Trusting an Adult
"Potter, to what do I owe this inconvenience?" Snake growled in frustration.
"Professor, I'm sorry to disturb you. I was just…well…hoping for some clarification on your DaD lesson today," Harry replied keeping his eyes trained on the floor in front of him,
Severus looked up in surprise at the respectful, almost defeated tone in the boy's voice. "Have a seat then, Mr. Potter," Severus commanded, gesturing to the seat he'd conjured in front of his desk.
"Thank you, sir. I know this question might sound daft, but I was wondering…well, sir…you said that blood quills are banned," Harry whispered, studying his hands which anxiously fiddled with his robes.
"That is correct, Mr. Potter. What about it?" Severus snapped.
"Well, sir, h-how would you know…well…for certain…that it's a blood quill?"
"Well, Mr. Potter, a blood quill will cut the words written into the writer's hand whereas something like an oath quill requires a wound to be opened separately and then siphoned blood from that wound upon contact. The blood quill itself causing the wounds with dark magic is what resulted in it being banned. That is the most blatant distinction I can offer; however, Mr. Potter, all blood quills will have a black shell which takes on a deeper and deeper red sub tone the more and more it is used. It is a very subtle distinction, however, which is why most texts refrain from mentioning it," Severus answered calmly.
"Thank you, Professor, that's helpful. Umm…Professor, the book didn't reveal the punishment for blood quill usage," Harry stated a question implied.
"That is because it varies depending on the situation, Mr. Potter. If two or more consenting parties engage in the use of a blood quill the punishment might be as lenient as confiscation of the blood quill and a slap on the wrist for all parties involved. However, should an adult force the blood quill on someone under their authority the punishment could be as severe as the dementor's kiss. The blood quill is not taken lightly, I can assure you," Severus replied gravely.
"Oh, that's quite serious then," the boy mumbled in awe. "Professor, what happens if a blood quill was within Hogwarts?"
Severus looked at the boy suspiciously trying to read his face but having a hard time with his eyes downcast. "I assure you, Mr. Potter if anyone became suspicious of a blood quill being used within Hogwarts there would be an extensive investigation. The culprit would be found, sacked, and punished accordingly all immediately. The victims would be treated both physically and mentally with the absolute best resources available." There was a moment's silence. "Mr. Potter, do you have a suspicion of someone being affected by a blood quill?"
"Professor, who would head those investigations? Who is in charge of punishment? What if the culprit has…like…a lot of power?" Harry asked almost desperately.
Severus leaned forward in his chair. "Mr. Potter, look at me." The potions master waited for the boy to do as instructed. "When banned dark magic like the blood quill is involved there is a council of a variety of people involved to make sure no amount of authority can escape these laws. If you know of someone being hurt, you must tell me, Mr. Potter. I will protect them, I promise."
"Professor Umbridge," Harry mumbled.
"Please elaborate, Mr. Potter," Severus requested, gritting his teeth feeling his blood boil in righteous indignation against the toad.
"Professor Umbridge has us using blood quills in detention, sir," Harry said a bit louder and more clearly.
"Who all is included in 'us', Mr. Potter?"
"Hermione, Ron, George, and Fred, Neville, Cho, Luna…too many for me to remember if I'm being honest, sir. Hermione and I have been brewing Myrtlap Essence to help ease the pain and it's been difficult keeping up with everyone. This week alone we've had 39 Gryffindors, 7 of which were only first years. 22 Ravenclaws, 4 of which were only first years. 14 Hufflepuffs, 3 of which were first years. And 3 Slytherins. But those were only the ones who came to Hermione and I for help. There could be countless others suffering in fear and silence unbeknownst to me, sir," Harry explained, his voice trembling.
"Mr. Potter, how long has this been going on?" Severus inquired.
"Umm…I first became aware of it—just over 4 months ago, sir," Harry admitted embarrassed.
"And why didn't you all tell anyone, Mr. Potter? Thought you could take care of the whole student body alone did you?" Severus snapped.
"No, sir! Professor Umbridge, she…she threatened you all! She…she threatened us! Merlin knows if she knew what I was saying to you right now she won't stop until my life and the lives of everyone I care about is a living hell. I…I couldn't let anyone else suffer because of me, sir! But then, this week, there were so many…so young…and you said…unacceptable…unforgivable. Please, please, sir, don't let her find out I told you!" Harry pleaded desperately.
