..
..
It was only midnight; I shouldn't be worried. But I knew the party scene well, you don't stay for more than three hours unless you like someone in particular. That someone is Mino. I think.
I told myself not to stress about it but I kept thinking about the other night with that guy. What if I didn't assure her enough? What if she still feels like she has to just 'lose it?' Jennie is very stubborn, if she has an idea she runs with it. It's super attractive but it also drives me up the wall worrying about her—because she has had some not so good ideas before.
I let the doctors of Seattle Grace, now Grey Sloan Memorial, distract me until one in the morning. I headed upstairs and changed into some sweats and sports bra before I got comfortable on her couch. I was out fast because I was tired and worrying about Jennie was even more exhausting.
When I woke up, she wasn't in her bed and I was ready to freak out but then I heard her in the kitchen. Her dad doesn't cook so I knew it was her. I woke up with less of a hard on so it was easy going through my morning routine, I met her downstairs. Sans shirt.
"Morning." She turned and smiled, not even taking a second look at me. now, don't get me wrong here but girls usually swoon at the sight of shirtless me. I wouldn't lie to you, so bear with me.
"Hey. It's so early." I started a pot of coffee. She shrugged and kept stirring eggs.
"It's after ten."
I leaned on the counter and watched her, my arms crossed in front of me. Her face was a bit red, as it always is in the morning, and her hair was in a messy bun. She was in my shirt again. How did she even get that? I shook the question from my head.
"Right," I cleared my throat, "so, how was it?" I asked her. She tossed the eggs in and sighed, turning to me. She looked up at me and smiled a bit.
"You know how I wanted to date Mino back in high school?"
I nodded. "Yeah…"
"Well I did, last night." She laughed. I didn't get it at first but then I understood.
"That bad, huh?" My coffee was ready. I poured it and added the right amount of diabetes.
"Not really. He just kept talking about football and himself. It was tiring." She shook her head and tended to the eggs.
"Yeah, a lot of guys will tend to do that."
She nodded.
I moved closer to her so I was inches away and felt the heat radiating off of her body. I stared down at the top of her head, only because I couldn't see anything else. Being six-four is annoying sometimes…only because Jennie is barely five feet tall.
"Are you okay?" I touched her shoulder gingerly.
"What? Yeah, I'm fine. It was just kind of funny, actually. I might blog about it next. Or dating in general." She sighed and turned to me.
I reached in her hair and pretended to pull out a crumb or something. It was an excuse to touch her. I caught her gaze, not letting her look away.
"You remember your look book you made? Like in sixth grade." She laughed with me.
"Yeah," she nodded, "it was so dumb. According to my plan I should be engaged by now."
I laughed. I would propose to her right now if I knew she would say yes. She would just run away if I did. "It wasn't dumb, just a little skewed. You'll…find someone. I'm sure of it."
She held back a snort. "One day."
I had already found my person, it was her. Only she didn't know that—and I didn't know if she would ever know. She tossed cheese on the eggs and then gave me a plate.
"We should go see the lights tomorrow." I suggested. It may be too much of a 'date' kind of thing but we always took stuff like that in stride. It seemed to only be getting harder though, hiding my feelings for her. But I could—would never stop hanging out with her just because of that.
"Yeah, that sounds like fun." She agreed.
We ate in silence but I watched her the whole time. She still seemed tense and…unsure of something.
"Are you sure you're okay, Ruby Jane?" I used her full name because I was really worried.
"I'm fine. I swear." She looked at me.
"You don't seem fine." I leaned back in the chair. My legs drew open for relief.
"I am, I swear." She laughed nervously.
She never liked being confronted, or talking about feelings unless they were fictional. She was quite the paradox. She wants a serious relationship, something to really challenge her and keep her invested. But she would never admit to her feelings, without you prying them out first. Sometimes, I swear no man will ever understand her like I do. But, then I think there are plenty of other, better guys out there for her.
"Are you sure you aren't still thinking about that night at the bar?" I asked hesitantly. She blinked rapidly as her cheeks flushed.
"I'm not. I'm just…worried about my internship. I didn't exactly come up with a backup plan if I don't get it."
I nodded and she visibly looked like a weight was lifted off of her shoulders. "I'm sure you'll get it. When are you supposed to find out?"
