"Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients, sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps." - Mordin Solus

Chapter 13 - Raven: Of Homeworlds and Squadmates

"... So, that's that."

I put the burnt-down cig into the ashtray. It was placed in the centre of the table and already held the remains of two more smokes - it had been a long tale, after all. My counterpart watched that gesture in silence, waiting for me to continue.

"We took off and made way for the Citadel" I continued and took a sip from my drink. "Shepard took her sweet time calling us for the debrief, almost an entire day. She had looked okay when she had talked to me, but I guess that receiving the Cipher had exhausted her more than she wanted us to know. By the time I walked into the comm-center, however, the facade had become fractured... "

"Commander, you look… pale."

It came as no surprise that Liara was the one to say aloud what probably everyone was thinking. Her glances to Shep were more than just worrisome. The Commander had burrowed her face in her hands and finally given up on trying to mask her discomfort.

It could've been a rather sweet moment, had Liara not immediately followed up with one of her most naive moments so far.

"Are you suffering any ill effects from the Cipher?"

Shepard's self-control was remarkable. Faced with such a stupid question, I would have always taken the sharp response. Then again, I wasn't in charge, and too cynical for my own good.

"The Cipher shook me up a bit."

I leaned back and glanced to the one sitting to my left. It had come as a surprise at first, but then again, Miller had been involved more than enough to be admitted to our squad debrief. He responded in kind, his discomfort obvious. I didn't know if it the topic had caused this, or the fact that he was sitting next to Wrex.

I merely observed the next few minutes' proceedings, as Liara and Shepard linked minds to sift through the Beacon's warning. Unfortunately, nothing major came out of it - just as the storyline dictated. A few answers, but those only led to new questions.

I left the debrief feeling dissatisfied, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one. However, the perceived lack of progress was only part of what made me feel uneasy...

"... and I think we both know what I'm talking about."

I leaned back, shifting around a little as I did. The Flux' club chairs weren't too comfortable, and sitting in them for more than two hours didn't help either.

Eleven days had passed. Ten of them felt quite long, days filled with the inevitable and endless routine of work, eat and sleep, interrupted only by equally long although fruitful hours in Dr. Chakwas small empire of darkness.

But finally, I was able to enjoy the whiskey I had yearned for. And since our ship had to be dry-docked to replace the faulty heat sink capacitors, I had plenty of time to get utterly drunk and sober up again. In fact, I had spent the first day of our forced shore leave wandering around the wards - on the second day, Crow had been able to make some time without raising suspicion.

For this conversation, I needed all the whiskey I could get.

"I do." Crow said, folded his hands in front of him, placed his chin on top and gave me a thoughtful look. "Two main missions completed. Virmire should be available now."

"Yes." I stared him in the eyes. "And it freaks me. The hell. Out."

Crow didn't respond for quite some time. He instead decided to lean back as well and take another sip from his whiskey.

I let my gaze wander around the bar. Not the type of etablissement that I usually visited, but it made for a decent place to meet and discuss without looking too dubious.

Under different circumstances, we'd never decided to talk about my adventures in public. But the logic behind choosing the Flux was sound - whatever place was good enough for Anderson to talk with Shepard about the NORMANDY's mutiny later on, should've be safe enough for the two of us.

We had to talk loudly to make sure the other heard us, but the hammering dance rhythms still drowned out most of our voices. I doubt that anything we said was able to be heard from more than half a meter distance, even if someone really tried. And even then, speaking in German added another layer of protection.

I drank slowly, but still had time to empty half my drink before Crow responded. He did it without hurry, thoughtfully.

"Why did the sudden attack surprise you? You said yourself that you were perfectly aware of what was going on inside the colonists' brains. So - why?"

"I don't know." I admitted reluctantly. "And you're right. I shouldn't have let my guard down. All I can say is that I probably felt a little bit too safe. I thought that it would work out okay - but I may have underestimated the situation."

"Scratch the 'probably' and the 'may'", he suggest sarcastically. "I don't have to tell you that you got yourself into a whole lot of unnecessary trouble with this insanity. You're lucky that you walked out of that alive."

I conceded defeat by lowering my head and placing the glass onto the table.

"It isn't that easy," I spoke as quietly as the club music allowed, "to know that whatever you're doing will have severe consequences. Even if you're only trying your best - what would've happened, had I made everyone aware that something was off with the civs? What would've we done, just retreat, and then everything would've played out just as we know it?"

"For example?" He suggested, but I could hear clearly that he wasn't quite as convinced.

I sighed and looked up. "I don't believe that it's that easy anymore. I'm not sure I ever did."

"Why? You could've maybe not let yourself be cornered - "

"And then I'd been too far away to save Fai Dan."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." He shook his head, vigorously and visibly annoyed. "But I can't shake off the feeling that you're a bit too afraid to interfere yourself. Being hesitant, I can understand, but I hope you're aware that you - we - can't shy away from interfering at times."

"I have all the right reasons to be afraid."

"But they aren't enough to justify being paralyzed when instead, action would be necessary." Crobis paused and gazed at me. His features turned a bit softer, and he sighed.

"'Tschuldigung. (Excuse me.) I didn't want to lecture you."

