Chapter 4- It's Never Easy

And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in

Brooke gazed over at Lucas and smiled. The two were working on their project for the fourth night in a row. Every night Brooke began to feel more and more attracted to him. It was hard for her to believe, Lucas was nothing like the usual kind of guy Brooke went for, but that didn't stop the way she felt.

Lucas glanced up for a minute and saw Brooke looking at him and smiling.

"What's on your mind pretty girl?"

Pretty girl was a term of endearment Lucas had bestowed upon Brooke, after the whole Princess fiasco.

"Nothing really, just thinking."

"About what?"

Brooke paused before answering. She wasn't sure if she should really say what was on her mind. She was well aware that if she was honest and told Lucas her feelings, it would open up a whole can of worms that she wasn't sure she was ready for.

"I don't know, just stuff."

"Okay," Lucas started as he slammed the textbook in his lap shut, "Spill."

"I don't know, I was just looking at you and thinking how glad I am that I've gotten to know you as much as I have these past few days."

"I'm glad about that too. You really are amazing Brooke."

Brooke blushed, "Thanks."

The two looked back down at the books in their laps and resumed their work, or at least pretended to. Lucas couldn't focus at all on the task at hand. All he could think about was Brooke. As a matter of fact, the last few days she was all he could think about.

It was crazy really, a week ago Lucas knew nothing about Brooke at all. He knew she was rich and popular and a cheerleader, but beyond that, nothing. He really hadn't cared to find out either. But now, he couldn't imagine not knowing. There was so much that lie behind those green eyes, and Lucas knew he had only really seen the surface of it all so far.

"Lucas, what about this right here?" Brooke pointed to something in her book, "This quote goes with our argument perfectly.

Lucas leaned in to look, his face just inches away from Brooke's. He was so close he could smell her perfume, it was absolutely intoxicating. He tried to head coursing through his body as he read the quote she had pointed out.

"That's great…."

Lucas' voice trailed off as he raised his eyes to look at her. Once their eyes met there was a force between them that neither could deny. Lucas moved in closer until his lips softly grazed Brooke's.

Brooke seemed stiff at first, but then the kiss softened. Lucas could feel her succumbing to him and he deepened the kiss, begging his tongue be granted entrance, which she allowed.

Suddenly Brooke pulled away and flew off the bed.

"I'm sorry, that shouldn't have happened. Nathan, I can't believe I just did that to Nathan."

Lucas got off the bed as well and stood in front of her.

"Can you really deny that there's something here? Something between us? Because I can't. I felt it that first night I was here. And Brooke, I know you feel it too. I know that you felt it in that kiss."

"I did, I felt it. That's the problem. I have a boyfriend but you're the person that I think about all day. I can't wait to meet with you each night. Just talking to you is great. And now this, that kiss, it made my knees go weak. That doesn't change anything though, that doesn't change the fact that I have a boyfriend."

Lucas shook his head, "Some boyfriend. You can't even talk to him, confide in him. That's not a relationship, it's just for show and you know it."

"So what, you want me to just break up with him and be with you? Even if I did break up with him I couldn't just be with you, you know that."

"I do? Really? I think you're wrong there, I don't know. Tell me Brooke, why can't we be together?"

Lucas was getting angry and Brooke knew it. She crossed her arms over her chest as she tried to figure out what to say, how to respond to his question. She knew that he knew what she was thinking, but he wanted her to say it.

"Because we're too different. You're not the kind of person I'm supposed to be with."

"Who says?"

"Everyone. My friends, my parents, everyone. I'm supposed to be with someone like Nathan."

"What do you mean Brooke? Just say it. Someone who's rich. Someone who's popular. Is that it? I'm not good enough for you am I?"

"It's not like that."

"Then enlighten me Brooke, what's it like?"

"Lucas what do you want me to do? Break up with Nathan and be with you? Don't you get it, if I do that then I give up everything, my whole life. My friends wouldn't talk to me anymore, my squad wouldn't respect me, my parents would just about go off the deep end. I just don't think that I can do that, I don't think I can risk all that, for..."

"For someone like me right?"

Lucas just stood in front of her, shaking his head. Maybe she really wasn't much different than he had thought.

"You know what Brooke? I think we go back to the original plan, I'll do my part and you'll do yours. We'll meet once we're done and put it all together. Then we'll never have to see each other again."

"No Lucas, that's not what I want. Why can't we keep things the way they are? Us working together and being friends, getting to know eachother."

