Across the Plains

The Point of No Turning Back

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia, blah blah blah, let's get on with it.

Warnings: Cheese on a silver platter? Anyone? SOLD! To the man in the back with the white mask that looks like The Phantom aka Erik from Phantom of the Opera!

The whole town grew quiet and watched the tension growing between Lloyd and Kratos. Lloyd could not decide whether to be disappointed at his father or to be grateful for his father. Either way, weren't they basically the same... Weren't they?

Zelos jumped down from the roof of a building and wrapped his arm around Kratos' shoulders. "Tell me Kratos buddy, have you ever gotten lucky with any of the women that you've encountered as you ride around in your absolutely handsome black leather get up?" He asked acting as if he was interested.

Kratos simply glared at Zelos through the corner of his eye.

Zelos quickly backed away from Kratos, holding his hands up in the air. "Just wondering. You don't have to go and get all ugly about it, even though you could never do that but..." Zelos started until the ninja girl cut him off.

"Will you just shut up gay lord! You're annoying the hell out of me!" She yelled at him.

"Fine I see how it is. And it's not gay lord, it's gay queen. Get it right!" Zelos replied in a hateful manner. Then he smiled devilishly and glanced at Lloyd. "Hey Lloyd. Do you remember what I taught you to do whenever a hot babe grabs you from behind and holds a piece of paper up to your neck?" He asked.

"Uh... yeah. Why?" Lloyd asked.

"It's time to ... EXECUTE!" Zelos yelled.

"Wait, what! NO! I can't do that now." Lloyd protested.

"But Lloyd!" Zelos whined. "This is what I taught it to you for! If you don't defend your virginity now then when will you?"

"His virginity? What the hell do you think I'm going to do to him!" The girl yelled at Zelos. "You are a real sick bastard, you know that!"

"Why thank you." Zelos replied smiling. Then he turned back to Lloyd and glared at him intensely. "Lloyd, you have to defend yourself now. I'm not going to help you. And I'm not going to let your father help you so you better do it now."

"Um... Dad, could you turn around for about half a minute pretty please?" Lloyd asked quietly and politely.

"I would rather not, the wind is blowing this way and sand would blow into my eyes. Plus, I seek to know what it is Zelos has taught you." Kratos replied.

Lloyd sighed and tightly closed his eyes, not believing that he was actually going to go through with this. Quick as lightning Lloyd spun around, avoiding a paper cut, and grabbed one of the girl's breasts and twisted as hard as he could manage.

A loud crack rang throughout the town.

The girl covered herself and backed away a few steps, her face bright red from embarrassment. Lloyd was on the ground a couple of feet away unconscious with a red handprint on the side of his face.

Zelos was jumping up and down, cheering.

"What else exactly have you been teaching my son since I have been away?" Kratos asked with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

"I'm glad you're taking an interest, but until I can tell you, you'll have to pay me the amount of ten dollars in lessons that I've already taught. It is confidential until then." Zelos said proudly.

Kratos pulled out his revolver and pointed it toward Zelos' manhood and slowly cocked the revolver so the chamber rotated slowly until it clicked into place.

"OKAY! I'll tell you! Just don't shoot there! I'll give you a whole list after all this over with! I promise!" Zelos begged dropping to the ground once again.

Kratos put his revolver away, slightly smiling at his accomplishment.

"Can we get this over with? I have a village to report back to soon." The girl begged.

Author's Note: This really didn't have anything to do with the plotline, but writing stuff like this helps me get back on track. I tried to make it as humorous as possible. . Hope you likie!