"No worries. I don't like what you're saying, but that's just because you're right. " I placed the empty glass back on the table and watched how the ice melt quickly.

"You're right," I repeated. "I should and I must be more willing to change things to our benefit. It's just… This knowledge is, as you put it so nicely, paralyzing. If we just stick to the game, everything will play out nicely, won't it? We'll have a real chance of taking out the Reapers. We just have to stick to the plan."

"Yeah." Crow looked around, watching the other guests like a… well, Crow. "But ask yourself… is that what we want?"

I sighed. "No. No, it's not. But…"

"Virmire will force you to do something about it. Unless of course, you're cold enough to sacrifice one of the two. But I think I know you well enough to be certain that you won't be able to live with that, knowing that you could've done something to prevent either Kaidans or Ashleys death from happening." He scratched his beard. "I know that this may be the logical decision to keep you out of everyone's attention… but you'd call yourself a coward. I know I'd do that - to myself."

I remained silent. What was I supposed to say?

"Sooner rather than later, I'll be forced into the spotlight as well. For now, I'm reasonably safe, but this is going to change at some point." He swiveled the glass and frowned.

"I'm trying to pile some credits, give people interested in me no reason to believe that I'm nothing but an illegal immigrant trying to finance my future life on some backwater colony. But I don't know for how much longer I'll be able to keep this facade. As soon as the Geth come here, everything will, inevitably, change. And I am not going to sit idle and let you have all the fun. At least, not for longer than necessary."

I grinned lightly, happy to change the topic. "I'd argue we're two-thirds done with Mass Effect 1. Intro? Check. Feros, Therum? Check. Cerberus missions? Check. What's left is Noveria, Virmire, the Citadel lockdown and Ilos, plus maybe the odd side mission. Won't be much longer, mate."

"Shepard hasn't talked about Virmire yet, right?"

"Nein. Which is odd, if you're asking me - doesn't she get the info from the Council during the second main mission debrief?"

"As far as I recall, yes. And she's not sharing that with you guys?"

"At least, not with me. Still… I think that means it's Noveria next, right? I mean, I'm not ruling out the possibility that she's not telling us about Virmire, just to keep it a secret until we're actually there - but," I leaned forward, and almost whispered, just for show, "I've taken a look at the shipment list for medical supplies. We're stocking extra medigel and hydraulic fluids for sub-zero environments. If that's not a telling sign, I dunno what is."

"Maybe Shepard's figured that you guys are so cool that frost burns are inevitable." The chuckle took the edge off the snide tone he spoke in. But then he turned serious within a split-second. "Okay, if that's true, then you're off the hook for now. But you should definitely prepare for what's coming up after that. Virmire will come, and you better be ready to pull off some stupid, heroic plan to get everyone out in one piece."

The alcohol in my stomach warmed me nicely as I put up a smug smile. "Who says that I don't already have something in mind?"

The response I got was hilarious. Eyes open wide, he half jumped out of his chair, spilling a bit of his drink in the process and saying something that I can only roughly translate to English:

"The Fuck? Why aren't you telling me, you goddamned...?"

I lit up my last cigarette and continued to smile as he carefully sat back down. Fortunately, this outburst hadn't directed any unwanted attention on us. "Relax. It would've been more accurate to say that it's half a plan. There is a lot of risk involved, hence why I wanted to talk to you about it."

He shook his head, laughing booming and a little hysterical. But the music drowned out even that.

"And here I'm sitting for hours, listening to what you're saying, legitimately thinking that you're flying around in the galaxy like a headless fuckin' chicken. I should've known better."

"Make no mistake." I interrupted, suppressing another grin and taking a puff. "I am worried. I am afraid of fucking up. But I'm not a complete idiot. What happened on Feros kinda woke me up and made clear to me that relaxing and letting fate and Shepard decide isn't going to work. Not if I wanna leave my mark on this galaxy, and look back thinkin': 'I've done what I could'. I'll go to Virmire with a plan in mind - but this'll be risky, risky business."

I leaned to him and looked around. "Listen up. This is what I have in mind. I know it's a gamble, I know that I'm rolling dices - not only with my own life - but this is the best I've come up with so far…"

We stayed in the Flux for a total of four hours. To keep our minds somewhat clear, after a certain amount of time, we began ordering water - which made Jenna, the waitress, give us some suspicious looks, but was all in all the better choice.

On a side note, yes, I just said Jenna. On the first day of our shore leave, Shepard, Liara and Ash had seemingly solved the problem related to Rita's sister, Chora's Den, the smugglers and Detective Chellick. Ashley told me about it when we were allowed back on the NORMANDY. I was just glad that Shepard hadn't tried to arrest that krogan.

On another side note, we also discussed the matter regarding my medical… difficulties with XHC. As I had imagined, Crow showed some interest. After all, he would've likely been subject to the same genetic issue. But since the tests weren't concluded yet, we had to wait until later. If this substance / drug really worked as intended, Crow's chance of being promoted to 'future squad member ' had increased a thousandfold. I didn't mention the risks of using medicine that was tailored to me. He wasn't stupid; he had definitely thought about that.