She let out a shaky breath. "After Christmas."
"See? You have two days, nothing to worry about." I rubbed her hand soothingly. I shagged our plates and met her back at the table. "You sure there is nothing else bothering you?" I asked, my voice serious.
"I'm sure." She smiled.
I believed her.
We spent the rest of the day on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy, only breaking around dinner to order Chinese takeout.
"Anything else interesting happen at the party?" I asked her. We had retreated to her bedroom and she started early on her next blog. Sometimes she pre-writes them so she can just post it when it's time.
"Uh…sort of." She kept typing. I laid on her bed, leaning against the headboard.
"What's that mean?" I laughed. She stopped typing and turned to face me. She looked adorable in her glasses and her hair resembling a bird's nest.
"I sort of kissed him. But that was it."
"Him?"
"Mino." My blood boiled a little bit. I dream of kissing those soft lips of hers, of tasting her on my tongue. One night and Mino already stole that from me.
"Oh. What do you mean sort of?" I leaned closer.
"I mean…I don't know."
I shook my head. "That doesn't make any sense."
She giggled and blushed a little bit. God, she was so cute. "I don't know if it was like a real kiss. That's all."
"Did your lips move?" She nodded. "Tongue?" She shook her head so fast her glasses shook.
"I see why you said sort of. But you kissed him, nothing wrong with that." she wrinkled her nose. "What?" I asked her.
"Nothing. It just wasn't a good kiss."
I laughed. I wished I could close the space between us and show her how good a real kiss could be. "Sorry about that." I said with as much sincerity as I could.
She shrugged and turned back to her typing.
I laid back on the bed and listened to her typing.
"Ready for me to read it?" I asked her. Her eyes went wide and she stumbled for words.
"Oh, um. No. I mean you can read it before I put it up, I just wanted to get my ideas on paper." That was weird but I decided to trust her.
"Okay. Whatever you want, Cheesecake." She smiled and went in the bathroom for a few minutes.
When she came back out she looked at me with a funny face.
"Uh, I'm going to bed." I furrowed my brow, not understanding but then I got it. She didn't need me in her bed—want me in her bed, same difference.
"Oh, right." I stood up and grabbed a pillow for the couch.
She shut off all the lights and got into bed. A few minutes passed, maybe an hour.
"I'm in love with you, Ruby Jane."
Relax guys, it was barely a whisper on the tip of my tongue. She didn't hear me, and her little snorts told me she was already fast asleep.
But it made me feel a little better, better enough to go to sleep.
..
..
Christmas eve is my favorite holiday. Sappy, I know, but it's true. I bit the bullet and went home to have breakfast with my mom. My dad was at work so I didn't even see him.
"I'm going shopping today, come with me." We finished the eggs benedict she made. I sipped my mimosa carefully.
"Sure. I was actually wondering if you could help me with something." Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. It was a bad idea, it would bite me in the ass but I knew Jennie was lying to me about the internship, if it was supposed to start two days after the new year, no way would they tell her after Christmas. She should know by now, and if she doesn't…
"What is it?" I took a shaky breath.
Here goes nothing.
..
A full day of shopping with my mother tired me out but I had fun. She told me stories about work and gave me more advice about Jennie, even after she helped me out. I just hoped it worked.
"Haven't you given her enough books?" She commented on my choice of gift for Jennie.
"No. Trust me. And she said she really wanted them, so."
My mom had to pull a lot of strings but I managed to get every James Patterson book ever published, everything but the YA ones. Took up two packing boxes but I had it wrapped up nicely at the gift shop in Macy's.
"That's sweet." She hugged me and I rolled my eyes again.
We unloaded all the gifts in the house and put them under the tree—the massive tree that took up the center of the foyer. I glanced at the clock, it was almost six.
"I should get going."
My mom slumped. "Honey, you don't have to."
"Yes, I do. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"
She took off her thick wool coat. "I'm making dinner though."
The sad look on her face stabbed me right in the heart. "Okay. Fine."
She smiled brightly and leapt over to me. "You can invite Jennie. You should." She squeezed my cheek and then left me standing there.
Jennie didn't tell me she was doing anything today so I texted her to see if she was free.