Severus sighed and fixed the small boy with a pitying glance. "Never fear, Mr. Potter. No one has anything to fear from that toad any longer. You will return to your dorm as if nothing happened. I will write you a note saying you were serving detention with me just in case you are stopped in the hallways. Headmaster Dumbledore and I will take care of Umbridge tonight. She will be removed from the premises and never allowed to hurt another student. Tomorrow morning, these halls will be safe once again. I expect you to spread the word throughout the student body: everyone affected by the blood quill is to report to the infirmary for examination and healing. Madam Pomfrey, myself, and a few healers from Saint Mungos will be available to everyone and will be setting up plans of recovery with all affected students. You need not fear any longer, Mr. Potter," Severus assured with as much gentleness as the callous man could muster.
"Thank you, sir," Harry said as he turned for the door.
"Oh, and Harry," Severus called, waiting for the boy to turn back to him. "If anything even remotely like this-whether you deem it insignificant or not-should happen in the future, I expect you to come to me…or another staff member immediately. Hogwarts is meant to be a safe place for everyone who needs one."
Harry only nodded and then fled back to his dorm.
Trusting allows Healing
The next morning at breakfast, Dumbledore stood to address the student body before food appeared on the tables. "It has come to my attention, that a member of our staff has gravely abused their power. As of yesterday evening, Dolores Umbridge was forcibly removed from Hogwarts for alleged abuse of the student body through the illegal use of a blood quill. An extensive investigation is underway, during which time, Dolores will be restrained in a Scottish branch of the ministry of magic to ensure impartiality. Now, some of you may not yet realize, but the use of a blood quill is more serious than it might sound at face value. That being said I expect every student affected by Dolores's misdeeds to report to either Madam Pomfrey, Professor Snape, or myself for treatment. I apologize to all of you who have been hurt by this woman's abuse while under my protection. I will endeavor to protect each one of you to the best of my ability. And with that, I conclude my lecture and encourage you all to enjoy a hearty meal before the day's tasks begin," Dumbledore concluded with his normal elegance.
The day went on as normal for Harry. Hermione and Ron told Harry how proud they were of him for standing up for the students of Hogwarts. Fred and George found him at lunch to report they felt so much after being healed and thanked Harry for reporting Umbridge. Luna asked Harry shortly thereafter why she had a sneaking suspicion he'd protected the student body more than anyone truly realized...again. Even Draco stopped him before positions.
"Potter, I wanted to say that, well...whoever tattled on Umbridge, he...or she...well, they did us all a great service that ought to be...that is appreciated," the blonde-haired boy stumbled awkwardly. Harry was not ashamed to admit that an almost "thanks" from Draco Malfoy did not sit well with him.
Potions class went fairly well. Neville's cauldron exploded, but since Harry was his deskmate, he'd been able to shield the rest of the room from impact with some sort of accidental magic without anyone noticing. For some reason, though, his muscles were incredibly sore and his joints achy after that. The rest of the class passed quickly, but as the students were packing up, Professor Snape spoke one last thing. "Mr. Potter, if you would please wait after class for a moment, the rest of you are dismissed. Don't forget to do your homework."
Harry exchanged confused glances with Hermione and Ron as he finished packing up his stuff, but didn't make a move to leave the classroom. Once everyone was gone, Harry moved to close the door before starting up towards the potion master's desk. "You needed to see me, sir," Harry prompted after a moment of silence.
"Yes, Harry, please have a seat," Severus answered summoning a chair to the opposite side of his desk. When Harry obeyed Severus began to talk, "Harry, it's come to my attention that you haven't talked to either Madam Pomfrey or Headmaster Dumbledore yet?"
"About what, sir?" Harry asked seeming genuinely confused.
"Harry, last night you came to me asking about blood quills. You knew Dolores was hurting the student body. You served more detentions with her than anyone else on the student body. You can't honestly expect me to believe you were never subject to her abuse," Severus stated trying to mask his awe at the boy's confusion.
"Sir, she didn't...I wasn't abused," Harry denied.
"Then may I see your hands. Just to confirm there are no injuries?" Severus asked in a gentler voice than he'd ever invoked before.
"Umm...sir, the thing is...they are injured," Harry whispered.
"I thought you said you were not abused?" Severus inquired while quirking an eyebrow judgementally.