Anyhow. When we walked out of the Flux, I felt better, not just because of the alcohol involved, but also because my worst fears had been diminished. I don't know why it took so long for me to shrug off the last bits of paralyzing fear, but having a grip on the situation was what I needed the most, and this conversation had helped more than you can imagine.

That's at least what I thought at the time. I payed a visit to an Alliance bunkhouse to sleep off my intoxication and reported back for duty twenty hours later. Ashley's scolding regarding my 'unprofessional behaviour', I won't go into detail. She gave me some extra work à la 'He who can drink, can also work'. At least, as completed it without a grumble, she considered the case closed.

The NORMANDY departed the very same day.

My memories of the weeks that followed our departure are somewhat... let's call it lackluster, due to reasons that I will explain when the time is right. I still remember some bits and pieces, but some parts that I'm going to tell you now I have to look up in the diary I kept during these days.

The decision to write one was surprising even to myself – I'm absolutely not the type to sit back and write up what has happened during the day, and repeating that every single evening. But as time passed, I convinced myself of the advantages of being able to keep track of what I was thinking and how I reacted to certain situations.

Later down the road, the diary was supposed to help me look back at what I'd done and check if I would still react the same way. Mostly to see how my growing experience affected me, but also to support my memories during the events in Mass Effect 2 and 3. I had to be careful to keep it somewhat clear of any foreshadowing – which, particularly when writing about how certain people interacted with one another, but I think I managed. Nobody even noticed – I wrote the entries in secret, disguising them as part of my attempt to learn as much as I could about the Mass Effect technology and medicine. Most of what happened isn't all that interesting, has been told by others in great detail, and about some things I'm never going to talk or write. But still, there were a few moments that may be of the humble reader's interest.

Actually, speaking of medicine, why don't I start off by telling you something related to that topic…?

"Heartbeat one hundred thirt-wheheeekrrzzzz. Blood pressure rising. Neural activity erratic."

"Administering medigel!"

I worked quickly, somewhat stressed out by the static in my ears, but for the relatively simple work of balming the dummy's head with special anti-static medigel, it was enough.

I had to pay special attention to avoid injury on the 'inflamed' parts of the crest – they may be 'cartilage-based scalp crests' that weren't supposed to 'flop around', but they were sure as hell fragile. And even though the light combat medic gloves that I wore instead of my old fully armored gloves were touch-sensitive, movement still felt clunky.

"Krrrzzzzzwheee! Heartbeat stabilizing, Blood pressure-eeeee five five zzRZrZz."

Encouraged by this information, my hand went for my chest rig to pull out a small syringe with a blue and red stripe.

"Applying sedative!"

I carefully, but with all haste checked the dummy for the artery transporting the oxygen-rich blood to the brain, found it between the fourth and fifth 'fold' in the crest, and placed the injection. The success was immediately obvious - Dr. Chakwas deactivated the radio jammer, and spoke to me directly.

"Brain activity in regular range. All vital signs stable."

In case you were ever curious what it looks like to be hit by the 'Neural Shock' ability, I can give you a short rundown.

Not pretty normally, pretty ugly when the target is a biotic.

As you probably know, most people that are biotic, but not asari need neural amps for their space-magic to be as deadly as it can be in a fight. And even some Asari - Commandos in particular - tend to run around with those things installed that, when activated, allows their biotics to reach an inhuman level. Pun intended.

This does not come without a cost. Asari brains, due to their mastery of dark matter, are quite susceptible to buildups of electric energy. And the fine circuitry inside those amps are quite quite susceptible to a few thousand volts hitting them.

And now imagine suddenly having two bolts of forgery-hot lead in your head, combined with an electric shock that almost fries your nervous system.

And that was, in a nutshell, the situation I faced for my final 'exam' in 'paramedicine'. They had put me in my armor - plus the aforementioned gloves - made me do some target shooting, then called me up to the medbay and presented me with an unfamiliar situation. The erratic static noises in my headset were supposed to disrupt my concentration, much like gunfire would in a real-life firefight situation.

But Dr. Chakwas had been an excellent teacher.

I rose up and, ignoring the strain in my back, turned my head to her and responded as calmly as I could: "Stable. Ready for transportation."

To that, she smiled and clapped her hands.

"Excellent, Raven. Well done. VI: I hereby authorize and grant Private First Class Raven a promotion to the first level of Combat Medic prowess. He may now wear the according tab while on deployment."

"Noted, Major Chakwas."

The doc walked over to me, offered me a firm handshake - and a warm smile. "Congratulations."

I laughed. "Thank you, Doc. I hope I'll never have to deal with such a situation in the field, though."

"Believe me, Raven. We all do. But sometimes, we're left without a choice." Her sad smile became a cunning note. "I think this calls for a toast, doesn't it?"

Still smirking, I nodded. Chakwas turned around and pulled her half-emptied bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy, and two glasses, from one of her cabinets.

Before we were able to enjoy it though, the lock hissed and our Commander came walking through the door. She rose an eyebrow.

"Please tell me that I'm not seeing two of my three medics drinking on the job."

"I do have a glass for you as well, Commander."

"Trying to bribe me, Major?"

"As always. Please, take a seat. Raven has just completed his test- and he has passed with flying colours."

I felt my ears heating up at that praise. "Well. I had good teachers, after all."

