Author's note: Okay, the title of this chapter is an episode title for one of the episode's in season 1. I try to make most of what I use original, but it just seemed to be the best title for this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. Keep them coming, reviews make me write faster.

Chapter 12- All That You Can't Leave Behind

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

"I don't want to go back to Tree Hill." Brooke muttered under breath.

"Oh no, not this again. Every single Christmas you whine and moan about going back to Tree Hill for the holidays. I'm sick of it. What is it about that place that gets you so down?"

Brooke looked over at her roommate Emma. Brooke met Emma freshman year when they were randomly assigned to be roommates. Now, four years later, they were finishing up their first semester of an intense MBA program together. They were much more than roommates, even best friends didn't seem like enough. Brooke looked at Emma as though she was her sister.

In some ways the girls were a lot a like. They were both brunettes that could drop a boy to his knees with just a smile. They shared a love for fashion. They also both loved to have fun. On any given Friday or Saturday night they could be found at the hottest party, newest club, or wherever the newest hot spot was.

In some ways they were very different though. Emma was a very open person. When she liked a guy everyone, including him, knew it. She always went for what she wanted.

Then there was Brooke. She guarded her emotions. Years ago she had constructed a wall to hide behind. No one could break through that wall. Not even Emma.

Brooke knew she could tell Emma the truth about her demons in Tree Hill. She knew that she would understand. But Brooke knew once she said it, then it was out there. It would be real and she would have to deal with it.

Brooke let out a loud sigh, "Okay, I'll tell you about Tree Hill if you will promise not to give me any advice."

Emma nodded in agreement.

"It all started a little over five years ago when I met the boy with the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen…"

ooooOoooo

"Hi Mom. Sorry I'm late. The plumber came to check out that problem in the men's room at the club." Lucas called as he walked into the house, dropping some folders filled with paperwork on the couch.

"It's no problem. I was running late at the café anyways." Karen leaned over and kissed Lucas on the cheek once he walked into the kitchen.

"Mmm, smells good."

Karen smiled. "It has to. I know you'd never come home if I didn't cook so well."

Lucas shrugged playfully. "Well, I would still need somewhere to do my laundry."

"Haha. Anyways, I wanted to talk about Christmas."

"Okay."

"Well, I just heard from Keith and it looks like he will be making it back in time for dinner Christmas Eve. So I was thinking that we'd keep it small, just the three of us. Then on Christmas Day we can go over to Keith's brother's house and celebrate with his family."

"That sounds fine."

Lucas' mom had married Keith three years ago. They'd been friends for as long as Lucas could remember. Keith had always been like a father to Lucas. He was there for Karen and Lucas right after Lucas' dad left and he'd been there ever since. They'd started dating right before Lucas graduated high school and then married shortly after.

Keith was on the road a lot. He owned a chain of car repair shops. It had started out small and taken off in the past few years. He now owned shops in North Carolina and some surrounding states. Keith traveled between the stores regularly, leaving Karen alone, but she didn't seem to mind. She was pretty busy most of the time anyways.

Lucas had moved out of his mother's house shortly after the wedding. It didn't seem necessary for him to be there anymore. He had gotten an apartment nearby and relished in his new found freedom. Being the man of the house had never felt like a burden to Lucas, but he was relieved once he was on his own.

Lucas was still running his mother's club. It was one of the hottest spots in Tree Hill and it almost never had a slow night. Lucas was constantly working at recruiting the newest and hottest talent, and he was usually quite successful. He'd made invaluable contacts in the music industry over the past few years.

When Lucas wasn't working he was still shooting hoops with the guys at the River Court. They'd all stayed relatively close to Tree Hill and got together regularly. Sometimes Lucas felt stuck, as though he was still in high school, but he knew that this was best for his mother. He couldn't just up and leave her.

"So will there be anyone joining us for dinner this year?" Karen asked quietly.

"No mom, no one will be joining us for dinner."

