Across the Plains

Bessy Janes

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia, but I do own this retarded idea. I just wanted an excuse to give Kratos, Zelos, and Lloyd a gun. Hehehe…

Warnings: Just the same old cheese!

Kratos supported himself by placing his foot against the wooden post as he tightened the knot in the rope he was holding. Assured that the rope would hold their prisoners, Kratos walked back over to Zelos and Lloyd. The Sheriff and his men cursed at Kratos behind his back. Townspeople laughed at the pathetic sight. The Sheriff and his idiot deputies were tied to a post with no pants on.

The townspeople had given up on trying to execute Kratos. They found him more entertaining alive. Especially when he had Zelos and Lloyd around them. The Three Burritos were also known very well throughout the west and had a good reputation. The people decided to give up on what they thought Kratos was.

"Hey Sheriff!" Zelos called out. "I love your heart printed boxers. Where can I get a pair?" Zelos asked sarcastically.

"I think that will teach everyone a little lesson. No one messes with The Three Burritos!" Lloyd said enthusiastically.

"I concur." Kratos added.

"Kratos. Can I ask you a question since were buds?" Zelos asked.

"I don't see why not." Kratos replied.

"Why do you always use big words? Is it to make yourself sound cool? I mean if a chick asked if I would go out with her would, 'I concur' make me look cool?" Zelos asked. In the process of asking, he was scratching his head.

Kratos stared at Zelos as if he had asked a stupid question. The truth was, Kratos did not know why he spoke that way. Perhaps it was the way he was raised, or had his wife Anna spoken that way. It did not matter. Even if he would try to muster up the strength to speak that way, it's as they say, old habits die hard.

Zelos stuck out his bottom lip when Kratos did not reply. Fake tears started pouring down his cheeks and he managed to fake hiccup. "Why won't you answer me? Don't you love me anymore?" Zelos whined.

Although this was a trio of men, Zelos was definitely the closest any of them would get to a real woman. Or rather, a prostitute. Kratos ignored Zelos' fake act and turned his back to him. Zelos' whining grew louder and he began to stomp his feet and throw a tantrum. Lloyd started to laugh at him.

"What are you laughing at?" Zelos asked sternly, turning off his fake tears and whines.

"It's just… You act so much like a girl!" Lloyd spat, still laughing. The look on Zelos' face was indescribable. The only thing Lloyd recognized was the glare he was receiving. Kratos sighed and the one thing that was running through his head was, 'I see stupid people.'

At that moment, a man ran up to Lloyd and examined him in the face. Then he finally pointed at him. "You're the one that stole my cow!"

"A cow?" Kratos asked, looking suspiciously down at his son.

Lloyd chuckled and started to slowly back away.

"Although, he was very nice about it. Not like most thieves. He even gave me a signed photograph!" The man pulled out a black and white photo of Lloyd with the signature of Bessy Janes on it.

"Bessy Janes!" Zelos yelled. "You're the legendary… Bessy Janes! The nice thief that leaves all his victims talking about him?" Zelos examined Lloyd closely. After a few silent moments, Zelos burst into laughter. "You've gotta be kidding me! This puny guy!"

The townspeople started murmuring and pointing at Lloyd. Some young females came up to him and asked him to sign their skirts for them. Zelos pushed them all away. Out of nowhere, he pulled out a table, chair, and a pair of sunglasses. He set the table up in front of everyone, and slapped the sunglasses over his eyes.

"I am now Lloyd's or as they say Bessy's manager. If anyone wants an autograph from him, then you have to pay up twenty-five cents!" Zelos stood on top of the table and smiled, making his teeth shine.

"Twenty-five cents!" A man in the crowd explained.

"Well, a celebrity has to make a living doesn't he?" Zelos asked in reply.

"We will see about that. I despise thieves, even if they are a part of my family." Kratos said coldly. He shot Lloyd a cold glare, one Lloyd had never seen before. Lloyd knew at that moment that he was in big trouble. Even if he was nice to people, a thief was a thief and that was what he was. Lloyd looked down at the ground, ashamed of himself. How was he going to face his father?

Kratos pulled a whip out from underneath his purple cape-ish thing. Lloyd and Zelos, alongwith the rest of the townspeople, wondered what Kratos was up. Suddenly, he jumped on top of the table that Zelos had pulled out of nowhere, made a weird pose, and then pointed at Lloyd.

"Now, bend over!"

Author's Note: I decided to make this chapter a little more serious considering the fact that Lloyd is a thief. NOT!But he stole a cow! Poor little cow. I wonder where it could be. HAMBURGER! MWAHAHAHAHA!Actually, is it just me or does Kratos seem OOC? WHO CARES! This is supposed to be cheesy so personalities don't matter! MWAHAHA!

The Three Little Donkies! That's awesome!

Akako, aw come on! I'm just expressing myself, so of course it's weird! All the more fun right!

Sheenachi and Darkstar Rain, I'm glad you like it! Enjoy!

Please review… even if I do scare you…