Authors note: So, it's eight days shy of a year since I updated. Here's the final chapter. I went back and did some final "edits" (I read through the chapters using Hemmingway and then ran it through ProWritingAid once) for grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoy.
Tuesday, March 2
Matt
"You okay?" Nancy asked, turning away from the sink. Matt nodded, glancing away from her as he twirled the fork in his hands. His chest was tight, his throat was tight. His stomach twisted as he looked at the bowl of oatmeal in front of him.
How could he get out of eating this? Could he get out of it? It was a small bowl of oatmeal. Why was it scaring him so much?
This is stupid. Pull it together. Matt rested an elbow on the table, pulling at his hair with his hand. His hands shook and swallowed thickly. Tears, unnecessary tears, Matt cringed, blinking them away with a shuddering sigh.
He could do this, it wasn't that much. All he had to do was eat it and then he could go to school and ignore it all again. Ignore all the questions, ignore Nancy and the sound of her footsteps as she walked across the room. He could do this, he had to do this.
Still, his hands were trembling, and he couldn't swallow the lump in his throat. He sighed again; it hurt. Matt tried to keep his breathing steady, but his mind was running too fast for him to focus on it.
He couldn't do this. He didn't earn it, which meant he didn't deserve it, which meant he couldn't eat it. Matt rested his head in his hands, elbows on the table. Nancy looked at him, biting her tongue. He brought his hands down and wrapped them around himself.
Nancy glanced away and then back at Matt, opening and closing her mouth. She walked over and sat down next to him. He shrunk away, keeping his gaze on the hardwood floor.
"You okay?" Matt nodded, not looking at her, holding his breath. Calm down. "Matt?" He stayed quiet, keeping his gaze away. Breathe. It was all going to be fine. All he had to do was eat the oatmeal. That's it.
Matt held his breath, moving back and forth from looking at the floor and the bowl in front of him. That's all. His heart pounded in his chest and he took another deep breath. His throat hurt, his stomach twisting into knots. Matt was vaguely aware of the way his breathing was speeding up, but the bowl was the only thing he could focus on. That's all.
"Matt?" He perked up, his breath hitching. The entire time he'd been blocking her out. He crossed his arms, blinking back tears as he continued to shrink away from her. "Are you okay?" Nancy asked slowly, softly.
A small sob broke through, despite his attempts to hold it back. Matt shook his head, turning and burying his head into her shoulder.
"No," he whispered, his voice breaking, clinging to her. For a moment Nancy hesitated, then wrapped him in a hug and ran a hand through his hair. "No." Matt's shoulders heaved as he continued to sob into Nancy's shoulder. His breath caught when he tried to breathe.
His hands trembled as he pulled her closer. He was over it all. The confusion, having no sense of direction, not knowing what was going to happen, not understanding any of it. It was too much. He didn't want to do it anymore.
Before it made sense, he knew why he was afraid, or lonely, or sad. Now he had no idea. These were the moments where things got better, right? But this past week had one of the worst ones in a long time. Nothing was better about this.
Did all the pros outweigh the cons, or was it the opposite? Sora was back. He saw TK again; he was away from his father, but everything else? Was it worth it? The doctor he'd talked to the first night said it would take time. He didn't want time; he wanted answers.
Matt's breath stuttered, hitching when he got control of it. He tensed, burying his head in Nancy's shoulder. She tightened her grip around him.
"It's okay," she whispered. Matt nodded, trying to breathe again. Over the next few minutes, slowly but surely, he got there. He took deep breaths in his mother's arms while she traced circles on his back. Matt sniffed, adjusting to wipe his tears.
"Do you feel any better?" Nancy asked. Matt shrugged.
"I'm not sure yet," he mumbled.
"That's okay. You don't have to be okay."
"I don't?" Matt asked, blinking. He was supposed to be okay now. Everyone told him he was safe. But everything was so out of control and he couldn't wake up each morning and know what to expect. That's not okay, he's not okay. He's supposed to be okay!
Nancy shook her head. "No, you just have to give yourself time, okay?"