Can you please save me and have dinner with my parents and me?
Sure. She replied in seconds.
I was sure she was probably doing something else at the time but she dropped it for me. Thanks.
No worries, see you in a few minutes.
I met my mom back in the kitchen to try and help, but she was a control freak, so all she trusted me to do was wash the dishes and set the table. Mom had a whole Christmas theme going. The dining room was decorated with poinsettias, the table dressed in red cloth and chargers. Interior designer, remember? Everything flowed.
Jennie arrived early like she said. I wasn't prepared for her to look the way she did. I was paused in the doorway and she stared back at me. She curled her hair and it laid loosely around her face. Her eyes were lined with eyeliner, making her blue eyes bluer and brighter. And she wore the dress, her mother's dress. With white ballet flats.
"Lisa? It's freezing, let me in." She brushed past me and I caught a whiff of her scent.
"Hey, Cheesecake."
She rolled her eyes but smiled a bit. She rubbed her bare arms, the dress had short sleeves. "Is your dad coming?"
I nodded.
"That's why you want me here?" I nodded again. She gave me a somber look and reached out to hug me. Of course I took her up on her offer.
Even through my sweater I felt the heat of her hands on my back and the softness of her breasts pressed against my chest. I could hold her here forever. I rested my chin against her head and ran my hands up her back. This was platonic, right?
"You're a good friend." I whispered. She giggled, it made her rub against me.
"I know. Where's your mom? I want to thank her in person for the dress." She pulled away. My arms ached at her absence.
"It looks beautiful on you." I murmured.
She smiled and squeezed my hand. "Thanks." She reached up, way up and I still had to bend, to kiss my cheek before setting off to find my mom. She meant nothing by it but the sensation she left behind on my cheek meant everything.
I found them in the kitchen, laughing and smiling. I leaned against the wall, watching my mom hug her and hold her arms. I'm sure my mom wishes she had a daughter to do stuff like this with—I could only humor her for so long. Like when we were shopping today, more times than not I wanted to pull my hair out.
"Don't just stand there Lisa." My mom scolded me. She shot me a knowing look and got back to tending the roast.
"Sorry."
"You guys should wait in the living room, I'm almost finished."
We obeyed her and sat in one of the living rooms. Jennie talked me to death about the new book she was reading but I just enjoyed listening to her talk about anything. It made me more excited to give her the books tomorrow.
"You aren't listening." She flicked my thigh pretty hard.
"Ouch! Yes I am."
She scowled. "What have I been talking about?" She tested me.
"How Sergeant Lindsay Boxer is getting married to Joe and it makes you mad because of all the happy endings you've been reading lately." I passed.
"Fine, you're off the hook."
The footsteps I heard were no doubt my dad's. I took a deep breath. Here we go.
"Lisa, you're home." He greeted me with a warm smile. As he always does, of course. The man isn't evil, just controlling and doesn't take no for an answer. Sorry for making it seem like he was.
"Yeah, hey dad." I stood up.
In the steps it took me to get to him he had already dropped his briefcase, loosened his tie and removed his jacket. He slung his arm around my shoulder and shook me senseless.
"We've missed you around here. How you been?" He looked at me with his old green eyes and smiled warmly. For a second, I had missed him too.
There was a time in my life when he was just my dad and not a raging control freak. Before football, maybe until my junior year when he noticed I was good and college coaches noticed too, things were normal. We played golf on Sundays, bonded over pool, I could talk to him and confide in him. I hadn't been able to do that since I went to college and he started dangling football over my head. Controlling me with it.
"I've been fine…you look old." I joked with him, his booming laughter filled the foyer.
My dad, just like my mom, didn't look anything like their age. Sure, my dad had wrinkles around his eyes and mouth, and permanent frown lines on his forehead, but his dark hair still looked like mine, if not better. He conditions more.
"Oh, Jennie. I didn't notice you there, how are…you?" His voice trailed off when she stood up, I assumed it was because of the dress.
He smiled softly, like a proud father or something. Not in a creepy old guy way, I mean. He must have seen mom in it before, her letter implied they wore it enough back then.
"I'm great." She met us where we stood and they hugged briefly.
"We wanted to come to your graduation, how was it?" He asked her.
