"Most wizards don't value physical combat nearly as highly as they ought to," Harry told his class, all of whom were listening attentively, "But I ask you this question. You're in a duel, but you have been disarmed, or your wand is broken. What do you do?"
He smirked at the silence.
"No one? I'll tell you what you do, you give your opponent the biggest surprise of their life, and in three seconds, you've knocked them out and their wand's in your hand."
Another silence followed. He smirked again.
"You don't believe me, do you? Mr Lupin, if you please."
He laughed at Remus's terrified expression. "Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I need to save myself for beating up Ginny." Ginny snorted and Harry ignored her. He walked up to Remus and handed him his wand. Remus stared at it dumbly.
"Go on, you have a wand, I don't. Now try and attack me."
Tentatively, Remus raised his wand and gave a half hearted 'Expelliarmus!' Potter looked at him sternly.
"Try bit, Remus."
This time, when he raised his wand, Remus gave a loud, confident cry of "EXPELLIARMUS!" Harry dodged, turned a double somersult and landed behind Remus, and with one fluid movement, pinned Remus's arm behind him back and was twirling his wand between his fingers. The class applauded, but Ginny muttered "'Show off."
Harry gave her a charming smile and offered her a hand.
"Milady, would you care to beat the crap out of each other?"
Ginny smiled dangerously.
"Most certainly. Clear a space, people."
The two began circling each other, throwing mild insults as they had done at the feast. Ciad appeared to be giving Harry fresh ideas for insults, and apparently inserted his opinion every so often, much to Harry's amusement. All of a sudden, Ginny let out a wordless yell and kicked out, slamming her foot into Harry's stomach. Harry ignored the blow and caught her foot. She leapt in the air and spun her legs in a scissor action, freeing herself from his grip and landing on the balls of her feet, once again ready.
"Scarhead!"
"Weasel Brain!"
"Potface!"
"Mrs Bouncing Ferret!"
"At least I'm not in love with Umbridge!"
"At least I'm not married to Malfoy!"
"Ooh, low blow!"
"Damn straight!"
Was this insult contest part of the fight? Sirius wondered. They both seemed to be masters in the art of winding each other up, for they proceeded to kick, punch, roll and throw each other across the classroom with gusto. Harry ended up with fewer bruises, but Ginny insisted this was because he had special 'Boy Who Lived' skin, at which Harry snorted and proceeded to do a complicated judo style throw that left Ginny winded and Harry smirking.
"Don't think I'll forget this, Potter," she muttered darkly, brushing down her black vest top. Harry ignored her again and turned to the class.
"We'll be learning some basic self defence manoevers today, folks." Harry informed them. "First off, how to release yourself from a headlock. Gin, if you would be so kind?"
"With pleasure," said Ginny with a truly evil grin. She pulled him into a very tight headlock, and it was plain to see that she wasn't going to let go in a hurry.
Harry smiled at his students from Ginnys waist and told them with a sadistic smile to pinch their attackers inner thigh. He proceeded to do so with no bother at all, and Ginny squealed and let go (this invariably works, try it if you don't believe me!) Leaving Harry looking pleased with himself. She stuck her tongue out at him and he poked it back into her mouth, then turned once again to the class.
"Into pairs, please. Lupin with Hatfield, Black with Browne, Bones with Prewett, Potter with Evans…"
Ginny giggled and mouthed 'You're so evil!' to which he flashed her a grin and gave a mock bow.
For the next few minutes, students found themselves in and out of headlocks, laughing in embarresment. Ginny strode around observing quietly, to see James and Lily with their arms folded, glaring at each other.
"I refuse to pinch his inner thigh!" she said shrilly, red in the face. Ginny smiled serenly, watching her get more and more het up.
"Oh, grow up, Evans, I'm not that immature!" James snapped. Ginny felt that he had stolen Lily's line, but at that point it had to be confessed that Lily was the one acting like a baby. She signaled urgently to Harry and he clapped his hands together quickly and called the class to attention. They spent the rest of the lesson practicing the various defensive moves that Harry showed them, Lily pleased to get James into a stranglehold, even though it only lasted a few seconds. Save Lily, who was too busy glowering at the class in general and James in particular, the class ended on a positive note, with everyone leaving exchanging excited chatter, laughing that they could kick the arse of any Slytherin who annoyed them.
§
"HAROLD JAMES POTTER!"
Ginny's shriek rang through the Great Hall like a clanging bell. She marched up to the teachers table dressed only in her dressing gown and a pair of pyjamas, and flowing down her back her long red hair, strangely…
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING IN TURNING MY HAIR GREEN? I HAVEN'T PICKED UP ON TONKS'S FASHION SENSE, IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED!"
Harry had frozen, his coffee cup halfway to his lips, his face making a futile play at innocence.
"Well, you see, Ginny, I happened to look in on you before I went to be, and I just couldn't help but notice that green is totally your colour."
"And YOUR colour is totally black and BLUE! Ooh, you'll regret this when I've finished with you!"
Harry looked around wildly for help, and, seeing no one, he spoke urgently in Parseltongue to Ciad. Ciad, it would seem, was having too much of a laugh watching Harry being whipped by the pretty ex red head, and retreated to a jug of pumpkin juice to watch the battle.
"Now, Ginny, before you do anything hastly…" whimpered Harry, backing away from the advancing Ginny, who was brandishing her wand fiercely. She let out a strangled scream, which turned into "Batorgulus Mucalai!" A burst of great, flapping bogies swarmed round Professor Potter's head, blinding him, until he managed to choke out "Finite Incanticim!", putting an abrupt stop to the bogies, but not to the helpless laughter of his students. After dealing out a death glare to the hysterical pupils, he turned his attention to Ginny.
"Harry, haven't you got something to say?" she asked sweetly, twirling her wand between her fingers.
"Sorry, Gin." He muttered.
"Quite right too. And I haven't forgiven you for your little dig the other night either, so what was our accord again? Oh, yes!"
With a wave of her wand, Harry's robes changed from black to deep pink. He paled, remembering the other part of their deal.
"Did you want to say something, Harry?"
Harry gulped, and nodded.
"Well, go on then, we're all ears!" said Ginny encouragingly.
"IdeclarmyundyinglovetoDoloresJaneUmbridge!" he gabbled. Ginny smiled.
"Didn't quite catch that, Harry dearest."
"I DECLARE MY UNDYING LOVE TO DOLORES JANE UMBRIDGE, YA HAPPY?" he bellowed, almost blasting her over with the force of his voice.
Ginny considered, spearing a sausage on her fork.
"Very much, thankyou."
Now it was Potter's turn to smile.
"Good. Banisho Ginny!"
Ginny, along with her chair, was lifted up and barreled out of the hall, waving the sausage threateningly as she went. As she zoomed past, she shrieked "You'll pay for that one, Potter!"
Harry had a faraway smile on his face, his robes still pink.
"I probably will," he told the hall, but then, to himself, "But it was completely worth it."
I'm pretty proud of the length of this chappie, I'm trying to make it longer. Hope it doesn't compromise quality, though. Thanx to all of u guys who reviwed, although there's getting to be too many of you to write down, I can't BELIEVE 127 reviews! It isn't even that good!