Matt tensed. There it was again. Time. He'd given it time. Matt wanted to be okay now. He wanted everything to be better, wanted things to be normal again. Sure, normal for him was dark nights, bruised ribs, and a crushing sense of isolation, but it was normal. He didn't miss dad, but he missed the consistency.
He pulled away from Nancy, wiping his cheek. "I should go to school."
Nancy looked down at him." Is that what you want to do?" Matt nodded. "Alright," she said, standing up. "I'll drive you." Matt glanced at her, uneasy. "If- only if that's what you want." He looked away, frowning.
He always walked. Being driven wasn't normal. Then again, neither was being late.
Matt sighed. "Okay," he said, "thanks." He couldn't not thank her. Being ungrateful wasn't normal, or okay.
Matt shut the car door, saying a quick goodbye to Nancy. With a heavy sigh, he pulled on his backpack's strap. He could do this. Matt kept his head down. Old habits die hard, as he went to his locker. He was a few minutes late, but not enough to rush.
He got to his locker soon enough, putting his bag in and grabbing his materials for the next class. While double checking for a pencil, his math teacher wouldn't appreciate if he forgot one again, Tai walked over.
"Hey," Tai said, leaning against the locker next to him. Matt offered him a small smile.
"Hi." Finding a pencil, he shut his locker and stood up.
"Ready for class?" Matt nodded, placing his binders under his arm. Tai started babbling again. It wasn't as awkward as it was yesterday. Tai was being Tai again. Normal.
They made their way to the classroom with no troubles, finding their seats. Matt rearranged his binders, making sure the one for this class was on top.
Matt glanced over at where Tai and Mimi were sitting. He'd never dreamed of telling them anything. But they already knew, and they didn't seem to care, that he caused Sora to fall into a coma. Or at least, they didn't blame them.
Should he tell them the full story? He'd been so afraid they'd see him differently. Over the week, things had been fine; they knew more than they had before.
Would they blame him? Matt blamed himself. Sora didn't, mom didn't.
The bruises were already fading; for the first time, there weren't any more forming. At least there wouldn't be that worry Sora had that day. He was away from him. Physically, at least.
Over the past week, he was finding this whole coping thing was harder than being in the problem. If his friends knew what happened, would they still believe when he lied and said things were fine? Did he want to lie to them?
No. This morning had proven that he didn't have the strength to keep it together anymore. Matt was too tired. He didn't want to lie anymore.
Telling them wouldn't be the worst thing, would it?
The bell rang. Throughout the lesson, a small, steady stream of confidence started building up. He could tell them, right? They'd be more than happy to listen, wouldn't they?
Class was over before it started. Tai was already walking over to his desk with Mimi rambling. Normally, he'd feel guilty for tuning him out, not this time.
Tai walked out of the room, Matt trailing behind. Mid-story, Tai glanced back to look at him. Matt smiled before frowning. Tai stopped, turning to him.
"Everything okay?" Matt nodded. No.
"Yeah, I just," he shuddered, "c… can I talk to you about something at lunch?" Tai nodded.
"Of course."
"I reserve full rights to back out, though," Matt added. Tai chuckled.
"Alright," he said, "whatever you want."
"You can always talk to us," Mimi added, throwing an arm around his shoulders. Matt tried not to flinch. She wasn't looking at him, so she didn't notice.
"Thanks," he replied, pushing her away. Mimi nodded, taking no offense as Tai picked up on his story. This time, Matt paid attention.
Lunch came quick. If that was a good thing was to be seen. Tai, Sora, and Mimi made it better. They acted normal when they all sat down. They didn't so much as look at him expectantly. He picked at his nails for the first five minutes, trying to figure out what to say. What did he say? He should have planned something.
He could keep it simple. After it started, it never changed. Besides, they already knew some things. He didn't have to say too much, right?
"I… um," the group stopped talking, turning towards him. Matt shrank away. "I- I know you already know some things. But I-" he balled his hands into fists, "would it be okay if I cleared some things up?" They were silent for a moment. Sora seemed shocked, Mimi watched him carefully, Tai nodded.
"Of course," Tai said. Matt continued to pick at his nails, looking away, forcing an awkward laugh.