"It was good. You didn't really miss anything." She giggled.
"Oh, good. I have a gift for you too, follow me." He tugged her along before I could blink. Jennie turned her head and smiled over her shoulder with a small wave. He was leading her off in the direction of the den. I went to meet my mom back in the kitchen.
"Was that your dad?" She asked me.
Everything was off and she was dressing a few platters. She prepared a spread of green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, scalloped potatoes (we really like potatoes), creamed spinach, and roast beef.
"Yeah, you just did all this?" She gave me a funny look.
"No, silly. I've been slow cooking the roast all day and I prepped the casseroles last night. Now don't just stand there, help." She slapped my arm playfully and grabbed a plate.
I followed her with plates until everything was on the table. Just in time, my dad appeared with Jennie. He stepped back into the kitchen with my mother and Jennie came over to me.
"Look." She held up a necklace around her neck. It was a platinum silver with a keyboard pendant. No, it resembled an actual keyboard. Everyone knew her so well. Why couldn't my dad get me medical school type gifts like this? It didn't make any sense.
"It's beautiful."
She smiled down at it, then looked up at me, eyes gleaming. "I know. Your parents are so sweet."
I laughed. "Yeah, they are." I picked up the necklace, an excuse to touch her smooth chest. It worked.
"I need to go check my phone. I might have heard from the editor." I nodded and watched her waltz back into the living room where we were sitting.
My mom reappeared with red wine and a carafe.
"Where is Ruby Jane?" My dad asked.
"Checking her phone." I felt mom shoot me a look, I met her eyes with equal uncertainty. I knew this would come and bite me in the ass later, if it is what I think it is, but I was prepared for that. The smile Jennie wore on the way back into the dining room was enough from me.
She pulled me off to the side, gripping my forearm softly. "I just heard from Ryley…the editor."
My eyes widened in mock surprise. "What did she say?"
"He. Anyways, I got the internship!" She squealed. I smiled brightly, matching her enthusiasm.
"I'm so proud of you!" I hugged her tightly, relishing in the feel of her body against mine. I still had that icky feeling, but her smile and her laugh, it just made it evaporate. For now.
"What are you two smiling about?" Mom asked.
"Jennie got her internship." We communicated with our eyes, sharing the same uncertainty but knowing we did the right thing. The best, right thing we could think of.
"Oh honey, that's great! Go get another bottle of wine from the cellar, Matthew." She instructed my dad.
"Congrats." He smiled at Jennie and left.
We took our seats at the table. When my dad returned we started off the dinner with a toast to Jennie. I wasn't jealous of her, she's my best friend. But it didn't make sense that my dad could say, 'I'm so proud of you for following you dreams,' when he won't let me do just that.
My parents talked amongst themselves as we ate, mostly about work and boring stuff. Meanwhile I couldn't stop staring at Jennie, hell even the way she chews is mesmerizing. I barely finished my dinner because I was working myself up too much. I figured another glass of wine would help.
"What happens after the internship, Jennie?" Mom asked.
"I hope for a permanent job with them or just look for one elsewhere." She explained with an easy tone.
"What about the writing, is that just a hobby?"
Jennie giggled a bit. "I hope to craft a best seller one day but not anytime in the near future."
"I see, well as long as you have a plan. It seems like you do." Dad says. Jennie looks at me, a strange look in her eye before she speaks again.
"I do, but not as much as Lisa does, she already has a seven-year plan."
I froze in my seat, gaging my dad's reaction.
"She's always been overly efficient." My mom smiled at me, her eyes gleaming.
"Thanks, ma." I blushed a little bit.
"Well, you're both very smart. I have no doubt things will work out for both of you." Dad said, but I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or foreboding. I still think it would have been fine if Jennie hadn't said anything else.
"Thank you...but Lisa is way smarter. I just read and write, she got a 508 on her MCAT. It's the new score that's closest to perfect." I fumed. Her eyes met mine as I glared softly, I hadn't told my dad about the MCAT yet.
He shifted in his seat and his face grew into a tight grimace. The air shifted too, it was cold and lifeless. It was like my dad sucked all the good spirit out himself. "I didn't know that." He feigned a smile, a humorless smile.