"It's too late for that Brooke. You already told me what you want, or don't want for that matter. So this is me making sure that what you don't want doesn't happen."

Lucas picked up all of his books and threw them into his backpack. He headed for her bedroom door, turning before he walked out.

"Good bye Brooke." And with that, he was gone.

Brooke collapsed on the bed after he slammed her door shut behind him. She began to cry, softly at first, then harder and harder. Sobs wracked her entire body. All she could feel was an overwhelming sense of loss. Not loss for something that she had and was now gone, but loss because she knew that now she would never know what could have happened between her and the boy with the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen.

ooooOoooo

Brooke walked down the hallway at school with Peyton when she saw him. He was at his locker, talking to some of his friends. She prayed he wouldn't see her, but her prayers were not answered. He looked up just as she walked by. He didn't say anything, he didn't wave, or even smile, he just stood there watching her walk by. Their eyes met for a brief second but then she saw the hurt in his eyes and looked away.

"Seriously, Brooke, what's going on with you? The brooding thing is my bit."

Brooke looked at Peyton, wondering if she could tell her. Wondering what would happen if she told her about the night before, with Lucas. If she told her about the kiss that made Brooke weak in the knees, would Peyton understand?

"I don't want to talk about it here."

"Fine, then let's go."

"Go where?"

"Wherever you'll talk about this."

Brooke bit her lip and then nodded, knowing that if she couldn't tell her best friend then she couldn't tell anyone. Peyton wrapped her arm around her and led her towards the back door of the school.

Peyton drove them back to her house, knowing it would be empty and free of interruption. It was just Peyton and her dad, her mother had died when she was very young, and Peyton's dad traveled a lot for work.

Brooke and Peyton headed up the stairs to Peyton's room and settled in on her bed.

"Brooke talk to me, what happened."

Before she could even find the words, Brooke's eyes filled up with tears, they spilled over onto her cheeks. Peyton reached for the tissue box on her bed side table and gave the box to Brooke, who willingly accepted.

"God Peyton, everything's so screwed up."

"What's screwed up Brooke? I didn't even know anything was going on. These last few days you've seemed happier than usual."

"I have been." Brooke diverted her glance away from Peyton. "I met someone."

"What?"

"I met someone. Someone I have feelings for."

"Feelings, what kind of feelings?"

Peyton braced herself, she knew what was coming.

"Feelings feelings, like the feelings I'm supposed to have towards Nathan."

"Supposed to have? What do you mean Brooke? I thought everything was fine between you and Nathan."

"That's the problem. Things are always fine with me and Nathan, just fine, that's all. They're never great, they're never bad. They don't change. I don't love him Peyton, you have to have known that."

"I guess I never really thought about it. Brooke, look at me." Peyton paused until Brooke's eyes met hers, "Do you love this other person?"

"Not yet, but I think I could."

"Then break up with Nathan. I mean yeah, it will be hard, but if you think there's someone else you should be with…"

Brooke interrupted her, "It's not that easy. This person, I don't know what I could just be with them."

"Why not?"

"He's not one of us Peyton. I mean, how would it look if I dated someone who wasn't one of us, me, the homecoming queen, the prom queen, head cheerleader, if I dated a nobody?"

"All that matters is that he's somebody to you."

"No, you know it's not that easy. You know how people talk. I couldn't do it. I'm not brave enough to."

Peyton nodded, she understood what Brooke meant. Tree Hill was nothing but a popularity contest, and this contest was one that Brooke always won. Dating someone from outside their elite group wouldn't be acceptable, Brooke would be banished, Peyton knew it just as well as Brooke did.

"Okay, so you don't date him. But maybe you need to break up with Nathan. I mean, is it fair to him or you if you stay with him when you want to be with someone else?"

"No, it's not. I know that. It's just, well, it would be so hard to break up with him."

"I know, but just think about it. Anyways, who's the guy?"

"Lucas Roe. You probably don't know him."

"I think I know of him. His mom owns that café right?"

"Yeah, Karen's Café."

"I know who he is. How did you even meet him?"

"We got assigned to do a project together, the rest is history."

"I really don't know what to tell you Brooke. Just think about it, I know dating Lucas would be a huge big deal, but think about the Nathan part, okay?"

Brooke nodded and leaned back against the headboard, deep in thought. With all honesty, she didn't think she could do it, she didn't think she could break up with him. After all, she was Brooke Davis and he was Nathan Scott and they were supposed to be together forever.