"Right," he frowned, picking at the bottom of his shirt. "A-about my dad, I… how- how much do you know?" Matt glanced up, sheepishly. Tai and Mimi shared an awkward sort of glance while Sora looked down at her hands.
"I know the most," Sora replied. Matt nodded.
"I know, I wasn't sure about you two." Tai bit his lip.
"Not much," Mimi answered for him, "once we found out he was responsible for Sora's… accident, we weren't sure if he hurt you too."
"He did." Matt cringed. "Sorry, that was a lot more direct than I meant it to be." Sora grabbed his hand, squeezing it. Matt sighed, squeezing back. The words came tumbling out after that. He never stopped drinking after the divorce and blamed it all on him, sometimes TK, but mostly him. Then he'd get mad and hit him and lock him in that damn closet-
He didn't go into much detail, but he was crying when he finished. They looked horrified. It wasn't the things he said that made him cry. The entire time he'd done so much for his father to be okay with him, let alone love him.
Mimi was the first one to speak as Matt tried to wipe the tears away. "I'm so sorry you went through that," she said, "you didn't deserve it." Matt flinched, hiccuping as a fresh wave of sobs tore through his chest. Didn't he? Sora took his wrist, pulling him into a hug. Matt accepted, only half caring about being in the school cafeteria.
Matt wasn't sure if her words hurt, shocked, or confused him. Tai grabbed his hand from across the table. He'd been oddly quiet the entire time. Matt sobbed into Sora's shoulder as she ran a hand through his hair.
There weren't any coherent thoughts; Matt wasn't sure why he was crying. He shouldn't be. He'd already broken down once today.
Once he stopped crying, nobody said much for a little while; he didn't move away from Sora.
Eventually, Tai spoke up. "How are you holding up? This week's been kinda hectic."
Mimi scoffed. "Kinda?"
"Alright, fine, very hectic." Matt chuckled, wiping the last of his tears away as he pulled away from Sora. There he was, there was Tai.
"I'm okay."
"Matt," Sora said, shaking her head. "You don't have to do it alone anymore. We're here for you." Matt looked away, tensing.
He sighed. "Confused, I guess. Sorry, that's not a great answer."
"You don't have to apologize," Tai said.
"Don't apologize," Sora added. Matt cringed, biting back another apology.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Mimi asked. He shook his head. He did. He really needed someone to help him figure things out. But he didn't know how. He barely made it through the last one.
"Lunch is probably over soon," he said. It was a weak excuse, but an excuse. Tai glanced at the clock.
"We have like, ten minutes."
Matt raised an eyebrow. "Really? Feels like it's been longer."
"It does," he agreed.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Sora said. "But if you want to, we're here."
"I…" he shrunk away, "I've already said enough. I don't want to bother you guys anymore. Really it's fi-"
"You're not bothering us," Mimi said, cutting him off. He bit his inner lip.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," Tai said. Sora hummed in agreement.
He sighed, a moment of silence passing before he spoke up. "Like I said, I'm just confused."
"About?" Mimi asked.
"A bit of everything. The move, my mom…" his voice fails, he can't bring himself to say TK.
"How are things with your mom?" Tai asks. Matt gives him a grateful look, shrugging. He couldn't direct this conversation for the life of him.
"She seems to care. I'm not sure how to feel about it."
"She's nice to you, isn't she?" Mimi asked. Tai glared at her. She held her hands up defensively.
"What? I was just checking!"
"That's the problem," he mutters, forcing a smile.
"The problem is that… she's nice to you?"
"Mimi, stop it."
"She's fine," Matt replied. Tai shot him a curious look. "It sounds stupid when I say it out loud."
"Not at all," Sora said, voice fading to something in-between a mumbled and a whisper. "I saw how he treated you. If that's what it was always like then I-" she winced, burying her head in her hands. She never finished her sentence. Matt shifted awkwardly.
"It's fine. I'm used to it."
"That's… Matt, that's the problem," Tai replied, hesitantly.
He blinked. "Why?"
"Because you're used to being treated like shit. It- it shouldn't be like that." Matt swallowed, staying silent. Tai sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm sure this has been hard on you."
"It's fine," Matt replied, still not looking at him.