"Don't be shy, young man. Here, this one is for you." The crafty ol' medicine woman handed me a glass, gave one to Shepard, and rose her own.

"To Private Raven! Cheers!"

I merely smiled and emptied my own glass with one swig.

Truth be told; I thought I was in a good spot at that point. My place aboard the ship felt solidified, and even though we weren't done with our hunt for Saren just yet, I was eagerly learning to get as good as possible for the sequel. After all, I would be competing against the best the galaxy had to offer, and as far as I recalled, the SR-2 team lacked a dedicated medic.

Of course, the bonus to my paygrade wasn't something to scoff at, either.

I inhaled sharply. "Whoa. Still just as strong as always, Doc."

She clicked her tongue in disapproval. "You're not enjoying the drink, Private. You're always guzzling, without taking the time to taste properly."

"If I'm drinking any slower, this brandy will set my tongue on fire."

"Cretin."

To that, I rose my glass.

"I will have to agree with Raven on this one, doctor." Shepard spoke up, and her face had turned twisted. "I dunno where you're buying your alcohol, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that you've accidently ordered a bottle of methylated spirits - without noticing the difference."

"Imbeciles, all of you." The Doctor took another small sip and rose her unoccupied left in a theatralic, lady-like fashion that I wasn't quite anticipating. "I believe that you wanted to talk to Raven, Commander. In the meantime, I will find somebody who can properly enjoy expensive liquor."

With that, Chakwas grabbed her prized bottle and left the medbay - leaving a stunned Raven and an amused Commander behind.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Raven", Shepard said as she glanced on the medbays lock and placed her glass next to the asari-like training dummy, "Part of me would be really sad if I had to do without the little mockeries between Dr. Chakwas and me.

I shook of my confusion with a sarcastic shrug and grin. "If you say so, Commander."

She turned around, leaned against the sickbed and looked at me, arms folded in front of her.

"We didn't have a chance to talk in private since Feros, Raven." She said. "How are you holding up?"

I shrugged again. "I'm feeling far better now. The doc has conducted some tests on me, and she's now more confident than before that my medication will only benefit my combat abilities."

"Has she talked about any risks?"

"No. I like to think that means that they're only minor and non-lethal." I folded my arms as well and put up a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, Commander: If this is getting too dangerous, I won't do it. But I may as well profit from these… unfortunate circumstances."

"I see. I won't stop you from testing, but try and don't harm yourself without any need. You're doing a very good job already, you don't need to prove me anything."

With a warm feeling in my stomach, I smiled. "Thank you. And don't worry, I think I know my limits."

She smiled back, but then unfolded her arms and leaned back. "While you're here… do you have any thoughts on our current situation?"

I took a few seconds to think of a good answer. "I'm not quite sure. We're getting somewhere, but we still don't know enough. I'm afraid that the trail will cool off too much. Plus… what is Saren doing? It's been months now since Eden Prime, and nothing has really happened since." I sighed. "I can't help but wonder what he's up to. And what he's going to hit next with that giant ship - SOVEREIGN, that's how Shiala called it, right?"

I noticed suddenly that I had begun to wring my hands subconsciously, just like Tali did, and immediately stopped that. "I mean, Therum was hard, but Feros was awful, with all that Thorian mind-control-bullshit. I wonder if Noveria - should we go there next - will be outright ugly."

She nodded. I shifted around a bit as she bit her lip again. I wondered briefly just what her lipstick was made of to be able to endure such violence. "I can't tell you much, Raven, but we're on to something. I'll tell you all more as I know it myself."

I smiled broadly. "As far as I am concerned: Just point me somewhere, and depending on what needs to be done, I'll either shoot it, burn it, or heal it." I pointed at the dummy. "You're probably already sick of hearing it, Shepard, but again: Thank You. I never thought I'd be actually able to do something so meaningful."

"You've done this yourself, Raven. It's all your own doing." She nodded gently. "You can be proud of yourself."

"Oh, trust me. I am." I grinned cockily, but it turned friendly a second later. "But I won't forget who gave me the opportunity."

Shep laughed. "Good to hear that your attitude is still positive." We fell silent for a moment, before she spoke up again. "I have one more question for you, since you're spending most of your time with our non-human teammates… how do you think everyone is faring?"

I rose an eyebrow. "Interesting question, Commander. Hm…" I rose my head and stared holes into the ceiling for a minute.

"... I'd say we're doing well, all in all. I'm not quite sure if Garrus and Wrex will ever become friends, but at least it's unlikely that they'll kill each other soon. That being said, I do have a feeling that both of them have some of unfinished business that's in their mind. I don't know what i could be, though. Wasn't quite brave enough to ask Wrex, and Garrus - excuse my language - can have quite the stick up his ass."

She gestured me to continue, seemingly unfazed.

"About the others… well, Tali's doing just fine, I think, and you're seein' Liara far more often than I do." I did my best to keep any even remotely saucy tone out of my voice. "Though I think she'd do well to come out of her shell a lil' more often. Same as Tali, I rarely see her outside of Engineering." I grinned. "Maybe we oughta do a movie night or something, getting people to socialize a bit more. Other than that… yeah. Can't complain, really. I'm enjoying myself."