"I wasn't," the boy still firmly denied.
"Alright, Harry, can you please explain the injury and how you got it?" Severus asked.
"Um...well, the injury is from the blood quill during detention with Professor Umbridge," Harry admitted.
"Okay, now will you please explain how you were not abused?" Severus asked being careful not to let any of the righteous indignations that he was feeling seep through into his demeanor.
"I-I...it's not the same, sir. I deserved it. I earned the detentions. It got to the point of seeking out the detentions. I...I deserved to be punished," Harry whispered as a single tear escaped from his traitorous eye.
"Harry, yes you may have earned some of the detentions she gave you. Yes, it was especially wrong of you to seek to upset her in order to get a detention. But listen to me carefully, Harry. You did not deserve to be punished with the blood quill. You do not deserve to suffer from those injuries. Do you understand me, Harry?" Severus asked. Severus waited several minutes, but when Harry remained silent and showed no indication of replying, Severus tried again. "Harry, look at me please," Severus asked and waited until the boy obeyed. "Did Ron deserve to be subjected to a blood quill for the loosening the screws on Umbridge's chair?" Severus asked.
"No, sir," Harry replied forcefully.
"Did Fred and George deserve the blood quill for lighting off those fireworks on Christmas?"
"No, no, absolutely not," Harry replied.
"Did Luna deserve the blood quill for talking out of turn in class?"
"NO!" Harry cried out
"Did you deserve the blood quill for telling the truth about an evil man Umbridge didn't want to believe was back?"
"Wh-why me? Why is it always me?" Harry sobbed as more tears rolled down his face unbidden.
Severus reached across the desk and gently took his student's hands into his own attempting to provide some sense of comfort. "This is not your fault, Harry. None of this is your fault. I promise you, it's not your fault. Please, would you allow me to heal your hand?" Severus asked gently.
Slowly Harry calmed down enough to wipe his tears and nod consenting to his potion's professor healing him.
Sighing in relief, Severus finally looked down at the small hands in his own and was confused when he didn't see any injury. Looking closer with a skeptical eye, he realized the boy had the faint glow of a glamor all around him.
"Harry, I'm going to need you to drop the glamor," Severus stated.
Harry sighed and slowly his entire being began to change. Severus had to fight hard to school his expression as the boy became unbelievably thin, sickly pale with dark circles under his eyes and he was trembling uncontrollably.
"Harry, what's going on?" Severus asked gently.
"Professor, when I told you about the blood quills, you...you protected me. You're the first adult that's ever been able to do anything other than making things worse. How...do you think...if someone...would you be able to protect a kid from other stuff?" the boy inquired carefully.
"I'll always do my best to protect all my students...from whatever might threaten them. But, Harry I need to know what's going on," Severus answered.
"The Dursleys, they never allowed me to eat, they made me do all the chores, they locked me in a cupboard, and they hurt me...which is fine, but I haven't been able to keep any food down since being back to Hogwarts and I'm not sure why. That's why I'm so thin. Th-they hurt me...badly this summer, and...well, some of the wounds never healed and I think they might be infected because I'm so pale and I feel like I have a fever that gets worse as the day goes on. Umm...and Professor Umbridge, she didn't just use the blood quill on me. I'm certain that's all she used on the other students, but there were days when she was so...so angry with me, and so she cast the cruciatus curse. There were times when it hurt so bad that I completely lost my sight and hearing. It came back thankfully, but I don't know how long it went on for and I'm not sure how many times she cast it while I was... well, you know. And then one day, it was the tenth time I recall her casting the spell and the fourth time that day. She'd never cast it that many times in a day, not even in a week. Anyway, I...I lost consciousness, and that's when...that's when the trembling started, and I haven't been able to make it stop ever since," Harry answered quickly stumbling over his words in an effort to get it all out.
Severus couldn't stop a gasp from escaping after all the painful truth Harry had just entrusted to him. "Harry, I'm so, so sorry that you've had to endure this. Thank you for trusting me with this. I can help you if you'll let me?"
Harry just nodded solemnly and stared at the floor. Severus opened a drawer of his desk and pulled out a potion. "Harry, this is an anticruciatus potion. The reason you have all the trembling is because, when the unforgivable spell is used for an extended duration it causes nerve damage. This potion helps repair that damage. You'll have to take a total of ten and no more than two a day. You can take one now, one with breakfast for the next five days, and another for dinner for the next four days. I won't lie to you, you may still have some trembling on days when you get particularly tired, cold, hungry. Everyone reacts differently so I can't be certain how you'll be affected. Okay?"