"Is it?" The bell rang before he responded. The group waited a moment before standing up. Nobody said anything. The walk to the next class was silent until they sat down at their desks. They sat next to each other in this one.
Awkwardly fiddling with his pencil, Tai spoke up. "Matt?" He hummed in response, pulling out his homework. "You know you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to, right?"
"Yeah," he gave a small smile. "Thanks, Tai." Tai smiled back, turning towards the board and copying down the homework assignment. Matt followed suit. They didn't talk about it, not for the rest of the day. The next few classes were filled with Tais rambles and everything else normal.
Things were going to be fine here at least. If not better, because he didn't have this weight on his chest. He wished he could say the same for at home, though. That was worse than it had ever been at school.
Mom wasn't home when he first got back, which he didn't think of much. She was probably at the hospital.
Tai's words echoed in his head, and for the first time, he understood what he meant. It takes a lot for him not to break down again. He didn't know how to be treated kindly.
He looked around the bedroom. Things in this room were what most people have and don't think about. Dr. Len had called them necessities. They didn't feel necessary. Matt didn't need a bed; he didn't need more than a bag, let alone the new one Nancy had got him. He wasn't convinced he deserved them.
Matt was convinced he was destined for a life of pain. That's what he deserved, at least, that's what he'd believed for the past six years. He doesn't know what to believe anymore. On one hand, it felt like too much. On the other, he didn't miss dark, cold, and lonely nights locked away. Accepting warm smiles and kind words felt greedy. Waking up without new bruises felt wrong.
Matt wrapped his arms around himself, sliding down the wall and resting his chin on his knees. Physically things were better now. As awkward as he felt waking up every morning, his back didn't hurt as much. He still felt lost. Maybe he always would.
It wouldn't hurt to keep talking to his friends about these things, would it? They seemed to understand better than he did. If Matt could understand things more, he wouldn't feel as lost. It's not that he didn't want to be okay, he didn't know how to be.
Half an hour later, Nancy knocked on the door. Matt jumped. He turned to the door, trembling. The door didn't open.
"Come in," he called, shakily. She did, but her eyes softened at the sight of him. Matt clenched his jaw, looking away. He held his breath. He was trembling. She didn't comment, though.
"I'm heading down to the hospital," she said. Matt wanted to ask if she was just there. "You don't have to, but if you want to come, you can." Matt thought it over. He couldn't magically be okay, could he? The least he could do was try. Trying to fix things with TK could help, right?
They'd talked a bit yesterday, if you could call it that. They didn't need to be friends. Matt couldn't keep worrying about it. That might be selfish, but for once, he wasn't guilty about it.
"Sure." Nancy nodded.
"Alright." Matt put his things down, standing up and following her out of the apartment. "How are you holding up?" she asked as she passed him his coat. Another new thing.
"I'm," he paused, he wasn't okay. He frowned. "Not great." Admitting it felt freeing. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal. It was stupid for him to get that much pride from being able to say it. At least, he thought it was stupid. He didn't know if it was or not.
Nancy nodded again, holding the door for him. He mumbled a small thanks. "That's okay. Do you want to talk about it?" They made their way to the elevator. Matt shook his head. He didn't feel that comfortable around her. He was still embarrassed about this morning.
"No. But thank you." She didn't reply. To Matt's relief, she didn't seem upset. Once they got to the car, Nancy brought up more idle things, like school. It was nice, knowing that their conversations didn't always have to be stressful. This was the first time it wasn't. This was the first time he'd had a conversation like this with a parent since the divorce. It didn't feel forced; it wouldn't be as comforting if it was forced.
As they pulled into the hospital parking lot, Matt's stomach twisted. He hadn't planned what to say. He was going in blind. Maybe that was a good thing. The conversation would be more genuine; guaranteed awkward.
As they walked into the hospital, a doctor stopped them. "Nancy,"she said, her name tag said Dr. Suzuki, "do you have a moment?" Nancy nodded, turning to Matt.
"You can head up." He didn't argue, nodding as he made his way to the elevator. He was torn between wanting her to be there and wanting to have this conversation alone.
It's not like he got to choose.
