
you ok?
TK grabbed a pencil and wrote back.
Yeah I'm fine.
He handed the note back. TK knew it would not calm Davis down, but he wasn't about to tell the truth. That'd make him worry more. Besides, he didn't want to talk about it. Talking about it wouldn't fix it. It wouldn't make Aiden leave him alone.
Davis handed the note back to him. TK took it, opening it, but at first he didn't read it. He stared a the words, studying Davis' messy angular handwriting without actually reading the words.
TK glanced back up at the teacher, who was erasing the board.
you sure? you dont look it. you should tell someone about aiden. it might help. i can see you shaking from here
TK tensed. He himself hadn't noticed. He sighed, grabbing his pencil and writing back. The teacher said something; he blocked it out.
I'm fine. Really. It's okay.
He handed the note back, turning his attention to the teacher. You'd think they'd been in class for half an hour already with how far into the notes he was already. TK chewed his cheek before writing what was on the board already. It was a welcome distraction.
His teacher started walking around, handing out papers to the class. He made his way to where Davis was seated, taking the note that they'd been passing from Davis. TK winced as he continued his lecture. He watched him look it over, read it, then throw it away.
TK took the paper he handed to him, his nerves skyrocketing. It's not like there was nothing bad on it, but still. It made him nervous. He continued on like nothing happened; it was appreciated.
Aiden chuckled behind him. "Seriously?" he said. TK glanced back at him, and Aiden was looking at the teacher before motioning to TK while leaning back in his chair. "They get away with that?"
"Don't worry about it, Aiden. It's none of your business." Aiden sat up, but TK turned his attention back to his desk, embarrassed.
"Are you kidding me? It's ridiculous. I get sent to the office for so much as looking at a kid wrong. These two can break class rules and get away with it."
"Aiden, enough." Davis caught his eye, mouthing I'm sorry. TK smiled gently and shook his head. It wasn't his fault. Aiden was just being Aiden.
"No. You let people get away with everything while others can't. I call favorites. This school is stupid." The class was silent for a minute. TK hugged himself, digging his nails into his upper arm.
The teacher sighed. "Aiden, we can talk after class. Not right now, though, okay?" Aiden scoffed.
"Why? Because I'm upsetting the other students? Or because I'm interrupting your lesson? Let me know because I honestly don't know which one you'd care about more."
"We can talk after class, or you can go to the office. Take your pick."
He laughed again. "Exhibit A. The kids with good grades are babied here."
"That's not what it is."
"Yes, it is!" he snapped. TK flinched, trying to figure out if he was trying to get TK in trouble, or if he was actually upset. "The honors kids can do anything, and you know it. These two," he motioned to Davis and TK, "can get away with passing notes. If it was Davis and someone else, he wouldn't get away with it. But it was fine with TK because you guy's baby him."
He wanted to counter that his grades had slipped over the past year, but he didn't. Davis looked like he was about to snap, making TK tense up even more. His chest tightened, and he blinked a few tears away while keeping his head down.
"Aiden, that's enough."
"No. You guys let him mutilate himself. Meanwhile, if literally anyone else did that and wasn't an honors student, you'd call the police." Davis whipped around in his seat. TK shuddered, his breathing become more and more rapid.
"Aiden, shut up!" he snapped. The teacher said something to him, but Davis didn't listen. "I'm tired of you treating him like this!" He wanted to yell at him to leave it, let Aiden rant, and then it'd be over. When he started talking, he wanted to continue until he decided he was done. That's what he did to TK, that's what he was doing now.
"Just because you're comfortable being near a psychopath doesn't mean I am." He heard another kid chuckle, making him cringe again.
"Aiden, enough."
TK wasn't sure what came over him, but he was standing in an instant and walking towards the door.
"TK, sit down," the teacher said. "Aiden office." TK turned around, facing the class' judgmental eyes. There were a few kids looking annoyed at Aiden, some were looking at him. None of them seemed angry, like Aiden did. Most were confused. He was too.
He'd guess that was from him standing up. TK had always been one to follow the rules. This was shocking to him. Davis glanced at him, then turned his glare back to Aiden. He looked angry but smug at the same time. Well, he got the reaction he wanted.
TK threw his hands up. His chest still hurt, but his head was clouded. He was upset, scared, frustrated. It was a lot. He looked at Aiden. "Don't worry, I'll get out of your way." Ignoring how shaky his voice was, he turned on his heel and walked out. The teacher called after him, but he ignored him.
He didn't know where he was going, but it was away from there. It was a small victory, if you could call it that because screw Aiden. As small as it was, it felt freeing. Even if he gave Aiden exactly what he wanted, even if he was going to get in trouble, he didn't care. He could be alone for the rest of the class period. He'd be away from Aiden.
Trigger warning in effect. Please feel free to skip this scene if it's possible it will be triggering for you.
TK didn't bother to think about why it was calming, he accepted it. He watched the blood trickle down his arm. Part of him knew he shouldn't. He should stop the bleeding as quick as possible. But it was captivating him, and watching it was calming him down.
He was shaking when he got home. Between the office, knowing his mother had been called. She was still at work when he and Matt first got back, so he retreated to his room after taking a razor blade from the bathroom. He cut then, only once. He thought that'd be enough.
Then she got home. She wanted to talk to him. Then, she was asking him what happened; she wasn't mad and hugged him, telling him it was okay.
She left, going to make dinner. Now, he was sitting on the floor, leaning on the wall next to his dresser, cutting more than he usually did. It was a long day, and it was comforting.
He'd gotten carried away, though. By the time he'd gotten to the sixth cut, the previous ones hadn't been enough. It happened in instant. The explosion of pain, the shock that went through his hand. He dropped the blade, his hand going up to his mouth to muffle the sharp cry.
He took a second to steady his breathing, keeping himself from panicking. It caught him off guard, that's all. The burning pain in his arm tried to pull him back, trying to prove him wrong. The memory of how quick the blood poured out of the cut tore at his mind.
TK glanced at his wrist, his breathing quick, rapid, a few subconscious tears trickling down his face. He grimaced at the sight. Blood- his blood, that thought was scaring him now, was spilling out of the cut, already reaching and dripping off his elbow and onto his shirt.
This was the deepest cut he'd ever had. The pain was worse than any other he could think of. He couldn't tell if this was the reason he was lightheaded, or if it was because he was nauseous, or the panic.
For a minute, he debated calling for his mom. He screwed up. But he felt his energy fading, pulling him further and further away from the world. He didn't mind it. If he had gone too far, and these were his last few moments, he didn't mind.
If he hadn't gone too far, then he'd wake up, bandage the cut, and go on with it. But that seemed disappointing the more he thought about it. His vision was becoming blotchy. The darkness that was pulling at his mind wanted him.
It was comforting. It felt safer. The darkness didn't have Aiden, or Matt, or Nancy, or any of his problems, or any of his pain. It kept him from all the things he wanted to avoid. He had nothing in the light he wanted. Not now. Not anymore.
Maybe it would not kill him, but if it was, since he was vaguely sure it was happening, TK wanted it. If it meant he didn't have to be in this vigorous cycle anymore, then he'd take death.
The pain became muted; he rested his head on his knees, watching the blood seep into his pants. He shut his eyes, feeling himself fade. He said a mental apology to his mom; she hated blood.