"Thank you for your time, Raven." Shepard sounded satisfied. "And, sorry for not talking to you more often."

I shook my head. "Don't be. You're quite busy, and I'm not idle either. Thanks for the talk, though - I guess you're needed elsewhere."

I said that last bit quite dryly. Mid-sentence, Shepard's omnitool began to ring.

"No rest for the wicked, then." She looked at the display. Her exhale said more than a thousand foul words. "I need to go. Talk to you later, Raven."

"See ya soon, Shepard."

I packed my things and looked at the clock. Dr. Chakwas would need at least ten more minutes. At that time, Engineer Adams would be of duty.

And he was the only other 'liquor-appreciator' aboard whom I knew.

I remember darkly that Shepard probably took my advice more serious than I thought. At least we went for Wrex' family armor only a few days later, then solved Garrus' problem with this Salarian doctor.

Shepard didn't deploy me aboard the MSV FEDELE - this time, I was on anti-counterboarding duty, together with the rest of 905. Which was probably for the best - judging by the expressions on the faces of the people that accompanied Garrus and Shepard, this whole cloning affair was quite messy. Dr. Saelon tried to resist arrest - didn't quite work out for him. Garrus was happy, though, and that was what counted.

Matters were different on Tuntau, though, where all eight of Shep's Chosen Few breached into the pirate compound to royally rain on Tonn Actus' parade. It wasn't even fair, there were only twelve of them. Actus himself tried to rush us, all guns blazing and shrugging off our bullets and abilities with heavy armor and near-insane zeal. He even took one of my bullets without even stumbling. That being said, once he came close enough, Wrex' used his own shotgun to put a full stop to all of his vital signs. And to his head, which dissolved into a messy mist of blue turian blood and helmet fragments.

I've seen my fair share of action, but this just stuck in my brain and won't go away.

Anyhow, this lead to a rather interesting scene, back on our ship…

"You sure that's not working, pyjak?"

"I'm trying, Wrex, I'm tryin - there we go!"

I dropped the screwdriver and rose my hands. "Hallelujah!"

For the record, and for those of you that have never met a krogan fighter - krogans don't don their armor like everyone else. Krogan armors are heavier than anything the other races are putting together, and they aren't 'clipped' into place with magnetic locks. They're bolted together.

And Wrex wanted to try his family armor on, just to see if it was still fitting, or had been messed with in any way.

Now, one part of me was scared of doing something wrong and risking the consequences. The other half felt honored that I was allowed to help Wrex with his sacred armor.

I took a few steps back as Wrex' flexed and tested.

"I can't help it, but… 's lookin' a bit snug, doesn't it?"

He gazed at me with those hellish eyes of his. "Are you saying that I'm fat, Raven?"

Whenever he called me 'Raven' instead of 'pyjak', I knew I was in trouble. So I calmly took a cigarette out of my uniform's pouch and gave him a tired-amused look.

"Do you honestly think I'd say that out loud and expect to survive the retaliation?"

He bellowed sonorous, but good natured. "Hah! You're learning, pyjak. Never tell a krogan that he is heavy. He won't like you when you call him heavy."

"Hm-hm." I hummed and lit up, grinning as I exhaled the smoke. "I'll keep that in mind. Just for future reference."

To be fair, though - the armor fit him perfectly. It was the exact same armor that you can see him wearing in ME2, when he's sitting on his throne in the Urdnot-camp. Personally, I preferred the crimson one - but at least it didn't look out of place.

Taking another drag, I took an absent-minded look around the cargo bay. Requisitions Officer Postle was seemingly lost in thought about some of his items and tried his hardest to not pay attention to what was happening on the other side of the deck. And Garrus was crawling under the Mako and tried his hardest to keep the underbody from falling off. Ashley was off-duty, likely taking a well-deserved nap. She had dislocated her shoulder during that last fight, and still found the time to make sure that her gear was ready for the next job before a very stern Dr. Chakwas ordered her to the medbay.

Ash may be hot-headed at times, but I still liked her a lot. I'll never forget what she'd done to give me a good start, and even now, she was one of the most reliable people aboard if you had a question or a problem. Had anyone told me prior to this lil' 'journey', I would've told them to eff-off.

Without lubrication.

"Ya hear that, Garrus?" I said out loud.

"You're laughing, Raven.", came the muffled response. "I could tell you about a few times when I had to make an arrest following a brawl, just because some drunkard fitness maniacs couldn't keep their tongues in check around Krogan."

I narrowed my eyes. "You're mocking me, aren't you?"

"Correct. Could you please come here and help me with those tires?"

"I'll be with you in a minute." I said and exhaled another cloud.

By asking politely, I had managed to get Shepard to allow me to smoke aboard. The two conditions were that I had limit myself to three cigarettes per day, and that I had to stick to the C/E deck, and close to the ventilation units to keep the stench from spreading around the ship.

And the ventilation unit happened to be right next to Wrex. Still, I preferred this to the alternative - the nasty, annoying nicotine plasters that Chakwas issued.

"In all seriousness though, Wrex," I continued in a friendly tone, "I'm glad to see that this armor's yours now. I mean, I heard how you told Shepard just how important that thing is, and how it was stolen from your family."