TK gave a small, apathetic wave as he walked into the room. Matt took that as a good sign. He was addressing him. He barely did that yesterday. Matt smiled softly, giving an awkward wave making his way to a chair by the window.
"Is mom here?" Matt jumped. He hadn't expected him to be the first one to talk. Maybe that meant he was feeling better. He hoped so.
"She's talking to Dr. Suzuki. Was she not here earlier?" Matt cringed. That was an insensitive question. It slipped. He shouldn't have asked that. He glanced at TK. He didn't seem to take offense. Not that Matt knew how to read him.
"She was at work," he replied. "I haven't seen her all day. She rarely takes vacation days."
"Oh." Matt glanced away, a twinge of guilt shooting through his chest. "Were you alone all day?"
TK shook his head. "Have you seen the amount of people in the hallways?" It sounded like a joke. Matt took it as a joke, forcing a small laugh. TK frowned. He thought he offended him. That was an expression he could read; Tai did it all the time. "No, Kari and Davis stopped by." Matt nodded, letting things fall silent for a moment as he tried to think of a reply.
He should have planned something, waited outside to get his thoughts together. There was no going back now, though.
"A… about yesterday-"
"You don't have to say anything," TK said quickly, urgently. He shrunk away after he said it. "You have enough going on."
"So do you," Matt argued. TK glanced away. He looked doubtful. Matt was confused. He wasn't the one sitting in a hospital bed right now. Why was he worried about him? Most people would assume his issues were over now, right? Matt knew they weren't, but did TK?
Matt sighed. Was he stressing him out? Was it dumb for him to think they needed to talk about this? "I just, I don't think either of us wants things to continue like this."
"It wasn't this," he motioned to the hospital room, "that made you feel like this, was it?" Matt shook his head.
"No. I just- I didn't know what to say."
"I didn't either, I'm sorry." TK pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his bandaged arms around them. They'd been changed since he was last here. There was no blood this time.
"It's okay."
"I- I don't hate you. I'm sorry if it came across that way. I could have been more welcoming." TK still rambled when upset. He used to do that when they were younger.
"It's okay," Matt said, "it was probably me."
"It's not."
Matt ignored that comment. They'd just argue about it. "We could have talked about this sooner instead of me just yelling at you. I'm sorry about that, by the way."
"It's fine, I get it." Matt bit back an argument. He just said the same thing to TK.
He sighed, mustering up whatever courage he had. "We… don't have to be best friends or anything, but it wouldn't hurt to at least get along, would it? I mean, this whole awkward thing has been stressing both of us out, and, yeah. If that made any sense."
He blew it. TK looked at Matt, then out the window, his expression etched with hesitance. Nancy walked in the room after the solid three minutes of silence. Matt had checked the clock.
He thought he would have been disappointed. Strangely, he wasn't. Even if TK didn't agree, he said he didn't hate him. They had talked with no sort of malice. Matt, at least, didn't feel as bad about the situation anymore. He tried to make things better. For once, he was focusing on his own healing. This past week and a half had been hell, but he didn't have to live there. He could try to leave.
The doctor was right. Time, and a bit of effort, was what he needed. Matt knew now; he didn't have to do it alone. He wasn't trapped in the dark alone. Matt was heading to the light with his friends; with his family.
He was attempting to be happy. That's all he could expect from himself. Sure, he had no idea how he was going to get there, but for the first time, he truly believed things would be okay, even if it'd take a while.
Matt was willing to give it time. He was going to give it time. He'd be okay. Everything was going to be okay.
TK
TK woke up late afternoon the next morning after falling asleep three separate times. He blamed his new whacky sleep schedule on the painkillers. Nancy had left a book and a note saying she'd be at work. TK wasn't sure if he was offended or glad he didn't cause her to mess up her schedule. She'd taken a few days off this week for Matt. She was already pushing it.
The book she'd left was one he'd already finished; he'd told her about it a few months ago when he had. She forgot. TK didn't care, though, it was something to do. He could only watch so much TV before he lost his mind. He was still tired. Je'd fallen asleep by the time he reached chapter five, waking up a couple hours later and laid there idly.
