Feeling ready to jump
Is it high enough
Looking through your window

-Dannii Minogue, "Push"

It's freezing…

Stupid cold winter nights, it's awful out. There's snow everywhere, it looks like Glen Oak had its first major snowstorm its had in years. The wind is blowing, whipping my face as I'm thinking in fact. The wind is whistling, talking in to me in the night in a weird way.

"Ruthie, you fool, stop creeping around outside his house, he'll never love you, go back…"

Shut up! You're not even real, you devilish figment of my imagination. You've taunted me for too damn long, you hear me world, you've taunted me for loving him for too damn long.

It's not my fault I'm in love with him! Love happens, it just hits you like this! at times.

Geez, Ruthie, there you go getting all defensive again. And to no one, no less, just the wind and ignoring world. No one knows of my love for him, no one but me…

Not you, him, her, them, they, or etc!

What's wrong with me? Am I going crazy, or maybe just plain insane? Have my undying loving, passionate, and devoting feelings for him pushed me out of my mind?

I believe so.

Wow, I'm insane…

I glanced down at my watch.

I breathed deeply.

2:00 AM on the dot.

I'm still outside his house, still outside his window. My original plan was to creep quietly to his house, toss a stone at his bedroom window, wake him up, pour out my passionate feelings to him, have him feel the same way, jump into his arms, and live happily ever after…

But that ain't happening anytime soon. Somehow in the process I lost all my courage to finish my perfect plan and stopped at creep quietly to his house and now I'm stuck here.

I don't feel like going home.

Yet.

I'll probably do this again tomorrow.

This is the nearest I get to him these days because he's a big popular senior at school and has lots of friends and parties in his life while I'm just Ruthie Camden, the awkward sophomore still trying to find herself.

He always knew who he was. He was a boy with a love for baseball, bound to be a star one day when he grew up.

And I was just a girl, a girl caught in the push of love, big red love.

My big, red love for Martin Brewer.