"You heard that, uh-huh." He mustered me.

"It's sorta impossible to ignore what you're saying, old man." I defused the offense with a friendly grin, but then I turned it serious. "What surprises me… I heard how you called this armor 'a piece of crap', back in the base. Why were you so eager to try it on?"

He shrugged. Which looked odd, given how rigid the armor plates were. "It may be a piece of crap… but it's still a part of Clan Urdnot. And just like every clan leader before me, I'll try it on, whether I like it, or not."

I nodded, put the cigarette stub into the ashtray and walked over to grab my now-cooled mug of coffee from the workbench. "Glad to have been helpful, Wrex."

He flashed me a predator-like grin. "I may just start to like you, pyjak."

There's only darkness following this encounter and my next memory. From the NORMANDY's logs, I can see that we spent the majority of that time - two weeks or so - without completing a mission. We were travelling between worlds, and our systems caused another couple of problems. If what Tali told me was correct though - and I had no reason to doubt her words - then the worst 'teething troubles' were dealt with now, and our ship was supposed to be quite reliable. Which was obviously good, but the amount of tech-related vocabulary she threw at me without even realizing still made me feel lightheaded.

In the meantime, the galaxy continued to turn. I read that the war between Alliance/Council forces and Geth-heretics had been fought to a complete standstill. Humanity had managed to stop the Geth forces from invading our core colonies, and the few backwater colonies and outposts he AI's held under their control had been isolated. Cleaning them up would be, in the words of the Alliance press secretary, 'a piece of cake'.

I didn't believe a word. As a member of Shepard's team, I had access to some real information.

While it was true that the Alliance' heart was safe, both human and Council forces heavily struggled to contain the threat the robots posed for the entire Skyllian Verge, not only planets and colonies, but maybe more importantly, shipping lanes and trading routes. Some ground was gained, but some was lost. Overall, though, what had begun as a wildfire on Eden Prime had seemingly died down to minor flares. It was as if the Geth regrouped for one final strike...

The Citadel Defense Fleet and C-SEC didn't even know what they were in for.

But, I digress.

Did I just call it a complete darkness? Well, that's not exactly true. Even in this darkness of amnesia, there is one thing I can remember. One … occurence that I simply refuse to forget.

I absolutely didn't see it coming. But that only made it sweeter.

"It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small."

This quote, attributed to Neil Armstrong, came to my mind as I tried to grasp this surreal situation.

Surreal; synonyms being magical, amazing and awesome.

Despite the deep exhaustion that had crept into my bones and the strongly aching muscles in my neck, I couldn't bring myself to lower my gaze.

I rose my left arm – the right hand holding an assault rifles grip – and encompassed the orb with my thumb and index finger.

She appeared small like an apple or orange from where I was standing, but I numbly realized that she was home to more than ten billion people, and an entire species' crib and place of birth.

The planet I had been born on, almost twenty-two or hundred ninety years ago.

The call came in just before we reached the Widow Nebula's mass relay. Instead of making way for Feros as intended, we were instead sent to the Local Cluster, Sol System, Luna, to investigate a rogue VI's rebellion – and deal with it. Which we did, without even conceding an injury. EDI's pre-Alpha-build just wasn't up for us.

I couldn't grasp the reason behind Alliance High Commands decision to – admittedly, only temporarily – pull us from our high-priority mission to fix a problem close to the Alliance's heart, where a lot of other specialists were standing at the ready. Or, why Shepard wasn't pulling SPECTRE-status on them – technically, she was allowed to ignore whatever BS HC threw at her. I can only imagine that she wanted to pile up favors for later use - not exactly the worst idea, given that her ship and the vast majority of the crew were Alliance themselves.

I would have pleaded, almost bribed and maybe killed to get this opportunity. Fortunately, Shepard wanted all of us with her to deal with the Hannibal VI. And I may or may not be right about this, but I could've sworn that she had smiled behind me when I pressed my nose on the double-hardened duraglass from which the NORMANDY's windows were made.

And once we were done with our job and packed up again, I had enough time to step away and mind my own business.

Even though the Moon's lack of atmosphere made it impossible to hear any footsteps, I could somehow feel how someone stepped right next to me. I turned half around, and through my recon hoods glasses, I saw Garrus watching. His voice came in via radio.

"Are you okay, Raven?"

I chuckled. The voice-com didn't pick it up.

"Can you see this blue 'n white ball of gas, water and dirt up there, Garrus?"

I pointed at it, and he followed my gaze.

"That's my homeworld."

Silence followed. It felt comfortable.

"When I was young, on a cloudless night, I used to stay up all night and look up to the stars and the moon." I grinned to myself. "My father had some old books, pre-spaceflight-era, about a human's first step on Luna. There was one picture that I used to look at for hours. It was a picture of Earth, taken at Apollo 11's landing zone. " I chuckled lowly, barely loud enough for the microphone to pick it up. "Hard to believe that I'm now here myself. To think that you bloody visor has more computing power than the entire mission control of our first lunar landing..."

"It better has. That visor wasn't cheap."

I turned around, tilted my head and grinned. "You're sort of missing the point here."