"Well, it's true." Jennie smiled and giggled like she had done nothing wrong. She winked at me discreetly and sipped her wine again. I smiled back at her, she knew exactly what she was doing. She scared the shit out of me but she knew what she was doing.
Easily, my mom changed the subject and got the conversation going again. I felt my dad stealing glances at me the whole time, Jennie had gotten him thinking, I guess. Maybe I should have told him about my impressive MCAT score before. I don't know, it didn't make any real sense to me at the time.
We helped mom clean up after dinner. She was always opposed to having a housekeeper, said it made her feel like less of a wife or something. I wasn't really listening, but I do remember her saying it made her feel more like she was running a home and not just living in a house when she was cleaning or cooking.
"That was quite the stunt you pulled." I murmured to Jennie as we wiped the dishes.
"I know. I wasn't sure if it was the best idea…why didn't you tell him about your MCATs? When you were so happy about them?" I nodded. I remembered the day I called her when I got my results. I was squealing like a school girl.
"I don't know, I thought he would just get angrier." I shrugged. She sighed and shook her head. She really cared about me, I could see it. Maybe not the way I care about her, but she cares.
"You should have. You need to talk to him again. Before he shuts down again, he's just like you in that area." She shot me a stern look and I couldn't help but smile. She was cute, putting her foot down.
"So?" She pressed.
"I'll talk to him."
..
..
Dad held his signature poker face. He sat behind his massive mahogany desk for dramatic effect, of course. I could hear mom and Jennie giggling outside, but it did nothing to ease the mood.
"I've been speaking with the Dolphins and the Texans. They both have generous offers."
I sat back in my chair, folding my arms across my chest in defiance. I stared back at him passively. Honestly, I didn't know what to say. Sometimes, the more he talked, the more I felt like just giving in. Playing for a few years and then going to medical school. But I couldn't put my dreams on hold for him anymore.
I barely got him to let me major in health promotion like I wanted—he wanted me to major in sports communication so that after football, I could be a sports caster or something and stay where the money was. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Surgeons make big bucks too. The thing is, the sad truth here is that my dad saw me as a footballer, nothing more than a jock ever since the seventh grade. Jennie knew that, somehow. I now know that's why she told him about my MCAT score. I just didn't think of it before.
"What did they say?" I humored him.
He got up, went over to his wet bar and poured himself a scotch on rocks. "Dolphins are offering five million, three guaranteed, which is better than most." He replied evenly. He downed his scotch and leaned back against his desk.
"I know it is, the guys on the team didn't get anywhere near those kind of offers."
He nodded in agreement. "I'm a litigator, remember? I know how to negotiate." He grinned, I offered a tight smile.
"Dad," I sighed, "I'm not going to play football. I'm…just not." I chuckled humorlessly. His grin subsided and the hard lines of his face reappeared.
"I don't understand why."
Hmm, this is the farthest I've gotten.
"Because I just don't like it anymore. If Pops made you go to business school when you really wanted to go to law school, how would that make you feel?"
He held my gaze for a moment and then looked away quickly. Then I understood.
Pops, my grandfather, probably did the same thing to him that he is doing to me—rest his soul.
"I listened to my father and look where I am now." His hands rose and formed a circle, gesturing to the den in the ten-million-dollar house we lived in.
"But are you happy? Football doesn't make me happy. I did it to make you happy. I just can't do that anymore."
His eyes narrowed into slits as he looked at me. "I'm happy when I provide for my family. Everything else doesn't matter."
I sighed and stood up, shaking my head in response. "Well, you've given me the luxury of choosing, so just let me choose."
He shook his head, still wearing a hard frown. "It's not that easy girl. Don't make me give you an ultimatum…your mother is waiting for us." He left the room and ended the conversation.
I followed after him, feeling defeated yet again.
..
Jennie made the rest of the evening with my parents better. We stuck around until midnight to say Merry Christmas.
"You aren't leaving, are you?" My mother flustered when I walked towards the front with Jennie.
"No, just walking Jennie out." I laughed a bit as she relaxed.
Jennie was silent until we reached her car. She turned to me, teeth chattering. Why hadn't she worn a coat?
"How did it go? You weren't in there long with your dad." I leaned against the car and she stepped closer to me for warmth. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder casually.
