If the horcruxes didn't exist...
Harry sighed. He was tired of his constant fight with Voldemort and just wanted to scream. That happens when you're imprisoned in your own home and treated like a house elf. And don't forget being manipulated into doing things you didn't want to do while being kept in the dark. "Forget it! I quit!" Harry went to his writing desk and wrote. When he finished, he taped a chocolate frog to his letter. "Send it to the Dark Lord Hedwig,"
Now normally, owls can't find Voldemort because they're too stupid. Voldemort had put up wards against the oh so stupid animals which made them think of treats and such. However, Hedwig was not a stupid animal and completely faithful to her master. So she ignored these callings and went straight to Little Hangelton to Riddle Manor. She dropped off the letter before she could be eaten by a terribly large snake and flew back to Harry. Pettigrew saw the letter and his eyes grew huge. "Master! Master! There's a letter for you!" Peter squeaked as he ran to his Master's room. "Don't be a fool Pettigrew," Voldemort started off but stopped as he saw the letter clutched in his servant's hand. "Give it here," Voldemort rasped out. In it, he read this.
Dear Voldemort,
We are both very similar. That was what you said to me in second year as a sixteen year version of yourself. Among these common things is a hatred for a one Albus Dumbledore. He refused to help you and is setting me up to murder you. And no matter how evil or heinous you've been, at least you've been truthful. It is with these words I would like accept that invitation you gave me in my first year if it is not to late. If it is not, the only thing I ask is you take me from my relative's awful place. They are the epitome of what you speak of and clearly blood isn't anything. You can say yes by attacking 9 Pivet Drive, Surrey and we can further discuss a blossoming alliance. If not, then please ignore this and continue trying to kill me no matter how 'ingenious' they may seem to be. And whatever you decide, let this frog be a gift from me to you.
Sincerely,
Harry Potter.
Voldemort stared at the letter as if the the words would suddenly change. After 15 minutes, he grinned and held up the frog, "I have won this war Dumbledore!" he cooed. He then popped the frog whole and laughed with delight. However, it is not a good idea to laugh and eat at the same time. Voldemort choked, and gagged, and couldn't call for Pettigrew. Peter was afraid to go in and upset his master incase it was a bad letter so his lord would curse him with the Cruciatus Curse. After an hour, he called up his courage and went in with a tray of food, "Master I..." Peter stared in shock at the decaying figure on the floor. It appeared that Voldemort had been deathly allergic to chocolate as a result of his ritual. The chocolate was burning away his master's body and on either side were ghostly apparitions that could only be described as dementors. This was not the case as they were actually grim reapers, finally taking Tom Riddle's immortal soul. They disappeared to take Riddle's soul to hell and Peter almost fainted with shock. It was then Nagini slithered in to see her master's smoking body and peter's quivering figure. In an act of anger and hunger, she lunged at Peter. Peter, in a stupid shock, changed into his animagus form thoughtlessly. This made it easier for Nagini to eat him. However, a snake eats its victims over a period of time through digestive acids. Peter changed back into his human form and choked Nagini. Peter was already dead from her deadly venom that had pierced his skin. The other death eaters found this when they had gone back to inquire why their mark was gone. They found the letter and the frog in Voldemort's throat, so they reported this all back to the Prophet and Harry was made famous...again. Dumbledore decided to parade Harry as a war hero so Harry decided to quit Hogwarts and transfer to another, lesser school. Before he did, he poisoned all the lemon drops so they acted as laxatives...Dumbledore still blames chocolate.