When You're Around

The least you could do is take it back

All the vicious remarks and verbal attacks

"Fez, this isn't funny anymore! I really need that sweater back!"

Hyde heard Jackie's screech two seconds before the basement door flung open and she stomped inside. It wasn't a good enough warning period for him to duck into his room, blast Zeppelin, and fake temporary deafness, but he did have time to prep by adopting his classic expression of indifference.

Jackie's gaze – which was currently as murderous as a girl in a glittery rainbow t-shirt could get – swept the room and landed on Hyde. "Where is the sneaky foreign jerk who doesn't understand the importance of high fashion or the idea of people's clothes being more to them than just something between their skin and the sun?"

A pause. "You mean … Fez?"

"Ugh!" Jackie threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "Do you know any other foreign people? No, because this is Wisconsin. So, yes, Fez. Has he been here?"

"Not since he stumbled into the dirty movie section of the video rental place yesterday," Hyde answered truthfully. "Oh, yeah, and if you're gonna try his place next, I'd definitely knock."

Jackie shuddered. "Ew. That sleaze stole my favorite shirt – again, might I add – and I need it for this afternoon! It's my lucky sweater!"

He snickered. "You have a lucky sweater?"

"Oh, don't judge me, you wear sunglasses inside," Jackie snapped back irritably. Without thinking, she flopped down on the couch and released a loud sigh. "I really need that sweater."

"Why?" he asked, surprising even himself. At any other phase in their relationship, Hyde would never even have feigned interest in her sudden dire need for an article of clothing. He would have either told her to stop squawking about it or shut her up himself in any one of the creative ways he stored up his sleeve. But this was the first time Jackie had even acknowledged him since Sam's arrival, and he had an inane urge to keep the conversation going. It was probably the same kind of urge suicide bombers got before volunteering for their tasks, but still.

"I have a job interview."

Hyde choked. "I'm sorry. You have a – a what?"

"A job interview," she repeated testily. "I need a job, since I gave up the opportunity of a lifetime to come back here and make up with your sorry ass."

"Oh. I see. The, uh, the Chicago thing fell through, huh?"

"Yeah. Right after I thought the rest of my life had fallen through when you followed me there and proceeded to be the biggest jackass in the history of … you being a jackass!"

"Oh, was that before or after you nailed Kelso?"

She ignored him, choosing instead to focus on her own line of reasoning. "But that was just me being silly. Because really the rest of my life fell through after I lost the job, when I came back to offer you yet another chance at making things right and it turned out that you had married a stripper."

"Again, I'm gonna have to reference the fact that you nailed Kelso."

"Oh my God!" she shrieked, jumping to her feet and beginning to pace. "You're infuriating! You're beyond infuriating! You're … whatever comes next! I told you five thousand times, I didn't 'nail' Michael! Hello, been there, done that!"

"You know, I don't even know where you get off being so angry at me," he interrupted, "You started this whole thing when you gave me that stupid ultimatum."

"Ultimatum!"

The screech was at an all-time high. Hyde winced. He knew he should've just kept his mouth shut. But somehow, Jackie had always been able to crack his Zen defenses and make him do things he'd regret later.

"I confessed my love for you! I put my future in your hands! I made myself completely vulnerable to you; I basically laid myself naked at your feet! And you turned me down flat! You told me to have a nice trip! And then you ran off to Vegas and got hitched to the first disease-ridden skank you stumble across! I – cannot – believe – you!"

Hyde stood. He knew from experience that the only way to fight with Jackie was to start on equal ground. Plus, she was tiny, and he could always play the 'bigger and more intimidating' card. It worked wonders when putting Forman in his place. "First of all," he began, "I'd like the record to show that had you actually laid yourself naked at my feet, we probably wouldn't be having this or any other conversation right now … 'cause we'd still be having sex."

"Oh, oh, you are such a pig!" she sputtered, grinding her finger into his chest for emphasis. "You are so lucky you ever laid a finger on me! And you can bet your last dollar that it won't happen again in this lifetime! So you can think about that when you're laying awake at night, clutching your pillow –"

"Trying to recover from the hot, wild sex I'll have had with my professional stripper of a wife?" he supplied with a smirk.

Jackie's mouth snapped closed. For a split second, Hyde felt relieved … accomplished, even. He'd done the impossible. He'd shut Jackie Burkhart up, he'd rendered her speechless. Then he caught sight of the tears glimmering in her eyes and cursed inwardly.

"Oh, damn."

Jackie took a minute to regain some composure. She'd known coming over here was a terrible idea. She'd known there was the possibility of having to see Steven – or worse, Steven and Sam. But she'd needed that shirt, damn it. The way her life was going lately, she was taking every necessary precaution.

And look where it had gotten her. Steven Hyde tearing her heart out for the fiftieth consecutive time while she struggled to stay standing and breathe.

"You know what?" she said slowly. "You are truly the biggest jerk I've ever met in my life. I've been cheated on so many times that it probably wouldn't even hurt anymore. But for you to go out and marry someone? After turning down even the idea of one day marrying me? After basically laughing in my face about it? And then to accuse me of doing something wrong?

"You're not worth one second more of my time. You never have been. I don't know why I didn't see things more clearly before. You know what, Steven Hyde? Congratulations on your marriage. It was the biggest mistake of your life. And I think deep down, you already know that."

She left without another word. Stunned and, for once, defeated, Hyde could do nothing but watch her go. Her dead calm at the end of her spiel had unnerved him. Jackie was never, ever so serene about anything. Christ, she got worked up about someone wearing an outfit similar to hers.

That was what he loved most about her – her passion. The boundless energy she could plug into whatever project came along, her absolute abundance of opinions and ideas and plans. To witness her having such a resigned reaction to some bad decision of his made him think that perhaps she really was done with him.

And on top of that … he thought she might be right about his marriage.