Harry nodded and swallowed the potion.
Next Severus began unwrapping Harry's bandaged hand. The wound that read "I will not tell lies" was raised, inflamed, and had puss weeping out of it, obviously infected. Severus moved over to his cabinet and pulled out a vial and a rag. "Harry this is a wound cleaning potion. I'd like to pour it over your hand with the rag under your hand and then rest the soaked rag over the wounds until the infection is drawn out completely. It will probably sting for the few minutes it'll take the infection to be cured, but then I'll use Vulnera Sanentur spell to heal the wound as best it can, and then I'll put this Murtlap Essence on it which will soothe the wounds before I bandage the wound just to protect it from any irritation. Does that all sound okay?" Severus asked. When the boy nodded again, Severus proceeded with his plan.
While he was bandaging the boy's hand, Severus started talking again. "Okay, Harry, can you tell me a bit about the wounds from the Dursleys so that I can better plan how to treat them?"
Harry took a deep breath before answering, "The big fight happened three days before term started. I, well, I hadn't finished my chores for the day, and then I burned their dinner, and then while my uncle was punishing me I accidentally cried out and asked him to stop which set him off. He used his belt. On my back. Most of the damage was just bruising, but a couple of times, the sharp corner of the buckle would catch the skin and tear it pretty good. Then with my chores, they would deepen, and then I got to Hogwarts and I'm not really sure why they didn't heal other than there were a few quidditch practices and exercises that reopened them. I tried really hard to clean them, but...well, I couldn't reach my back. I'm sorry," Harry answered without ever lifting his eyes from where they were trained on the floor in front of him.
"Harry, look at me please," Severus asked gently and then he waited patiently until the boy did so. "None of this is your fault. I need you to hear me on this. None of this is your fault. You did not deserve this because you missed some chores. You did not deserve this because you burned food. You did not deserve this because you are a wizard. You did not deserve this because you speak the truth. You did not deserve this. You deserve to eat. You deserve to have a family who loves you. You deserve to be a child. You deserve to be protected, and I'm so sorry that has not happened. I promise I will do my absolute best to make sure you get all of the good things you have been wrongly deprived of."
"Sir, why are you being so...nice to me?" Harry asked hesitantly.
"I've realized I have been very wrong in how I've treated you, Harry. When I looked at you, I only allowed myself to see your father and all my preconceived notions of you. I developed a wrong opinion of you and allowed it to dictate my treatment of you. That was very wrong of me and I apologize. Now, do not be mistaken outside of this room, I still have a reputation to uphold in order to protect my secret as a spy. However, I am your teacher. I'm an adult who does not like to see children in pain especially at the hands of an adult. I was a close friend of your mother. You are a good kid, who has been wrongfully hurt, I want to do everything in my power to ease that pain and keep the promise I made to your mother to protect you," Severus answered as candidly as he could manage. When the boy nodded, Severus asked a question of his own. "Now that I've answered your very personal question, I'm hoping you'll answer one of my own; however, you are not obligated if you are uncomfortable. Anyway, why did you trust me with this?"
"Ironically enough, because of how you've treated me. I knew you wouldn't pity me. I thought you wouldn't even make a big deal about it. I thought it would hurt less if you refused to help me since I had no expectation that you cared about me. And then when you were able to help me with Umbridge, and you didn't seem to judge me or pity me or think I was weak or exaggerating, and then you told me all those things about it not being my fault, and then you asked those questions without pity or judgment or anger, I guess, it just...it felt easy or comfortable to tell you. Sorry, that I'm putting you through all this extra work," Harry answered.
"Don't ever be sorry for seeking help from me, Harry. I'm glad you felt you could trust me, and I'm glad I'm able to help you. You deserve to be helped without being made to feel inferior or different. Now, Harry, I'm planning to do the same things to your back that I did with your hand, but I'd like you to take a fever-reducing potion first. Does that sound okay?"
The boy nodded so Severus stepped over to the cupboard and grabbed the appropriate potion letting the boy swallow it completely before asking him, "Alright now, if you'd remove your shirt and sit sideways in the chair I'll come behind you and clean the wounds, okay?"