Somehow, he was still tired. At least his wrist didn't hurt as much. He should have expected that after they'd told him they were upping the dose of morphine. TK chalked it up to the messy headspace.
Davis and Kari stopped sometime later, apologizing that Cody and Yolei couldn't make it. Something about urgent computer club duties that they never explained. TK minded little. He felt bad he was keeping Kari and Davis away from whatever issues it was.
They were still there. Kari continued to check her phone, anxious, on edge, but trying to be there. The guilt overshadowed his appreciation, but he didn't say that.
They'd brought any homework he'd missed. TK wasn't sure how to tell them he wouldn't be back before the semester ended. He might miss the rest of the school year, depending on how things went.
He kept quiet, listening as Kari explained the new math concept they'd covered. Davis was asking more questions than him, but that was nothing new. Out of the three of them, he'd always been the best in math. That, and TK was still half asleep.
He's not sure how long it'd been. The whole day had been wonky. There was a clock, but TK didn't care enough or have the energy to check it. TK couldn't decide if he wanted Nancy to show up. She'd want to talk again.
TK snapped back to reality when Kari's phone rang.
"Sorry," she said, turning away, "it's my mom."
"You're fine," Davis said, and Kari smiled, turning to leave the room. TK gave her a soft smile, not having it in him for much else. Sure, he's exhausted, but it's nice having them here. They're the only ones giving him some sense of normalcy. He had to ignore Kari's occasional guilty glance, or Davis biting back something he wanted to say, though.
After a moment, Kari came back into the room, apologizing. "I've gotta go," she said, "I'll come back tomorrow." TK hummed in response. Davis said something that he didn't pay attention to. TK turned to put his binder on the now empty chair by his bed once Kari left the room. TK'd barely written anything down the entire time. Neither of them commented on it. He's both sick of the babying and too tired to care.
Davis drummed on the corner of the paper with his pencil, trying to figure out where he'd went wrong with the problem. He chuckled, "I don't know how she expects me to finish this without her help."
"She gave you the answers," TK said, pulling his knees to his chest. Davis was the easiest one to talk to given how weird things had been with Kari lately.
"Exactly! That's a massive help." TK huffed a laugh, resting his cheek on his knee. Davis frowned, stashing the worksheet away. TK cringed as he put the folder down, brushing his hair out of his face.
"I'm glad you're okay, TK." He didn't look at him when he said it. TK was okay with that. He's not used to serious Davis, he's not sure he liked serious Davis. Davis didn't treat him like glass like his mom had. TK appreciated that.
TK smiled sadly. He's torn between wishing he'd succeeded and not caring. "Thanks."
"You can talk to me, you know." Davis looked at him this time. TK broke the eye contact as soon as he could. "I'm sorry I wasn't there before."
"You were." TK shifted uncomfortably. There was a dill, pulsing ache in his wrist. "You were always there." Davis looked down at the floor, guilty. TK's heart sank.
"Clearly not enough," he mumbled, a bitter tone that only came out when something was wrong. All the sudden, TK felt dumb for forgetting how close they used to be, and guilty for ruining it. Isolating wasn't only affecting him, it was leaving Davis confused and alone, not that he ever said that. TK glanced over at Davis, watching as he fidgeted with the bottom of his sleeve.
"I'm sorry," is all TK could muster. He wasn't sure what else he could have said.
Davis sighed loudly, gripping at his hair. "God, would you stop saying that?" TK flinched, shrinking back and looking away. He bit back another apology. "Sorry- I just, no, that sounds hypocritical." Davis sighed. "Can you stop treating yourself as second best to everyone else?"
TK frowned. "If it was that easy, we wouldn't be here right now."
"Yeah- no, you're right. I… I'm sorry." Davis buried his head in his hands and the guilt continued to pool in TK's stomach. He sighed. Maybe it was time to start fixing things. He wasn't the only one he was hurting anymore. If he couldn't do it for himself, he could at least do it for them, right?
"It's okay," he said, "it's not your fault." Davis ran a tired hand through his hair, looking at TK.
"No, TK, it's not okay. None of this," he motioned the room with an exasperated laugh, "is okay."