"Oh, trust me, I don't. To think that not even three hundred years ago, you humans hadn't even discovered atmospheric flight…" He shook his head. Sol's reflection danced on the mat steel of his helmet. "No wonder your species has all of the Council races on the edge."

I laughed. "Well, if you're phrasing it like this…"

Nothing could anger or annoy me in that moment. A childhood dream had come true.

"I remember when I first left Palavan. My mother, my sister and me went to visit my father on the Citadel. I think I even fought with my sister, about who could have the best spot at the window - until our mother pointed out that there were two windows."

"You make it sound like you were quite the handful."

"According to my mother, we still are."

I chuckled with him, but then he fell silent. From the Shadow Broker dossiers, I knew that his mother was ill - so I backed down and gave him some time.

Fortunately, Tali joined us. Looking up to Earth, she addressed me.

"Raven, I have a question… if you don't mind?"

"Sure?" I shrugged and noticed how visibly nervous she was. "What's up?"

"This, ehm… this may sound like a stupid question, and if it is stupid, or offensive, I'm sorry, but, uhm…"

Fortunately, no one could see how her adorable awkwardness - adorkwardness? - caused me to smile yet again. "Out with it."

"... why is your planet called 'Dirt'?", she blurted out.

At first, I was confused.

After a few seconds, I realized what she meant. And couldn't help but to laugh.

"It's not 'Dirt', Tali. It's 'Earth'."

She was so flustered, it was quite cute. It delayed my response by a few seconds.

"I'm neither a linguist, nor a philosopher, Tali, so you would need someone else to really explain it to you. But the best I can come up with is that this planet is the ground we humans stand on, a solid place to live on… and that it's the Earth we use to plant our crops in, grow our food on." I struggled with my English, but a Geistesblitz flashed through my mind. "Your world is named similarly, Tali. 'Rannoch'. 'Walled Garden'."

"... Oh." Seeing the gears click into place, and watching the realization, was quite funny. And yes, I know that I'm quite a cruel person.

Then again, I was glad that she hadn't taken any other attitude. Another possibility would've been that seeing me in awe of Earth caused her to become more than a bit depressed.

Don't worry, Tali. You will see Rannoch one day. I promise.

"Sorry, I just thought… well it… it was a stupid question, wasn't it?"

"No." I made a dismissive gesture. "It wasn't. Not more stupid than what I tend to ask."

"Asking questions never hurts, Tali." Garrus chimed in, addressing our quarian friend warmly.

She turned around to face him and, in an agitated tone that I wasn't expecting. "I will remind you of that at some point in the future. Some questions are stupid. Particularly, when they involve someone's homeworld and a war."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry."

Thinking about it, I had never participated in any of the good old elevator conversations. I made a mental note to ask Shepard if she wanted me to tag along next time we were on the CItadel. Unless I had something to discuss with Crow. Which would of course be prioritized. It would still suck.

Quite obviously, the… conversation about the Quarian homeworld and how the Quarians had lost it had already happened. Not exactly one of Garrus' proudest moments.

And Tali had just sounded the most mature and vas-Normandy-like that I had witnessed so far.

Ignoring his apology, she continued to stare at him. He looked back, and had he not been wearing his helmet, I'm sure he would've scratched his pointy head-fringe.

"... It's all just sexual tension."

Both of their heads snapped in my direction.

"Wait, what?"

"Whoops." I feigned innocence. "Did I just say that out aloud?"

I turned around and saw Shepard leaning against the Mako, waving at us as she noticed me.

I chuckled. "Come on, folks. Let's get outta here." And with a last wave and dreamy look at Earth, I headed over to our ride.

We left the Sol system and the Local Cluster not even twelve hours later. It took two more days for both Tali and Garrus to talk to me again.

"That's an Ace of Spades and a King of Spades. You're done, Raven."

I groaned, threw the pair of heart ten and club ten on the table and my hands up in frustration as Kaidan, grinning slyly like the bloody Canadian mind magician that he was, collected his not insubstantial prize.

It was strange, having Kaidan play Poker with us. It was also quite annoying. At least his inexplicable winning streak was. And the fact that he managed to catch the undivided attention of both my female and at least one of my male colleagues. What I'm trying to say is… the community jokes about him being a good-looking heartbreaker whose hair was always stylish no matter the breeze, weren't wrong at all.

Miller groaned. "Ya know, Sir, when I met 'cha earlier today, and said that you've oughta mingle with us some more since you're our CO, I didn't exactly mean that you were s'posed to rip us off like that."

"You messed with the chain of command, Miller, you got bitten." Kaidan laughed. Miller groaned again, with more intensity. "Yeah, yeah. The chain you're usin' to beat us all 'til we know who's in charge."

"Are you talking about me?"

Everyone snapped to attention immediately. Kaidan may have been a respected officer, but he didn't command respect just like the red-haired woman that now appeared behind him and rose her hands to calm everyone down.

"At ease. You can continue your game in just a moment. Raven, Alenko, I need you in the Comm-Center within five minutes. We have a situation."

I hadn't been a soldier for long. But even after just four months of service, I'd surely begun to hate those last four words.

Kaidan responded first, putting the deck back on the table. "Understood, Ma'am. We're on our way."