Harry did as Severus asked and then Severus stepped around the desk with the Murtlap Essence and rag. He spent twenty minutes cleaning the sorely infected wounds before he cast the healing spell and then he started applying the balm to relieve the pain of both the newly healed wounds and also the bruises that covered the boy's back. When he was done, Severus spelled bandages around the boy's wounds and told Harry to put his shirt back on.
"Alright, Harry, how are you feeling right now? Be honest" Severus asked gently.
"It's weird. It's been a long time since I haven't been in pain. Thank you, sir. However, I feel really tired, and I have a bit of a headache, sir," Harry admitted softly.
"I'm glad I was able to take away some of the pain, Harry. Your fatigue probably has a lot of causes. If I don't miss my guess you probably haven't been sleeping well because of the pain you've been in. You've also had an incredibly taxing day emotionally. Added to that, the fatigue that results from malnutrition and I'm not at all surprised you are tired. Several nights of quality rest should have you feeling better, but if it doesn't improve over the next few days please let me know. The headache is probably caused by tiredness and malnutrition. Which is the last thing we need to address tonight if my memory serves. Harry, the reason you haven't been able to keep any food down is because your stomach has shrunk because of the Dursley's neglect. Since your stomach has shrunk, it can't handle the types of food nor the amount you're trying to provide so it expels it. For the foreseeable future, I'm going to ask that you take a nutrition potion with each meal. The potion will help supplement the vitamins and minerals you've been missing. Slowly we'll start getting your stomach used to food. For about two weeks it will be very small portion sizes. Every breakfast will be an eight-ounce smoothie full of vegetables and fruits and some powdered nutritious supplements. Midmorning, I'd like you to try to keep down a small salad, just greens, nuts, seeds, and some vegetables to start. Every lunch will be a broth and some crackers. For an afternoon snack, I'd like you to try to keep down a mix of nuts and cheese, maybe some fruit if you're feeling up to it. For dinner, I'm going to push you a little bit. I want you to try to keep down half a sandwich of your choice accompanied by your choice of soup, salad, or smoothie. The midmorning and afternoon snacks don't count as meals so you won't need to take a nutrition potion with them, but I don't want you missing any meals. Now, I'm hoping this will be doable for you, but if you find that you start feeling nauseous, be done with your meal. There's no need to push your body past what it can handle. If you feel hungry 20 minutes later, go to the kitchens for a snack. If you are still not able to keep something down with all this in place, let me know immediately. I can adjust the plan and also give you a stomach soother with each meal, it would be taken when you first start feeling nauseous. I'm hoping you'll be able to eat a little more every day. When you are able to complete each meal without feeling any nausea at any point I'd like you to come to me so that we can start the next part of the plan to help you get healthy. Does that all make sense? Any questions?" Severus asked worried he'd thrown too much at the boy.
"Nutrition potion with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Smoothie for breakfast, salad for morning snack, broth and crackers for lunch, nuts and cheese for an afternoon snack, half a sandwich with either soup, salad, or smoothie for dinner. Stop when I feel nauseous. Eat when I'm hungry regardless of the time. Talk to you if I keep throwing up. Eat a little more each day. Tell you when eating gets easy. Makes sense now that you've explained it all. But sir, what if I get hungry during class?" Harry asked softly.
"I can ask the house elves to put together little snack packs for you to bring with you to class and you may either eat in class if it's possible or ask your teacher to excuse you to the restroom. If you're comfortable with it I can make my colleagues aware of our arrangement, otherwise, you may potentially have to wait until between classes," Severus answered honestly.
"Thank you, sir. I'll bring snack packs with me to class, but if my professors don't excuse me I'll wait until between classes. There's no need to tell them, thank you though," Harry answered the unspoken question.
"I'm happy to help you as best I can, Harry. Now, do you have any other questions or concerns while you're here?"
"No, sir," Harry answered.
"Alright, then I'd suggest you get some rest before dinner. I'd also recommend you retire early for the next few days. And, Harry, be sure to come to me if you do end up having any other questions or concerns, okay? You're allowed to be a child. You deserve to be helped, protected, and not carry the weight of the world on your shoulders," Severus said gently.
"Thank you, sir. I'm very grateful for everything you've done for me," Harry said as he stood and prepared to leave.
"Have a good day, Mr. Potter."