"I know." I'm sorry. "I just… didn't think it'd hurt anyone this much. I didn't think about it."
"Why wouldn't we care?" Davis asked, almost sounding mad. Though he very well could have been mad. TK wouldn't have blamed him if he was. "We're your friends! I- I mean, did I make you feel you weren't or-"
"No!" TK cut him off, shaking his head. "I have a hard time understanding why you care, that's all." He cringed, almost wishing he hadn't had said it. TK jumped when Davis grabbed his hand, making eye contact with him. He didn't have time to dwell on it.
"Even if you can't understand why, can you accept it?" TK blinked. Davis was practically pleading with him. He sighed before smiling softly. He could do that, he accepted a lot of things he didn't understand. "I can do that."
This conversation wasn't as awkward or one-sided as it was yesterday, or awkward. Well, no, it was still awkward, but it was more of a conversation.
"We… don't have to be best friends or anything, but it wouldn't hurt to at least get along, would it? I mean, this whole awkward thing has been stressing both of us out, and, yeah. If that made any sense," Matt said.
It made sense, actually. He glanced over at Matt, then out the window. He wasn't sure what Matt meant by get alone. They'd had one fight and then avoided each other majority of the time, which, in now way, was getting along. TK'd be happy to put all that behind him. He wasn't sure if he could be comfortable around Matt. He wasn't comfortable around him.
Nancy walked into the room. TK didn't have time to reply; he didn't have any words to reply with. He glanced over at Matt, watching Nancy work on whatever paperwork the doctors had given her. She didn't greet either of them when she walked in, save for a small, guilty glance in TK's direction.
He sighed, glancing at Matt again before looking away. One reason he'd distanced himself from Matt was because he'd thought he'd make things worse. In doing so, he hurt him more. Besides, he wasn't asking for things to be great between them. They could try to exist simultaneously without things being strained, right?
A nurse opened the door, scanning the room until her eyes landed on Nancy. "Nancy, Doctor Ando is here." She perked up, putting the paperwork down on the chair she was sitting on. It was Kari's. Davis moved it to the wall when he left.
TK glanced at Matt again, hoping he hadn't noticed him doing that. That whole conversation, the past two days, was him trying to settle things. He could return the favor by at least trying, right? It'd be better for both of them.
With a deep breath, TK spoke up. "Matt?" Matt perked up, glancing over at him, surprised. TK bit his lower lip. "We, um… I don't know if we'll ever be friends. I- I don't mean that in a bad way! It's just-"
"I get what you're saying," Matt replied, gently. TK let out an awkward, breathy laugh.
"Right. But we can- we can be okay with each other, right? Or at least try?"
Matt blinked before smiling. "I'd like that." TK, in an instant, decided he would too. Matt was his brother, and he cared about him. Neither of them had to be awkward about it anymore. This past week and a half proved that by doing that, it was making things worse. It was time to try to make things better for both of them.
Authors note #2: don't worry! It's not going to be super long and personal, I definitely could do tht but I won't.
Some quick housekeeping. I will be changing my pen name now that this story is complete and cross-posting all my and AO3 works. I wanted to wait until Behind Locked Doors was finished because I was scared I would confuse people. If you get an email saying Vaelyn Ezra posted, that's me!
For some very needed words on this story. I started this when I was in seventh grade. I'm now a junior in high school. Admittedly, this story is not my best work. I've tried to make it so, but it's been (four months shy) five years and I need to move on. I harp on this story a lot to family and friends, but I wouldn't be the writer I am today without it and it's the first multi-chapter story I've completed. It was a pain to write but it has a special place in my heart. It's been with me through a lot of personal issues I'm in no way getting into.
If you're interested I plan on posting an 'epilogue' on my Tumblr (vaelyn-ezra). It won't be written in a story but I'll be explaining some of my thoughts on what happened next like an author's note. However, this story does have an open ending and is free for interpretation. It comes down to me wanting to share my thoughts on the future for these boys, but not wanting to commit to an actual sequel.
That's all from me. Thank you so much to the people who've stuck with me and this story for the past five years, it's been a journey. I truly appreciate it. Cheers to me not taking five years on the next story.
- Vae