"I got farther than I usually did. But it ended with him threatening an ultimatum for me. I don't know what it will be but…I can think of a few things." She arched her back to look at me, but it just pressed her chest harder against my side. The cold was the only thing keeping me…soft.
"Like what?"
I shook my head, not looking at her. "I don't know. He may cut me off but I don't think my mom would ever let him go that far. I think he may just resent me, that would be the worst." I couldn't think of my father actually hating me. "Maybe it's a test. He never says it but I know Pops did the same thing to him, except he listened." I explained. She nodded laying her head on the crook of my shoulder.
"Maybe you should tell him that. That he's treating you how his dad treated him. Maybe it's just all he knows and he doesn't realize he's doing it."
I nodded. "Yeah, if it comes up I will. But I don't think I want to ask him about it again."
She shifted on her feet and looked at me, her blue eyes full of concern. "You aren't going to join the draft, right? I mean, will you just give in to him?"
I smiled a bit. "I don't think so. If I do, you better stop me."
She smiled softly. "I will."
"You should get going." I told her reluctantly. She nodded. I hugged her tight, bending so my cheek rested on her head. "Merry Christmas, Cheesecake."
She smiled. "See you tomorrow." She laughed as she got in her car. I watched her drive away and then went back inside, straight to my room.
It never changed. It was unnecessarily large, the bed atop a small platform. My mom kept my medical books in my drawer. I looked inside my desk curiously, I smiled when I saw the suture kit she had gotten me a year ago.
I opted for a nice hot shower in my spa-like bathroom. I put on some sweats and sports bra and then climbed into bed. For a while I thought of how Christmas used to make me feel, now I was just dreading the day with my parents. Jennie's internship loomed in my mind. I decided I should tell her what I did after, knowing her she wouldn't accept it if she knew. I would have to accept her decision to hate me when she finds out.
..
Mom made quite the feast for breakfast. She was extremely festive; everything was red including her pajama pant set.
"Good morning, ma. Merry Christmas." I hugged her and she kissed my cheek after ruffling my hair. I would be thirty and she'd still do that.
"Merry Christmas sweetie. I made egg nog, it's in the crock pot." I nodded and poured myself a cup. She makes a delicious egg nog latte type thing, I don't know how she makes it but it's darn good.
"Where's dad?"
"Getting wood for the courtyard." She sat next to me on the island, giving me one of her looks. "Jennie looked pretty yesterday." I blushed immediately.
"Ah jeez, ma. Please don't." I begged.
She giggled softly and nudged my shoulder. "What? I'm not doing anything…when are you giving her the books?"
"Uh, I think I'll ask her to come over later. Her dad usually has to go to work in the evenings and her sister has to go to her fiancés' for dinner."
"You should invite them for dinner."
"Yeah, I might." It seemed like a good idea.
"Once your dad gets the wood we can open the gifts." I nodded and kept sipping my egg nog, not fully awake until I was finished.
We sat in the courtyard around the fire, dumb idea because it was fucking cold but we were all bundled up with egg nog. We didn't really do much concerning gifts but my parents still went big. Dad got mom a diamond necklace that probably cost just as much as my tuition, she got him a new Rolex and some cologne. I got dad a new briefcase, super impersonal but it was really last minute. I got mom a diamond, tennis bracelet.
"Thank you, sweetie." She hugged me tight. She hugs too much, but I can't complain. I prefer not to admit it, but I remember the days when I used to drag myself on her leg for a hug.
"This is from us." She handed me a small box and snuggled up next to my father. Sometimes they were awfully cute.
I opened up the box to find a Baurne and Mercier leather band watch. On the back, they engraved it.
Love, mom dad.
It was simple but so was I, and I loved it.
"This is great guys, thank you." I got up and hugged them both.
"We're glad you like it." Mom smiled.
We sat in the courtyard with the egg nog until we were frozen to bits, then we went inside. It's corny, but every Christmas, dad drags us to the theatre room to watch 'The Godfather,' his favorite movie. Watching this as a kid growing up wasn't exactly the best method of parenting on his part but the more I saw how happy it made him, the more I did it.
Sometimes I understand him. I'm his only child, the only one for him to teach and love as his own. Only then do I understand his control and need to be in charge of everything, there is no one else for him to fall back on. Mom doesn't take that bullshit from him. Out of respect, I have to.
