The Long Patrol

In The Long Patrol, when the Long Patrol is marching towards the Battle on the Ridge, the recruit Trowbaggs comments in molespeech about feeling like he's underground, to which Sergeant Clubrush replies that perhaps he could dig an overnight shelter for the officers. This is a scene that was immediately cut from the book:

"B- but sah, I didn't say it, honest!" said Trowbaggs.

Clubrush rolled his eyes. "Then who did, rip, a ventriloquist mole with a hidden agenda?"

"Hurr, 'owdee know," grumbled the mole, hiding his agenda.

"Aha!" shouted the sergeant. "Just as I suspected, wot! So, you've finally fallen into my clutches, Mole the mole!"

"Curses," cursed the mole.

"Rip?" asked Trowbaggs.

"Eh, wot's that?" said Clubrush.

"Rip," he repeated. "You said rip."

Clubrush rolled his eyes. "I did not!"

"You did so!" the recruit insisted. "I heard you."

"Did not! I didn't say rip! Did not did not!"

"Did too, didn't he, mole-" He looked around. "Mole? He's gone!"

"Did not did not did not did not!"

At this very moment, as Trowbaggs was searching for the mysterious mole and Clubrush was hopping around denying ever having said "rip", a strange green light appeared above them. Before either knew what was happening, they were pulled into an alien spaceship.

"Did not infinity!" Clubrush said with a satisfied smirk.

"Shh! Quiet, sah," said Trowbaggs. "Something's different, or wrong, I know it."

"Oh, you mean the fact that we've just been abducted by hostile alien rabbits and they've surrounded us with their ray guns? Aye, I noticed, rip," Sergeant Clubrush said, rolling his eyes.

"You said it again! You said rip!" laughed Trowbaggs. Clubrush growled and rolled his eyes.

"Looks like the only thing that can save us now," said Clubrush, changing the subject, "is for Mole the mole to come and distract the guards with card tricks so we can escape, wot."

Mole promptly walked up with a deck of cards. One of the guards turned and blew him to smithereens.

"Curses," cursed the mole.

"Ok, that didn't work," said Trowbaggs. "What now?"

"Let me think," thought Clubrush. "Ok, I got nothing."

"We will take you to our leader," said the guard.

"That'll work," said Trowbaggs.

They soon found themselves in the audience of the Great Rabbit. They cheered. "Yippee," said Trowbaggs. "Wait, wrong audience."

"Now, young r-- young lad, no matter what they do to us, don't tell them anything. Keep a stiff upper lip, wot," warned the sergeant.

"Sit down," the head rabbit said.

"He seems nice," said Trowbaggs.

The Great Rabbit gave an evil laugh. "Now, how about joining me for a nice bit of tea, eh?"

"Nooooooooo!" Clubrush fell to his knees. "Not that! Anything but that!"

"He did it! He did it! He did it!" Trowbaggs, pointed, jumping up and down.

Sergeant Clubrush rolled his eyes.

"Why do you keep rolling your eyes, anyways?" asked Trowbaggs.

"I'm practicing," replied Clubrush. "I think I've just about got it, one more roll." He rolled one more time. "Seven!" he said triumphantly.

"Curses!" cursed the alien.

So the alien rabbits were forced to return Drill Sergeant Clubrush and Private Trowbaggs to the earth. They were placed back in rank, seemingly as if they had never left. In fact, they never did.

"Whew!" said Clubrush, fanning himself. "That sun sure can do things to you, wot. What a mira-- thingummy-- dream, eh? Alien rabbits? Harharhar..."

"Sah," said Trowbaggs, confused. "What are you talking about? Are you feeling alright? Seeing rabbits, are we?"

"Er," Clubrush blushed. "Right, carry on." He quickly went to check on the front ranks, who seemed to need his immediate attention.

Trowbaggs rolled his eyes and hid his agenda. "Nice day for tea, wot," he mused to himself.