Peter was back in the visiting room again. Two weeks after the last time he was there to visit Neal. But this time, he had come to tell Neal of what he had found out about Kate. And how it turned out to be one of the worst moments of his entire life. Both their lives. He was the one who shattered all of the young man's dreams just by telling him that Kate was dead. Neal's precious Kate was dead. How can he forget the look on Neal's face when he found out the love of his life is not there anymore? Is not waiting for him to come home? When there is no more future to look for after everything?
He waited patiently for Neal to get past his denial and stop saying that it is a mistake. She is alive. And then he had to sit back painfully and look at him fall apart. Something he never thought he would see in the suave conman. He never felt more helpless than watching Neal sob, first loudly and then after who knows how long, there were only silent tears. He didn't say anything about how Kate died. He didn't want to tell Neal she was in a plane when it exploded, and she was not alone. She was with another man named Adler that seemed was close to her. No, he couldn't say these things to him now. This was not the time.
He just went across the table and put his hand on Neal's shoulder. Maybe that wasn't the most sympathetic move, but he was never really good at this. He just waited close to him, hoping he understood that he is there with him. And to his surprise, Neal didn't pull back from his touch. It showed how much he needed someone to be with him right now. If it were any other criminal, he wouldn't be here. That's not his job to hold their hands while they face the consequences of their actions. But this was Neal, he was different, and he always knew why.
The kid always reminded him of his little brother, Jimmy. Jimmy had committed suicide when he was only twenty-four years old, and since then, he had made this huge hole in Peter's heart. He never could forgive himself for his brother's death. How he should have been there, how he should have seen his depression behind all the jokes and smiles he put on perfectly, how he should have paid more attention, see the signs..that's all was Jimmy now for Peter, he couldn't get past the guilt and shame he felt towards his brother. His smart, kind, and funny little brother who suddenly decided that nothing was worth living anymore. Peter always thought after Jimmy's death, the world got a little bit darker and colder. Or maybe it was just his heart, and the rest of the world kept spinning.
And then there was Neal, and for a second, Peter thought he could see Jimmy in Neal's eyes. It wasn't because Neal was smart or funny like Jimmy; it was more than that. It was being young and overwhelmed. Not understand the world and not being understood by it. While Jimmy put a stop to it all, Neal always wanted to hide it by being his charming self, showing no flaw, but Peter still saw through him. He couldn't shake the feeling that Neal was just misunderstood. And he just needed some guidance to find his way back. In some screwed way, Peter thought maybe, only maybe he could be that guide. But now, he was someone who gave the kid the worst news of his life. While keeping his hand on Neal's shoulder and trying to come up with the most cliche things he could say to calm the young man, the agent was thinking, when will Neal get through this one? Will he at all?