The movie ended and mom went to start cooking. Dad and I usually hit the greens until she ushers us back to the house. I changed into khakis and a crimson polo, you know, Christmas spirit, and met my dad in the garage.
"Help me load these?" He popped the trunk to the Range Rover. I lifted the bag of cubs.
"Getting too old to carry these?" I teased him. He snorted as he got in the car.
The course was a few miles from The Palms, the country club here in Florence. When we walked in, my dad was greeted by pretty much every employee and member that was there.
"What do you say we go for eighteen holes?" Dad lures.
"Uh, sure." I shrugged.
I would be okay but then I would remember our conversation from last night. Just how far was he willing to take this? What kind of ultimatum would he give me?
"You're horrible today."
I missed the first three holes by a landslide. "It's all the egg nog." I lied. I stepped back and watched him.
My dad didn't look very old at all. Mom keeps him in shape, I actually hope my body looks like my Mom when I'm fifty-ish? Sixty? I don't know. My parents had me young though so they can't be that old.
He didn't seem to feel the tension that I did so I tried to just relax and enjoy my father when he wasn't being a control freak.
"You're losing." He pointed out the obvious at hold nine.
We took the golf cart to a hillier green. He drove. "So, Jennie looked really nice last night." I groaned.
"Oh God, you too?" I faced him.
He chuckled deep and shook his head. "Your mother told me. I thought about it but I wasn't sure. I figured it was just you guys being really close but…" he trailed off.
"But what?" He sighed, parked on the side and didn't answer me until we set up for a hole.
"You look at her like your mother looks at me. And how I look at your mother." He swung. I stood dumbfounded.
I already knew I was in love with Jennie, don't get confused, I just didn't know it was that damned obvious. First mom, now dad, and that says a lot but he doesn't notice anything most of the time.
"Don't look so glum, it isn't a bad thing. Unless she rejected you or something." he straightened out and looked at me. We're the same height so it's comfortable to speak to each other. "Oh, you haven't told her. Your mother didn't tell me that." He muttered.
I nodded. "No. And I don't think I will." I admitted for the first time out loud. I swung. It went too far.
"Why the hell not?" He laughed.
"She doesn't feel the same way. I don't want to mess up our friendship." I explained simply.
He scowled. "That sounds like a load of bull…but, okay." He didn't bother me until the last hole.
"How about we make this interesting."
I groaned.
"Calm down. Look, if I make it in this last hole, you tell Jennie how you feel."
I threw my head back and laughed as if he had told a joke. "Nice try." I putted the ball, it went in smoothly.
"Alright fine. A thousand bucks says I make it in." I smiled widely. That I could do. We shook on it. He didn't make it.
"You owe me a thousand dollars, dad." I laughed.
He shook his head. "Yeah, yeah. You'll get it tomorrow."
We started getting ready to go.
"So are you afraid to tell her because you don't think she'll feel the same way?" I shook my head. I was prepared for her not to, I never thought she would.
"No. I told you. I don't want to lose her as a friend. We've been friends our whole lives, and she's probably my only friend." He stared at me passively, but I saw concern in his eyes. I briefly wondered if he was terminally ill or something, and that was why he was being so nice.
"I see. But you've been friends for so long, I think the worst case is she gets moody and doesn't talk to you for a few days." I laughed again. How had I forgotten how witty my dad was? Maybe because every time I spoke to him, he was pressuring me about football.
"Maybe. I just don't think…I might have done something that changes things and it wouldn't be fair to her if I didn't tell her before I confess my feelings for her. And I know that once I do, she would never forgive me."
He gave me a funny look. "What did you do?" He asked, brows furrowed in confusion. "She already knows you're a man-whore, what's worse than that?" I frowned and ignored his last comment.
"I had mom call in a favor and get her the internship." I exhaled like I just finished running. His face softened and he understood.
"Oh."
"Yeah…she hadn't heard back from them yet and I knew how much it meant to her, I just wanted to make her happy. She won't see that at first, maybe not even second. And she may never want to speak to me again."
He cocked his head to the side. "I don't think she would be that drastic. But maybe if she knew how you really felt, she would understand. I'm telling you, no one does that for someone who is just their friend."