Lucas' mother was always trying to get him to date more, but he just didn't have the energy. He'd had a few girlfriends over the past few years, but it never worked out. There was always something missing, and Lucas wasn't one to settle.

Ever since Brooke Davis had walked into his life and turned it upside down, nothing had felt quite the same. Even after all these years later he could still remember the way her smile made him feel. He worried that he'd remember that feeling for the rest of the life, that he'd never find anyone else that could make him feel quite the same.

It had been just about five years since Lucas had last seen Brooke. He could remember that day like it was yesterday. He'd given up on her. There was always some hurdle between them and he just couldn't take it anymore. So he'd walked away and left her standing there, alone.

Over the years he'd played it over thousands of times in his head. What if he had just turned around and gone back to her? What if he'd been able to look past her issues? What if, what if, what if?

That's all it was anymore, a bunch of what ifs. Lucas had finally come to terms with the fact that he couldn't change the past and what he and Brooke had, or didn't have, was certainly in the past.

ooooOoooo

"And you said nothing?" Emma exclaimed. "He gave you the chance to say something. Something to make him turn around and you didn't?"

"I couldn't. I just didn't know what to say. I was speechless. He hit the nail right on the head. I didn't want it to be real. Once everyone found out it would be."

"But you told him you loved him. How does it get anymore real?"

Brooke thought for a moment, "Telling him that I loved him was one thing. Saying the words to him didn't scare me. It was like our little secret, it still wasn't real then. But letting everyone else know, that was just too much."

"That explains a lot about you Brooke. It really does. Why you're so guarded with you're feelings. Why no guy has been around longer than a week. Doesn't it get old though?" Emma asked.

"What?"

"Running."

Brooke nodded. "Yeah, it does. But I've been running for so long now I wouldn't know how to stop. That's why I always hate going back to Tree Hill. Christmas break is a whole month where I run the risk of seeing him. And it could be anywhere, I never know. Even the gas station isn't safe."

"And that's why you've stayed here every summer huh?"

Brooke nodded again, "It certainly wasn't because of the tips I made bartending."

"Now I know that you don't want my advice so I won't sit here and lecture you on what I think is best, but let me just say one thing, okay?"

"Okay."

"You can't run forever."

"That's it? That's your best friend advice? You can't run forever."

"You said you didn't want advice."

"Well I changed my mind. Advise me Em, tell me what to do." Brooke clasped her hands in front of her, as though she was praying.

"Well…wait…no. This is one thing you have to deal with on your own. You can't run forever Brooke, that's all I have to say."

ooooOoooo

It hadn't changed in all those years. Sure, there were different cars parked in the driveway, but the house still looked the same. Brooke had driven past every time she came back to Tree Hill, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. She had never had any luck though.

Stepping out of her car she had to steady herself. She swore that she could hear her knees knocking. Brooke was pretty sure she'd never been this nervous in her whole life.

As she walked up the driveway she kept considering turning around. But then she heard Emma's words in her head, 'You can't run forever.'

Brooke knew Emma was right. This was going to continue on until she stopped running. She would spend each day like she had the last, hiding tirelessly from what she believed to be her fate. She prayed that he believed it was his fate too.

She walked carefully up the front steps, trying to walk so softly that her stilettos would not make a sound against the cold wood of the front porch. She didn't want to reveal herself before she was ready.

There she stood, in front of his door. No matter how hard she tried, she could not lift her arm to knock.

Closing her eyes she did this thing she always did. Whenever she was in a stressful situation she would close her eyes and picture him, smiling at her. It always brought a sense of calm over her.

Taking a deep breath she raised her fist and knocked softly on the door. She half hoped he wouldn't hear the knock.

She heard footsteps approaching the door. She took a deep breath, preparing herself to see him again.

"I'll get it Mom." He said as he walked towards the front door.

He wondered who it could be. He wasn't expecting anyone, he was quite certain his mom and Keith weren't either.

Reaching out he opened the door, shocked by what lay on the other side.

"Brooke."