"Thank you all for coming here on such a short note. We've got something."

We sat down in our usual order, forming a half-circle around Shepard and waited for her to begin.

She activated her tool and showed us all a holographic picture of Noveria. It caused me to exhale and relax, but I quickly feigned full attention to conceal my relief.

"The Noveria Development Cooperation and their Executive Board have finally buckled. From what they tell me, it only needed a threat made by the major three tech companies in the Alliance to drain up all their funding, plus the looming threat of a Council embargo.", she added dryly.

"Normally, I would've not targeted Noveria next. The Council's told me about something that may be more useful to us, but… we have some interesting leads regarding Noveria."

In my mind, I said one word. Virmire. Shepard knew. But she still wanted to go to Noveria first. I was interested in hearing her reasons.

"Noveria is a breeding ground for sickening research, and corporate backroom deals. Alliance Intel isn't even sure if we got a map of all the hotlabs that are on this planet. Do you remember how I told you, when we started our hunt, that Geth had been sighted near the planet?" Once the murmured agreements came in, she continued, carefully measuring every word she said. "We got more sightings. One of those is particularly interesting - the RMV PHALIKTHEA…"

"The… but…" Liara nearly fell off her chair. Her mouth was agape, and he needed a few seconds to cover it with her hands. "But that's my mother's yacht!"

Shepard nodded, grimly. "Yes. And that's the reason why we're going to Noveria. If our assumptions, and the information Shiala gave us back on Feros, are both correct - then Matriarch Benezia is one of the people closest to Saren. That, in return, means that Saren has something of high value on this planet. Something we cannot ignore."

She typed a few keys, and my omnitool notified me that I had received a message. "I've sent you some information on Noveria. You know the drill - read it carefully. Expect lots ice and red tape. Any questions so far?"

Ashley put up her hand. "Do we have any intel on what's going to be our objective, Commander?"

Shepard sighed. "Hell if I know, Williams. Until I do, our primary objective is the same is always: Search for what Saren's after, stop him from getting it." She then gave Liara a distinctively sad look. "Our secondary objective will be to approach and either apprehend or, worst case, neutralize Benezia."

Silence followed. "Any other questions?"

Nobody spoke up. Most of us tried to avoid looking at Liara. Some of us even succeeded.

"Starting now, you're all on prep-shift. We'll be there in two days. I'll call you four hours before we enter their surveillance range. Dismissed."

We rose. The others left the room while I stretched, listening to the satisfying crack in my shoulder blades. Only two other people remained.

"This is going to be interesting." I said, yawning. Then my eyes fixated on Liara who remained seated, bit her lower lip and stared into empty space. "You okay, Liara?" My voice carried real concern.

"Hm?" She startled, then noticed me. "Oh. My apologies, Raven. It's just… I need to talk to Shepard. In private, if you don't mind…"

"Why would I?" Nodding to Shepard, I headed for the lock. "See ya two at lunch Liara. Commander."

Once outside, I sighed deeply. I couldn't even try to imagine how Liara must've felt like.

Then I shook myself and went for the coffee machine.

One problem at a time.

*Geistesblitz: 'mind flash', German for 'brainwave' or 'a sudden clever idea'.

A/N: … and too late for Christmas, a raven gave to me…

Hello, everyone. A belated Merry Christmas! I totally did not want to release this chapter on Christmas for y'all as a present, and it absolutely worked out as intended!11!

/irony off. Why do I even bother? You all hate me anyway for my updating 'schedule' anyway…

I hope this chapter has been enjoyable, though. Or at least not horrible. I actually have no idea if you guys will like what I've read, or not. I admit it's a filler, but I really liked writing those scenes, and I hope they help developing the relationships between the chars involved. Was that good enough? I will, inevitable, figure out as soon as I press that 'publish' button.

Which leads me to something that I just want to mention real quick - not just for myself, but I think I also speak for the other authors on this website, because as someone who likes to both read and write I know both sides of the coin.

Give us feedback, plz.

We like what we're doing, otherwise we wouldn't continue doing what we're doing - But we need you guys, the readers, feedback in order to improve. Even though we appreciate all the favs and follows we get - because that means you're interested in reading more - we sometimes just cannot figure out if what we've done makes sense, or if there are any blatant errors that make you cringe and turn away.

I remember the time I started out here, and some of you remember my early attempts as well. Compared to what I'm writing today, what I did back then was just horrible, and you can still see parts of that starting in CH4 (yeah, I didn't have time to both write the new and rewrite the old chapters. Sorry!). I was and am fortunate that over time, I had a lot of people giving me excellent feedback that helped me improving my style, and my English. It's still subpar, but better than at the beginning. And that's the reason why, even after two years and with not much spare time to write, I'm still finding enjoyment in writing - and the drive to improve even more.

…Sorry, I was rambling a bit there.

Anyway, thank y'all for your time and patience. I have it on good authority that 2018 will see the completion of ME:Raven, 1, and the first parts of ME2. And that will be awesome.

Happy new year, and see ya soon (™) !

P.S.: Last updated on 28.12.17. Fixed the most glaring formatting problems. And some style errors on my parts, like using the same word twice in a single sentence. Also, I forgot to put in italic for the radio messages.