I nodded slowly. I heard what he was saying, I guess I was just too scared of the unknown. I was comfortable with how things were. Yes, I wanted more, to claim her as mine, but I wasn't sure if I could even do that. I never had before. "I know. Still, I don't think I'm right for her. You said it yourself."
He chortled. "Yeah, but you know your mother was my first girlfriend. We ended up getting married and look at us now. No one is perfect."
"I know, but I'm so far from it. I mean, Jennie wants things that I've never given anyone. I've never even taken a girl out on a proper date." I laughed at the absurdity, but it was true.
"You guys go out on dates all the time, technically. You'll just be knocking genitals afterwards instead." I turned red in the face and bellowed with laughter.
"Dad, this isn't the twentieth century, God." I grabbed the cubs and walked off. He followed, laughing along the way.
..
He was still laughing when we got home, probably because I was still so red in the face. mom gave us a funny look when she saw us.
"What the hell is so funny?" She smiled brightly. She gave me a look that said she was glad we got along. I don't think I've laughed with my dad like this for a long time.
"Nothing, Nat." Dad kissed her quickly. She moved to turn to the stove but he grabbed her and pulled her back in close for another kiss. It was sweet for a second but then it was just nasty. I shuddered and walked off to the living room.
The Grinch, the one with Jim Carrey, was on so I watched that. It was almost four so I figured it was a good time to call Jennie and see if she wanted to come over for dinner.
"Hey, Lisa. Merry Christmas." Jennie answered in her chipper voice that always brings a smile to my face.
"Hey Cheesecake, Merry Christmas to you too. How is Jisoo and your dad?" I asked.
"They're fine, gift opening was fun. Haein is okay too." she added.
"I didn't ask about him." I said dryly.
"It's cute how protective you are of her." She laughed a little.
"I guess. I was wondering if you and your dad wanted to come over for dinner tonight, since your sister is leaving with Haein."
"They already left. Dad is gone too."
"This early?"
She sighed sadly. "Yeah. You know, people set their hams and turkeys on fire and burn their houses down."
I felt the sadness in her voice. "Shit, I'm sorry. What the hell are you doing alone on Christmas? Get over here." I laughed.
She giggled in response. "I'm coming." She hung up. For a brief second, I thought of her saying those same words, except higher pitched and wanting. Can't go a damn day without thinking about her like that.
Before you even say anything, I'm not in love with Jennie because I want to see her naked, flushed and wanting underneath me. I'm in love with her because she makes all the shit that doesn't make any sense, make sense. If the sun doesn't come up, I just look at her smile and I get the same warm feeling. When I feel her body against mine it feels like home, like safety. The rest is just…a bonus. If I ever tell her. If she ever feels the same way.
Jennie came over, looking beautifully casual in jeans and a bright red sweater that hung off her shoulder. She tied her long black hair up, exposing her neck. My parents were happy to see her and dinner was just like before. I took her off to the tree where the box with her books sat. Well, boxes.
"What's this?" She crouched down on her knees. I knelt next to her.
"Your gift, open it."
She bit her lip and started tearing the wrapping paper. My heart beat faster in anticipation. I hoped she really wanted them. See, sometimes she says things that she doesn't really mean.
"Oh my…is this…" she opened up the box, then moved to the next one. Then she relentlessly started peeling out the books one by one. "It is! Oh, Lisa!" she pulled me into a tight embrace. I mean really tight, her body pressed against mine until we fell onto the floor. "It's every James Patterson book." She breathed.
"Yeah," I chuckled, "so far." I smiled.
She kissed my cheek and released me, going back to the books. I watched her, smiling wide as she examined all the books. I managed to get them all in hardback, her favorite. It was…worth everything, seeing her this happy.
"Wow, these must have cost a fortune." She sighed, looking at me with the same look she always gets when I buy her something.
"It's no big deal." I said. Gesturing to the marble floors and multi-million-dollar house we were currently in.
"Thank you. This means so much. You're the best," she hugged me again, "I love you." I sighed. She didn't mean it like I meant it. We did say it, but it was never said often. I think the last time was…when Pops died four years ago.
"I love you too." But I meant it in a very different way.
..
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